The Inmate
by kimsooyeon123
Summary: Credits to Taeny Lovers at aff
1. Chapter 1

"Congratulations on becoming a correctional officer here in our prison Tiffany. We were so impressed with your determination and strong will that you continuously showed throughout the training process and also your near perfect score on the exams we presented to you...We are sure you're going to be a nice little asset to us here."

After blood, sweat and tears I was finally here, looking around the white-wash walls of the office belonging to my boss. As I waited for him to finish going through my contract, I scoured the many posters which showed all sorts from the rules and regulations that each prisoner must abide to a list of pretty much everything that was thought of as contraband. I squinted to read a few but found what they listed was nothing new to me so returned my attention to the smartly dressed, rather young looking fellow in front of me.

"Thank you" I smiled and bowed my head, an action that was given as a sign of respect here in Korea. Growing up in America, the rules were of course different and things that are seen as relatively normal there are frowned upon in this country. Moving here was and still is a huge culture shock and I knew it would take a lot of time for me to settle in and get used to how things worked.

I heard about the job through a fellow Korean-American friend that came to Seoul often due to being a journalist. He visited and wrote about the many beautiful places available to the public in all Asian countries and had also done a story on the worst places to end up, this prison being one of them. Anyway long story short, knowing my occupation back in America, he told me about the job opening here and I knew it would be a difficult move and a scary process, but I liked to be challenged. The language barrier wasn't a problem because I grew up with a fully Korean mother who taught me said language while I was also learning English, making me bilingual.

I had only been to this country previously to complete my interview's and take on the rather lengthy training process for this very job before eventually moving out here. Luckily I already knew what to expect because I was previously a C.O back home in California. It was of course difficult though, doing the 1/4 mile run, the ladder climb, dummy drag, obstacle course...etc etc. Everything had to be completed within a set time which I managed to do just fine though it was rather sad seeing some of the hopefuls struggle. They had worked hard to get so far and then fell at the final hurdle.

After that part of the training was over, it was time for the endless lectures about the inmate's, how to prevent accidents, proficiency in using the weapons provided, the contraband search... Like I said before, I already knew what to expect but something to do with the different systems required me to do it all again.

"Okay so..." I watched as he went over to a storage locker in the far end of his office and grabbed me the correct sized uniform after looking at the form I had filled out a while ago, giving all my measurements. He placed down the light blue button-up, long-sleeved shirt and black trousers on the desk in front of me before going to another locker. He unlocked that one and took out a belt which would provide and hold the essentials...handcuffs, pepper spray, key holder, flashlight and a radio. He then sat down opposite me once again and took out a CO's badge and my very own name tag from his drawer.

 _'T. Hwang_ '

"Here's everything you'll need Tiffany." He smiled and handed them over, I once again returned it and bowed my head in gratitude.

"Thank you"

"Okay I wanted to personally make sure you settle in okay so I'll have another officer show you around and bring you up to speed with the happening's and the prisoner's here. I hope you gain a lot from us and I guess...you're all set to go!"

I looked down at the uniform in my lap and then back up, giving him a slight hint as to what I wanted.

"Oh!" He exclaimed, breaking out of what seemed like a daze and motioned towards a restroom in the corner of the office. I got up, and then proceeded to strip myself of my smart clothes once locked in the significantly larger than average toilet. Holding up each item of clothing that had just been given to me, I studied them before giving a smile and pulling it all on. As soon as my belt clipped shut, the noise it made signified the start of a very big adventure ahead of me. With a shaky exhale, I tied up my long, black locks and took one last look in the mirror to ensure my image was proper before exiting the room. I didn't fail to notice my new boss scanning my body with his eyes.

"I'm ready" I said, trying not to sound uncomfortable but it was difficult with the perverted look from...what was his name again? A quick glance to the plaque on his desk told me...Nichkhun. He seemed okay, reasonably caring and helpful though I wasn't sure about his behaviour and facial expressions as he looked me up and down.

Thankfully another officer soon joined us but I too saw him look at her flirtatiously until he managed to finally introduce the both of us. "Ah this is Officer Kwon. Yuri meet Tiffany, Tiffany, Yuri."

"Hi nice to meet you" I smiled and bowed, she did the same.

"Okay so Yuri show Tiffany around please. It's lunch hour now so it might be a lot for a newbie to handle alone" he winked. With a great distaste forming for this particular man, I reluctantly bowed towards him before leaving with Yuri.

Nerves were evident as I took my first steps into my new job, a new place. It wasn't so much the working in the prison that was causing me the jitters because I was used to it, what made me a little tense was the fact it was one - my first time working in such a huge place and two - with completely female prisoner's.

I had been warned that although we were in Korea, a country that frowns upon anything remotely homosexual, there were a lot of lesbian inmate's here which is something I wasn't entirely comfortable with. Growing up a Christian turned me against everything God said was sin in the bible. I'm not one of those kinds of people who were actively going after the LGBT community to force my views upon them though, I was more of the type who kept my thoughts to myself but disagrees in their choices silently unless I was asked to share them.

We walked silently away from his office and once we were out of earshot, she chuckled. "He is the greasiest, most disgusting guy you could ever meet. And...looks like he's taken a liking to you, have fun with that" she teased.

I rolled my eyes as we walked side by side, on our way to who knows where. "I wouldn't look too smug if I were you, he seems rather hooked on you also" I smirked while she groaned, I loved becoming comfortable with new people so easily, it's the best way to make good friends.

"Don't remind me, he's asked me out once and I refused though he still eye-rapes me."

"He's allowed to do that? Date workers I mean"

"I don't think so, but he does it anyway" she put on an expression that screamed 'kill me now' and I gave a small chuckle in return. I then placed my attention back to where we were heading, I needed to start to become accustomed with my surroundings to know where I'd have to go when I was alone.

As we walked, we passed by a huge line of inmate's waiting to use the three phones that were hooked on the wall. Thankfully they didn't pay much attention to us and talked amongst themselves although some were...feeling each other up quite openly. I tried to contain the dirty look I threw them but think I failed, but again none of them were watching us so it didn't really matter. This was definitely going to take some getting used to.

I don't know what it was about female inmate's but I personally feel like women should be how God wanted us. They should be kind, trustworthy, helpful and innocent...not going to prison for murder and assault. Maybe I was just being stereotypical when I thought that men seemed like the only one's who were, I guess capable of committing crimes like that but it's what I had always believed.

The last prison I worked in had some women but mostly men. There were no surprises there, nothing that made you gasp in shock. When I saw a man who had murdered innocent people, his image covered in tattoos that told of his life in a gang and even his whole way of being just gave off...'murderer'. Whereas with these women, it was a lot harder to tell. Underneath the sweet eyes and petite figure could be this psychotic animal just waiting to pop out, it put me a little bit on edge for sure.

I could never imagine harming a human-being in any way and with a frown on my face, I looked away from those prisoner's. Yuri and I continued to walk leaving the women behind until we arrived at our destination. She opened the two double doors and I was almost bowled over by what I saw, sensory overload was an understatement.  
Imagine just opening the door to your home to find your TV and radio with their volume up at full blast while your family all try to speak to you at once...all while your dog is barking at you and the phone in the hallway is ringing in your ears. That's what it felt like hearing these women everywhere laughing, shouting, some even crying. It was enough to make you want to walk straight back out again and become deaf for the rest of your days.

As overwhelming as all the noise was, the sheer number of inmate's in front of me made it just that little bit worse. There had to be at least three hundred and that probably wasn't even all of them. This place being so big...what I was seeing must have been only a quarter of the women in this prison. It was terribly disconcerting but in an attempt to show my professionalism, I took in a deep breath and walked inside with Yuri.

Once I got closer, I heard and saw some foreign people hidden amongst the huge number of Asians. Some were American, I think I heard some Russian too...I was soon told that those inmate's had been transferred here as apparently Korean prisons give much harsher treatment and longer sentences. The ringing still in my ears after that shocking entrance began to thankfully die down but still, due to the initial shock I found it hard to speak let alone string a sentence together when Yuri spoke to me.

"I think this place explains itself, this is the cafeteria. As I've been told, you know what you're doing regarding scouring the room for any trouble or any problems, yes?"

"Yes" I replied, doing so almost immediately after, scanning my eyes over the inmate's looking for anything that could potentially cause a problem for us.

"Okay so these guys have only thirty minutes to eat because as we have a large number of women here, the hour and a half long lunch break is split into thirds so everyone gets to eat. Once this lot's time is up, we will escort them back to their rooms and then allow the second heap of inmate's out for their food". Wow, there was only one lunch run back in my prison in America. It was so small compared to this one, the contrast was quite unbelievable. "Another officer will get the last lot afterwards".

"Got it" I replied and continued to watch on while they finished their...what looked to be some kind of fish with rice or something, I don't really know. It certainly didn't look very appetising but they seemed to think the opposite by the way they pummelled it into their waiting mouths.

As I continued to gaze, I noticed the different types of women. There were small and dainty girls and then butch and fat ones. There were also younger women contrasting with the much older ones. Sensing my stereotypical self rearing it's head again, I pushed it back and told myself that I should stop expecting certain things or it could ultimately interfere with my work. This being because of my tendencies to become surprised when I witness something new, that could potentially put me in danger.

From the corner of my eye, I saw movement from my fellow officer so I followed suit just a few steps behind her as she weaved in and out of the tables while simultaneously scoping out the place.

All of a sudden I heard a splat and then felt a firm hand on my shoulder. I stopped in my tracks and saw that Yuri was now facing me but looking over at a group of inmates who were trying to contain their giggles. Yuri said nothing but what she did do was take out a small notepad from the pocket in her shirt along with a small pencil and wrote something. One of the women turned to look at her before glancing at me and smirking again. I frowned and went to step forward only for Yuri to stop me again.

"I'm giving you a written warning Lee, throwing food is unacceptable" she said in a firm tone. It was then that I looked down and saw some of the rice slop just mere centimetres away from my foot. Nice.

As we set off again after ordering and watching the inmate clean her mess up, Yuri turned to me and gave me some advice that I already knew but pretended I didn't so she wouldn't feel silly.

"They will test you. They will try to get you to lose your cool and your temper. Blow it off and don't let it bother you. The main thing to remember is to be firm, fair, and consistent in everything you do"

I smiled and nodded. "Will do"

It was then that we exited the cafeteria and made our way down the halls, our boots clumping along the way nicely, warning the inmates that we were coming for them. She allowed me to take a step back and watch how she did her job which I had to say was impressive. She had shown me kindness with her smile but showed nothing of the same sort to any of the women we encountered. As they piled out of their rooms, I started to become uncomfortable. I sensed many of their beady eyes on me and wolf whistles accompanied them soon after. Yuri could tell I was a little off after that.

"You're a pretty girl" she stated. I looked up at her as she was a fair bit taller. "You're going to have to get used to that"

"I'm used to it from male inmate's, it's going to take a little longer to become accustomed to female's doing it" I replied with a slight hint of disgust in my tone, it seemed Yuri noticed.

"Homophobe?"

"Christian" I answered, I frowned to see there was no smile on her face anymore. Maybe I'd insulted her, shit. She nodded and then continued on knocking and then kicking out while I followed behind feeling a little guilty. Maybe she had a sibling who was a lesbian...but then again like I said before, I don't hide my beliefs if I'm asked.

My legs were beginning to tire as we continued to walk and this wasn't even all of the remaining inmates! We were only covering half a housing unit while other officer's were doing the same but on different sides of the prison. Yuri chuckled when I huffed.

"You will most certainly get fitter on this job"

"I guessed as much" I replied

After finally arriving at the last room, Yuri stopped and smiled at me. "Seeing as Nichkhun wanted me to tell you about some of the inmates, let's start with this one. She's most certainly mysterious" she grinned and lowered her voice as if she were telling a scary story. I restrained my urge to laugh and instead watched as she pushed open the cold metal door with ease and walked in like she owned the place. I did the same, we were superior and I loved the power we held.

Just like all the other rooms, I saw a grey and gritty concrete finish on both the walls and the ground but then I noticed that this room had only one bed inside, wedged into the corner. Most of the inmate's we had thrown out today had come in pairs but this one seemed to either want to be alone or just, was made to live alone for whatever reason. I scanned my eyes around the dull looking room and also unlike the others, this woman didn't have any mess whatsoever. Nothing on the floor nor on the table provided...it was all perfectly clean (as well as it could be).

The inmate herself was next to be scanned by my eyes though I could only see her profile. She was reading a book and looked rather peaceful doing so. I admired how calm she was, the other women were either crazy with excitement for the slop that would soon be served to them or on edge as they faced yet another day in this place. If it was me in here, sure I'd try my best to remain calm but let's face it, being trapped somewhere that you can't leave when you want to is scary. It's like a form of bondage but much crueler as your limbs are free to walk and run but are ultimately restrained by the concrete walls you now call your home.

"You." Yuri's voice broke me out of my daze. "Come on, out" She ordered. The girl didn't look up from her book but waited a few seconds before shuffling out from under the covers, getting up and standing before us in her creased uniform.  
I looked at Yuri expectantly but it seemed she was too waiting for something to happen.

We watched on as the girl finished reading whatever page she was on and then she folded a corner at the top of the book to act as a bookmark before closing it. It was then that she looked up at the both of us. I was a little unprepared to see such a young and innocent looking girl staring back at me yet there was something not quite right. I could feel it but I couldn't explain it. She looked from me to Yuri, me to Yuri until she tossed her book onto her bed and then walked through the small gap between us after I had turned sideways to allow her to squeeze past. With a confused frown on my face, I followed her with my eyes until she turned to the right once she had passed the doorway and then disappeared from view.

All of the inmate's had something weird about them I noticed. From strange tics to nervous twitching, crazy eyes and creepy appearances. This one however, had a sort of dangerous, eerie aura, the iciness filling the air wherever she walked yet had a childlike face with a petite and short body to complete her overall look. This is what I had meant about stereotypes...from the look of her I would've perceived her to be totally innocent and would wonder why she was in here. Well actually that last part I really did wonder but regarding the stereotyping, I really did have to stop.

Yuri led me outside and we walked down the long hallway on our way back to the cafeteria, glancing inside each of the now open doors as we passed to check that nobody had gone back inside. Back we went to leaning against the wall, watching as the second lot of inmate's lined up, got their food and then sat down.

I saw the women that I had described earlier, the creepy faced one along with the wide eyed crazy one. They were roommates...what a perfect pair, just take the freakiest combination and throw them in one room together to make double the creepiness. Now those women I could imagine doing something psychotic and violent while the girl with the book who was now sitting by herself and hunched over her tray...did not. A cough made me look to the side to see Yuri staring with a smile.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Every. Single. Person" she said in a whisper. "Everyone who comes across that particular inmate has the same reaction"

"And what's that?" I replied with a raised eyebrow. She was now looking or even admiring said girl from afar so I too looked over and found myself studying her.

She had long golden, blonde hair that ended just under her shoulder blades and she was about the same size as me, maybe just a tiny bit shorter. She had on a straight expression that had no emotion whatsoever which was a little concerning. Not being able to judge or even guess what went on in her head was going to be a task in itself, one I wasn't sure I was particularly looking forward to...

"Everyone shows disbelief to see such a seemingly nice looking girl in a place like this." I nodded slightly to agree. Craning my neck a little to look at her a bit better, I seriously couldn't get over how young she looked.

"How old is she?"

"We don't know. She never talks to us, she listens and obeys instructions but she doesn't talk. She tends to speak with her eyes...I've never seen anything like it. If you're curious now you'll be even more so once you try to communicate with her - they are very expressive."

I couldn't stop my curiosity. "What did she do?"

Yuri smiled and shook her head. "Again, we don't know. We aren't told, we speculate but we aren't actually told what each inmate has done to end up here. We treat them equally, no one gets special treatment because they committed a relatively small crime and no one gets treatment that would be considered worse than usual if they have raped or murdered. It's best for it to work that way, you wouldn't want an angry serial killer watching you closely because a rumour's gone around saying you were laughing and joking with a thief but being extra pushy and firm with the murderer themselves..."

"That's understandable" I agreed.

Due to the rules here, new officer's are given short four hour shifts for the first two or three days so as to ease them in gently until they are used to how things work around the place which I guess was fair enough. It could potentially be a little overwhelming showing me everything at once and it would be easier to forget where things were that way, especially due to the size of the place.

"Your shift is almost over for today. You have an hour left which will be spent watching over these guys with me and then checking the perimeter to look for any suspicious behaviour".

I nodded in understanding and returned my attention to the prisoner's. I was looking forward to tomorrow, to being alone with the responsibility of moving the inmate's to and from their rooms. I liked to be in charge and was curious to see how each person would react to the 'new girl'. I expected to have some coming up to me acting all innocent while subtly asking me to do things for them. You see that, is just them trying to manipulate you, they act like you're their favourite and then will screw you over when you trip up. I'd seen it happen, and no way in hell was it going to happen to me.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up early will never get any easier, it's always as if your bed is comfier when you know you have to get up than it is when you can stay inside it on your day off. With a groan and a quiet click from my tired joints, I sat up in bed and fought hard not to fall asleep again.

I was actually lucky that I got to wake up at this time. This apartment was the closest one available to my new job and if I hadn't been able to secure this room, then I would've been forced to move somewhere further away which meant I'd probably have to wake at 4am to get to work on time whereas now at 5:30...it wasn't bad, but still troublesome.

Knowing I'd prolong the torture if I stayed sitting on the edge of the bed any longer while resisting the urge to flop back down and curl up into the covers, I got up with a whine at the cold breeze that hit me and half ran to the shower to get warm again. I turned it on, then stripped myself of my pink pyjamas and didn't waste any time getting inside, groaning when the hot water hit my aching muscles.

I must have slept awkwardly last night because right now my neck and my back hurt like hell, a great addition onto my no doubt upcoming stressful second day in prison. I was grateful about the short shifts I was getting for a while though, courtesy of Nichkhun. My shift today started at 6:30 and ended at 12:30 whereas a proper C.O shift could vary from eight to twelve hours...then again, I was used to working those kind of hours back home.

After rinsing the conditioner from my hair, I got out of the shower and admired the steam rising to the ceiling before grabbing a washcloth and cleaning the mirror of it's condensation.

Now, make-up is a funny thing. Correctional officers are allowed to wear it, but it's got to be so minimal that it could hardly be seen...so the sexy black eyeshadow and red ruby lips unfortunately were a no no. Nevertheless, I applied the make-up so it looked natural against my skin tone and put on a dash of eyeliner, mascara and a colour that matched my lips yet brought them out at the same time.

Seeing my time was ticking down, I pulled on my uniform minus the belt because that was always to stay locked up in our lockers (we weren't allowed to bring them home) and then I put on my shoes and left the apartment.  
As I started to drive through the streets of Seoul, I admired the sheer beauty of my surroundings. I had always dreamed of coming to Korea in general because I had relatives here, but each time my parents arranged to go I was always busy or work refused my holiday request due to being understaffed.

Being a woman who was easily awed by a lovely landscape or a beautiful picture... I regretted only coming to this place now as I passed over the Banpo bridge that was famous for it's rainbow fountain shows. Unfortunately due to it being so early, I didn't get to witness what was said to be the most incredible sight with the water spurting out the sides of the bridge as you would pass over it. But instead, the whole underside and also up and along the sides of the bridge were illuminated in the slight darkness by yellow light which made the bridge look almost golden. It really was beautiful.

That view was soon gone as I pulled up into the car park and lay my eyes on the huge building with the equally as huge wall around it. I knew behind that high, solid wall was layers of tough chain link and barbed wire making it so no prisoner would be able to escape. I then got out and locked my car before entering the building where I was required to put anything metal into a tray and walk through a metal detector, just like the ones at the airport. Even if the alarm indicating I had something metallic on me didn't go off, it was still necessary to search because an officer could be carrying contraband for his/her favourite inmate, that being strictly forbidden.

Finally, I got to the staff room where I clipped on my belt and met up with a senior officer who was to be my shadow today. A shadow is somebody who allows a new officer on the job to do everything that would be expected of them when they are working alone but will watch over them closely. If something were to happen, the officer would be right there to control any problems and help me out, not that I particularly needed it.

"Tiffany, good morning. I'm Officer Park and I'll be helping you out and showing you around today" he smiled and gave a bow, I did the same back.

Officer Park was a rather portly looking fellow who, regardless of his being a senior officer didn't look like he had the potential to stop anything were it to go wrong. I watched as he started leading me somewhere while breathing heavily even though we had only taken a few steps. It made me wonder why some officers allowed themselves to get to an overweight stage, wasn't that something that could be considered dangerous?

I mean, for example...If this was my first C.O job and I was really nervous, imagine if an inmate were to run at me while I was a few meters away from my shadow...she could potentially throw a load of punches and kicks at me before he would even get a chance to hobble over here and even when he would eventually get to her, he'd be weak and panting due to the sudden exertion. Maybe it was just me, but I didn't deem it safe at all. However, I respected him for I soon saw a pedometer clipped onto his belt that he checked regularly. At least he was trying to do something about it.

"Alright first we are going to go to a staff meeting where we will be given our shifts and duties for the day and then we'll get to work. Sound good?"

"Yes, great" I replied and gave a grin. I was excited. Even though I was grateful for the short shifts I was getting for a while this morning, I found myself wanting to do a full and hard one. I wanted to immerse myself in the work because I had studied and worked hard for both this job and becoming a CO in general. Patience is a virtue though I guess, I didn't have much of an idea how this system compared to the USA's but I was eager to find out.

As we walked in, I sat down beside my shadow amongst the many other officers who started work at the same time as us. There were a lot more but they were either working their different shifts or on lunch or something. I then noticed that most of the officers around me were men, which was okay...except for the fact some of these women inmates were lesbian. If the officers working here was at a ratio of more men to women, I could find myself lusted after, preyed upon and that scared me more than an inmate armed with a weapon ever would.

Trying to push those thoughts aside, Officer Park and I were assigned to start our jobs at one of the many housing units in the prison. We then were all given a lecture (mainly for my purpose as I was new) about the rules and regulations, what is expected of us etc. I already knew this but it was just as interesting the second time around, especially since this place was still all new to me.

Once that was over, myself and my now huffing shadow made our way to where we would start the day. We walked down the long corridor with doors on each side holding the many inmates prisoner but kept going and going until we turned a corner and reached somewhere that I recognised. It was where I came with Yuri to collect the inmates to take to eat their lunch. So...am I doing the same as yesterday?

"Count time! Count time ladies!" Officer Park called out, I heard other's announcing the same thing all the way down the corridor too. Then, door after door opened to reveal the inmates who after opening the door stood in the middle of the room if they were able. There were some disabled prisoners here that couldn't stand for long periods so they were exempt from waiting upright to be counted, sitting in view on their beds instead. "Okay Tiffany, here's the counter" he said as he passed me a small remote with a button.

"What if some inmates didn't hear you?" I asked, unsure of whether just his voice alone managed to reach all of the rooms that only we needed to count. There were a lot of doors down that corridor.

"As well as me shouting it out, there's a light above each of the inmate's doors. When it turns red, all inmates should stand in the middle of the room after opening the door. They don't move until the light goes off. They all are aware of this."

"Ah okay..." My last prison didn't have that light thing, we relied on our voices alone and even then with the substantially smaller number of prisoners, not all of the doors were open when we got to them which always used to mess up our count.

"Now, this is the start of our unit, he said, pointing at a yellow line on the floor of the beginning of the very long corridor. "Usually I'd stay here and you would go and count the inmates. Once you finished, I'd do the same and we would meet at the end having the same number on our counters, if not...we'd have to do it again but I'm shadowing you so we..."

"No" I replied, a little loud for his liking judging by the frown on his face. "I've done this before in America, I know what to do" I gave a confident smile and I could see he was wondering whether he should or not. "Really, I'm capable. If something goes wrong and I can't handle it myself, I'll call you on my radio okay?" Please please please, I want to do something alone, for myself.

"Fine." He replied. "But if any inmate so much as moves, contact me. Got it?"

"Got it" I grinned and bowed my head. "I'll be done soon" I said as I started to approach the first door on the left. I could sense his eyes on me so did my best to look professional, even when the two women inside wore disgusting smirks as they trailed their eyes around my body.

Controlling my expression from showing it's revulsion was the most difficult thing I'd had to do lately but I just managed. The others weren't so bad, I'd have to warn some of them to stay still as I caught one or two jumping on the spot or even pacing because of their boredom yet I didn't radio my fellow officer...I could deal with it alone.

"Stand still inmate" I ordered when I came to another door and saw a woman was pushing her roommate playfully. She immediately stopped at the sternness of my voice only to smile widely when she saw me. So much for 'some' of the inmates being lesbian, almost all of the fucking women here were checking me out.

"Sorry...Officer" she winked before her friend giggled as she looked to and from myself and the woman. Just before I was about to continue my work she spoke again. "Say...I haven't seen that face before. Where have you been all my life?" She grinned and leaned her head to the side to attempt to see my behind. I couldn't control myself any longer and threw her the dirtiest glare imaginable.

"Say that again and I'll write you a shot." I growled, watching her stand up straight again soon after. "Now stand still" I repeated and clicked the device twice that kept count of all the prisoners from the amount of times I had clicked the button.  
I left the room and went on and on and on until I finally reached the end. All in all, it had taken me around half hour to get through my unit and I just had the last room to go.

I entered inside and saw the girl that had the book yesterday. She had her head bowed and her body was slumped as she rested her weight on one foot while her other was bent at the knee casually. She was staring at nothing but on the bed I saw she had been reading a book different from the one yesterday. One glance to the shelf above her head showed she liked books, she really liked books...the shelf was full of them. They were all stacked tidily on top of one another, the title of each one printed on the spine for easy recognition.

"Apologies on making you stand for so long inmate" I said while I clicked her. I didn't get an answer but then again I wasn't expecting one going by what Yuri had told me yesterday.

I glanced outside her door and saw my fellow officer reasonably far away after starting his count so I stayed where I was for the moment. I saw that the girl looked really bored and kept glancing over to her bed...I could tell what she wanted.

"Are you not allowed to read while we count you?" I asked. She looked up at me and even though I was standing by her door quite some distance away from her, who was standing near the back of the room, I could still see the colour of her eyes. They were a dark brown but had hints of lighter brown in them. I knew that if she turned to the side a little to allow the light from the lamp behind her shine onto her face, those little specks would light up the rest of her eyes. They really were unique.

She shook her head to answer my earlier question, eyes still on me. Thankfully she wasn't like a lot of the others, scanning me and perving on my body parts. I actually felt grateful. I bit my lip in thought and glanced out of her room again to see my shadow officer had barely moved, maybe an inmate had been asking him something.

"Well, I'll allow it" I murmured quietly, she managed to pick up what I said easily and a confused look came on her face followed by a suspicious one. "I'm not going to get you in trouble...you've been stood here for ages so the least I can do is make it a little better for you while we wait to finish up" I smiled.

She glanced over to that book, still with the extremely suspicious look etched on her face. She wasn't going to do it so I went over to her bed, picked up the book and handed it to her.

"Really. Take it, I'll just tell you to throw it back when he comes in" I shrugged and backed away so I could be half in the room and half out, making it easier to turn my head to and fro. I didn't consider this favouritism, just a nice gesture. Right now she looked harmless enough and I felt bad that she'd been standing for around an hour...even I found that hard to do.

I leaned against her door while I stared outside at the officer finally beginning to come closer after around fifteen minutes of waiting. He was about four doors away now.

"Hey" I whispered, she looked up almost immediately. I glanced at her book and she got the message, throwing it back on her bed and standing up straight. Officer Park came in a short while later and once he clicked his counter, he took mine and compared.

"Perfect" he smiled and motioned me out of the room. I turned to leave but stopped just short of outside when I heard him speak. "You" he addressed the girl with an unnecessary attitude in my opinion. "I expect this room spotless by the time we come back."

Was he blind? It _was_ spotless. I opened my mouth to say something to him but then thought it wouldn't look good on me to stick up for an inmate so stayed silent. I saw the anger in her eyes after she too finished looking around the very clean room and then raised her eyebrow as if to say 'what the fuck?'

The next thing that happened shocked me. The officer that I had perceived to be a genuine and kind-hearted person simply smirked at her reaction, walked right up close to her and reached out his hand to rest on the wall behind her. Okay whatever he was doing I was not cool with. Even though she hadn't flinched and was glaring straight back at him with equal hostility, I myself didn't like it one bit.  
Then...a crash when all of the neatly piled books on her shelf flew to the floor as that same hand of his pushed them swiftly off of it. My jaw dropped in surprise and actual disbelief. Was this even allowed? That's fucking bullying.

I watched on as the officer removed his hand and repeated himself. "I expect this room spotless" he said before he walked back out. "Come on Hwang" he called, his tone changing back to the one he had used all morning with me. Meanwhile I looked at her face as she bent down and started to clean up, I couldn't help but then glance at her clenched fists as she tightened her hold on the books. "Hwang!" He shouted and I immediately turned and went to him. Well, this had just taken an unexpected turn.

I know this was what some officers did...acted like assholes to the inmates so they'd be feared by them but that...that was just a dickish move that I still couldn't believe. She had acted correctly, standing where she should have been and yet he did that. Gosh that had really pissed me off.

"Okay Tiffany. So we will now make our way back to the start and search the now clean rooms for any contraband okay?" He smiled sweetly.

I just nodded and started to walk, what a prick. If he did that again when we returned to check that her already spotless room was clean, I think I just may have to report him. I guess he noticed that I was a bit off and thinking back to his behaviour that he so blatantly showed me, he started explaining himself.

"If you didn't like that, get used to it." He said with no remorse. I frowned but kept my gaze ahead as we walked in sync. "If those inmates begin to think that they can become alpha and make us omegas, they need to be knocked off their self-made podiums. We are at the top of the food chain here, not the prisoners, not Nichkhun, not the owner of this prison, us. We are the ones who deal with the criminals"

"She didn't look like she was trying to rise above your rank" I retorted

"Well, you don't need to see it to know that she wants it. Everyone here wants it. Imagine being a prisoner and being able to tell your friends in this place that you have a correctional officer wrapped around your little finger. The next thing you know...you'll have a lot more than you bargained for when her friends expect the same." I felt his eyes on me before he sighed. "Listen, I'm not telling you how to do your job, but treating an inmate anything other than an animal isn't going to get you anywhere. They aren't human, they are vile, disgusting beings that don't even belong on this earth" Wow, just wow.

"Officer Kwon told me yesterday that nobody knows what crime each inmate has done so they're treated fairly...right?" I asked.

"Yes..." He replied, slightly confused at the sudden change of subject.

"How can you be so sure that that girl, or any other inmate in here is so bad?"

He laughed at my question. "Why else would they be in here? They are thieves...they assault, they murder."

"What if they were thieves because they stole to feed their family as they were so poor to afford it otherwise?  
What if they assaulted because they were getting abused to the point where they were close to committing suicide unless they got the person away from them? What if...they had murdered to prevent the killing of one of their family members, or out of self-defence that led them to be wrongly charged?"

"..."

"You can do whatever you think is right...but like you said, don't try to tell me how to do my job. If I treat them with respect, they'll treat me the same way back." He laughed at that but before he could reply to me... "I'm not saying that all of them will, there'll come a time when one of them tries to get one over on me but a lot of these women aren't the cold-blooded murderers with no soul it seems you see them as.  
They are mothers, they are daughters, sisters, aunts and even grandmother's who were trying to survive in the outside world...don't judge them until they show you a reason why they _should_ be judged."

And with that, I effectively silenced him. That's right... Burn.


	3. Chapter 3

Looking back at what I had said yesterday...to a SENIOR Officer mind you, maybe I was wrong. Not wrong in the things I said, I believed them 100% but wrong that I spoke to him that way and in that tone. However, yes...I sort of stuck up for a prisoner who also yes...could be a cold-blooded murderer like he said but there was absolutely no reason for him to try to rile her up, to try to make her feel like the smallest person alive. And also, I wondered if it was just her he did that to.

Granted, most of the room's I saw as I went along the count looked like shit, mess everywhere, their shoes and socks strewn across the floor...but why would he create a mess if they had a clean room?

I don't know why I was getting so worked up over this, it happened a lot in the prison back in America, but it happened to men who could take it and weren't in danger of getting their feelings hurt. These were women and some may be gross lesbians but other's... With her in mind I frowned, other's seem like they are just trying to do the best they can in here to get by, to stay out of trouble and to avoid confrontation from the officer's who give it to them anyway.

After what I said to him, he ignored me for the rest of my shift. I had to leave halfway through the contraband search due to mine being over and I couldn't help but wonder whether he took what I said on board or continued to be a dick once I left. It's not like I could ask the prisoner's today about what he did so in the end I just tried to forget it.

I was sitting in my car outside the prison just thinking because I was a little early. I'd managed to get up fine this morning, still going over yesterday's events in my head and wondered if that officer had reported me. For what...I don't know, for something anyway. As well as thinking, I was feeling nervously excited. It was my first proper day today as after my shift yesterday I had to go to see Nichkhun and he told me that he had seen me several times and liked my confidence and my way of communicating with the inmate's firmly.

I thanked God he hadn't seen what I had said to Park but yeah...he said that it was a waste of time easing me into something that I sort of knew already so gave me my first full shift.  
I would start at 7:30am and finish at 5:30pm. A long ass shift staying on your feet almost always but that's the job I signed up for. I also didn't know whether I'd have a buddy today or have to go off alone. I didn't mind either really, but I wasn't too fond on having Park again...

"Good morning Tiffany" one of the security guy's who patted me down greeted as I opened out my arms and legs.

"Morning" I smiled and immediately being curious about something, I asked him a question. "Do you get a lot of CO's here bringing in contraband?"

"Not a lot no" he answered as he finished up the search. "The last time was a year or two ago, I don't really remember but it's happened only a few times"

"Ah" I nodded and grabbed my keys from the tray, going on my way to the staff room. I don't know why any officer would do that...risk their job for an inmate. Prisoner's get to buy everything they need as well as some treats from commissary, plus have dinner provided to them...what else do they need? I shook my head in frustration as I entered the room and clipped on my belt, making sure each item within it was easily reachable if I encountered a problem.

Next up was to enter the staff meeting to find out what I'd be doing today. Again when I sat down all I saw were male officer's. Apart from Yuri and myself, I had seen no other female workers here. Then again they could be on the other side of the prison but still, it was disconcerting to say the least.

"Hmmm Officer Hwang"

"Yes sir." I bowed to my senior.

"You...will be performing the morning contraband search in half hour and then monitoring the line for the commissary."

Again with the contraband? "Yes sir" I repeated and waited to be excused. Actually, it wasn't fair to say I had to do it again. I had only basically watched Officer Park yesterday as he did it. He had been still pissed at me so instead of shadowing my work like he was supposed to, he just took over and did it himself. Now it was my turn.

I was assigned to the same area and wondered if this would be the main unit I would be working on. Usually CO's got moved around to different housing units within the prison which meant dealing with different prisoner's each time. But sometimes, if an officer was better in one unit and could handle the many inmate's within it, they would be assigned to only that one.

I didn't mind continuing to work there as apart from the lesbian's, the inmate's were okay. To my knowledge, there wasn't anybody dangerous so that would mean easier work for me and If I ended up getting bored I could just request to watch over another unit. I started making my way over there, winding through the many corridors as I tried to remember where to go.

Remembering I had some time left before I started, I took to wandering around looking for anybody misbehaving or any suspicious behaviour but there was none. This job was mostly keeping a visual on the premises to see basically nothing happen, if I was honest it was a little boring. In my old prison, at least I could joke around with my fellow officer's about who was the hottest guy in the room. I used to do that all the time, it was funny and kept me occupied but here...no men just women. I sighed, this would definitely take some getting used to.

Finally after some time of doing nothing, I went over to the first door which was already open from the count that was done before I arrived and entered inside. The room was clean again due to the expected cleanup the inmate's were to do each morning and I found it a shame to have to mess it up a little... until I remembered who lived here. Two gay girls who hadn't hesitated to perv on me when I had walked in yesterday, I wasn't going to emulate Park's dick move though, even though these girls were lesbian.

I believed in treating everyone equally here just like I was trained. Yes, I may hate to be around them but I would try my best not to show it other than through a stern attitude. But thankfully, neither girl was here, they were probably showering so I could just get on with my work and do it undisturbed. What I had to look for was anything from drugs and weapons to luxuries such as extra pillows, extra uniform...that kind of thing.  
Sadly about halfway through my search, one of them came back.

"Damn!" I heard her call out, a quick glance over my shoulder showed her walking inside, her eyes placed firmly on my rear while I was bent over looking under her mattress. "I'd be upset about someone ruining my hard work but since it's you...I'll forgive you. You can mess up my bed anytime babe" she said with a wink.

I turned back around and clenched my jaw. You have to get used to this Tiffany, don't let them see it bother's you... "That's enough" I replied and stood up straight when I deemed her mattress free of contraband. One more place to look, under her bed.

With a slight sigh, I got down on my knees ignoring the whistle she made as I did so and saw nothing, but then...

"What's this?" I asked, pointing at something I saw. She got down next to me and looked to where I was pointing. It looked to be a blanket, it's corner poking down from the far side of her bed. It was knitted, something that you couldn't buy at the commissary and something that wasn't deemed appropriate since she already had the allowed amount of sheets and blankets that had been given to her,

"They gave it me when I first came here" she said with a shrug of her shoulders but I noticed her biting her lip nervously. Gotcha.

"That's contraband" I said as I stood back up and leaned over her bed. "It's not allowed" I took up the other side of her mattress and saw it was tucked in tight hidden under the covers well except for that one corner hanging down in view beneath her bed.

She bowed her head and then it was as if a light switch came on as her face lit up. She started to come towards me, her hips swaying and a smirk on her face.

"Listen...you don't have to tell anyone about this" she grinned and twirled a piece of her hair around her finger flirtatiously. "I can make you feel great, you'll forget all about it" I glanced down at her mouth to see was pursing her lips out and I let out a smile, making her sigh in relief.

"You're right" I replied. "You _can_ make me feel great"

She trailed her eyes up and down my body taking a step nearer until I pulled out my radio.

"This is Hwang, I've discovered contraband in the first room of the North East unit during a search."

The woman's face was priceless. What...she actually believed that? Wow.

Once I finished giving my superior officer the details, I replaced the radio back into my belt and smiled again. "There, that did make me feel great" I said, looking into her eyes daringly "You've lost your right to recreation today. You'll stay inside and I'm confiscating this immediately" I ordered before grabbing the blanket and rolling it up, ready to hand it over to the officer who was on his way over here.

She said nothing, just bowed her head and sat down on her bed. I may have felt just a little bit guilty but then thought, it's just a blanket, grow up. I exited the room and waited for my senior who had made sure the officer who would let this unit out for their recreation period later on knew to keep her locked inside before taking the contraband from my hands.

"Good job" he smiled, then turning on his heels and walking away.

I smiled but continued on, finding more and more as I went along. Some of the women were fine, not having anything on them which made my job going from room to room much easier and quicker. Then...another girl. She was hiding a...phallic object made from god knows what. But it was sticky, clearly having been recently used and not cleaned afterwards. With disgust, I held it up in front of her.

"Heyheyhey what the hell. That's not mine!" She yelled.

"Of course it's not yours, it was hidden in your pillowcase because it walked there, clearly." I retorted earning me a grunt from the girl.

Again, I had to wait for the officer and then when he came, handed over the object while he handcuffed the girl ready for her punishment in solitary. I thought that was a tad excessive until he told me that she was always hiding one thing or another in her room, clearly not learning the consequences of having contraband.  
I nodded and allowed her to go but not before he handed me a wet wipe to clean my hands, I thanked him and watched as she was dragged away trying to tell him she hadn't put it there. With a roll of my eyes, I went on my way.

As I entered the last room, I immediately saw that once again, it was spotless. Whether this girl was a clean freak or just obeyed the rules was a mystery...though I kind of resented the fact that I'd have to mess it up a little after what had happened yesterday.

I first made my way over to the table in the far corner of her room which only housed a bottle of water. I shook the bottle and then unscrewed the cap before smelling it to ensure it was in fact water...it was. Placing it back, I wandered over to a shelf above her bed which had a stack of paper and some pens and pencils in a cup.  
I grabbed both and crouched down before sifting through the paper to make sure nothing was hidden. I indeed found nothing so placed the stack onto her bed while I emptied the cup of it's contents and once again, found it was clean.

It was a nice change...finding an inmate who didn't look to be hiding anything. My impression of her was good already and as I thought back to all of the room's I had just searched finding a variety of different things, it really was a breath of fresh air. Of course there were some inmate's that I previously went through without finding anything, but this one was different. I don't know why, she just was.

Aside from under her bed, the last place to check was the shelf that housed all her books. After what happened before, I was determined to handle them carefully, I had seen the fire in her eyes when Park had done what he did and to be honest, I was fully expecting her to swing for him. Of course I was glad she didn't but he totally deserved it.

So book after book, I went through the pages as well as shaking them out and afterwards I replaced each and every one of them, stacking them exactly as she had. Finally, I went over to her bed and pulled back the blankets, pulled up the mattress and then bent down to see underneath her bed. There, I found something. I held in my sigh thinking this was contraband, I had wanted her to be innocent, I really had. I grabbed what seemed like a notepad and stood back up, studying the outside to find it was in fact a sketch pad, and it had come from commissary judging by the stamp I found at the top.

With a smile, I began to open it but just at that moment I felt a draught come into the room followed by the feeling of being watched. Turning around swiftly, my eyes met hers and I somehow felt like I had been caught stealing or something. I watched on as she glanced from me to the pad in my hands with a cold expression.

"Sorry" I gave a small smile "It's uh...protocol."

She said nothing, instead going over to her now rather messy bed and flopping her body down on top of it, it's creaking loud as her weight affected the metal frames. I kept my eye on her and watched as she grabbed a book I seemed to have missed from under her sheet and started to read from where she left off.

I stared for a while longer until realising I still had the sketch pad in my hands. When I looked from that back up at her, she was now watching me. I didn't want to snoop, I knew she wasn't hiding anything but seeing as it was under her bed, it was something she wished she could keep private. I turned away from her slightly before opening the pad and flicking through the pages.

What I saw was amazing. She had black and white sketches of a few different people, none of whom I recognised but they were all very handsome and/or beautiful. There were a lot more pictures of one particular girl I noticed though... The detail in each of the drawings was incredible and I wouldn't be surprised if the pictures started to rise off the page. Maybe I was in the presence of a former artist here.

On and on I went until I came to the end of the drawings and the beginning of a lot of empty pages she had yet to fill with her art. Once I finally got to the end of the pad, I closed it and said nothing even though I wanted to praise her for how good her sketches were. If she had wanted it to be private, then I'd do my best to pretend it was so I approached the bed, crouched down and replaced the pad where I had found it, giving a slight bow of my head her way before standing upright.

I felt like an ass but..."Hey, I'm sorry but I have to check that too" I said as I motioned to the book she was reading. Again, no response but she did as she was told, handing it over. I kept one of my fingers on the page she was on so I didn't lose her place and then looked through the rest. Nothing, surprise surprise. "Clean" I smiled and turned it over to see the title - _The Heart is a Lonely Hunter_.

"Is this good?" I asked absentmindedly as I studied the cover. It seemed like an old piece, something I would see and then ignore if I was in a book store. I looked up and saw her nodding while still staring at the thing so I gave it back to her, holding on till the last minute so I wouldn't lose her page. She took it but then flickered her eyes to mine, those specks of lighter brown in them hitting the light wonderfully. "What's it about?" I asked, forgetting that the girl doesn't talk.

She frowned and it was then that I remembered. Now feeling a little awkward and not knowing what to say, I bowed my head and turned to leave, shutting the door behind me. Stupid.

I don't know why...but her and that book stuck in my mind even when I was on the way home after that exhausting long shift. I stopped at a red light and put on my handbrake, fighting the urge to close my eyes and sleep right there. It was then that I saw a small shop just a little distance away from where I was now. Through tired, squinted eyes I saw it was only slightly illuminated by a small light in the window and when I pulled off and studied it, looking at the name as I passed by, I saw it was a book store.

I really wanted to go home, get in the shower and then go to bed...but my head was still focused on what was so interesting about such a seemingly boring book. With a hiss of frustration, I turned the car around and parked nearby before taking the cold and lonely stroll to the shop. I cursed myself over and over as I entered, the ding from the bell above the door making the elderly employee look my way and then bow. I did the same and turned to look around at the vast array of literature. Trying to find one book in this place would be impossible, but I tried. And I failed.

"Good evening" I bowed when I reached the counter, giving up my own search and requiring help.

"Good evening, how can I help you?" The man smiled, showing off his lack of teeth.

"I'm looking for a book but can't quite remember..." Damn it, I was so annoyed at having to subject myself to something like this out of pure curiosity that I had forgotten the name of it.

"That okay" he chuckled "Try to explain the story and I'll see if I can help you"

"That's the thing" I smiled shyly. "I don't know."

"Hm. Well that makes it a little harder"

"Um..." I racked my brains for that title. "The Heart something...Lonely? Um..."

"Can you describe the cover?"

"It had this guy, a cowboy I think standing in front of a train carriage...?"

"Ah" he grinned and walked out from the counter, leading me over to a section of books. "It's one of my favourites" I smiled once I knew he had read it and knew it well and watched as he rummaged around before finally taking out the book I desired.

"That's it" I smiled and walked back to the counter, taking out my purse.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" I replied, watching as he scanned the label and took my cash.

"What would a young girl like you want with a book like this? I've only ever seen older people reading it."

"I..." What could I say? I saw a prisoner reading it and the curiosity got the better of me? "It was recommended by someone I know" I smiled and took the bag he now held out with the book inside.

"Well...enjoy" he bowed and waved as I exited, going back to my car. As soon as I got to it, I got inside and took the book out of the bag before reading the blurb on the back of it.

' _Carson McCullers' prodigious first novel was published to instant acclaim when she was just twenty-three. Set in a small town in the middle of the deep South, it is the story of John Singer, a lonely deaf-mute, and a disparate group of people who are drawn towards his kind, sympathetic nature. The owner of the café where Singer eats every day, a young girl desperate to grow up, an angry socialist drunkard, a frustrated black doctor: each pours their heart out to Singer, their silent confidant, and he in turn changes their disenchanted lives in ways the could never imagine. Moving, sensitive and deeply humane, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter explores loneliness, the human need for understanding and the search for love.'_

Yeah...definitely not the type of book I would read. But nevertheless, I made my way home, ran myself a bath and then got inside, taking the book with me.  
I had only read a few pages when almost immediately the overall feeling's of the main character were made apparent to me.

Loneliness...

Suffering in silence...

Isolation...

It was no surprise to me to realise that that girl, was most definitely feeling all three.


	4. Chapter 4

Tired was an understatement. Call me stupid, or weird, or unprofessional but I had stayed up most the night reading that book page by page until it ended. I have absolutely no idea why, but every time I had told myself 'after this page I'll put it down'... I never did. It wasn't because it was a particularly incredible book that I literally could not put down due to the fear of forgetting a certain line the next morning, I just felt like it was necessary to finish it all in one go.

It was a good book, again not one I would particularly read when I felt the need to escape to another world but I guess...that girl? That girl needed to once in a while though again, why that particular book? Nevertheless, I wanted to understand her so I took it along with me.

It was full of sadness, isolation and a lot of lonely thoughts. If I were a prisoner, I'd be reading the happy things, the romantic things, things I couldn't wait to experience when I got out. But she seemed to want to dwell, concentrate on her surroundings rather than forgetting them for that short while she was reading.

I thought about both it and her all the way through my drive to work, doing so even further when I caught a glance of that book poking out of my bag on the passenger seat. I really don't know why but there was this overwhelming urge screaming at me to go into her room and look through her collection of books on that shelf. That was very wrong of me, I was becoming too curious of this girl. Also trying to find excuses for my behaviour was hard but I eventually put it down to my brief stint of wanting to become a therapist. Her feelings that she was keeping inside of her wasn't healthy and I understood that I just wanted to help her, to bring her out of her shell a little maybe.

I had noticed nobody wanted to be around her which was sad in itself, her being so young and all but she herself didn't help things by isolating herself from the others. I wanted to help her make friends and not enemies. Prison was lonely enough, but without people to talk to at all? That was even worse.

Entering the prison building and then exiting the staff room an hour later told me that today I was to do the count, then the contraband search and finally a new job...watching over recreation. With a big, confident smile I made my way to my assigned corridor and grabbed the count clicker ready to do my job.

I was excited for later on, it was only my third day but already my tasks were getting repetitive. The recreation task however was something new and I couldn't wait to be in charge of watching over such a vast number of inmate's all at one time.

"Count time ladies!" I called out before repeating it two more times and waiting for the first door to open up. One by one, all of the inmate's awoke and opened their doors ready for me and five minutes later I made my way into the first one, then the second and so on.

I got around three-quarters of the way through the inmate's before I entered a room and saw one prisoner standing where she should be, her head bowed though I distinctly remember she had a roommate. I frowned and placed my hand on my radio immediately. Had the inmate gotten out? Just as I was about to call for help, I saw a big lump over the side of the room underneath the covers. On closer inspection, a loud snore came from that heap of blankets and I tutted in frustration.

"Inmate! Get up now!" I shouted, soon trying to hold back my laughter as this prisoner with a sheet on top of her squealed and jumped up only to fall right back down, albeit on top of my feet. I stayed put while I watched her unravel the blanket from herself and then notice my legs in front of her. Slowly she raised her head until she saw me looking down on her with a stern expression, though I really was trying not to chuckle at her predicament.

"I'm sorry," she said as she bowed her head and tripped a few more times before getting to her feet, limping to the middle of the room.

I cleared my throat and made my way over to the two of them. "Did you hurt yourself inmate?" I asked.

"Uh...no." I wasn't stupid, she winced as she said that so I ordered her to go back to her bed and to tell the CO who would be around after me that I had allowed her to sit down.

"Tell him Officer Hwang okay'd it, alright? I'll be back later to get someone to escort you to the nurse."

"Thank you," she bowed and gave a small smile.

"No problem."

I had disappeared from sight but still heard what she said when I had left. "She's nice, I like her."

As I walked further away, I felt good in myself and then imagined what Officer Park would have done. He probably would have laughed and made her stand there the whole time. I hadn't realised that those two in that room were a couple and I had just had a normal conversation with a lesbian despite disliking them.

On and on I went until I came to the last room. I frowned when I saw the door was closed, the inmate should be up and waiting for me but once I opened the door to reveal the inside, she was doing neither.

I really didn't want to get her into trouble but she could not do this. The girl was lying in bed, still fast asleep despite the bright light shining above her door indicating that it was count time. I made my way over to her and just as I was about to order her to get up... I saw the book I had gone to get yesterday lying next to her.

I smiled as I picked it up and realised that she too had finished it seeing as the book was free of her bookmarks. I was about to set it back when I saw there was another just beside it, hidden slightly under the blankets. Checking my watch I saw that I didn't have time to see what it was so I quickly replaced the book beside her and clicked her before running out the room.  
I ran back in a second later hitting myself inwardly for forgetting to wake her.

"Hey, can you get up?" I asked nicely but loudly and watched as her brow furrowed and then her eyes flickered open, taking a few seconds before coming into focus. "Hey," I smiled. "I've counted you but the other officer will be coming round at any moment and I need you to get up..."

She said nothing surprise surprise but thankfully she nodded and yawned before getting up and standing in the middle of the room, her head bowed tiredly. I walked over to the door and looked outside, soon seeing the officer about nine or so doors away.

"Wanna read your book before he comes?" I smirked, remembering how it went before. She looked up and I saw something flash in her eyes before she shook her head.

"Okay, suit yourself." I replied, looking back out the doorway. Seven doors away... "How come you weren't up today?" I asked, knowing full well she wouldn't answer but I was curious nonetheless. She shrugged but then a big yawn took over her face making me chuckle. "Ah, that's why."

"Hwang, let me compare" a deep voice called out, surprising me, he had sneaked up rather quickly. I handed my fellow officer my remote and he let out a sigh of relief.  
"Perfect," he smiled. "Come on then, I'll walk you back to the start so you can do your cleaning inspection and contraband search."

"Alright, let's go." I replied, giving the girl a parting glance as I went.

There was absolutely no contraband hidden today much to my delight. It was always a hassle to have to call another CO and then wait for him to come collect any illegal items I discovered but thankfully today I didn't have to. But then again, I was only halfway through the number of inmate's. Hopefully though, it would all go well and I could get through it quickly.

Almost all of them were out of their rooms except for that same girl who had hurt herself this morning. I had completely forgotten to call someone to come help her get over to the nurse but what I saw made me think twice about getting her help. She was sat on her bed, with her roommate straddling her. The order I was going to give died in my mouth as I watched on in disgust at how the one on top was groping and feeling the injured one underneath her.

All of a sudden though, she looked up and pushed off her...girlfriend? She smiled when she saw me but from the look on my face she dropped it soon after.

"Hey...Officer. Are you taking me to the nurse now? It's gotten pretty swollen," she said as she held out her ankle. It did look bad but there was this rising feeling within me that just wanted to leave. To leave her to it after the sin I had seen her commit. What I had seen replayed over and over in my head and the urge to turn my back was getting stronger and stronger. "Officer?"

Both women were looking at me now as my fingers played with the radio antenna. For them going against God's wishes, should I punish them by leaving her in obvious discomfort or should I be an example to them by helping and being the child God intended me to be? It took a while but after thinking about Officer Park and how I'd be no better than him if I left, I sighed and got out my radio, calling for an officer to escort her down to the infirmary.  
I then turned to leave her room but was stopped when she thanked me again.

"Thank you Officer..." She squinted at my chest and I covered it up immediately. However, I felt a little silly when she merely stated she was trying to look at my nametag.

"Hwang" I choked out, still feeling the effects of what I had seen plus the embarrassment of jumping to conclusions like that.

"Thank you Officer Hwang," she smiled sweetly. "I appreciate it, not one CO here apart from maybe one or two exceptions would have done what you had just now. I'm really grateful."

I nodded but watched as her...girlfriend caressed her hand with her thumb while she was talking to me. One part of me was still reasonably uncomfortable with the display of affection yet the other was confused. She seemed so nice, yet she's a homosexual...those don't mix, or at least I'd never seen them mix. Every lesbian or gay man I ever came across in my life was horrible, perving on women or men and talking down to others thinking that their lifestyle ruled over the norm of heterosexual relationships. This was completely new to me.

"It's uh...it's okay." I replied and began to walk around looking for contraband and once finished, stopped in front of her. "If nobody comes by the time I return from my contraband search, I'll take you there myself alright?"

Yes...I'd already thought of that I'd have to touch her, to touch a lesbian who would have her arm around me, albeit for support but still the contact being there. However, seeing a seemingly nice one had put me at ease a little. I was sure, or at least very hopeful that if I came back and she hadn't been seen to, leaving me with the responsibility of taking her to the nurse, she'd keep her hands to herself.

Pushing that aside for the moment, back to work...each search was the same outcome. Nothing. So I was at the last door after around ten minutes. Walking inside, I saw she wasn't there so I did as I had done yesterday, checking that same water bottle that was still on her table and then quietly making my way over to the shelf she had. I told myself not to snoop, that it was rude and disrespectful so while holding myself back, I simply flicked through the pages and replaced them without looking at the title's.

Looking in her sketchbook showed the beginning of a new drawing, I think it was a woman judging by only half an outline but I was sure it'd take time to get to the level and detail of the other drawings before it. This girl had a lot of time on her hands so it should be done in a few days, ready for my nosey self to take a peek.

Now having gone through everything except for the book I had in my hands, I looked at my watch and then glanced outside to see that I had both time and privacy to check out the book she's started reading recently - _Speak_

The bookmark she had made was over halfway, no wonder she was tired this morning. If she had, like me read the ending to the previous book plus started on this new one last night, she for sure would be exhausted, bless her.

With a curious frown, I turned the book over and read the blurb just like I had done with the previous book. I found the overall plot to be much more interesting than the first but although the first had proven to be good and to me, explained the girl who lived in this room well...this plot, was even more similar. Quite frighteningly similar actually.

' _The first ten lies they tell you in high school._

 _"Speak up for yourself-we want to know what you have to say." From the first moment of her freshman year at Merryweather High, Melinda knows this is a big fat lie, part of the nonsense of high school. She is friendless, an outcast because she busted an end-of-summer party by calling the cops, so now nobody will talk to her, let alone listen to her.  
As time passes, she becomes increasingly isolated and practically stops talking altogether. Only her art class offers any solace, and it is through her work on an art project that she is finally able to face what really happened at that terrible party: she was raped by an upperclassman, a guy who still attends Merryweather and is still a threat to her. Her healin_g _process has just begun when she has another violent encounter with him. But this time Melinda fights back, refuses to be silent, and thereby achieves a measure of vindication. In Laurie Halse Anderson's powerful novel, an utterly believable heroine with a bitterly ironic voice delivers a blow to the hypocritical world of high school. She speaks for many a disenfranchised teenager while demonstrating the importance of speaking up for oneself.'_

Friendless outcast...  
Isolated...  
Seeks refuge in art...  
Losing the ability to talk...

After reading the plot, I hoped it wasn't as similar to her as I had first thought due to reading the word 'rape' in the summary...but again it seemed that reading this book could get me closer to underst-

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard footsteps and when I looked up, she was standing in front of me, her eyes flickering from my eyes to the book in my hands. I felt like a kid that had been caught by their mother with their hand in the cookie jar. Quickly I tried to pretend that I had been checking it for contraband but she wasn't stupid, and I was a terrible actor. My hands had gotten clammy, and my breath had quickened and those paired together made what I thought to be the worst thing happen to the girl. I dropped the book...and as it fell to the ground I thought that what I had done was no better than what Park did before, pushing her books off of the shelf.

Only...when he did it, he didn't break the books. I did.  
The spine of it must have been weak or something but the pages just flowed out of it as soon as it hit the ground. With a slacked jaw and sorrowful eyes, knowing how much these books meant to her I expected nothing less than the look of hatred she had given Park previously. And that's exactly what I got.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

She stormed into the room only clad in a towel after her shower, her neck taut and showing every vein as she clenched her jaw and looked at the book scattered across the room. I crouched down and attempted to gather each page together and in order but it was no use...they were everywhere.

"Inmate I'm sorry I-"

"Get out."

If she had spoken another time, I'd be overjoyed. But the hate filling up her deep and husky voice was enough to make me want to never hear it again.

"I'm really sorry, I'll replace it."

As I slowly stood and raised my eye-line, I was alarmed to see her close up. She had taken many steps forward and was now only inches away from my own face. The iciness seeping out of her was enough to give me frostbite, to give everybody in this prison the damn thing but right now it was only meant for me. I looked into her eyes and in contrast to the coldness she gave off, her eyes were on fire.

Some of you may be thinking..."It's only a book, she's got loads of them."  
If you were locked in a room for most of your days, not reliant on the company of friends, or of the people who basically take care of you yet hold you prisoner at the same time, sometimes, books are your only refuge. They certainly are hers.

I couldn't help thinking that me doing this, would change her attitude towards me for the rest of my time here. She'd looked at me with such anger and hatred that our relationship, whatever it is or was, wouldn't be the same again. I prayed that she wouldn't think I was worse than Officer Park, but maybe that prayer wasn't to be answered anytime soon.

I crouched down again and grabbed the dismembered cover from the book, looking at the name again - _Speak_.

Well...she had spoken to me.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay so if a prisoner hated the typical correctional officer, the latter would either be overjoyed or wouldn't bat an eyelid. Me...? I felt awful, horrible actually. I know it was an accident but come on, if I hadn't been snooping around trying to find out what she was reading about, this wouldn't have happened.

Still very annoyed at myself, I went on my way to Nichkhun's office to see if I could at least do something to put it right and after a firm knock at the door, I entered.

"Tiffany! Hey!" That greeting was a little too excitable for me this morning.

"Hello," I bowed my head in respect before grabbing a seat opposite him and letting out a sigh.

"Why the long face beautiful?" If I could roll my eyes I would have. I was not in the mood for this guy right now but it had to be done.

After seeing his expression, I thought about how it was obvious that I seemed a little down so I put a fake smile on my face. In his eyes, no officer should feel this way, guilty because of a silly thing like breaking an inmate's bloody book and he was completely right. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I was and I wanted to fix it.

"I'm fine," I replied. "I was just wondering whether an item bought from commissary could be replaced if an officer somehow, I don't know...ruined something?"  
He frowned in confusion so to show him what I meant, I lifted up the book cover I had in my hands and let it fall down with a thunk on his desk.

"Whose was this?" He asked as he picked it up with the tip of his thumb and index finger as if he was picking up the dirtiest thing imaginable. I frowned at that.

"I don't know her name," I replied. "The one who resides in the last room of the North-East unit?"

"You know it's just a book right Tiff? It doesn't really matter, she can just buy another." Exactly what I thought he'd say.

"I'd prefer replacing it sir, I'll of course pay out of my own money." I went to get up but he stopped me with a hand atop of my own.

"No, no. Let's pull out her file, find out who it is then I'll go and talk to commissary okay?" He smiled, trying to make me feel better. It worked at least and while hoping that this silly little mess would be cleared up soon, I relaxed back in the chair and let out a subtle relieved sigh. "What time is your next job?"

"It's uh...an hour and a half away" I replied after checking my watch. Plenty of time to sort this out.

"Perfect." I watched as he went through one of the many filing cabinets in his room which were sorted nicely by the unit in which the inmate lived and then the surname. "Last room..." He mumbled under his breath, talking to himself as he flicked through file upon file until he reached one more or less in the middle. "This her?" He asked, opening it and flashing me her mug-shot. I suppressed a smile and nodded, leaning a little closer to look for her name but before my eyes could adjust he took it away. "Kim"

"Kim..." I gave him the hint to continue the name, my curiosity rearing it's ugly, damaging head again but unfortunately he didn't tell me...or ignored me, one or the other.

"Okay, so I'll ring up commissary and ask if they have anymore of these." He picked up the cover again to take it with him as he walked out of the room.

That file of hers was still on the desk, just staring at me. I wanted to read it, _really_ wanted to read it, I wanted to know her name as well as what she did to end up here, her age and pretty much everything. Why was this particular prisoner making me so fucking antsy as well as curious all the time? I had no idea but I'd like to think it'd be the same if it were another prisoner's file here.

To get my mind off of it, I tried to concentrate on something, anything. There was an assortment of empty energy drink cans on his desk that really needed to be thrown away, his work computer as well as his nice macbook were over to the corner of the desk, her file...

Looking over my shoulder and still hearing his voice which told me he was in the middle of a conversation, my hands lifted from my lap of their own accord and rested on the table, just inches away from that file. It would only take a minute just to find out her name, age and what she did. All of that information was in the same section so with tentative arms, I reached out to grab it while listening intently for the slightest noise...which happened soon after in the form of the door opening quietly. My hands were back in my lap in an instant, at least I'd been trained to have quick reflexes.

"I forgot her name didn't I," Nichkhun scoffed, walking back in with the cordless phone to his chest whilst rolling his eyes. I chuckled nervously in response, thank god he didn't see anything. I wasn't sure what would happen if I had been caught. Would I have been fired because surely, those files are confidential unless he shared them with me. But then again I couldn't just ask him what her name, age and the crime she committed was...it'd make me seem too eager and may look like we had something going on which was incredibly ridiculous but, he didn't know that.

I watched as he opened up the file and when he wasn't looking, I shifted in my seat and squinted a little, trying to catch just any small detail but it was no use. It was both funny and completely ridiculous that I was still trying to look even after that near miss I just had with him, curiosity is a bitch sometimes I swear.

"Kim Tae..." He mumbled quietly. What was that last part? I didn't hear...  
I leaned forward in hope he'd say it again but he raised his eye-line and looked at me with a weird expression, one that said 'are you doing what I think you're doing?'

"You like these too?" I asked, pointing at the redbull cans on his desk which were in the same direction as the file, thinking of anything to get me away from suspicion. I wasn't guilty of anything except breaking someone's property but I had to keep telling myself to stop trying to get into more trouble.

He smiled and took the file over to the cabinet again. I fully expected him to slot it back into place amongst the other's...but he didn't. Instead he left it lying on top of them and it stuck out like a sore thumb to inquisitive eyes like mine. "I do, yeah." He replied

There was a slight silence so I tore my eyes away from the file or what he thought was the cans and looked up at him to see he was raising his overly-bushy eyebrows expecting a reply to something "Sorry?" I asked, wondering what he had said.

"I asked if you wanted one." I shook my head to reply. "Are you okay?" He asked with a serious tone. "You seem somewhat distant."

"Oh I'm fine, just lost myself for a second there. Sorry sir."

"It's okay," he smiled and came over, leaving the file behind and went out of his way to reach his hand under the desk to pat my thigh. As I clenched my jaw, I tried to smile but it must have come off looking weird because his own smile dropped and he awkwardly stood up, clearing his throat. "I'll be back in a bit" he said while straightening his tie, walking out the room once more and leaving me with my thoughts.

She's a prisoner...she's nobody to you and she deserves her own privacy. Privacy you've already tried to penetrate through her books, doesn't she deserve her confidentiality regarding her private information?

Well of course she does... Okay I'm going crazy, I'm actually talking to myself now. I closed my eyes, trying to hold in the groan of mixed frustration and from the headache forming from the indecisive right and wrong voices hassling me.

I was there close to fifteen minutes with nothing but that file and those voices keeping me company. Once I had made a decision, and the debate in my head had ended, reassuring myself yet again that Nichkhun had already been gone for fifteen minutes and that he'd be away longer I got up to look around the room. I was getting closer and closer to that filing cabinet as I circled the desk.

There were photos of him with what looked to be his family, friends...girlfriend. Ha, he has a girlfriend yet he's still flirting, what a jerk.  
I stopped when I suddenly found myself at that cabinet and my hands literally sweating from the attempts to stop from grabbing it. Even if I just knew her name it would be better, this pent up curiosity would be gone. Kim Hae - something I think it was.  
You know what? Fuck it.

I grabbed that file and opened it up. As I was scanning the information at the top, I stopped to look at her photo before trailing my eyes down and seeing the word 'name'. But as I looked across and started to read, the rapid creaking sound of someone opening of the door caused me to drop the file and spin around, fearing being caught yet again. For fucks sake Tiffany! I cursed myself, so fucking stupid! I'm fired.

I think I would have preferred if it was Nichkhun who had caught me but it wasn't, it was _her_. She was standing by the slightly ajar door looking from me to the file on the ground with a raised eyebrow and very suspicious eyes. Soon hearing Nichkhun's voice again, I quickly picked it up and threw it back on top of the other files before walking back around and returning to my seat, avoiding her eyes completely.

"Okay Kim," I heard Nichkhun say as he finally made his entrance "To replace an item we are going to have to put in a form to the commissary." Breathe normally, just because her eyes are on you doesn't mean you can't breathe, you have to act like everything is natural...she doesn't know anything.

She shook her head and Nichkhun tutted at the gesture before telling her that she'd have to communicate right now, the face she pulled afterwards made it seem as if talking was a chore but I eventually heard that voice again.

"There's no need," she replied, her voice much quieter and softer than the tone she had used with me previously.

He looked over at me and I shook my head, a sign for him not to listen to her. "Tiffany's made it very clear that she wants to replace your book so if you'll take a seat, it will only take a moment."

I heard her scoff but then finally obey, sitting down beside me as her scent invading my nostrils.  
The moment I saw her looking at me in my peripheral vision, I swallowed an overflow of saliva and looked over to Nichkhun who was now going over to the filing cabinet. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Alright so to fill that out..." he said as he pointed to the form in front of her before handing her a pen."You'll need your details like your ID number etc etc and that can be found in your file so I'll..."

The rest of what he said passed through one ear and out the other, none of it registering. All I could focus on was how through my small and sneaky glances directed at her, they showed her watching him pick up that file, and then her looking back to me with what looked to be a confused expression to start with, which then quickly turned to anger when she put two and two together.

"Wait... that's _my_ file?" She asked, studying what he had in his hands while squinting like I had previously done.

"Yes, why?" He replied.

I refused to look in those eyes right now for I'd surely die or turn to stone or something. I could feel she was staring right at me and only underneath a stern facade could I wince and wish for a hole to come and swallow me up right about now. Maybe her crime was she burned a person to death simply from her laser-like eyes...If so I'd surely be next on her hit-list.

"Is something wrong?" Nichkhun asked. Her answer took way too long for my liking and I was ready to admit defeat, telling my boss that I had maybe tried to sneak a peek at an inmate's confidential records. It was as if she was waiting for me to say it to him, she was giving me the chance to confess but being stubborn as I am, I couldn't go down without a fight.

"Nothing is wrong." I butt into the question directed at her, my voice almost breaking. Feeling her gaze on me yet again, I bowed my head and waited for the words that would soon come from her mouth, waiting for the inevitable.

"Kim?" Here we go...bye bye career. There was another long, very long silence before she answered.

She shook her head and said..."Nothing." Wait, what? "Everything is fine."

I had no idea why she was doing this for me but if I could have hugged her, I would have right now. She shook her head as a finalisation for what she had said and I found it hard to control my relief. She saved my skin and although she was most definitely still glaring at me which was completely understandable, I was very grateful to her. Again I don't know why she'd done it even after what I'd done to one of her prized possession's but it made me want to get this book business out of the way as soon as possible so we could both move on with our lives.

"Okay..." Please don't sound suspicious Nichkhun I begged inwardly. I didn't know whether I could take any more suspense but luckily soon afterwards he dropped it.  
"Fill that form out quickly Kim and then I'll send you and Tiff-Officer Hwang on your way to the commissary." If he keeps calling me Tiff I swear I'll-

I heard her snort beside me, interrupting my thoughts and I closed my eyes for the hundredth time that morning, just willing for today to be over soon. Unfortunately it had only just started and I had yet to be introduced to the real Kim beneath her innocent facade.

Looking at my watch before heading off, I saw I had only a half hour left. The hour had flown by in that room due to the feeling of impending doom that had loomed over me. It was my fault completely though, I'd never known myself to lack such self control like that. I don't know what it was about this girl, but she was most definitely a mystery that I longed to work out.

"Come on." I half asked and half ordered her, unsure of whether she'd comment on the happenings back in that office or whether she would just sweep it under the rug and forget about it, as well as also forgiving me. I hoped it was the latter but as I led the way, that hope was crushed as soon as she opened her mouth.

"So ' _Tiff_ ', how was my file?" She said in a tone you could only describe as cold. I couldn't help stumbling after hearing that because it wasn't something I would have even imagined her saying nor did it fit her personality...the one I clearly knew nothing about. With an awkward clearing of my throat, I began walking again albeit listening out for any other thing that could come from her mouth so I wouldn't embarrass myself like that again.

"Excuse me?" I asked, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. I had been so fucking stupid and now she, a prisoner could potentially have something on me "I've no idea what you're talking about." I looked over my shoulder at her to show her my now fake confident expression, later adding... "And that's _Officer_ to you."

She said nothing, she just smirked and chuckled once while I clenched my fists and tried to calm down as it became quiet again. We walked past a bunch of inmate's who upon sight of her, scattered and once they were out of earshot... "You seem to be snooping around a lot lately don't you?"

"Again, no idea what you're talking about." I replied quickly and walked faster only to halt my steps when she appeared in front of me making me stand only inches in front of her face. After taking a big step backwards, I lifted my head high, determined not to be seen as small by this certain individual.

"I've seen you." She smirked. Thinking about her behaviour and her willingness to talk all of a sudden, maybe this girl was bipolar, should I take her back to Nichkhun and insist on having her psychologically tested? Or maybe she had multiple personalities. What if she was one of those murderers who's one personality did all the killing while the others were nice and innocent? What if-  
"You also seem to have a particular interest in my reading preferences when you're not breaking my books." Her glare was intense but I didn't dare look away for that would make me seem weak. _That_ is a word I refused to be associated with.

"I'm replacing your book free of charge now stand aside." I took a step forward thinking, or hoping she'd move but she didn't. A step to the left proved that she wasn't going to let me go so easily as she thwarted each attempt I tried to make.

"What is it that makes me so special to you hm?"

"Oh my god." I hissed in frustration. I needed to stop letting this girl get to me but she was right there, in my face and I knew she knew she was pissing me off. I could see it by the putrid smirk on her face.

"Why are you so nice to me?" She asked.

"I'm the same with everyone" I retorted.

"Am I your favourite?" That smirk got even wider.

"I don't do favorites." I growled to reply, stepping to the side again to try to leave but it proved fruitless for she blocked me once more. My fists clenched tighter as I began to get to the end of my tether.

"Mhm. So answer me this then. Have you been looking around the other inmates rooms like you have mine?"

Really? Was she accusing me of something? "Of course. I have to do a contraband search in each one."

She smiled slyly and then folded her arms. "That wasn't the question now was it? Have you been looking around the other inmates rooms like you have mine?" She repeated.

"I just told you the answer now move. Last warning." I was getting to be very uncomfortable with this constant questioning wanting nothing more than to leave.

"Do you go through their sketchbooks and smile?"

"..."

"Do you look at the description on each of their books wondering what type they are reading?"

"I don't know what you-"

"Do you go out to bookstores after work and buy the same book to feel closer to them...?"

My jaw dropped and with wide eyes I looked incredulously at her even though she was looking right back with a smug smile on her face. How the-?

"That's so unprofessional." She began to laugh. Laughing at me in the middle of the corridor where anybody could walk past and see.

Feeling the blush rising on my face, I decided enough was enough. "MOVE." I shouted and barged past her, hitting my shoulder quite painfully though it seemed I hadn't hurt her in the slightest judging by the chuckling she was doing as she followed close behind.

Remember the first day I talked about stereotypes? Yep, I had done exactly what I had originally tried to avoid here. I had perceived this girl to be a lonely and isolated prisoner that felt sorry for herself and was in need of help. What I really got was an egotistic asshole who had clearly found a new way to have fun, riling me up.  
God knows what would happen next.


	6. Chapter 6

Finally having dealt with the book issue and with only a moment to spare, I rushed to my next post which was patrolling the recreation yard. I hadn't spoken to her after what she'd said, in truth I was a bit freaked out. How the hell could she have possibly known that I'd gone to the bookstore and bought the same book as her? I mean...I didn't believe in psychics or mind-readers but what I did believe in was stalking. Had she phoned someone to come and follow me? To stalk me after work? What if the person followed me home and now knew where I live?

I couldn't exactly ask her either. That would mean admitting to what she had accused me of and I didn't want to do that, if possible I wanted my doings to remain completely anonymous.  
Trying to think up reasons other than stalking for a few moments, I came up with something. Maybe...it was just a lucky guess after she saw me flick to the end of the book and smile when previously I had asked her what it was about...Yes, that's it! Finding what I thought to be a good reason, I calmed down. Stalker...pfft. Yeah right, why would she be so interested in me to send someone to see what I was up to anyway?

The light partially blinded me as I walked out of the building to first conduct a search that all of the fencing was secure and not weak in any spots so that a prisoner couldn't try to get out on my watch. So on I went, kicking and shaking each section of fencing and deeming it all safe before I blew my whistle, telling my fellow officer that he could bring out the inmates.

Out they flowed, of course this wasn't all of them because the number was too vast to even contemplate bringing them all out at once. This was maybe half of them, the other half would have their break straight after these but I wasn't to watch the second lot. And as if luck was on my side...(not) guess who I just saw walking out of the doors?

I found it strange how the prisoner's had just been walking out in a clump before she walked out alone and maybe two minutes after her another big clump. Okay, what's the deal with her and the rest of the inmates? They scatter as soon as they see her as if she had a disease or something, like anybody who would notice her would turn the other way and run. Surely it was her attitude, but then again I thought that sarcastic humour and creepiness was welcomed here with open arms?

I kept my gaze on her, wondering where she'd go and saw she simply strolled around the first part of the yard before taking up a seat on one of the picnic benches in the corner, away from the others. She was staring out into what I thought was nothingness and a quick check of where she was looking proved to be only the fencing. With a frown I studied the fence to make sure she wasn't plotting some escape attempt with a flimsy section that I'd somehow missed on my security check but found nothing. I trailed my eyes back to her to see that now, she was staring right at me.

As if I'd been caught looking at one of her books again, I immediately pretended I was looking elsewhere and could almost hear the scoff she had most surely done. I told myself to stop looking for her and to stop giving her a reason to want to mess with me. If I ignored her, I wouldn't seem as interesting to wind up and maybe she'd move onto another officer or prisoner.

Unfortunately, part of this job required me to patrol the premises so walking past her bench was a necessity. With my head held up high and avoiding her eyes at all cost, I went on my way walking alongside the fencing. As I passed the first section, I saw a familiar face, the girl who had been sent to the nurse, only it didn't seem as if she had because she was still limping and still looked to be in pain. A frown etched it's way onto my face and I immediately headed over there, she smiled when she saw me approach.

"Good morning Officer Hwang" she bowed.

"Good morning" I replied. "Can I ask why you're still not putting any weight on that ankle? What happened with the officer?" Her girlfriend then turned around after having a separate conversation with a small group of inmates to her side.

"Hello" she smiled, putting her arm around the injured girl's shoulders. I froze momentarily at how her fingers were tracing what seemed to be a soothing circle around the top of her arm before snapping out of it and continuing the conversation.

"Hi, well?" I asked, the question directed at the girl who hadn't answered me yet.

"I'm not sure I should say" she gave a shy smile and looked down.

"Of course you should. Listen, I'm not one of the heartless CO's you've probably come across alright? Tell me what happened"

She sighed, looked to her girlfriend for reassurance and then spoke. "I waited for a while after you'd left for the other officer to arrive. One did about half an hour later and he was called Officer Park." Shit, there was no surprise to where this was going "He asked what happened and when I told him..." She seemed hesitant to continue, as if fearing I'd tell him everything she said.

"This is confidential" I replied with a smile but the sound of a loud laugh rang out, seeing who had done it caused that smile to disappear. Kim, still sitting at the bench that was a rather large distance between us but was looking over here...how could she have heard that?

"A friend of yours?" The injured girl asked, a question you'd expect to be paired with a smirk but her face showed nothing of the sort.

"Definitely not" I replied, shooting a subtle glare Kim's way before placing my attention back on the girl. I reassured her once again that it was confidential and with a little extra boost in the form of a kiss on the cheek from her...lover. She told me everything.

"I told him what I'd done and he laughed at me. He said I deserved it and that the pain would constantly remind me that I was a..."

"..." I gestured with my hands for her to continue,

"Worthless piece of shit."

I couldn't help my jaw dropping open at what I was hearing. That guy really was a disgusting human being, the devil himself. I bent down and touched her leg, hesitating a little in fear I'd hurt her, it helped when she hopped over to a nearby bench to sit down so I could take a proper look. When I lifted up the bottom of her grey uniform trousers and pulled down her sock slightly, the sight really did shock me. Her ankle was mostly purple and very swollen. I didn't know much about first aid but what I did know was that this needed to be seen to immediately.

I wasted no time in getting out my radio and calling for someone to take over my shift while I personally took this girl to the nurse provided. She kept thanking me, I could see she was uncomfortable with accepting help like this from a CO but even she knew that this was bad.

Before long, her arm was around me and she was limping her way with my support down one of the corridors on our way to the infirmary. In truth, I hadn't even thought about how a lesbian was touching me this way. I was purely acting on instinct and I'd like to think I was getting better at accepting something like this. "Can I ask you something? Or at least give you some advice?"

I gave a shocked expression before smiling. "An inmate giving a CO advice, that's a new one"

"Sorry" she chuckled. "But I couldn't help noticing you and uh...Kim"

I frowned at that. "Noticing? Noticing what exactly?"

"Noticing that you two were pretty much staring at each other throughout most of recreation, if not staring then throwing glances." Immediately after she said that, I stopped fast and almost made her fall.

"Sorry" I said and got her stable again so we could carry on, on our little trek. We were almost there, just a little farther. "I don't know what you're talking about" that was to answer her previous comment.

"Okay." She raised her hands in mock defeat. "But I just wanted to warn you"

"Warn me?" I scoffed, surely this was a joke?

"I don't know her personally, but she doesn't seem as nice as she may come across to you..." I opened my mouth to assure her that she wasn't nice at all but she continued to talk "I don't know what she's done, but there are rumours. And there's also rumours about you too"

"What? Rumours about what?" We had arrived at the infirmary but I wanted to know what the girl had to say.

"Rumours about you actively going out your way to try to get to know her, to communicate with her." She replied. I gave a nervous laugh and it seemed she noticed. "I'm just saying, be careful. Everyone steers clear of her for a reason."

"Which is what?" I urged her to continue, come on!

"She's rumoured to be a-"

Unfortunately, the nurses arrival to see who the yapping voices belonged to interrupted our conversation. She led the girl inside and I bid her goodbye, telling the nurse to call me on my radio when the girl had been treated so I could escort her back to her room. I then went back to the recreation yard only to get a radio message soon after entering the grounds.

"Hwang, there's a new group of four inmate's on their way. Some have already showed signs of aggression so keep an eye out"

"Copy that"

I was once again patrolling the yard, watching out for any dangers that could arise and also still trying to ignore that girl sat by herself on the bench to my far right. I could feel her eyes on me even now and the temptation to meet them was getting to me. Not sure why I wanted to, maybe to show her that I knew what she was doing and it was not cool with me?  
I shook my head as I tried to rid her of my thoughts, instead thinking about the four women that were meant to be coming in soon...Where were they?

As if on cue, four women in their bright orange newbie uniform's pushed their way out of the double doors, making them slam into the wall with force and giving a pretty good impression if what they wanted was to have all attention on them.  
I watched suspiciously while they strolled around the large yard, scoping out each and every detail within eyesight while the inmates around me whispered. They were wondering who the hell these women were, as was I.  
As soon as they had walked around the entire circumference, one of them decided she wanted to sit down and also decided, she wanted the place where my very good friend Kim (not) was sitting alone. This was not going to go well...

Kim was seemingly unaware that the women had approached and then surrounded her as if blocking any chance for an escape. After seeing that, my hand went straight on my radio before pulling it out and bringing it up to my mouth just as who I suspected was the leader of the gang stepped forward and spoke to her.

She was large and butch, covered in scars and even I as a CO wouldn't want to be near her or even attempt to tackle her. She was definitely one for the male officer's to deal with.

"This is Hwang, I'm going to need assistance at the south-west end of the yard."

I began walking over there calmly so as not to rile the other inmates up because knowing of their lack of stimulation, a fight breaking out would cause them to become excited and run riot. That, I didn't want and seeing as nothing was happening as of yet, I remained calm and made my way over there to stop anything that could arise.

However, soon the rest of the prisoners understood what was happening anyway due to the deep and booming voice that came from the large butch woman directed to the small and petite girl. "Move, I want this spot"

Trying not to look anyone in the eyes and checking my watch, an action I used to show that I was calm and that nothing was out of the ordinary, I carried on walking, squinting slightly at Kim to see how she would react.

I saw she had raised her head and was looking right at them, but she made no attempt to move. 'Just get up' I wanted to say, 'you're going to get hurt!'  
I then saw since she hadn't answered, the butch who's surname I was soon informed over the radio was laughably 'Kong', had stepped forward to get closer to her.

"Hey!" I shouted, an attempt to try to diffuse the situation, not caring anymore that the rest of the inmates would know. Forgetting about what that certain prisoner had said about her not being as innocent as she looks, I feared that the girl's safety, which was all that was on my mind at the moment was at risk. It angered me to see that this Kong woman just smirked at me before reaching out her hand to touch the younger one's face.

"You're pretty aren't you" she shouted out, wanting to see all the other inmates reactions to what she was doing to the girl half her size. Maybe she wanted to show them what she would do if anybody disobeyed her. "I'm going to enjoy fucking you"

Shit, I walked faster. Even though this at the moment was nothing violent, the threat of rape was there and it was clear to me that this would turn bad any second now, Kim clearly being the victim due to the size difference between the two. Oh and of course, being outnumbered. I watched as the hand reached out to cup the girl's face, I didn't know what to expect. Would she just sit there and let it happen like the innocent person she had portrayed before she had spoken to me this morning? Or was she going to stick up for herself?

It didn't take long to find out. The hand that had barely uncurled it's fingers to caress Kim's small face was slapped away, the force used was evident as the sound rang out, being heard by everybody.

Squinting, I could see Kong was slightly taken aback and shook her hand out once as if it stung before returning the smirk to her face. "Feisty too, I like that"

I saw Kim's lips move though I had no idea what she had said, the contrast between the volume of the two's voices was incredible. Well, whatever she said wiped that dirty look off of the larger one's face fast, replacing it with anger. I broke into a run when she grabbed Kim off the bench with ease, pulling her towards her face by the collar of her shirt, them now being only an inch or two apart. I was hoping by some miracle I could get there in time to stop Kim from being punched or even worse. She was an asshole but I wouldn't want to see her hurt, and it wouldn't look good on me either, unable to stop a fight when I was in charge.

As I ran approaching them quickly, I passed inmates sniggering and couldn't help but overhear what they were saying.

"Good luck to them"

"How embarrassing, she's going to get her ass kicked by a midget"

Another I saw was rubbing her hands together deviously "Where's the popcorn?"

With a frown I continued. I wasn't sure I had heard right, seriously how on earth could a tiny, petite girl like Kim take on fucking King Kong over there? It wasn't possible...  
Just before I reached them, I stopped. Everybody stopped, gasps and sniggers flowed through the open space as what I was trying to stop was about to come true.

Kim was on the floor after being pushed off balance roughly. Her uniform, covered in dirt and dust while the large prisoner stood above her with a smirk. It was as if time had stopped as the other inmates around me gathered just behind myself watching intently as if something was about to go down. I didn't have to wait long to find out, with my jaw slacked and my eyes wide, I watched on as the fight commenced.

Kim, the smaller and obviously younger girl had gotten up, taken a second to brush off her uniform and then proceeded to kick the huge woman with what seemed to be barely any force...yet the latter had dropped to the ground wheezing and holding her injured stomach. She was on all fours like a dog and looked to her accomplices for help which they obeyed immediately, walking towards the girl who wasn't paying any attention but was still brushing off her uniform. She continued without even a glance in the direction of Kong who was groaning in pain.

"Watch...!" I shouted as they closed in on her, one on each side and one from behind but the next word died in my mouth as without even looking, Kim pushed one which put her off balance while she grabbed the other and twisted her hand behind her back. From the shrill screech that came from her mouth, it was painful but almost comedic when afterwards Kim kicked her ass...literally. She brought her foot up, and kicked the woman's ass so she went flying forward, her arm still in it's position behind her back.

It was just a split second after that the girl behind her attempted to jump on her back but Kim bent over so the girl toppled over her back and landed with a thud in front of her. A left hook from Kim left the other unconscious while she dealt with the last of the seemingly shitty bodyguards. Her attack was a little nicer than the others, Kim simply grabbed her, spun her round and performed a sweeping kick that took her feet from beneath her leaving the poor woman land on her back roughly, winding her and rendering her unable to move.

"Out..." The word that had refused to come from my mouth had finally escaped. Watch out. Watch out for what exactly? It seemed this Kim girl had been trained well in self-defence. I found myself looking on in awe as I studied both the calmness on her face and the pain and discomfort on the others. Finally remembering my job, I rushed over and proceeded to handcuff the three girls even though it wasn't necessary because at the moment, they clearly weren't going anywhere without help.

A movement from the corner of my eye caused me to open my mouth ready to warn her but then what happened next reminded me that it wasn't necessary. She had this totally under control so I pretended to be busy when in actual fact, I was watching on just as the other inmates were doing.

"Think you're tough huh?" Kong spluttered as she got to her feet, albeit with a wobble. Kim simply looked up with her eyebrows raised and then looked back down, trying to get the dirt from under her nails. I was unaware that the other inmates were watching me, I was also unaware that I was smiling, admiring the badass girl before me. This didn't help those rumours that the injured prisoner had told me about.

King Kong wasn't too happy about being ignored so she did what she thought was best even though I was right there. She threw her fist that was literally bigger than Kim's whole face and everything slowed down around me. It was in slow-motion that I saw the power beneath that punch, her veins were bulging, both her bicep and tricep were fully tensed, muscles evident...If Kim had been hit by that, she would have been in trouble. But of course, she wasn't. All that punch hit was air, the latter had simply ducked with speed and then landed a solid punch to Kong's already sensitive and aching stomach causing her to double over in pain and let out a scream that sounded more like a man or even a bear than a woman.

If you thought that was it, you'd be wrong. While the woman fell to her knees, Kim took her own knee and brought it right up to the woman's face with force, making Kong go down again, only this time she wouldn't be getting back up without assistance.

I was still watching on in awe, unaware that I had been squeezing one of the victims' arms tightly as I watched the final blow. She was complaining but was completely out of it so I pulled her up just as two officers decided to finally turn up. They grabbed one smaller girl and also Kong who conveniently wasn't unconscious. I thanked Kim inwardly for that because Kong needed to help us with getting her mammoth body off the ground, it was impossible to do so with just two officers due to her weight. Thankfully though, another officer came and then the three men led the gang off to go to the nurse presumably, as all four were moaning in pain and limping as they walked. I was left alone with the attacker who had now sat down with a sigh as if she had done something only mildly strenuous.

"You" I called out, making her raise her head to look at me. "Come" I summoned her with my hand and she rolled her eyes before getting up and holding her arms behind her back, already knowing what I'd ask her to do. I took another pair of handcuffs which had been left for me by the other officers and clicked them over her wrists.

I was pretty confident that she had the skills to get out of them anyway but it was procedure. As we walked, I heard the whispering about how what they had just seen was why nobody messed with Kim. I finally understood why they avoided her.

Once we were inside, I pulled her along with me whilst trying to ignore how cool her hands were every time they brushed against mine seeing as I was holding the chain between the cuffs.

"Well well" I said out of nowhere, still trying to get over what had just happened. It was playing through my head like a movie. I then saw from my peripheral vision that she was looking at me. "That was quite a show" She said nothing but I saw the smallest tugging action from her lips, she wanted to smile or smirk but the urge soon disappeared.

She thought we were on our way to Nichkhun's office but once we passed it, she turned to me and frowned. "Where are we going?"

I smiled but didn't reply, feeling her movement as she tested the strength of the cuffs around her wrists.  
We continued walking until we reached the double doors with the words 'infirmary' etched onto each one. The large white tiled room was pretty much empty, except for a few patients wandering in wheelchairs and then the gang that Kim had beaten up. The four women were further back in the room in beds and obviously on sedatives. Upon seeing me enter, the nurse who seemed surprised I was here for the second time today headed over to us.

"What seems to be the problem?" She asked, glancing from Kim to myself.

"Hey" I smiled while un-cuffing the girl's wrists. "Can you take a look at her hand for me?" Kim looked down and seemed genuinely surprised that her knuckles were sporting blood, maybe she hadn't had to hit as hard before as she had done today.

"Sure"

As soon as the nurse reached out, the girl took a step back. "I'm fine" she replied

I rolled my eyes at her stubbornness and retorted. "You're bleeding. Just let the nurse take a look. It won't take long, I promise"

She studied my expression for a while suspiciously as if I had something up my sleeve but after seeing nothing but kindness on my face, she reluctantly held out her hand. It was a little swollen and was bleeding only slightly but then the nurse looked at it more closely, a concentrated frown on her face

"This isn't really that bad..." She said while looking at me as if to say 'why is she here?' I shook my head and motioned for her to carry on. "Come with me." She smiled, finally leading Kim inside.

I watched from a distance as the nurse tended to her hand, cleaning it with what looked like saline then covering it up. She was right, the nurse I mean. Why was Kim here? All the girl probably had to do was run her hand under some cold water and it'd be fine. Bloody knuckles was not a severe injury, yet here I was making sure Kim's hand was bandaged.

Moments later, the nurse returned with her patient. "Good as new."

"Thanks" I smiled gratefully.

"Next time give me something more challenging. At least a busted nose" she joked while slightly pushing the inmate towards me, ready for me to handcuff her again.

With a chuckle I replied "I'll see what I can do."

As the nurse walked away, back into the infirmary, I gently handcuffed Kim's wrists but this time in front so she would be a bit comfortable. I had to say, the girl looked a bit confused by this entire thing. I bet she was wondering why this certain correctional officer was being so kind to her...in truth, even _I_ didn't know.


	7. Chapter 7

Today had been such a long day...I still had a few hours left though and next up was taking Kim to go and see Nichkhun to get her punishment for her aggressive behaviour. Personally I believed she deserved nothing but a pat on the back, she stuck up for herself and though that's not how things work in prison, it's what I felt. What was she supposed to do? Let that huge monster touch her? Rape her? I couldn't think of anything more vile.

Once we arrived at his door, I was about to knock but instead something caught my eye, the bandage had come off of her knuckles. I looked around on the floor and back to where we had come from but saw no trace of it. With a frown I looked at her, silently asking with my expression where it was but she wasn't looking at me, instead looking slightly bored and wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. A quick glance downwards reassured me that her hand was okay and wasn't bleeding so with a slight hesitation, I knocked the door and pulled her inside once Nichkhun allowed our entry.

"Sit her down" he ordered almost as soon as we came in, not even looking up from the documents he was shuffling. He was expecting us.

I nudged her further into the room and she stood in front his desk, she couldn't have looked nervous if she tried. I kind of admired this girl a little. I mean, if I had just beat the shit out of four women I'd be petrified of the punishment that would await me. It would almost certainly be solitary but she could also have her visitation revoked, her recreation taken away...the list goes on and on. In this place, violence even when you are sticking up for yourself is just not allowed.

Nichkhun I saw was looking over that same file that had caused me such discomfort and stress earlier on. I still couldn't see the damn thing though. "Let's see… Kim Taeyeon isn't it?"

Kim Taeyeon...finally I knew her name. It's nice, pretty. It suited her too, I know the actual meaning of the name 'Taeyeon' which translates as 'calm' could be a word some people couldn't for the life of them imagine associating her with but I knew her, or I'd like to think I know her a little better than the other correctional officers in this facility. She was calm unless provoked.

She rolled her eyes in response to his question and shifted her weight slightly, finding the random stain on the floor far more interesting than the powerful man before her. He raised his head after not getting an answer and I noticed he looked pretty pissed. Maybe he'd had a long day too...

"I asked you a question. Is your name Kim Taeyeon or not?" He asked, his voice rising.

"Isn't that what my file says?" Taeyeon shot back with slight hostility before looking at me to confirm that that is the name that was on the file...I looked away immediately though had raised my eyebrows slightly at her attitude, she's certainly a little spitfire. She kept surprising me each day, what else was she hiding under those eyes and within that small and petite body?

Nichkhun let out an angry scoff and leaned back in his chair while he studied Taeyeon up and down. No surprises there from my perverted boss, though I guess if you could see past her anger and her violence...she was pretty, in the sort of way you'd think of a child being cute. She had a babyish face that didn't belong in this prison but eyes that belonged to a woman twice her age. They were wise, knowing and gave her an aura that caused you to become filled with curiosity and the desire to find out who she is, what she knows.

"You better watch your tone Kim, you're in enough trouble as it is." He warned.

To me it looked like Taeyeon was not affected whatsoever by his comment nor his intimidating stare. Of course his had nothing over the glare she could give, in fact it looked like the face of an excited puppy in comparison. Due to me being behind her I couldn't really see her own expression though it was kind of funny just imagining what she stared back at him with, a perplexed look perhaps that said 'what the fuck is that?' or 'Are you kidding me...that's it?'

He read over the document in his hand again before looking up at me and then back to her. "We all know why you're in here Taeyeon." Not true, I didn't but I would really like to. Someone enlighten me please! "What happened today... is history repeating itself?" History repeating itself? Did that mean whatever crime she committed to land herself in prison had something to do with violence?

"I don't see why it would. I think those bitches got the message" she replied, cheekily sporting her lone dimple on the side of her chin.

Although I felt like I wasn't too fond of the girl, I had a very hard time not smiling at her words but of course in Nichkhun's presence I could not do that. My eyes wanting to roam around instead travelled down her back until I was slightly alarmed to see her knuckles had started to bleed again, the droplets running between each of her fingers.

"Tiffany" Nichkhun's voice boomed. I tore my eyes from the injury and stepped further into the office, looking at my superior though couldn't help worrying that the girl was in pain. "Take Kim to solitary confinement. Give her some time to cool off."

With a nod and an urge to sigh at the outcome, I placed a hand between Taeyeon's handcuffed wrists and pulled her to walk out of the room where we proceeded down the corridor in silence, only the sound of our steps resonating through the halls. I couldn't help saying what was on my mind when I glanced back at her.

"You've got a mouth on you. You shouldn't talk to him that way" I wasn't expecting an answer, though was strangely pleased when I received one.

"What is he gonna do? Lock me up? Oh, wait… I'm already in prison" Taeyeon replied. I shook my head at her smart-ass comment but now found I couldn't suppress that damn smile that had hidden itself in the office.

After a short while longer, we finally arrived at the secure housing unit also known as the SHU. It was a terrifying place, awful. As we walked, I tried not to hear the screams of the inmates behind the windowless cell doors to be let out,msome even begging to die. A lot of them sounded completely psychotic...who wouldn't be? They were locked inside 23-7 with no contact from another person except being handed a tray of food through a slat in the door each day and being escorted to shower and recreation albeit with no communication. Humans are social creatures, they rely on company and contact, this was no place for a human being.

Recreation by the way, shouldn't even be called that in these parts. The prisoners are led with shackles around their wrists and ankles to a concrete room only around two feet wider or longer than the size of the one they spend mostly all of their time in. It's just them...maybe if they're lucky, a window that shows a view of the bricked wall of the building opposite and if they press their faces against the bars perhaps they could see the sky but that's it. No activities, no people to converse with, no balls or puzzles...nothing. These inmates didn't need to be removed from their cells except for their recreation each day (or maybe even each week depending on the prison) and showering which was usually two or three times a week. Their cells were equipped with toilets so they at least had that but the boredom and the claustrophobic feel of such a place must be...just awful. Even the thought of being in the room with Taeyeon soon and having the door shut, it was enough to make me slightly wheezy.

Sometimes, my job is hard. As I walked slightly in front of this girl, though rude and intense, I hate to admit she had made an impression on me. With her talent in art and her interest in books, the ability to stick up for herself...I pleased to discover that she wouldn't take shit from anybody. And even if she had allowed that woman to touch her, to threaten her back during recreation I of course would have stepped in knowing that I would want to protect her. I don't know what it was about her, she certainly confused me but what I did know was she did not belong in this place with these criminals, regardless at what she did to end up in prison.

Walking by and greeting the officer on duty, I soon unlocked one of the empty rooms that I had chosen for her, somewhere away from the other prisoners and their screaming but unfortunately, these rooms weren't sound-proof. She'd still have to listen to them but it'd be quieter than if she was in the middle of it all. I ushered Taeyeon inside and we stood in the centre of the small room while I positioned myself in front of her to unlock the handcuffs.

I felt her eyes solely on me as I unhooked my keys from my belt and freed one of her hands before meeting her eyes "Have you been here before?" I asked while I unlocked her second hand freeing her completely but I didn't get an answer, just a slight turning of her head to the side.

It's funny how every time I uncuffed a prisoner, they would rub their wrists as they had become chafed and were definitely uncomfortable...she didn't. She didn't want to show any weakness and again, I admired that and also realised that this girl had put her wall up high. Nobody could get to the mushy Taeyeon that was capable of love and trust, if there was any of that girl left or even if there was any of her to begin with. I'd probably never know.

I guessed that due to her calmness and lack of scanning around to study her room, the answer to my previous question was that of a yes and after doing some glancing around her new room myself, I found I had no reason to stay there with her. I went to leave but once I got to the door I found some weird resistance there, holding me back.

I didn't know how long she would be in here, two or three days probably, a very short sentence but due to me telling Nichkhun everything over the radio when I had been waiting for her outside the infirmary telling him how she had been threatened with rape, I guess he went light on her. Thankfully he didn't extend her overall sentence with assault as I had made sure that he knew that it was self-defence even though Kim threw the first punch, I kind of left that little detail out.

It was silent apart from the psychotic screams and begging of the inmates around us and I watched as she sighed before retreating to the makeshift bed in the corner of the room. Looking around for the billionth time, I realised isolation really was horrible. All it was was a cement square room with no windows, not allowing any view of the outside world. It was just her and this room. This...was total loneliness

"Are you going to leave or just stare at me with pity for an hour?"

I turned my head to look at her, surprised at the sudden question that had disturbed the silence between us. I was also surprised at the tone of her voice, it actually sounded slightly emotional. Of course anyone would be upset at having to spend time in here, days in here but she was the last person I'd expect to break down regardless of where she was. She wasn't crying, but I could see she wasn't far from it. I wasn't going to point it out though and make her uncomfortable, instead I approached and winced slightly when I saw she brought her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs similar to the feotal position like a baby would lie in the womb. It seemed like she wanted to be comforted and I had this overwhelming urge to hug her...but I couldn't. Firstly my job wouldn't allow it and secondly, she would probably attack me if I even attempted to do it.

"I'm not looking at you with pity" I lied. "I just...wanted to make sure that wound was taken care of before I left." I said as I pointed to her hand that I had only just seen was bleeding again slightly, dried blood between each of her fingers. I turned away from her bed and walked over to the sink provided "Come" I motioned to her, I wanted her to get out of that position which just screamed depression and sadness because I didn't like it. She was a strong girl and I didn't like to see her upset like that. It took a while for her to listen to me, but finally she let out a loud exhale as if moving was a chore and got up to make her way over to where I was standing.

I held out my hand, knowing this would be a much bigger step than a nurse asking of her the same thing. She hesitated, a lot and looked at me like I was crazy but I was patient. It came to the point where my arm was starting to hurt at being held up for so long but just as I was about to drop it, she rested her palm upon mine, the fresh blood pooling in my hand almost immediately. I gently grasped it where it wasn't injured and pulled her towards me more so I could position it under the cool running water.

I then glanced upwards at her as I rubbed my fingers over her hand trying to avoid her injuries but cleaning the blood that had crusted onto her skin to see if what I was doing hurt her. All I saw though was the straightest poker face you could imagine but she was human, I couldn't help but see now she was clenching her jaw a little.  
Keeping her there until her hand was clean, I next told her to sit on the bed and noticed she had a habit of staring at me incredulously before listening to my orders. Is it so weird do be nice? I mean...come on.

"Alright, let's sort this shall we" I smiled and once again took out the packet of tissues from my pocket before kneeling down in front of her and holding one firmly down on her knuckles. I changed the tissues every now and again when they began to get overly bloody and at last after what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes, the blood began to stop flowing. "Finally" I sighed and started to look around for the bandage she had had around her hand before, forgetting that it disappeared back at Nichkhun's office. "'Where is it?" I asked, even using my hands in a rolling motion to describe what I was looking for.

Taeyeon just shrugged causing to me roll my eyes and leaving me think about what we could do only to remember what I had taken. I slowly put my hand in my pocket, rummaged around a little and brought out a brand-new packet of bandages that I had...recently acquired. She frowned immediately.

"Why did you take me to the nurse if you had bandages already?"

I said nothing, it was my time to ignore her because...okay I was slightly embarrassed. The snort that ensued a short while later made me lower my gaze, concentrating excessively on opening the plastic wrapper in hope that she either hadn't figured it out or in would make myself look busy enough so she wouldn't try to bother me. Neither did anything for me.

"You stole that didn't you?"

"I didn't steal it" I replied defensively. "I..."

"Stole it" she answered, a slight smirk on her face.

"Okay I stole it" I hissed and started to wrap it around her knuckles, thankfully she dropped the theft accusations and instead placed her attention on my doings. So, I had been taught how to disinfect wounds and apply pressure to stop bleeding but had literally no idea what I was doing with her hand. Do I wrap the bandage between each finger and then over or just in layers over the top? In between the thumb and index finger and over? Taeyeon could see I was struggling so instead took it from me and did it herself, rather well I might add. "So...self-defence and first aid skills. What's your secret?" I asked with a smirk, pleasantly surprised when she did it back.

"You should know, you looked at my file remember?"

I lost the smirk and turned away, pretending to be busy with my shoelace while she scoffed and finished up with her hand. It didn't take her long and thankfully her wounds didn't bleed again, ruining her handy work. She lifted her hand to show me and I nodded my approval, I joked with my inner self that if I ever punched something I should come to a prisoner to help me bandage it. Maybe she was a nurse or even a doctor that committed fraud, or accidentally went wrong on the operating table...I don't know.

I noticed since my thoughts ended, we had stayed there in silence for a while, the joking atmosphere now long gone once it was clear that I'd have to go soon and I found myself looking into those expressive orbs of hers, finding something or someone I didn't recognise. I'm not sure how her joking manner had disappeared so quickly but maybe it was because she saw me checking my watch ready to leave. She may not like me, but I imagine she preferred to have me there with her than to be alone. Her mysterious eyes also confirmed this.

The fire that had ignited with anger when she had looked at Kong and Nichkhun, the slight glint when she had acted cheeky to me or the indescribable intensity from her glares...none of them were showing through her eyes right now. What I saw instead, was the deep dark depths of something indistinguishable and distorted, something she tried to hide though was clearly finding it hard to at this particular moment. Fear, vulnerability, regret, desperation...if you could mush them all together and create an expression? That'd be close to hers.

I tried to give a reassuring smile, not only for her benefit but also for mine to tell my brain that everything was fine, everything was normal but who was I kidding. I didn't know what I was feeling but as I watched the girl before me avert her eyes and pull her sleeves down to cover her hands, clenching the fabric tight in her fists and shuffling back to rest her body against the concrete wall behind her...It hurt.

By the time I had scolded myself for feeling so peculiar about this, I was up and ready to leave. I got as far as the door and all it would take was a good, hard push to slam that door and I'd no longer be able to see her, she wouldn't be my problem anymore... but I was finding it exceptionally hard to do just that. When I felt a sort of sinking feeling in my gut, I knew there was something wrong.

There was something keeping me here. Whether it was her or me, something didn't want me to leave. I hesitantly glanced over my shoulder and saw her watching me as if a puppy was watching it's owner walk away after being tied up, abandoned, not wanted anymore. I turned away and shut my eyes, immediately feeling something stirring in my heart. I envisioned her child-like face watching as I got farther and farther away from her until the titanium steel door that would both seal her in and shut her out from the outside world was in my hands, ready to slam closed behind me. I turned to face her again, trying not to look directly in her eyes but although they were upsetting, they were also magnetic. What I was now looking at was no doubt a tough woman...but it was as plain as day to see she was also showing signs of fragility.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, unable now to even look away for a moment. I saw her eyes glisten until she turned, moving her body to the side and resting her head on her arms that were in turn resting atop her bent knees, shutting me out...putting up her barrier.

"Hwang" Nichkhun suddenly said through my radio, making me jump slightly. Did I respond? No, my attention was placed solely on the girl who had just sniffed, her airways clearly blocked. "Hwang I need you back up here" I frowned and bit my lip as I trailed my eyes down her body, curled up in a position that screamed insecurity. She didn't belong here and the more I realised it, the more upset I started to become. "Hwang pick up!" He shouted, getting angrier the more I ignored him so I slowly reached to grab it and clicked the receiver to acknowledge my boss.

"I-I'm on my way" I replied before looking one last time at Kim Taeyeon...

And then shutting and locking the door.

I'm sorry...


	8. Chapter 8

I'd be lying if I said I slept well that night. As I tossed and I turned, all that was on my mind was her. I was worried for her, I was worried that that place would turn her into one of the people in the cells around her. Thinking about that, I had no doubt in my mind that if I walked into that room and saw she had changed, either gotten weaker or shut herself out even more...It would hurt my heart.  
I didn't know her, nor did I know why she was in prison, whether she had friends or family but what I did know was that she was slowly opening up to me and me only. I was the person who had the most potential to make a difference to her life and I had no fucking idea why I wanted to make that change.

As I grabbed the glass of water by my bedside and downed it trying to alleviate my dried out throat caused by praying that she'd be okay and have a good night sleep, I realised that this girl had awakened things within me that I didn't even know existed. I felt like I needed to be there for her, I felt like I needed to get her to trust me so she'd have somebody to talk to when she's ready.  
Trying to think of reasons for doing this…was this like being maternal? Was I trying to be something like a mother figure to this girl because she looked like she was only in her teens?

Amongst those prayers, I also prayed for myself. I prayed that I'd get to patrol solitary even though I know it was impossible. Newbies couldn't do something like that, only the most experienced CO's were allowed to watch over those particular inmates. Why? Because that's where the most dangerous ones were housed, the mass murderers, serial rapists and bombers that had killed hundreds if not thousands of people.  
Solitary was watched by around five officers at a time, all bulky and burly men. Maybe it was sexism, I'm not sure but I knew that if Taeyeon wasn't in one of those cells, I'd want to keep as far away as possible from them.

The alarm clock rang soon after I decided to try to get another hour or so. Part of me was ready to jump out of bed and go and see her but the other wanted to stay in bed and groan for I had only managed three hours sleep, if that. Nevertheless a job was a job so I got up, did my business and left in record time. The drive to work was even harder than getting up this morning as all my eyes wanted to do was close. I was lucky that there weren't many cars on the road or I may have just crashed, I guess I had to thank the stupidly early hour shift for that.

Thankfully I got there unharmed and in one piece but really wasn't in the mood for action today. I grunted at my colleagues as they greeted me and then patted me down before walking into the main building, the strong lights in contrast to the still reasonably dark outside actually causing pain to my eyes. And just to top off my exhaustion, worry and irritability, I saw none one other than King Kong walking around looking like the Cheshire cat. She was walking with a slight limp and a hand on her stomach which managed to cheer me up a little and I fought the urge to smirk but the smile on her face really didn't sit well with me. She may as well have a sign stuck to her forehead saying 'I got Kim sent to Solitary!' Why the hell was she even here? Why wasn't she in the SHU too? I guess because good old Nichkhun had gone easy on her whereas the person who refused to sit and get beaten to a pulp and fought back in self-defence got thrust into a small and filthy room for punishment. This place is fucked up, angry wasn't even the word to describe my mood right now.

Unable to look at her foul face any longer, I marched straight over to his office, actually having to wait outside for a few moments to control myself before walking inside without knocking.

"Tiffany, hey" he smiled "Are you okay? You look tired" No shit Sherlock.

With a super fake smile, I sat down opposite him "I'm curious as to why I've run into Kong just outside your office" I said with a straight to-the-point tone, he didn't seem to notice however. Instead he was staring with that same vile smirk I usually encountered but more disgusting if that was even possible...He wasn't staring in my eyes either.

Due to the rush this morning, I had maybe accidentally left a few buttons undone on my shirt which showed my cleavage. Not caring whether I made it obvious, I simply buttoned up my top and looked at him with a subtle glare while he redirected his gaze and gave a slight chuckle.

"Kong?" he finally replied, politely looking into my eyes this time.

"Big girl, involved in the fight with Kim yesterday" I answered, my tone monotonous.

"Ahhh. Well yes, she's new so she's been given a warning. Plus she's only just gotten out of the infirmary." I gave a slight smile at that, bowing my head and clearing my throat to take attention away from it though.

"Can I ask when Kim will be allowed to return to her room?"

"A few more days will straighten her out" he answered. He couldn't have sounded nice if he tried which just caused me to clench my fists, not caring that my nails became embedded into my palm and would soon emit blood from my skin from the force.

"How many days is a few more days…" I didn't particularly want to know the answer fearing that it'd be longer than I initially thought... I was right.

"I guess a week should do it. The little bitch will learn her lesson by then I hope" How could he just sit there and sentence a young girl to something like that? What the hell was wrong with him? Was it just to get revenge for her talking back to him yesterday? Wow, just wow. My anger was at its peak and the urge to inflict bodily harm on this man was getting to be a nuisance.

"Can I also ask..." I cleared my throat and lowered my head trying to avoid showing my eyes that right now, if anything like Taeyeon's were alight with fire. "…how old she is?"

"Who, Kim?" I nodded my head, still not looking into his eyes for fear he'd find something within my own. "Why on earth would it be necessary to have that information?" Now he sounded suspicious, perfect.

"I was just wondering..." I replied while trying to think up a reason to want to know.  
"I don't know whether to treat her like a kid or like an adult and it's frustrating." I smiled slightly, hopefully coming across like I didn't care about her.

"I still don't see why that's any of your business."

"Oh, okay" I replied with obvious frustration and went to stand up only to stop when he spoke soon after.

"She's not 'Taeyeon'" he said, making me furrow my brows in confusion. "She's not 'Kim' either." He rose from his seat and walked around his desk before sitting on the edge, right in front of me and looking down at me as he spoke. "She's 'inmate'"

I said nothing though it was clear to me what he was saying. He was basically requesting that I don't call her anything but inmate and _that_ I wasn't entirely happy to do. Not when we had come so far, not when I had the potential to help her open up. I'd need to use her forename eventually when she started to trust me.

"Say 'inmate' like they are all the same to you. It reminds them that they're not really people"

"But they are people" I retorted.

"You can't think that way. They are sheep. We feed them and herd them from one room to the next. They are not like you. She is not someone you can befriend and then have coffee with. It's not possible." He then leaned forward until he was uncomfortably close and whispered in my ear. "She's nobody."

"She's somebody" I raised my voice a little, standing up quickly causing the chair I was sitting on to screech before taking a step away from him. "They are all somebody. We are not told their crimes because we are expected to treat them all the same. Some CO's are harsh and unforgiving but this one?" I pointed myself and realised there was no stopping my passionate argument now, regardless of the fact that I was talking to my boss this way. "This one believes in treating them nicely, fairly unless they throw it back in my face" I'd already had this conversation with Park… "I'm sorry if you don't like that but that's the way I am."

I was offended to see he was smiling throughout my whole speech while shaking his head, disagreeing with everything I was saying. "What makes you think any of them want your pity? They don't care for your kindness, they don't care for your sweet words or your nice tone Tiffany. All they care about, are the keys on your belt, the pin in your hair...All they care about, is freedom."

This man was no better than some of the despicable officer's working in this building. He was obviously their leader, they lived to please him. I scoffed and started to walk out hearing him speak once I had gone out of eyesight.

"You may leave."

As if I had expected my prayers to get to go down to solitary to be granted, I went to find out my posts for the day only to be disappointed. I was to do the usual - Counting, contraband search and watching over breakfast etc etc. I was pleased to see I'd be with Yuri for the contraband sweep but I still wanted to go to the SHU to at least see that Taeyeon was alive.

Clearly, that wasn't to be so instead I tried to forget she was down there suffering and put my work head on to get on with things. It worked at least, after telling myself she was a tough young woman and could handle herself I got through the count pretty easily and started the contraband search without so much of a thought about the girl, finding myself having a nice time talking to some of the other inmates. For example the girl who hurt her ankle…I found out her name was Jang and she used to work in a bank until (in her own words) she told me she got too greedy for her own good, attempting to sneak some money each time people came to add to their bank accounts.

I was reasonably impressed as she explained how she had worked out that a certain corner near the desk wasn't covered by the security cameras so used it to her advantage until one day she got caught. She had stolen over 800,000 won by the time she slipped up and exposed the money which was then shown going into her pocket.

"How long are you in for?" I asked out of curiosity as I searched under the mattress for anything dangerous or not allowed. I was waiting on Yuri to come and join me but it seemed she was late. Very professional...

"Not quite sure anymore" she shrugged. "It's hard to keep track of time in here. I was sentenced to six years but have no idea how much I have left to serve…What about you officer?" she smirked, watching what I was doing.

"What about me?" I replied, finally finishing in her room and standing up to face her properly.

"Have you done anything bad?"

I grinned and shook my head in denial but she knew better. She kept pleading with me to tell her but I wasn't going to budge, instead I subtly admitting some things.

"We aren't that different really" I smiled and placed my hands on my hips. "I'm sure you regret what you did, and I look back on some of things I've done and figure they weren't the best choices. The only difference between us is…I didn't get caught."

"Oooo I like it" she winked. I surprised myself by winking back…wait, what was I doing…was I flirting? Oh good heavens no, what a ridiculous thought. "So you're not going to tell me what you've done?"

"Uh, nope" I chuckled and turned to leave after saying goodbye, feeling slightly awkward.

As I walked out, I was looking at the ground and didn't notice the person in front of me so I banged straight into them, tripping and falling to the ground rather embarrassingly afterwards.

"Ow, gosh i'm sorry" I apologised and raised my line of vison to see it was none other than Yuri, Officer Kwon looking down on me.

"Why hello there Tiffany" she grinned and gave me a hand back up. "Nice to bump into you"

"Ha ha" I replied sarcastically while dusting off my uniform, who the hell cleans these floors? Whoever does it does a terrible job, I was covered!

"Here, let me help" she smiled and started to pat my body as if she was giving me a strip search only to then move behind me and do the same, albeit a little harder. When she got to my butt…well, let's just say I jerked a little though she just looked at me like it was a normal thing to do to slap a woman's butt. Okay then...

"Thanks…" I said awkwardly before we both started to walk down the corridors in silence.

We each took a different room before moving on to the next two and so on. I liked how it was much faster to get through all the doors and wished I could have Yuri at my service for all the contraband searches, it would be so much better and easier.

"So Hwang" she said while she was waiting for me to finish a room, leaving me the last one. I hadn't thought much of it because I was too preoccupied with my work and what Yuri was saying. "Made any prison friends?"

I paused for a second before continuing going through the items under an inmate's bed. "We aren't allowed to make friends with inmates here Yuri, didn't you know that? Unprofessional much?" I rolled my eyes playfully expecting her to pout or shout 'Yah' at me but instead felt her boot kick my butt gently causing me to topple forward until thankfully managing to stop myself face-planting. I looked up at her with a frown to see her sulking while looking to the side.

Is this how Korean girls acted with each other? I know some American's would do that but I had never thought it appropriate for a girl to touch any intimate areas of mine. I was getting to be a bit uncomfortable with how open and uncaring she seemed as if what she was doing was nothing, especially since she knows how I feel about homosexuals but I didn't say anything…I'd give her another chance before I said something.

"Behave yourself Hwang or i'll set you up with Nichkhun, now that is a threat that you should try to avoid at all costs."

"Huh, fine" I replied with a scoff and stood up to go to the next room that unbeknownst to me was the last room.

As soon as I tore my eyes away from Yuri after being slightly paranoid of whether she would do something else to my butt, I looked into the room now in front of me when from the corner of my eye I saw her frown while scanning it. What I saw….wow. Taeyeon's room was trashed, utterly ruined. Her books were strewn over the floor, almost all of the pages ripped and covering the ground. Her bed sheets had been ripped in half and the worst thing? The pictures in her sketchbook had been ripped out and stuck to the wall having been drawn over, completely ruining the beautiful art that she had spent no doubt days creating each one.

"Fuck" Yuri said as she looked around.

"..." I said nothing.

"Do you know who would do this? I know Kim's in solitary but…"

"Tell Nichkhun please" I replied calmly though my teeth were grinding against each other painfully. "Tell him to question Kong and her gang."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure" my jaw was now clenched to try to control my anger but the growl that came through my voice was obvious in itself. I saw Yuri looked at me strangely before exiting the room, leaving me to stare at the carnage before me. Taeyeon would be destroyed if she saw this, if she knew. I wished I could replace it all and tidy the room to pretend that nothing happened but unfortunately, Taeyeon had to know. And I don't know whether it was a good thing or a bad one but when Nichkhun showed up and took photos on his phone for evidence, he told me I should go down to the SHU to tell her myself.

While walking down the corridor leading to the secure housing unit, I had conflicting thoughts going through my mind. On one side, I was happy that I would see her, to see whether she was alright and if not attempt to cheer her up with my company but the other…? The other was slightly scared at how she would react when I told her, and how I may see a side of Kim Taeyeon I would come to hate.

It was obvious that the girl was of course already stressed being in that place, add this fucking hate crime on top and I may just witness what she showed towards Kong…only directed my way instead.

By the time I got to the door that separated us, all I wanted to do was walk away, to get someone else to tell her but this was my job. So with a heavy heart, I unlocked and entered the room, looking inside for her.

She looked like the girl I had witnessed the first time I had laid eyes on her, the one laying on her bed all calm and reserved except she didn't have a book with her. The opening of the door didn't deter her concentrated face as she stared at the stains on the ceiling, I took a glance up there myself to see red blotches that looked worryingly like blood. How it was on the ceiling I don't know but it freaked me out a little to see how she was looking at it with so much interest.

Once I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, I cleared my throat and was relieved to have her snap out of whatever daze she was in and then sit up lazily. I almost gave a tearful eye-smile when I saw the corners of her lips turn up into the tiniest smile imaginable because I knew it would disappear soon...replaced with rage, upset or something else along those lines.

"Hi" I smiled, my voice almost breaking. She said nothing but bowed her head slightly while swinging her legs back and forth off the end of the bed like a child who was too small to reach the floor. "Um…"

How do I even begin?

"How are you holding up?" I asked, no longer looking into her eyes as I leaned on the door wanting nothing more than to speak to her through the slat that was used to give food. At least then I wouldn't be able to see her face.

"Fine" she replied, an obvious lie. I glanced up at her to see her smile had disappeared already replaced with a curious frown. Was I that obvious?

Taking a deep breath of courage before walking over and crouching down in front of her, I made sure there was plenty of distance between us before attempting to explain what had happened but failing miserably. "I…uh…you-"

"Spit it out" she ordered. Her tone harsh as if she already knew what was coming. I sighed and did my best.

"This morning after checking the rooms for contraband..." I looked into her eyes and found a hard glare looking back at me, silently telling me to just come out with it already. "Your room, it was…trashed"

I lowered my head after the last word and glued my gaze to the ground while listening intently for any signs of upcoming aggression. The only thing I heard was her getting up and walking over to the door, staring as if she was looking out of a window even though it was just steel in front of her. I got up slowly, my eyes now on her rigid body. It was like one of those scenes from a horror movie, where a person is possessed or something and the main character is approaching them to tap them on the shoulder not knowing that the person could turn around and kill them at any moment.

My steps were tentative and I didn't fail to notice how her fists were clenched. I was genuinely surprised when she asked me a question, though the anger in her voice was truly something I'd never want to hear again.

"How much is gone?"

She hadn't turned around and I was actually pretty glad, to look into her expressive eyes and seeing nothing but rage amongst other things would scare me no doubt. I may sort of like talking to the girl, but I still had no idea what she was capable of. I had a feeling the attack on Kong and her gang was nothing compared to what she could really do and I didn't really want to find out.

"Answer me"

"Everything, I'm so sorry" I replied, my voice full of that sorrow. To have everything you own, everything you call yours disappear like that must be...devastating. I was surprised that she was holding herself together so well. If it were me, I'd be crying right about now.

There was another silence as she took what I had said in before simply turning and walking back to her bed. "I'd like to be alone"

"Taeyeon I'm here if you want to-"

"Why the fuck would I want to talk about my issues ' _Tiff_ '?"  
Finally, she snapped and it seemed she was planning to lay all the blame on me.  
"Why the fuck is it any of your business what I'm thinking about? Why are you sticking your nose into everything I fucking do?"  
Each question had led her to take a step towards me, anger evidently rising from within her as the volume of her voice got louder and louder.  
"Who _are_ you?"

Although fear was coursing through my veins as if she was approaching me with a gun or a knife, I stood my ground. Her blaming the only person who had bothered to try to understand her didn't sit well with me and I wasn't going to take it. With just as much frustration and stress smothering my thoughts and senses, I retorted.

"Who am I? I'm just here as a person who is paid to watch over you right?" I laughed spitefully. "I'm a person here to be hated by the prisoners, to be either despised or preyed upon by homosexuals who want to rape me or murder me."  
My eyes showed off their strong but much less intense glare compared to the girl before me.  
"Don't take what happened out on me when I am the only one who volunteered to clear up that mess in your room and am going to spend my entire break trying to replace your beloved books and make it seem as if nothing happened when you return!"

I was out of breath by the time I finished that sentence, I don't know what it was but all of this anger that had been held back from being disliked, witnessing treatment that went on here, being questioned about who the fuck I am was getting to me really badly and I couldn't help but snap.

"I'm asking why the fuck you care! I am nobody to you!" She shouted back, her fists clenched as if she was going to strike me at any moment.

"I care about everybody!" The sheer volume of my voice caused her to wince a little and made her take a pause to get her breath back. It seemed we were both pouring out our feelings through our aggression, if that's what she wanted then I'd be happy to oblige. However I realised she was then trying to tone it down, her now sweaty fists opening and closing in an attempt to calm herself. I watched as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, willing herself to keep it cool before replying to me.

"That wasn't the question. Why do you care about what people say about me, what people do to me?" she asked quietly and smoothly, reminiscing on the times I had been around when she was verbally abused or bullied.  
"Why are you going out of your way to get to know me, to ignore the rumours about you that make you look weak and spineless?"

"Because I'm sick of mistreatment! You don't deserve to suffer even more that you already are Taeyeon and if I want to be the only person in this godforsaken place that gives a damn then I fucking will!"  
My chest heaved up and down as I shouted, ridding myself of the last of the stress that plagued my body while my eyes refused to look anywhere but her own. I don't know what it was, but there was something making my heart pound like crazy and it was as if it was being wrenched out of my body. The feelings I was experiencing, the passion I felt... It was fucking intense.  
"Stop trying to think of reasons why somebody acts like a fucking decent human being towards you and just accept it before that person simply gives up on being nice and becomes one of the others"

I turned to walk away but stopped as soon as I placed my hand on the door.

"If you want me to leave, I'll walk out of here and request to change units. I will leave you alone and I'll make sure you never see me again."  
She frowned at what I was saying but stayed quiet.  
"If you hate me so much, the way I act and the way I converse with you, the way I treat you and the way I work…I'll go. Just say the word"

I should have known that there'd be no answer, she just scoffed and turned her head, folding her arms. Yes, it hurt but If it's what she wanted, who was I to go against her wishes? I would do as I promised. I simply pushed the door open and slammed it behind me, not even a glance in her direction. The jingling of the keys in the lock was louder than I remembered, ringing in my ears as I began to leave her behind for good.

As I walked...I came to a stop once again. Not because I was having second thoughts, not because I forgot something. It was because of one word that came in the form of a shout, it had to be as it was heard loud and clear through the thick layer of titanium. That one word had made me stop, my heart beating just as fast as it had when I entered.

"Wait!"

I allowed a small and slightly relieved sigh to escape from my lips as I glanced back to her door. Two more words came through the tiny seams in the metal slat used to pass the tray through to the other side. Though slightly muffled, I heard.

"Don't leave"


	9. Chapter 9

Kim Taeyeon, one big old mystery. Even when I walked back over to that door, turned the key in the lock and opened it up, she said nothing. She simply looked at me, slightly embarrassed at having called me back inside but after studying her expression, her eyes and how she was curled up in a closed off yet defensive way...I knew what she wanted. It was what any person in her position would want - Company.

So I talked for the both of us. She listened intently while I told her about how my day went, how Nichkhun riled me up and how tired I was after not sleeping well. Even after all that she didn't say anything, didn't reply but at least she nodded. She was reacting to everything I said with interest, and with a hidden grin I saw how her defensive wall started to come down as she began to relax her frigid body. I told her about my job back in America and that perked her up even more.

"Do you like America?" I asked after seeing her eyes light up at the mere mention of it. She shrugged and then lowered her gaze. I waited patiently for maybe an elaboration but it didn't come. "Have you been?"

"No"

"Maybe i'm biased but you should go when you get out, it's a beautiful place. Plenty of things to see which varies in each state" I smiled. I could obviously see that this girl wanted to travel. I had mentioned America, places I'd been to in Seoul since moving here, places I'd gone on holiday and despite talking about my day and how tired I was...nothing made her as interested as she was when I talked about the different countries I had visited.

"I've never been out of Jeonju" she replied with somewhat of a sad undertone to her voice.

"Jeonju huh? I haven't been there. Well, you're sort of out of Jeonju now since we are in Seoul but I guess it's different. It's really beautiful, Seoul I mean."

"I bet"

I narrowed my eyes as I watched her sigh and then begin to go back into her little protective ball shape. "Can I give you some advice?" It was a question but I didn't wait for her blessing "Don't think too much about your time here, however long you have left. Because eventually it'll be over and if you don't dwell, you won't feel like you've wasted your life counting down the days." She looked a little confused at what I had said so I tried to explain myself better. "Okay, think of when you will walk out of those front doors a free woman..."

Judging by the slight smile that came on her face, I guessed that she would be free eventually, that she hadn't gotten a life sentence for whatever she had done. That in turn made _me_ smile. I was learning about her even through her expressions.

"Think of how the fresh air will hit you almost immediately. You'll first feel scared, you'll think 'what do I do now?' Your life has been managed by other people for the whole time you've been here so when you step out, you'll feel under so much pressure to make a whole new life for yourself that you didn't even know was possible. A life actually worth living. You will almost certainly look back at that prison before you leave and think, 'I spent so much of my life in here' and you'll regret it because it seemed so damn long since you'd counted down each day instead of just letting them pass by. If you let the days disappear as you would in normal life, it won't seem as long".

The intensity of her stare wasn't uncomfortable this time around, instead I was intrigued to know what was going on behind those eyes and in that mind of hers.

"How do you know these things?" She asked, interest evident in her tone.

"Because I've seen it." I took a seat beside her on her bed, shocked again at how hard it really was. "I've seen prisoners smile at each other, laugh and joke with each other but the most beautiful and most genuine smile comes when he or she walks out of those doors and vows never to go back. It's something you'd need to see to believe. Even though they are scared of what will happen to them in the now unfamiliar world and how life will treat them, they are finally happy. They're free"

And that, was the first time Kim Taeyeon smiled. And by smiled I mean _really_ smiled. She showed off her perfect set of previously unseen white teeth and the smile itself...? It was just, beyond words. Knowing she was thinking about how she'd feel when she left, I knew that smile was the runner up to the one that would almost certainly light up the universe when she would take her first step outdoors, complete freedom.

"You should smile more often" I blurted out even before I could even try to surpress it.

"Nah" was her simple reply.

"Why not?"

"No reason" Of course there was a reason...However, I was going to personally make sure that I was going to see that smile again no matter how hard it may be to get it out of her. We had come this far and we will not take any steps back.

Fast forward to a day later - I was walking down the corridor on the way back from the library after having ordered in some books for Taeyeon. Inmates in solitary could only have two at a time compared to the endless amount they could have in their normal rooms. It was alright though, if she finished those two in a day then I'd get another two and so on.

I wouldn't allow her to feel as lonely as she did yesterday. She may be a tough cookie on the outside but she had since showed me her sensitive side. The only sad thing about it though...was that when she did, we were alone and behind closed and locked doors. What would happen when she returned to her real room? Would the hard-faced and quiet Taeyeon return, never to smile again at me? I hoped not, but I guess if that's how she wanted to be, I couldn't stop her. I had no hold over her.

Our relationship or whatever you could refer to it as got better and better over the last few days she was inside solitary. I found a way to go and see her each day and every time I managed to get out a smile, even if it was tiny it was still good enough for me. They mainly came when I told her about the books I'd read and enjoyed the most and surprisingly she even joined in, telling me her favourite authors and favourite quotes that she had memorised from each book. She really was passionate about literature, it was quite refreshing actually.

Most of the inmates I saw each day play with each other by pushing and play-fighting or some were exercising or just laying in bed sleeping. Her however...she had so much stuff whizzing around in that head of hers, so much knowledge and information she wanted to share that it was almost cruel to deny her a book for any substantial amount of time. That's why I made sure she always had one no matter how strange it may seem to the other CO's. I got looks, sure. They saw me going in and out of her room to bring and then return things that of course she was allowed to have, but didn't necessarily _need_. I heard them whispering about how the 'rumours' could be true...I never did find out what those rumours were.

I also personally took out some more books from the library before she was due to return to her room and stacked them amongst the replaced books I had also sorted out for her. Her room was spotless but I almost felt as if it wasnt enough and as if it was my house and a dear friend was coming to visit, how I had to have everything perfect for her arrival.

When she eventually returned, I wasn't surprised to see she was a little sad to see new but slightly off-colour sheets on her bed, no sketchbook underneath it and brand new books that didn't have her favourite quotes underlined like in the old ones. But the disappointment in her eyes turned to gratefulness when I handed over a new sketchbook and new drawing supplies that she could use (courtesy of Nichkhun much to my own amazement after what he had said about her previously). I saw that wide smile again and I couldn't hold back my own, my eye smile at it's finest.

Slowly but surely, she settled in as if it was her first time here and walked around while browsing. She stopped at her new book collection with a smaller but no less amazing smile, and I turned to exit the room to leave her to it. As soon as I reached that door however...

"Tiffany?"

I turned and saw her looking over while holding one of her new books tightly in her grip. "Yes?" I answered, her using my name wasn't ideal but it was also the first time she had used it without sounding sarcastic so of course I'd let it slide.

She paused for a while before walking up to me and saying "You should smile more often too" and with that, she walked back over to her bed before getting under the sheets and relaxing down onto the no doubt comfiest mattress imaginable compared to the concrete she had been living on for almost six days.

I left the room and shut the door behind me with another one of those eye smiles painted on my face. I then walked away, not knowing however that I was being watched...

For the next hour I was on post in the large yard watching the inmates as they enjoyed their outside recreation time. It actually felt good to be outside like this after coming from the claustrophobic rooms inside, it was a nice change. I saw some of the girls were sat on the ground and doing things you'd expect from children at a playground, others lounged on tables and benches, and a few just walked around trying to get some exercise. Though it was cold, I was pleased to see mostly everyone seemed to be making use of their rec time. I scanned the scenery that went beyond the strong chain link fence in the form of beautiful big trees, oak I think though soon averted my eyes to catch a glimpse of blonde hair across the yard.

I looked on as she lounged on _her_ picnic table while watching the women around her and enjoying the breeze that flowed through her hair after not seeing the outdoors for almost a week. I smirked slightly after seeing how every single woman kept their distance and didn't look her in the eye after what had happened last time someone tried to get one over on her. Thankfully Nichkhun had kept Taeyeon in the first group to be let outside and Kong and her mates in the second one so their paths wouldn't cross.

Totally random thought...but isn't it amazing how something can catch your eye so quickly? Even from the distance I was away from her, the twinkle in her eyes as she looked beyond the metal fencing that kept her secure with a longing gaze was still perfectly clear to see. Even more so when she redirected her eyes from looking outside those walls...to me.

It could have been awkward, to stare at each other like that but funnily enough it wasn't. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world and at that moment it was just her and me, like being back in that room and being comfortable with each other. I can honestly say that I'd never felt anything like it. I found myself studying her more than I had before, how the dark brown roots were growing out through her golden blonde hair, how her long sleeves were rolled up to her elbows despite the cold...I was so engrossed in watching the girl that I didn't hear Yuri calling to me at first. I didn't even know that she was sharing this post with me today.

"Tiffany!" She yelled.

"Huh?" I whipped around and saw Yuri motioning for me to come over near one of the fences near the closed down track. After glancing back at Taeyeon to see she was now looking elsewhere, I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts and then walked towards my fellow correctional officer. I came to a stop beside her and crossed my arms, shivering slightly. "What's up?"

"I think I should be asking you that question" she replied.

I frowned at the tone in Yuri's voice and turned to face her properly "Meaning?"

Yuri nodded her head towards a certain area in the corner. "That."

My eyes wandered over to where she was referring and my gaze landed directly onto Taeyeon, her face fully in concentration as she tried to keep herself busy. "What?" I asked.

"Do you think I don't see?" Yuri replied, confusing me even more.

"See what?"

She looked around as if to see if anybody was nearby before leaning into me, her lips only inches from my ear. "I see how you look at her. Just be careful, okay?"

Yuri then started to walk away, leaving me dumbfounded so I stopped her by grabbing her wrist tightly "What are you talking about?"

A sigh came from her lips as she once again glanced around us "We've all heard the rumours Tiffany. And...I hope for your sake that they aren't true." That was all she said before uncurling my fingers from around her wrist with her free hand and walking away to go to another corner of the yard.

Rumours again? The way I look at her? What was wrong with Yuri and what was she seeing that I simply wasn't? I decided to let it go, the rumours couldn't be that bad anyway...right?

To get my mind off of what Yuri had said after finding that it somehow bothered me, I took a stroll around the premises, glancing every now and again at Taeyeon and then to Yuri to see she was still watching with a harsh gaze. Scoffing slightly, I redirected my eyes to the other prisoners, Jang was sitting on another bench with her girlfriend talking casually and soon saw me and waved. I shot a smile her way and continued on, chatting to a lone inmate when I passed but my eyes always found a way back to _her_.

Taeyeon was holding her own in the prison. Like I said before, from the day of the fight, every woman (apart from the gang) in the facility who had seen what had happened knew not to fuck with her (if they needed reminding in the first place). In fact, some of the women came to respect her and wanted to become an ally. Taeyeon amused them, though I knew she much preferred to be alone. What I didn't know was she was actually taking my advice, to let the days flow as they should without looking at a calendar each day and decided to do something with other people for once.

I saw she began to deal cards to the small group of women who had since come to sit at her table until she looked up when she no doubt felt my eyes on her again. When she glanced across the yard, sure enough, my brown eyes were looking straight back into hers. I quickly turned away when she raised what seemed to be a playful brow my way and I kept thinking about what the hell was wrong with me..like, stop staring at her! I tried, but I failed and when I looked back up, she continued to play her game with the others...and I got a radio message.

"What did I just tell you?"

I didn't reply, I simply kept my gaze lowered and continued to walk around the yard. Maybe I sort of knew what Yuri was getting at now. The question is why the hell am I doing it?

Later that evening, I sat at my kitchen table leisurely drinking a cup of coffee since I couldn't sleep anyway, too much stuff was on my mind. I opened my laptop that I barely ever used and my fingers hovered over the keys once the search bar was ready to be used. I couldn't deny that my curiosity of Kim Taeyeon still hadn't gone away, she wasn't going to tell me why she was in prison or much of anything really. So with a great inner loathing of what I was actually doing, my fingers tapped at the keys and then hovered over the mouse button. As I sighed and closed my eyes, I took the plunge and clicked search before looking at and then opening link after link.

' _Kim Taeyeon musician...'_ No

' _Kim Taeyeon fights for women's rights_ ' Again, no.

I took a sip of my beverage when my eyes started to get tired after coming up with so many empty searches. Despite turning up empty handed, at least this potentially meant that murder wasn't on the cards. I mean, in a city like Jeonju...a murder case would have been reported and a photo of the criminal pasted over many websites and videos alike. I smiled slightly at my revelation and just when I was about to shut down the computer and call it a night, I had this feeling that I needed to continue for some reason. It was bizarre but I listened, the feeling not going away until I clicked on ' _images_ '.

Row after row of photographs popped up and I looked at each one, finding small similarities of Taeyeon mixed in with many Asian girl's until...I actually saw her. My heart skipped a beat as I scrolled down a little faster and clicked on the image until it was at it's maximum size in front of me. It was really her.

I didn't know what to think, I mean...she was here all this time and I only just now realised it? Still slightly perplexed, I studied the image and found myself smiling. She looked so different than how she did now, happier and healthier. She had some meat on her bones and dark brown hair and was wearing that beautiful but lopsided smile that made her look pretty beautiful and real. She had on a simple hoodie by the looks of it and after only seeing her wearing grey to now see her in bright blue...it was sort of amazing.

I don't know how long I stared at that picture but the remainder of my coffee had gone cold, freezing actually. I still couldn't get my head around how she was smiling as if it was the easiest thing in the world when now, it was a rarity. After my own smile had subsided and my eyes drooped even more, I clicked the arrow to take me back to the many images that had been posted on Google only to find something even better. The link beside the now minimised photo of her...was from Facebook.

My jaw dropped open as I clicked it immediately and soon after was redirected to Kim fucking Taeyeon's Facebook profile. How on earth...how was it this easy? My heart beat got quicker as I scrolled down her Facebook page, seeing all the statuses she had posted. Her personality was-just-what? I was lost for words as I read on and on and on, time ticking away until it was 2am and I had gotten to the end of her posts...

I scrolled back up to the top of her profile quickly and saw the last post she had made was four years ago. Surely she couldn't have been in there all this time? A new emotion took over my body then after realising that I had basically stalked her. That was awful of me, she's a prisoner and here I was, a correctional officer looking and studying an inmates facebook page. What is this world coming to?

Deciding to forget that this ever happened, I quickly moved the cursor over to the logout option only to see one word jump out at me as I attempted bid farewell to the Kim Taeyeon that seemingly didn't inhabit that body of hers anymore...' _Photo's_ '.

"No" I mumbled to myself. I can't do that, it's private and it's degrading. She's probably forgotten all about her Facebook and now wouldn't want anything more than to delete it and most certainly wouldn't want anybody snooping. Try telling that to my hand that had a mind of it's own, clicking the option before I could even try to stop it.

Kim Taeyeon...she didn't have many photos but each one obviously held a significant meaning, an importance to her. From a family portrait to an album dedicated to her incredible artwork... I looked at each album, the smile actually causing pain to my face being so wide as I clicked over and over again.

I finished with an album dedicated to her and her family and was slightly amused to find a photo of a much younger looking Taeyeon (if that was even possible). She must have been only twelve or thirteen at the time it was taken and had on a cheeky smile showing off that dimple that I rarely saw nowadays. A small smile touched my lips and I shook my head.

"Where did you go wrong, kid?" I softly spoke as if I was actually talking to the girl in the photo. I studied that image of a young and innocent Taeyeon more than I had the others and began to wonder what her dreams and ambitions were. No one grows up dreaming of being a criminal. What could have possibly turned this girl?

Looking into those big brown eyes of the photograph, I was immediately taken back to my encounters with the prisoner. There was something about her that I could not place my finger on and found I was maybe a little scared to find out what exactly it was, how she made me feel so strange every time she looked at me.

Anyway, hopefully now finished with my stalker-time, I glanced at the clock and saw it was now 3:30am. At least I didn't have work tomorrow, well, that should have been a good thing but the feeling I got from the reminder was nothing but a slight ache as I looked at that photo in front of me.

Trying to get my mind elsewhere and thinking that a well earned rest would do just that, I stood from the table and stretched my tired body, knowing I needed sleep when I scrolled down instead of up by accident. However, I saw there was another album right at the bottom. I was half frustrated seeing as I needed my bed and half excited to see what this one held. My curiosity won unfortunately and I sat down once again on my numb butt and squinted at the name of the album.

' _Jessica_ '

An album dedicated to a girl. A girl who I recognised almost immediately as the first drawing I had seen in Taeyeon's sketchbook. My heartbeat had slowed considerably as I scrolled down the photos of the beautiful woman while feeling something much different than I had when I had only seen Taeyeon's photos. Speaking of my heart...by the time I saw the last four pictures in that album, it was going as slow as it possibly could as I frowned and witnessed who this girl really was or is to Taeyeon.

My head still numb from the realisation, I needed proof that this wasn't some silly dare or some joke or...just... something to tell me that this wasn't true.

I clicked hesitantly on the ' _about Kim Taeyeon_ ' section, my hand now shaking slightly causing the mouse on the screen to move around as if having a cyber electric shock. My breath had been held in since I saw the Jessica girl and now...it was let out in a small sigh, my heart dropping when I realised what I had previously seen was now pretty much spelled out right in front of me.

 _Kim Taeyeon_

 _Interested in Women_

 _In a relationship._


	10. Chapter 10

She's gay...

A lesbian.

Taeyeon is a homosexual.

Wrapping my head around that fact was a lot harder than it had been with Jang, even when I walked in on the latter and her girlfriend basically almost fucking in her room. But Taeyeon...? Why?  
Why her of all people? I felt sad, I felt sad about everything. About how the girl I looked forward to seeing each day was now one of the people I had grown up to despise, how she seemed so lovely when unprovoked but really she was just like any old lesbian capable of perverse thoughts and actions. I also felt sad about how she had a girlfriend. I'm not quite sure why, maybe because I never saw her visit? No that's not it...I guess it's because I kept imagining them together after seeing those photos of them kissing on Facebook. How they looked totally loved up, two women holding each other the way a man and a woman should was just...messing with my head. That, and also the fact that Taeyeon had looked so much happier than she had ever been with me.

How could...? Oh my gosh what even? My mind was literally scrambled to within an inch of its life. I kept going through every single time Taeyeon and I were together, thinking about whether I had given her any signals unintentionally but then I thought, if she had shown an interest in me, she would be even worse in my books because that'd make her sort of a cheater too - another thing that disgusted me.

As I looked up at the ceiling and actually allowed time for my body to catch up to my head, seriously it felt like somebody had ripped out my heart. I had been so excited to learn about her, to see her family, her friends, what she liked to do...but all of that was forgotten when I saw those photos, when I read her information. All that had happened between us, everything was just a lie.  
Speaking of lesbians, Jang I could put up with because I see her maybe once a day if that. But Taeyeon? I saw her every day and I _liked_ her. I liked her as a person, she's the type I could see myself going out with, to bars and to clubs. She could be my little bodyguard to any guys who would try to heckle me but thinking about that scenario now, she would be the one who's doing the heckling.

Being 'friends' with one lesbian was enough, I couldn't manage another. What if she started to flirt with girls in prison and I walked in on them just like how I had with Jang? I felt my heart ache at the mere thought of it, slightly sick too and tried my best to shut my eyes and drift off to give my now painful head a rest from all the stress that had been suddenly thrusted upon it. There was one question that refused to leave though, engraved in my mind. One burning question wanting to be given a simple answer.

What do I do now?

My answer?

I have no fucking clue.

Going to work a day after finding out what I had, I won't lie...it was hard. However, I tried my best to try to forget it by talking to the other prisoners. I met a new girl named Lee. She was sweet, I walked in during the count to see her trying to grab something from an abnormally high shelf bless her. She was rather short as well so I smiled and got it down for her, the shy smile that ensued was pretty adorable and she was full of gratitude.

"Thank you..." I never will get used to having prisoners look at my badge since it's situated just above my right breast. My hands came up to cover myself but I managed to stop, looking elsewhere instead while I waited for her to read it. "Officer Hwang" she grinned

"No problem. Try to stay in the middle of the room for count though okay? Other officers wouldn't be too happy about it you see"

"Okay, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it" I smiled and bowed my head slightly before clicking the counter once and leaving.

"Officer Hwang?" She stopped me. I raised my eyebrows and she hesitantly walked towards me. "Um, can I ask when I can use the phones? My boyfriend is expecting a call you see"

Straight, what a relief. "Well usually newbies are exempt from using the phones on their first day, you'll be able to tomorrow but try asking Mr Horvejkul... I'll show you where is office is"

As soon as we were outside Nichkhun's office, I looked at her and saw she was really very pretty, something that would be handy to her in completing her task. "If you can, cry and pretend you're really scared. He'll most certainly let you use the phone then" I winked and bid her goodbye before going back to my count. I wasn't supposed to have left, shit.

So off I went again, doing the same thing that I did each morning...I was enjoying this job don't get me wrong but it was so repetitive. Since I was still new, most of my jobs needed to stay the same for a month though apparently new ones would be added in slowly. There isn't much fun you can have as a CO to be honest except just chatting with your co-workers and some of the inmates which was fine but I wanted excitement. I wanted something big to happen today that got my adrenaline pumping and that would wake me up a little. Going into the last room, a frown etched its way onto my face almost immediately. Taeyeon wasn't there. Every single inmate should be in their rooms ready for count, but she wasn't there.

"Kim?" I called, just in case she was hidden under blankets or something but no answer came. Just as I reached for my radio to report a missing inmate, I felt a cool grip on my wrist so I turned quickly, my other hand firmly pulling out and grasping the pepper spray.

"Woah" she said as she moved out of the way of the can now right in front of her face. "Be careful"

I was about to say something...'was' being the operative word. Right now all that was going on in my head was the obvious sound of my heart beat increasing. She was stood in front of me in only a towel with soaking wet hair, her favourite scent of vanilla wafting off of her. My eyes scanned her neck and shoulders that were glistening from the water while she looked on in confusion. I started to think of how different she looked, her collar bone was extremely prominent and so was her jawline compared to the chubbier versions on her photos. And then my mind went to the last album named after her girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND, she's a lesbian Tiffany.

"Are you okay?"

"Ye-Inmate you should be in this room standing in the middle of the floor until I or another officer counts you. You know this and yet you went to go have a shower?" I was planning to avoid her and if it wasn't possible, at least be civil but I don't know where this anger was coming from. I was scolding her like a teacher would her student.

She frowned and looked me up and down as if I was a completely different person. "If you haven't noticed" she retorted. "You are fifteen minutes late, so I gave up waiting and went to go have a shower. If you wanted me in the room then you should have done your job a little more efficiently"

My jaw dropped at how rude she was being. "You're lucky it was me who caught you and not another officer" I challenged, my gaze turning hard.

"Lucky? Why's that?" What the hell was up with her this morning? "Because _you_ won't report me to Nichkhun?"

"..." I couldn't even speak because, she was kind of right. I would have just let her off, something another officer wouldn't even consider, they'd instead send her to the SHU.

"Why is that officer?" She asked, planting her feet with a stomp in the middle of the room while raising her eyebrows expectantly. "Go on, send me to solitary for not following the rules"

I glared with all the anger I was feeling at how this girl was fucking lesbian. I wanted her to be different but no, life just doesn't work like that. "No"

"Why not? You're obviously pissed at me. Do it" I should, I really should for the way she was talking to me, for being late, for everything but I couldn't.

"No"

I'd just noticed her towel had slipped lower than it was supposed to, showing off her cleavage with water droplets that were still dripping from her hair travelling down her neck and into that little valley between her breasts.

"Pull your towel up inmate" I ordered, quickly looking away.

"Why? This is my fucking room. Count me and get out if it bothers you. We wouldn't want your closed Christian self to get all uncomfortable would we?" she scoffed and took a big step towards me. "I don't know who the hell you are, but good luck to you and your new facade. It suits you"

The rage that had built steadily in my body was now at the top, overfilling and had nowhere else to go except out. "You don't tell me what to do because I'm the one in charge and I own you" Why was I doing this, I didn't mean any of it. Why was this girl affecting me this way? "So shut up because all you are to me is just some insignificant gay dyke that I have to see every day. I don't want anything more to do with you, I don't fucking like you"

Kim Taeyeon...she didn't cry, she didn't look shocked, and she didn't turn her back. Instead, she laughed. It was a sick and dark laugh that sent a shiver up my spine. "Who are you trying to convince sweetheart? Me or you?" Her smile disappeared soon after. "Now get out before I really get sent to the SHU and not because of some stupid count issue." The glares between us went on and on until the footsteps of an approaching officer snapped me out of it and I left the room, not before a quick "Go pray to your God for forgiveness for talking to a sinner like me" from her.

Why the fuck did i do that? I attacked her, totally attacked her and now she probably despises me. I held my head and clenched my eyes shut tight as the thoughts of her and that girl stabbed at my brain over and over, why Taeyeon why...Why do you have to do this?

"Are you alright Tiffany?" Yuri asked, her voice causing me to jump and breaking me out of a daze.

Yuri and I had become quite close at work, I considered her a good friend and we would chat while on our breaks and we had also swapped phone numbers after she told me she wanted to take me out to a bar or a club sometime to see me let loose. I hadn't asked her to elaborate on what she had said before at recreation, about how 'she sees the way I look at her' because one, I didn't want to know and two, whatever she saw...it corresponded with the mysterious rumours floating around that I also still hadn't found out and that was a little frightening.

"Uh, y-yeah I'm fine" I replied, not fooling anybody.

"Tiff" she tutted and sat down in front of me, we were both currently on break and the only ones in the staff room. "You know you can talk to me right?"

"I can't" I said as I shook my head, trying desperately to get her out of my head. "I can't because not even I know what's wrong."

"Boy trouble?" Yuri smirked but the sigh that ensued from my lips and the shake of my head told her the answer. I sensed Yuri coming closer to me, edging her chair nearer "Listen, don't hate me okay?"

I raised my head while my brows furrowed in confusion "What?"

"Is it...girl trouble?"

"W-what? No why would you even say that?" I frowned but shifted in my seat, my jaw slightly slacked.

"Because look at you, you wouldn't look this depressed and/or confused if something wasn't eating at you"

"There's nothing eating at me." I snapped back, not liking what she was getting at.

"Sure there isn't…" Yuri leaned back in her seat and folded her arms. "Who is she?"

"Yuri… there's no one, and I'm not gay"

"I never said you were gay Tiff, girl trouble could've meant a girl _friend"_

My eyes widened considerably yet failed to meet her gaze for fear of her seeing something. "I-"

"Hwang report to the kitchens." A voice announced over my radio, saved by the bell.

"The kitchens?" I questioned aloud in curiosity. I brought the device to my lips. "This is Hwang. I'll be right there."

Grateful to now be away from Yuri's questioning gaze, I made my way down the corridor to the double doors of the kitchen where I saw an officer that was soon introduced as officer Choi standing there waiting for me "What's going on?" I asked after all the pleasantries.

"One of these crazy girls started a food fight in the cafeteria after some new chick tried to steal her food. It went everywhere. Nichkhun was lenient and put her on pots and pans duty. She's in there now."

"And I'm here because...?" I didn't mean to sound rude but this was the first time I'd been this side of the kitchen. I thought maybe it was a mistake bringing me here instead of another officer.

"You've been assigned to keep an eye on her in case the little bitch tries to pull something."

I gave a tight lipped smile and peeked through the small window in the kitchen door and to my utter shock and discomfort, I spotted Taeyeon sitting on the kitchen counter. She was leaning back on her hands, kicking her feet against the counter under her with not a care in the world.

My heart rate sped up and I cleared my throat after looking away from the door. "Um...I don't want to waste my time with this. Isn't there anywhere else I can be assigned?" Please please please. After this morning there was no way I could be alone with her.

"Why? Is there a problem Hwang? You can't handle a little blonde?" Choi smirked.

I frowned, being slightly pissed by the remark. So against my better judgement and refusing to let the comment bother me, I held my head high. "Fine, I'll watch her." And with that, I pushed through the double doors and entered the kitchen. Taeyeon raised her head and I was instantly met with a glare from those beautiful yet dangerous eyes.

"Oh look who it is. The perfect Christian sent to watch over the less than perfect and insignificant dyke, how funny"

I swallowed the saliva in my mouth and clasped my hands together behind my back, taking a strong stance and refusing to allow my eyes to make contact again with Taeyeon's.

"You're ignoring me now?" She gave an amused chuckle and hopped off the counter, then leaning her hip against the counter and staring right at me yet not speaking.

I stood still, determined not to make the same mistake again by letting out my anger. That had been completely wrong of me. When Taeyeon _finally_ turned away from me, I had a chance to release the breath I'd been holding.  
I watched from behind as Taeyeon reached her hands into the dishwater and grasped a large black pot. As well as being pissed at the fact that she was in here with me, I could tell there was something else on her mind. Maybe about the fight that had just arose in the kitchen? I was itching to ask her what had happened but stood by my decision in keeping quiet, instead just staring at the girl before me.

Her sleeves were rolled to halfway up her biceps...yep, she had biceps. Obviously not as big as Kong's had been but still something firm enough to catch attention. I watched as they tensed while she cleaned each dish and I found myself wondering if the rest of her was that toned. Quickly shaking my head from those rancid thoughts, I leaned against the counter before I saw her turn to me, beginning to walk over. I warned her with my glare not to come close to me but she disobeyed, strolling until we were face to face. Her eyes I saw were scanning my face and then got even closer and closer, now only inches away. I opened my mouth to order her away despite the fact no words could have come out even if i tried, thinking she was going to kiss me but...

"Excuse me"

I frowned and watched as she reached around my waist and grabbed another sponge that was lying there behind me. She smirked at my confusion and then scoffed before turning back to return to the sink.

"Don't flatter yourself"

"What's your problem?" I retorted, hating this side of her that, regretfully I had brought out. My voice may have been a little louder than necessary but it certainly served as becoming the beginning of an argument.

"Why are you shouting at me?" She replied. "I haven't fucking done anything!"

"Don't speak to me like that or I'll give you a shot!"

"Oh so you can sit there and insult me, call me a fucking dyke with disgust plastered over your face while I'm not allowed to even defend myself? I think you need to take a good look in the mirror sweetheart, we're not that different"

"I'm not the one sinning against the path God chose for me. People like you make him look like a fool. Look at you!"

"Yeah? Say that one more time" She challenged with a tone that could only be described as threatening.

I didn't because I knew it was at the point where she could lash out at any minute. Of course I had to catch and hold the insults from flying out my mouth at full pelt...and I managed to. Only there was one thing I couldn't stop. One question that had been eating at me, I already knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from her own lips to confirm it.  
So with my senses clouded with rage, I asked her the question that unbeknownst to me, would bring back many painful and torturous memories for the girl before me.

"Who's Jessica?"

Those two words...by the time they came from my lips and were out in the open I regretted them almost immediately because they had the most heart-breaking effect on Taeyeon. Her eyes that were previously alight with fire and with anger had just gone out as if I had thrown a bucket of water on her to extinguish the flames. They were now emotional judging by the tears clogging them up and also dreary, like she had nothing left to give. Her posture had turned from rigid to slumped, her lips were parted in shock and her brow furrowed in confusion. Her fists that were previously clenched now were loose and hung to her sides lifelessly.  
I heard the croaks of her attempts to speak through the tears that now freely flowed down from her eyes but she simply couldn't get them out. It took a few minutes for her to even say one.

"How...?" Her voice sounded even more broken than it did when she was in the SHU and when she had called for me. Not knowing what exactly I'd done by bringing up Jessica's name, I immediately tried to backtrack.

"It's nothing, I was just mumbling. Get back to-"

"Why do you keep doing this?" She asked in disbelief, interrupting what I wanted to say.

"Kim I-"

"Am I just some sort of exhibition to you? Like an animal in a zoo or a bird in a cage, something that you can poke and prod and laugh at while I'm unable to get away? Is that all I am to people like you?"

"No I-"

"Something that you can see when you come to work and then go home to research, to breach its privacy? Does me wanting to withhold just one ounce of my private life mean anything to you?"

"Taeyeon!" I tried to get her attention to try to explain myself but it was useless.

"I thought you were different, I really did" she shook her head while another tear rolled down her cheek. "You pretend to be a decent person but all you are is just one of them. What a fool I've been huh?" She gave a dark laugh while wiping away her tears with obvious aggression seeing as she did it so hard, leaving behind a slight red mark. That laugh was something I'd never want to hear again, it chilled me to the bone.  
"You're a great actress, I really did think you would be respectful even _after_ you tried to look in my file and read my book. How wrong was I!" She chuckled, I wasn't aware of the fact that her tears had now stopped but mine had just started. Everything she was saying struck me right in the heart and I was hurting, I hated myself for what I'd done.

"Taeyeon please just listen"

"No you listen." She snapped "You really want to know everything about me? That's all you want for your sad little life to be complete? Fine!" I winced at the loudness of her voice while not liking the look in her eyes. "I'm twenty-five years old and I came to prison when I was twenty-two. Before that I was a police officer, sort of like you right!" She grinned, it was like the one of a psychopath and I knew then that she was livid. Looking at her newly clenched fists opening and closing, I also knew that she wanted to hit me. How long she'd be able to hold back was uncertain.

"Okay Tiffany, lets play a little acting exercise, you'll be incredible at it. I'll tell my story but you aren't allowed to speak, just react and feel. Let's start shall we!"


	11. Chapter 11

I didn't want to hear it like this. I wanted to hear it when she _wanted_ to tell me. She clearly didn't and was just doing this out of spite because I betrayed her, making me feel fucking awful for even saying that girl's name. I tried to leave before she started to talk, wanting nothing more than to get a breath of fresh air because in this tense atmosphere I was pretty much suffocating. However, even before I could get to the door, Taeyeon blocked it with her body and looked my way as if to dare me to attempt to leave.

"Taeyeon…" I said as softly as I could, my tone full of regret and sorrow for whatever she had been through. It had to be devastating because of her reaction.

"Don't leave officer, we have much to discuss and you have a lot to learn about me. Would you like to get a pad and pen to write down every detail just in case you forget?" She smiled, it was more sickly than sweet.

"Stop it" I replied, feeling the anger build up within me again. I wanted her to let me go, i'd leave and just stay away if that's what she wanted even though it would hurt _me_ like crazy. But I'd do it, I'd understand why she'd want nothing more to do with me.

"Imagine this" she said, before holding her arms together outstretched in front of her, then moving them from the middle outwards as if setting out the scene that I was to 'react to'. " _Two girls do everything together, they shop, they go out, they sleep….everything they do together. They are so in love that it hurts, it hurts when they are separated and almost like a conjoined twin sharing only one heart…without the other person, they would die_. If this is too hard for you, imagine it as a man and a woman" She smirked.

"I'm leaving" I replied, attempting to move past her but each time she stopped my efforts. I warned her with my eyes but she shot just as much warning back so reluctantly, I reached for my radio…only to have it plucked from my hands and thrust down Taeyeon's top.

"You aren't leaving until I give you what you want Tiffany. Now listen up. _These two girls, they are also partners at work. They are both police officers and almost always get put together on a job because of how well they work with one another. They are Kim Taeyeon and Jung Jessica and they have known each other for seven years and had been a couple for four. So anyway one day, they're sent out on a job to investigate a warehouse after having a tip off that it was being used for drug trafficking, bringing drugs through the building and then transporting and selling all over Asia."_

I released the breath I was holding, I hated the way she was telling me her life through a story as if it was unimportant, something to laugh at or cry to.

"Are you imagining it Tiffany? I bet you're curious now right? To know the last thing in my life that I had wished to keep private from the likes of people like you? Well here you go!"

"Stop" I said through my clenched teeth, I didn't want to be here with her. Something about the way she was speaking was scaring me, it was icy and cold.

"Stop? But you want to know the best part right? Why I'm in this place? Only then you can go back to your colleagues and say 'I know all about Kim Taeyeon, I won the bet and I get your money'"

"It's not a bet Taeyeon!" I raised my voice, she needed to listen to me or God forbid I'd use that pepper spray and make her listen.

"Well let's get on with it, I wouldn't want you to lose out on anything. This is the part where it gets a little more exciting by the way... _The two girls approach a HUGE fenced-in area with concrete flooring and a rather large building right at the end of the pen. It was a fair while away but that didn't mean the two girls could let their guard down, no sir. So they crouch and almost comically swish their guns from side to side to check for any movement or anything that could be a threat to them, they also have officers on standby only a few blocks away in case they get into any trouble but those girls had been trained well._  
 _They are convinced that this job, if executed perfectly could change their lives. It could up their rank amongst the other officers and also get them a raise, something they really need at that point. So with adrenaline pumping through their veins, they walk further and further into what we will call the drug pen_. Can you feel the adrenaline Tiffany?"

"..."

"Nothing to say? That's okay, I wanted you to keep quiet anyway remember. _Once the two girls scope the outside area and deem it safe, they go into the warehouse and find…. absolutely nothing! Zilch. If there had been drugs there, they had been cleared out or hidden effortlessly since the floors and the walls coated with dust and cobwebs made the place look as if it hadn't been used recently…or ever. So now the girls are slightly dejected, they had wanted to at least find SOME evidence. With sullen looks on their faces, they walk back outside but this time go to the back of the warehouse where it has some garages. Imagine their excitement when they see an extremely suspicious looking white van with blacked out windows and a subtly tinted windscreen!"_

I bowed my head, feeling awful because I wanted to know more. My curiosity was something I needed to get rid of somehow since it always gets me into trouble.

" _Jessica says to Taeyeon 'Cover me, I'm gonna go check it out'. She gives Taeyeon a peck on the lips that wasn't fucking long enough before crouching down and going over to the van while her girlfriend watches on with pride. 'I can't believe I get to call her mine' Taeyeon thinks to herself_ ' Lesbianism at its best huh?"

"I never-"

" _Anyway, while Taeyeon watches to make sure her girlfriend has nothing to worry about, she can't deny the fact she feels slightly cold, slightly on edge so she decides to check out the area again, she also glances back at Jessica to make sure she's okay from time to time. Just as she was crossing behind the warehouse, she sees something like movement and she automatically raises her gun and takes out her radio. 'Jess I think there's someone here' Taeyeon says but there is interference and it can't be heard properly. Seeing as Taeyeon is quite far away from Jessica now, she instead decides to check it out herself. Plus her girlfriend was busy, looking through the windows of the van_. Are you enjoying it so far Tiffany?"

"Taeyeon stop, I don't want-" tears poured down my face as I tried to get her to stop talking but she didn't listen. I was finally going to hear what I had wanted to know for all this time but now I didn't. I wanted her to keep it private, I didn't deserve to know.

"Of course you do! You want a story to tell your friends right? So let's continue. _Taeyeon passes behind the wall and now out of sight of Jessica, she is attacked._ A twist! How exciting!" She smiled, her voice dripping with sarcasm _. "It is a man the size of a gorilla, he's huge and right then, Taeyeon feels afraid for her life because he has her hand that holds her gun in a vice-like grip. The force Taeyeon feels on her arm was enough to snap her skinny wrist in two but she doesn't show pain, she was trained not to.  
Knowing that she and her girlfriend are in danger, Taeyeon tries to scream for Jessica to call for backup but her cries are quickly muffled by his large hand that covers half her face. She can smell the cocktail of different drugs on his palm and it's so strong that she opts to hold her breath or she'd be high in minutes. In his other hand…he holds a little device used to get rid of evidence quickly. Taeyeon frowns and tries to figure out what it is because his hand is covering half of it. Only when he shows her properly does Taeyeon finally realise what it is. _Take a guess, what is it?"

"Fucking stop, let me leave" I ordered.

 _"It's a square shaped remote and on the top there is a timer, on the bottom is a big red button. Taeyeon's eyes grow wide and she screams and screams, not caring anymore that her flaring nostrils are breathing all of those fumes from his hand. With a sadistic smile, the man who is wearing a balaclava to hide his identity presses the button and the timer starts to count down."_

"..." I couldn't even speak now, she really believed that I was happy to hear all of this, that it was part of some bet so I could tell the other officers that I'd been the first to get through her seemingly impenetrable wall. That I'd do that for money as if selling her out.

"I bet you're enthralled now huh? _He leads Taeyeon kicking and screaming over to the edge of the wall and peeks around the corner where Taeyeon is shown the worst thing she had ever seen in her lifetime..._ or if you look into the future, the second worst thing but that's coming, be patient _._ What does she see you ask? _She sees a matching timer right on the underside of the van. The van that her girlfriend had since gotten in and she was sitting right above it. Just in case Taeyeon missed what he said the first time, he points it out again except this time, he pairs his action with a word._ Wanna know what he said?"

I shook my head and looked away from her, wanting nothing more than to have a hole just open up beneath me and swallow me up. Taeyeon then leaned close to me and placed her lips near my ear, her breath sending shivers down my spine and causing me to close my eyes to concentrate more on the feeling.

" _Boom_. That's right Tiffany, it was a bomb." She said as she retreated back into her own personal space leaving me to open my eyes from the sudden emptiness I felt.

"Tae-"

" _So imagine the horror poor Taeyeon feels as she realises that her girlfriend is sitting there whilst looking through the glove box for evidence she can gather to make this job successful for the both of them. Taeyeon feels desperation, she feels the overwhelming need to get away and to pull her girlfriend from that van and far away. Taeyeon punches, kicks and scratches while trying to grab at that remote that holds Jessica's life but every time the man blocks her attacks while laughing at how feeble she is compared to his gargantuan size._ Here it comes Tiffany, are you ready for the main event?" she asked.

I felt like the most despicable person living. I had led her to this, to relive the horror of what had happened and tell like a mere story even though the outcome was still unknown to me.

" _He lets Taeyeon's mouth go and she wastes no time in screaming both through her radio and over to Jessica herself that there's a bomb and she needs to get out but Jess is simply too far away. The next thing Taeyeon hears is Jessica's voice, though the radio is crackling, Taeyeon hears 'What did you say babe?'  
With tears clouding Taeyeon's eyes and the desperation continuing to cause her heart severe pain, she answers but again, there is no reply. Jess can see Taeyeon barely through squinted eyes flailing around and trying to sign for her to get out of the van with only her wrist hidden behind the wall where the man holds it firmly. Then….Taeyeon is let go"_

She smiled at that and I thought for one moment that the story was going to have a happy ending. How wrong I was.

" _Taeyeon runs and runs, tripping over her own feet because of the speed she is going, even too fast for her short legs. All that is in her head…is to save the love of her life"_

For the first time, Taeyeon looked away from me and redirected it to the wall where she had told me to imagine the scene. She held a lone finger to her head as she had said her previous words and tears started to clog up those eyes that held such pain. Her switching to how _she_ felt rather than how 'Taeyeon' felt was heart-breaking and I cried with her.

"As I got closer I actually thought I could do it. We were going to be okay" She gave a tearful smile "We were going to get that house that we had tried to save up for but could never afford, we'd get our raises from doing this job and we'd move in soon after. We'd get a puppy, maybe even a child later on in life. Jess wanted a girl and I wanted a boy, she always joked that we'd have twins but they'd be either two boys or two girls."  
Taeyeon chuckled sadly and even I cracked a smile, despite the lesbianism I could tell they were a beautiful couple, it hurt.  
"She'd carry them though, since I was seen as more of a father figure. It was perfect, we had the whole thing planned out Tiffany." She looked at me and I saw nothing but heartache. This was killing her and she was only telling it because of me. She soon made me feel even worse than I already did.  
"But of course, seeing as homosexuals are dirty and disgusting human beings, undeserving of anything nice happening in their lives they deserve to die right?"

I shook my head frantically. "I didn't say homosexuals were-"

"Well that's exactly what happened!" Taeyeon shouted, her heart shattering right in front of me. Her voice became quiet after that but didn't hide the pain she felt, not for a second.

"That day the almighty God you call Father took a twenty-two year old woman from this world when that bomb countdown changed from double figures to single.

 _Ten_ – She looked up at me with joy on her face for she had found the smallest packet of cocaine under the seat of the van. Our dreams would have come true, we'd have all we ever wanted because of what she held within her grasp.  
 _Nine_ – Her eyes began to show confusion when she saw how frantically I was running to her.  
 _Eight_ \- My screams were heard but they didn't make sense because they were so desperate, they were more like screeches.  
 _Seven_ \- The guy who had followed behind me held up the remote and I watched as her smile disappeared and her face fell.  
 _Six_ \- The look on her face as she put two and two together was enough to kill me right there and then.  
 _Five_ \- Frozen in fear, she looked only at me, tears now falling from her beautiful eyes that would never see the world again.  
 _Four_ \- A twenty-two year old girl soon realising she was going to die.  
 _Three_ \- She still felt fear but she looked into my eyes and smiled bravely for me as I tripped and cut my leg open, blood gushing out. But I got up.  
 _Two_ \- She mouthed the words 'I love you' as I screamed her name.  
 _One_ \- She closed her eyes.

 _Boom_ "

Taeyeon fell to the ground just like as she had described and Jesus, the look on that girl's face was just….indescribable. Still crying with her, I kneeled down in front of the broken and destroyed girl and wondered what to do. I couldn't comfort her for I had done this to her, she was fine earlier but I just had to mess it all up.  
Her tears were drowning her face, the flow so severe that they ran into her open mouth and made her choke though she continued on, she growled and coughed through those tears to try to get her words out.

"That beautiful face that I woke up to every morning for four years was gone along with the rest of her. She was somewhere, engulfed in fire and smoke and surrounded by the screams erupting from my body that had since fallen again as I punched the ground and tried to get up but my leg was broken and I didn't even realise." Taeyeon looked up at me, her hair dishevelled and her face far from the perfection it usually was.  
"I had been so near yet so far Tiffany. I was on my knees, looking at the wreckage and still screaming her name, stupidly hoping that she'd walk out only with a few burns that we could fix but of course, that didn't happen." She pounded her fists to the ground and punched the metal cupboards as she cried and did it so hard that her hands started to bleed, her healed cuts bursting open once again.

I quickly grabbed her wrists and tried to hold her but the grief she was feeling made her even stronger than before. She pushed against me with all that she had and I knew I'd have to do something or she'd hurt herself or me, perhaps even both. I grabbed her wrists while she struggled and cried, her face resting against the cold tiled floor and I took out my handcuffs. She screeched at me and knowing that anyone could come in and witness this (whatever it would look like to an outsider), I clicked the handcuffs closed around her wrists that were behind her back and then pulled the girl into my lap. Even if she didn't want _me_ , she needed comfort and she was going to fucking get it.

"She w-was gone, it was o-over. My whole life gone in an explosion." Taeyeon stuttered while I stroked her hair calmly, my heart pounding against my chest because of how close we were. I was holding her like a child across my lap and her head was in the crook of my neck, each exhale from her lips causing shivers to attack my body "That beautiful girl with a beautiful heart deserved to die for being gay right? Is that what it says in the bible?" her spiteful tone returned while she pulled against her restraints.

Even though she was cuffed she still tried to get away from me and that hurt badly. I held her arms so that her elbows were almost touching which made it so she couldn't injure her wrists anymore, they were already red as it is.

"Sirens soon surrounded the area" she said, now calming down as if her restraints gave the same effect of a baby swaddled in a blanket. I felt the odd twitch now and again but I held her close, she wasn't going to hurt herself on my watch. "I remember looking back at the man and seeing he was admiring the fire in front of him, the reflections of the bright orange flames lighting up his eyes..."

"Taeyeon" I choked out, again wanting her to stop now "I'm so-"

"We were immediately enclosed by a circle of the police officers that had been on standby, each pointing a gun to his head. He was ordered to hold up his hands so threw the remote aside before he was grabbed roughly by six of the male officers since he was so big" she let out a shaky sigh before finishing. "He was pushed into a car, and jailed for the rest of his life. He didn't even put up a fight."

"It's okay" I cooed, still stroking her hair.

"Oh I'm sorry" she frowned and looked up, her tone that she had used to mock me soon retuning. She wasted no time in shuffling out of my lap and wriggling over to the counter opposite me. "I missed out the bit where me going to prison comes in. How silly of me!"

"Stop now" I ordered and stood up, now looking down on her.

"No, no. You wanted this and you'll get it. So, picture me walking into the apartment I shared with Jess and being reminded of how our dreams of getting a house together and making our own little family had now turned to shit. I couldn't afford anything because I quit my job seeing as I was deemed unfit to work due to everything that happened. So not only did I lose the love of my life…I also lost my job, my apartment and my ability to feel any fucking thing. After living roughly for a week or two, or not living at all actually…I was taken in by a dear friend of mine who was a single mother with a son"

She laughed darkly at that last part while I looked on confused.

"Did you think that I was in for murder Tiffany? That I killed the guy who murdered my girlfriend? So again, that's what you think of me. Wow."

"I never said anything" I retorted, now sick of the abuse that was being thrown my way and having words put into my mouth when she wouldn't even let me speak for myself. I stormed towards her and tried to pull her up to her feet but she made her body dead weight. She wasn't going anywhere with me.

"Now now, let me finish the story, we've finally got to the point that you want to know most. That good friend was somebody who I had grown up with, shared a dorm with in college and shared an apartment with until Jess and I became serious. She took me in and told me everything was going to be okay, but due to me being gay God just had to punish me more.  
Since the day Jessica died, I had developed a distressing and troublesome fear of loud noises. Because of that, I couldn't go out, I couldn't watch television…It really was bad. If I heard anything louder than I could manage, I would go into some sort of fit where I would close my eyes and scream, thinking I was back at that warehouse and fighting against that man's hold to get to Jess. It was sad to see that my episodes had become more frequent due to living on a busy highstreet and began to take a toll on my friend though her son found it hilarious. He had a hard time not laughing if he saw me panic."

I frowned at that, where was she going with this?

"One night, it must have been around 4am...I was sleeping peacefully until her face plagued my mind like it did each night. It seemed so real, the dream I mean. She was lying next to me, playing with my hair just how I liked it and telling me about how her day out shopping was. Anyway, I think I woke for a split second but went back to sleep soon after."

Taeyeons voice became shaky, in all honesty whatever she was telling me wasn't what I was expecting but I listened.

"The next dream was just me alone, walking through this maze or something. It was eerie and the sky and everywhere around me was full of fog that I could barely see past. But I kept on, twisting and turning through the sharp corners of this human-sized puzzle and then suddenly it opened up… I was back to where it all happened, to where she died.  
I looked around frantically for just a view of her face and then I saw the van parked where it had been before. Knowing already how this went, I ran before he could get me. I even felt and heard the swish of his hand as it missed my wrist by mere inches. I was going to save her this time, nothing could stop me.  
I heard the click of the button being pushed down close behind me and ran even faster...and I got there. I actually got there and I was so fucking overjoyed that I burst into tears."

I frowned as I watched Taeyeon relive that false hope, that cruel dream she had had where she saved her girlfriend. Imagine having a dream so real like that only to wake up and remember how differently it went in reality.

"I yanked open that van door and I grabbed her, but all my hand connected with was air, she wasn't there Tiffany. She had gone. Soon after I heard a chuckle behind me and I saw the man, with his hand pressed down onto the button and I saw that timer on twenty seconds. 'Where is she' I growled as I grabbed his collar. 'Where the fuck is she!' He said nothing, but with a sadistic grin on his face he motioned to somewhere in the distance and my heart leapt for I saw Jessica away from the van. She was standing right there and I couldn't help but smile. As I walked, he followed but I didn't think much of it because she wasn't in that van"

Taeyeons voice broke as she bowed her head. I kind of knew where this was going.

"Once I got closer I heard a faint beeping noise that happened every three seconds or so. I ignored it but it kept getting louder, and louder…and louder until I saw her clearly. She wasn't smiling like I was, her expression was that of how she looked when she had realised that it was all over. I stopped, confusion etched onto my face. 'Baby its okay' I said through the incessant beeping 'I'm here, everything is okay'.  
But it wasn't…I watched as she unbuttoned her police uniform and then? Wires flowed out of her shirt, all connected to one big box attached to her chest. Ten seconds shown on the timer. 'Babe' I whispered, not even knowing what to say. It was then that she came up to me, kissed my cheek and once again told me she loved me before backing away, into the fog. 'Boom' I heard in a throaty whisper next to my ear but I ignored it and I tried to follow her but I was grabbed by the same guy and that time…I fought with every fucking thing I had. The word 'Boom' still echoed in my ears and I broke my arms and my legs fighting to get away though ultimately…the explosion in the distance that lit up the night proved I couldn't do it. I heard a piercing scream soon after… but it wasn't Jessica's. It brought me back to reality and I opened my eyes to see the horror before me".

"Oh my god" I gasped, my hands coming up to cover my mouth.

"My friend was hunched over her son who was covered in blood at my feet. She was screaming into the phone she held in her hand while trying to shake him awake." Taeyeon wiped a tear and paused for a moment before continuing. "He had come into my room, set up a camera and placed his mobile phone next to my ear. He then whispered that one word into my ear the same time that man had in my dream and then he played an explosion noise he had downloaded. I hadn't attacked Jessica's murderer Tiffany, it was my best friend's son. It was a fucking thirteen year old boy that lay beaten to a bloody mess on the ground, covered in scratches and marks that would soon turn to bruises in front of me.  
His mother looked up once I had realised what I'd done and gave me a look I'd never forget. Despite all the trust we held in each other, all the memories we had had as children, every fucking thing we had been through…nothing meant anything the moment she realised I had harmed her son. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. I was unable to say a word to explain myself and she didn't hesitate to call the police."

"Taeyeon, god I'm so sorry" I exhaled, in complete shock. Never had I expected this outcome.

"He was thirteen Tiffany. I had assaulted a thirteen year old boy just because of my irrational fear of something that took my girlfriend from this world. I was disgusted with myself, there are no words to describe what I thought and felt at that moment. I went willingly with the officers that showed up, I was taken to court and could only listen as my lawyer tried to defend me, tried to tell the judge that I was going through a rough time and wasn't aware of what I was doing but the only word that came from my mouth when I was asked a question was 'guilty' because that's exactly what I was."

"It wasn't your fault" I replied with a frown. I was trying to block out the fact that I had acted crazy at her this morning and insulted her when she had gone through all of this stuff in her lifetime. She didn't need any of this, but it was my fault.

"Bullshit. Her son lay beaten to a bloody pulp in a hospital bed while his mother sat in court and testified against me. She said how I had become aggressive and how she only took me in because she felt sorry for me. She tried to make my sentence as long as possible by giving examples of how I would treat her son when he would laugh at my terror before his assault. How I would ask him nicely to stop once my body had ceased its trembling though she made it sound like I screamed at him and threatened him." Taeyeon sighed as she thought back. "Long story short, I got sentenced and now I'm here."

"How long?" I blurted out, unable to stop the curiosity that had taken it this far.

"Oh so you want to know even more? What I have just told you isn't good enough?" My lips pressed into a tight line as I lowered my gaze truly fucking embarrassed by my behaviour. I really didn't know when to shut my mouth when it was needed and I hated myself for it."Wow! Okay then, I was sentenced to six years since I only severely bruised the boy and have twenty-six months left to serve." She replied, getting up with difficulty since her wrists were still handcuffed behind her.

I stayed on the ground, just thinking about everything. Twenty six months... Two years and two months. That's still a very long time.

"So there you go Tiffany, that's my story. I'm sorry it made you cry, in all honesty I thought it'd make you laugh but it seems you do have a heart… albeit the smallest one possible. So run along and tell your friends...collect your money, tell them all how you made Kim Taeyeon look like a fool. Go on." She shouted but I wasn't going anywhere.


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm not going anywhere Taeyeon" I stood my ground even though she was walking right over to me and I closed my eyes tight just as she stopped mere inches from my face. She may have been handcuffed which rendered her unable to hit me, but the look she had given me hurt more than any injury. It was full of hate and to be honest…I really didn't blame her. What I did was unforgivable and far from the professional woman I was meant to be.

"Get out." She seethed "You got all you wanted from me now and I have nothing left to give" I watched as hurt flickered across her gaze before she put up her wall again. Instead of the bricks I had managed to knock down before, this time her wall was made of the hardest substances imaginable. Impenetrable. I'd lost my chance.

"No" I replied, although I too wanted to leave to get some air, to try to get my heartbeat under some sort of control, I wasn't going to go until I was sure she had calmed down and was okay. From the image of her in front of me, It didn't look like I'd be going anytime soon.

"I'm a lesbian Tiffany, something you despise….Everything I've ever done deserves punishment. I'll tell you what, take me to the SHU and we will go from there" she growled through her clenched teeth.

Frowning slightly, I bit my lip and looked away so all she could see was my profile. "No"

It seemed that wasn't the answer she wanted. She came even closer and moved her head to the side to face me again… I could feel her breath on my lips and it was so hard trying to hold back from closing my eyes. "Fuck you!" She seethed "There, I just used obscenity, write me a shot!"

"I'm not gonna write you a-" I was interrupted when she used her body to barge into me, almost making me topple over but thankfully I managed to find my footing.

I watched on with sadness as she took a step back "Assaulting an officer, write me a shot. What? Pussy come on!" She screamed as she used her shoulder to push me again and again until my back was against the counter. I stopped with a thud and was finding it exceptionally hard to control my tears seeing her like this. It was like watching a complete and utter breakdown and my heart clenched just to be witnessing it. This was all my fault...

"I'm not writing you a shot" I choked out, my brows furrowed as I tried again to keep my tears at bay but they refused to listen.

"But you could if you wanted to, right?" Taeyeon blinked away her own lone tear and found no problem in making me feel horrible "Cause you have a choice. Because you have the power. I'm an inmate. I have, nothing." She cried, both the strength and fragility in her voice contradicting each other, making her voice break painfully. "Especially now you've taken the last thing I held to my heart"

Kim Taeyeon…the broken girl I had once seen in solitary had returned only this time, it was worse. So much fucking worse and as she lowered her head, I wouldn't stand for it.  
I grabbed her shoulders and then grabbed her jaw roughly, forcing her to look up at me.

"I am so fucking sorry Taeyeon." I whispered softly, my emotion pouring out into each of those words. "I was wrong about you okay? I'm not disgusted by you, I'm disgusted with myself." I looked into her eyes and tried to portray my feelings through my own just like I had done through my voice. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough because Taeyeon simply smirked….. and then spat in my face.

"Fuck you."

"Okay" I nodded as I let her go and used my sleeve to wipe my face "I deserved that"

There was then a painful silence between us which told me that whatever we had had, was not going to come back anytime soon. It was next to impossible in fact and it was all because of me. This was my punishment and it was a perfectly fitting one at that, the crack in my heart was getting deeper and deeper as I looked on helplessly, her back now turned to me.

I don't know what I wanted to do, what I felt…but it was the strangest thing I'd ever experienced. My eyes never wanted to leave her body, my lips yearned for her breath to hit them again, my neck longed for her nose to nuzzle against it. My arms…wanted to wrap around her waist and never let go. By the time she turned around again, the desire filling my body was getting to be torturous.

"If I asked you to do something for me, would you?" She said suddenly, barely above a whisper, breaking the silence with her husky tone. I'd do anything for her to feel better, for her to forgive me.

"Yes" I replied quickly, almost too eagerly. She gave a sad smile and then raised her eyes to meet mine. I saw something within them that I didn't like but I couldn't put a name to it.

"Promise me" She replied. I didn't think about that she could ask me for contraband or to help her find a way to escape. All that was in my head was to see her smile again.

"I promise you" I said as I tentatively stepped closer, it was hardly even noticeable but it made my heart just that little bit better to be nearer to her.

I watched as her eyes flickered between both of my own and when I saw her nod, it was obvious to me that whatever she was going to ask me she had made up her mind about. She was certain that it was what she wanted and I was going to give it to her, no matter the cost. Then almost like turning off a light switch, her eyes suddenly turned cold, they switched off completely and held no emotion whatsoever. Her face turned hard and only the tear stains on her face was evidence of her previous weakened state. She was different and when she opened her mouth to speak, I could have been frozen right there and then, her tone was icy as it could ever be.

"Leave." She said, the one thing I didn't think I could do… "Request to cover another unit." Her gaze was unforgivable and my heart completely shattered.

"Taeyeon..." I started, trying to think of anything to be able to backtrack what I said. "I-"

"You promised, go." There wasn't even fire in her eyes, nor anger. It was just, cold. Almost dead, she withheld no feelings for me or for anything or anyone.

I took a step towards her "I know I promised bu-"

"Get the fuck away from me! I don't want you here!" Her voice sliced through me like a blade, leaving my feelings to pour out along with the blood.

"But…I can't" I was in disbelief, surely she couldn't just expect me to go, we still had to see each other. I still had to go and count her and watch her as she got lunch, check her room for contraband and keep her company if ever she got sent into solitary again…

"You can and you will. You got all you wanted from me, and now it's time to take that and go elsewhere." I couldn't get my head around how she wasn't upset about this, I kept thinking about how she told me not to go when she was in the SHU. She wanted me, she was just saying this because I hurt her but she could get over it…

"No I- Look let's just talk properly. I'll take off your handcuffs and then-"

It was only a second after she was free that she grabbed me tightly, her nails digging into my upper arms but I didn't struggle nor did I speak. There was a moment, it was just her and I, I and she and nothing else mattered. I don't know what I felt for this girl but her touch filled me with warmth and hope even though she was inflicting pain.

"I. Don't. Want. You."

And with that….she left, dropping my radio to the ground as she went. She left me there unable to breathe properly, my heart no longer feeling whole. It felt exactly like a break up, how that other person would first accept your heart, keep it safe and then leave….taking it with them only to destroy it later. I knew then that I had sinned.

But I did as she wanted.

I promised.

Over the next couple of months, I didn't see Taeyeon. Of course I caught the odd glimpse of a girl with golden blonde hair but it could have been anyone. I had obeyed her wish and changed units, I made up the excuse of being sexually harassed by most of the inmates and Nichkhun was more than happy to move me. Life at work now was….a lot calmer that's for sure but it was also lonelier. I missed her, I missed watching her read her books, I missed the tiny smile she would give me…the list goes on and on and I couldn't help but feel sad.  
She was completely alone now. She had nobody to talk to, at least I had Yuri but she had nobody. But then, this is what she wanted….oh I don't know. With a sigh I walked to the staff room where I met Yuri.

"Aw what's up Tiff? She asked as she munched on her sandwich, getting crumbs everywhere.

"Nothing, just tired" I replied with a small smile before getting my own lunch out of my bag and poking at it uninterestedly. Sensing the awkward silence grow, I tried to make conversation. "So what are you up to this weekend?" I asked before setting my salad aside and placing my full attention on the girl who was now smirking. "What?" I raised my eyebrow.

"You asking me on a date?" she challenged while I just laughed.

"Uh…no" I replied with a smirk but when I looked up at Yuri again I saw she looked surprised.

"Okay….so I was fully expecting bible basher Tiffany to revolt in disgust, maybe even hit me but instead she says, no?"  
Realising what Yuri was saying, I was actually reasonably surprised myself. "I guess…I've gotten used to it" I shrugged but the wonder was still there in my mind. Was this to do with Taeyeon? After she told me about her and her deceased girlfriend and admitting to myself that they must have been a beautiful couple, had I accepted homosexual relationships just like that? Surely not...

"Wow" Yuri commented, putting down her sandwich at staring at me incredulously. "Next step, date a girl cause men are gross" she smirked.

"Wait…" I frowned while my mouth opened a little in shock "You're a…?" Yuri nodded "Why didn't you say!"

"You think we would have been good friends if I had told you? You would have chewed me up and spat me out Tiffany, looked at me like I was a piece of shit that you stepped in just like what you did to the others"

That shut me up. I was lost for words actually….I literally felt ashamed of myself. I suddenly felt empathy for all of the women I had judged wrongly because of their orientation and I felt like the biggest bitch going. Wait, had I looked at Taeyeon like that before she told me her story because if I had...

"I-I'm sorry Yuri" I said, still in disbelief at my past behaviour. "I really am. What sort of a friend would I be if I rejected you because of who you are interested in. God." I shook my head

"Hey, it's cool" She smiled before grabbing my hand. "But, what made you change?"

Her.

"I don't know, but I want to continue. I love God and respect him wholly but who am I to judge people without even giving them the chance to prove themselves…right?"

Yuri beamed and squeezed my hand like a proud mother. "Right."

"Can I ask you something?" I tentatively whispered when it popped into my head. Yuri nodded so I continued. "Have you dated a guy?" Another nod. "What's different? I mean, why do you prefer women?"

"Well…women are beautiful just like men are handsome but when you touch a woman, everything is different" she smiled.

I can't say that I was totally comfortable with her talking about women that way, but what I can say was that a certain blonde popped into my head at that moment.

"When you touch a man, he's big and strong, muscly and hairy. A big bear of a man that can throw you around and fuck you hard" I winced at that but got more and more interested when she continued "When you touch a woman…" Yuri smiled, she obviously had made her mind up about her sexuality. It was actually nice to see somebody so confident in their choices compared to myself who was confused to hell. "When you touch a woman, they are so soft and fragile, they smell amazing, and their skin is silky and smooth. Their voices can be high pitched or deep and inviting..."

"What about behaviour?" I asked curiously

"All the guys I have been with, whether it was just my luck or whatever…always acted like assholes. 'Where's my dinner?' 'I'm going to watch football' 'I wanna fuck you till you can't walk'. You see…not really pleasant is it?"

"No, I have to admit some of my ex's were like that too. Sex as well, they always wanted sex for them which took only a few minutes and didn't want to make love like I wanted. I wanted to show them how much they meant to me and how much I adored them slowly and passionately but all they wanted was to just get off and then go to sleep."

"Whereas girls…" Yuri smiled "We can't physically have sex like a guy and a girl. When we have sex…we take turns to bring each other to orgasm simply to make the other person feel good. Sure it takes longer than a guy and a girl but its way more intimate. Then again there's a lot of different positions that women can do to orgasm together, toys to use too but it's not the same y'know?"

I nodded unsurely. This was all new to me, I mean…I hadn't known anything about lesbian sex. I'd never watched lesbian porn, I usually turned off or fast-forwarded a movie that had lesbians in it, sometimes I'd actually avoid the movie altogether.

"Can I ask…why you are asking me all this stuff?" Yuri smiled "I mean, sure I get that you are curious but what you are asking…"

"I'm not gay." I replied quickly. "If that's what you are implying" I added in.

"I never said you were Tiff" Yuri replied, frowning slightly now.

Getting nervous now about Yuri being stumped by my behaviour, just as she was about to ask me a question I got a message through my radio to see Nichkhun immediately. On the way I thought about what we had just been talking about. She was right...she never implied that I was gay but I felt the need to stick up for myself like that? To dismiss something that she didn't even say? I shook my head, hoping the action would rid myself of the confusion but to no avail. I was still thinking about it when I got to Nichkhun's office

He had sounded serious so once I was nearby, I increased my speed to see his door was already open and as soon as I entered I saw he was sat with his arms crossed and staring right at me.

"Sit" he ordered, I obeyed immediately while wondering what this all was about, my strange reaction to Yuri's questioning now long gone from my mind. There was silence before he leaned forward and addressed me with a harsh tone "Tiffany, I want to talk about your earlier request"

"Earlier request sir?" I questioned, not entirely sure what he was asking

"The request to switch units, You never did tell me _who_ was harassing you so much to the point you wanted to move"

Wow, that was random. It was also months ago...why now? "I..uh, it was quite a few inmates sir" I said as I bowed my head, breaking eye contact. I was scared that he'd see the blatant lies on my face.

"Is that so?" He did not sound convinced, not one bit. I didn't raise my eye line but I heard the typing of keys on the keyboard before he turned his monitor towards me. "I'm thinking it was just one inmate"

What I saw when I looked up caused my eyes to widen and my breath to catch in my throat. It was the CCTV of Taeyeon and I in the kitchen. Nichkhun had paused on the part where Taeyeon was in my lap being basically cradled like a baby by yours truly. Fuck.

"Sir, it's not what it loo-"

"I'm surprised at you Tiffany..." He interrupted, studying the screenshot for a while but then starting to play the video. There was no sound (luckily) but the video was enough, Nichkhun even skipped to the 'good' parts his eyes firmly studying my reactions.

\- Taeyeon cornering me  
\- Barging into me  
\- Spitting in my face  
\- Screaming at me

Soon it wasn't only my job I was worried about, it was her. In his eyes, she had just assaulted a police officer many times and in his eyes that was worth added years onto her sentence. I wouldn't, I couldn't allow that to happen, she had already worked so hard to go under the radar for four years of her life in here and no fucking way would she get more because of something that was my fault.

Trying to think of something to say was painful...I literally had to choose between Taeyeon's freedom and my job. Taking a deep breath, I chose in my opinion, the right one.

"Sir, I have to say I regret that day immensely" I started, his curious frown silently told me to continue. "I'm going to come clean and say that I had said some very disrespectful things to Kim, in all fact I was bullying her" This is for you Taeyeon...

"How so?" He responded, he looked rather surprised as if he couldn't imagine any nasty words coming from my lips.

"I said some very horrible things about her sexuality and then I teased her, saying for her to hit me but because she was handcuffed it angered her." I sighed, these lies were going to get me in the shit but Taeyeon was _not_ going to suffer again."When she spat in my face, it's because I had made fun of her dead girlfriend. It was, in my opinion fully justified"

I bowed my head, bracing myself for the two words that would send me packing from this place, no longer having a job. I'd probably have to move back to America since correctional officer jobs were rather scarce here. I waited, and waited and waited but those words didn't come. What did come however, was loud and joyous laughter, he was laughing at what I had said?

"That's brilliant. I thought she was trying to seduce you or something but you...!" he pointed right at me and grinned despite my horrified face. "You proved me wrong, I thought I was going to have to let you go for being too soft but this...? Well done Tiff" he praised me, still grinning,

"But sir...I verbally attacked an inmate" I frowned, I fully deserved punishment but he was saying I was in the right? What the fuck is wrong with him? With this whole damn place?

"They think they rule this roost Tiffany. Any prisoner here who tries to sneak their way around a CO should be punished. I have no doubt that she fully deserved everything you said to her and even more so in fact!" I was appalled, and I thought I was bad...  
Nichkhun looked back at his monitor and remembered something "For what she did, I'm going to add on-"

"No" I interrupted as I stood up, taking him by surprise. "Like I said, it was fully justified."

"She can't go around knocking into and spitting at CO's Tiffany. She'll be throwing her shit at you next..."

"Then put her in solitary." I replied quickly, I could not fucking believe that I was saying those words but it was better than four years plus in this place.

"Tiffany..." He warned but I challenged him right back with a new cocky facade. I raised my eyebrow and winced inwardly as the look on my face felt like it should be burned right off again, I couldn't stand it.

"Think of how much she'll hate me when she finds out I put her into solitary" I said with a smirk though on the inside, I was crying, dying even.

To my relief, Nichkhun's face grew a disgusting grin while he leaned back in his chair, spinning his pen around in his hand while admiring me. "Okay" he agreed. "But...I'm putting you in charge of her care."

My facade dropped completely when he said those words while my heart started to beat faster and faster. "W-what?"

"I like your tendencies, I especially liked the fact that she was crying here" he said as he re-winded the CCTV and showed me the part just before I pulled her into my lap "and then you basically hugged her after you had said those hurtful things...can you imagine how much she hated you right then and you fucking hugged her, she couldn't get away because she was handcuffed" he sniggered. "Genius"

I was done, what a fucking despicable pig. "T-thank you sir" I bowed and tried to put a smile on my face though it came out rather fake looking. He wasn't looking my way though, he was still smiling at the computer.

"I'm gonna put you with Park tomorrow and you'll both help out with the solitary inmates at some point, they all need their weekly showers. You can handle Kim" he winked while I got up, reluctantly bowed once again and left his office.

Once I was outside, I rested my back against the wall and breathed in and out slowly. I was no longer staying in this place because I needed a job... I was staying in this place because of her. Regardless of the fact she hated me now, and would no doubt completely despise me when she found out I had gotten her put into solitary again which in turn was the place where she first opened up to me. Even with all that in mind, I was still (deliriously) confident that she needed me.


	13. Chapter 13

Today was the day. Finally I'd get to see her face again though whether I'd be warmly welcomed or the opposite remained undetermined...probably the latter but I was hopeful at least. Thankfully however, I wouldn't be around while they sentenced her to her three weeks in solitary because knowing how much she suffered there before, seeing her face as they told her how long she'd be trapped in that small and tiny room would no doubt break my heart…again.

I was to carry out my work in my new unit for now until Park got off his current job in my old one. Knowing he had been carrying out Taeyeon's counts and contraband checks all this time after what he had done to her was unsettling to say the least. I wanted to take over immediately when I heard he'd be the one replacing me but, it's what Taeyeon asked. She'd rather him than me and no matter how much that hurt, I respected her decision. But now…we were going to meet again whether she liked it or not.

I couldn't keep my mind off of it the whole time I was going through the girls' rooms. I couldn't stop thinking of what would happen, how she would react. I have to say that I didn't perform my best this morning because of that fact and actually asked Yuri who was currently on break after her graveyard shift if she'd check them over for me. I think she thought I was tired, she was right but that wasn't the main reason, she could never know that reason. Nevertheless she accepted without a word and I retired to the employee restroom.

Eyeing my watch didn't calm my nerves, in fact it made it worse – thirty minutes exactly. I looked into the mirror and out of habit tried to make myself appear reasonably presentable. I tried to use water to stick my slightly static hair down and then proceeded to fix it entirely after deeming it crappy. There was only so much I could do since long hair was to be tied in a tight bun to prevent wandering hands from tugging on it to try to make a point.

Not everybody followed the rules though, the limited number of female officers here sometimes wore their hair in a ponytail or even down but after what happened with Nichkhun, I didn't want to take any chances to get on his bad side. However, seeing as this was a big day I made my hair significantly looser, tying it into a messy bun that suited my face more than a tight one did. I didn't think anything of it until after checking my watch again, I was surprised to see I had spent twenty minutes in here fixing my hair and for what? It wasn't as if I was trying to impress anyone…

Now stepping out of the security of the restroom I started to wonder again...about how she looked. Whether she lost weight from what happened between us or self-harmed to get rid of the pain that plagued her body after reliving the madness that was her life. What if-?

"We meet again Miss Hwang" he smiled as he approached, interrupting my thoughts. The man who started it all - Park.

Looking him up and down casually and seeing that he had lost no weight whatsoever since the last time I saw him, I replied "We do" There was little to no emotion in my voice. He didn't deserve as much.

"I must say, hearing your drastic change of attitude from Nichkhun after what you told me before was...a surprise" he grinned. "I heard you mentally tortured an inmate, so seeing how you handle her today will be interesting to say the least"

"I bet it will"

He smirked at that, he knew I didn't like him and I'm sure he'd love riling me up today. I'm with the bastard for the rest of my shift - twelve whole hours. If I don't either murder him or commit suicide by the end of it, I'll be very impressed with myself.  
After our 'pleasantries' were over, we both started to walk to solitary in silence, the place where she was currently being held. I tried my best to remain calm, especially under his gaze but it proved to be difficult, my breath becoming slightly ragged as the thoughts of her resumed their place in my head.

"You alright?" He was sneering while he asked so I knew he wasn't being compassionate, just trying to piss me off.

"I'm fine. Cold" I responded.

He didn't answer me back so we just tried to ignore each other, though it was hard when all I heard was him panting beside me even from the short distance we had walked. Wanting some payback, I smirked and looked his way. "You alright?" I asked as I studied his portly body very openly. The glare I received was almost too much to handle as I saw it was mixed with insecurity. I resisted the urge to laugh while he grunted to reply. Asshole.

When those double doors opened however, my jokes were long forgotten as the begging and the ear-splitting screams from the SHU inmates filled my head along with the incessant hammering on the titanium doors that held them prisoner. Again just how I felt before, knowing she was going to be in there listening to this and for three weeks too…it was tough. She was going to be angry yet fragile, a hard contrast to tolerate especially since she was hostile too.

"Hello officers" a pleasant fellow CO greeted as he bowed ninety degrees and then stood up straight with a smile. Cute. "I understand you've been placed to cater to certain inmates needs and cover isolation so I'd like to go over a few rules first if that's alright with you. Knowing _you_ haven't covered isolation before…" he motioned to me before looking at Park "…and _you've_ only done it once or twice I'd like to just ease you into it. It's much different from the units you are used to."  
We followed him like we were on a school trip as he pointed to many doors telling us all about how things work here. "Never, I repeat never feel the need to poke your hand through the slats in the doors. Some of these inmates will have no problem breaking each and every one of your fingers for amusement."

"For amusement?" I asked in disbelief.

"Imagine having little to no stimulus in there for years Miss Hwang, nothing to keep you busy. Getting your hands on something that can crack and cause somebody to scream as their bones are grinded into dust would be like a maraca to an inmate here." I gulped at that.  
"Do not communicate with the inmates if not needed. They have nothing better to do than think of ways to escape and befriending a friendly correctional officer will most certainly be in their plans. They are masters in brainwashing."

I couldn't help but notice Park looking my way after that was said with no doubt a smug expression.

"Solitary is a means to control extremely violent inmates that would risk lives if they were to stay in the regular rooms. Most of these people are psychotic and very dangerous so I ask that you be with another officer at all times if something were to go wrong. Approach each inmate as if they were a wild animal capable of ripping your throat out, because that's exactly what they are".

Maybe I'm in over my head here, this was scary. I mean, I could get killed.

"Have there…um" I hesitated now all eyes were on me "Have there been any attacks on correctional officers that proved to be fatal?" I didn't particularly want the answer, but we all know my curiosity is a bitch.

"Oh yeah" he frowned as he recalled. "We had an inmate who was originally in here for forty years for murder only to have an added sentence on top of that for attacking an officer. She died in here at the age of seventy."

"What did she do to the officer?"

"A combination of things. A foolish young CO decided to enter her room without the necessary precautions because he believed 'he knew' the woman and that she wouldn't hurt him. Seeing him as a means to escape, she used him as a hostage until she could go no farther since she was surrounded by other officers. Seeing there was no other way out, she knew it was all over. However, she didn't let go of the man, she instead used her sharpened nails to cut his throat and then proceeded to bathe in the blood that showered her."

"Oh God" I held my stomach as the uneasiness set in even more.

"We grabbed her but unfortunately couldn't save the officer. She was dragged away still laughing at what she'd done"  
"Okay, enough horror stories." He chuckled at my facial expression "I'll show one of you around while the other will be dealing with the inmates on the opposite side of the corridor." He turned to me and shot me another smile. "Officer Hwang, I'll take you. Park, I'll have an officer meet you in a moment"

Thank goodness I wouldn't be working with _him_ for this entire thing, he looked slightly disappointed as he no doubt wanted to watch my 'changed attitude' with his own eyes. I couldn't hold back my smile and it seemed Officer…Shin noticed.

"You don't like him do you" he grinned

"Not particularly" I replied.

"I thought as much." He said with a chuckle "Alright, let's start. I want to introduce you to a few of my favourite inmates so they can give you their own opinions on solitary"

"You aren't allowed to have favourites you know…" I teased

"Okay, the least violent people who don't belong here then" Shin corrected himself while shooting me a charming dimpled smile.

"Oh yeah?" Surely it's only the officer's point of view that matters? I mean, you could tell me what _you_ think of solitary personally."

"Correct, but some inmates have an insight not even I can comprehend. I can stand here and tell you that for some inmates the SHU is the only way to subdue them while they wait for death to come for them, to take them away from the horror that really is solitary. But the inmates can tell you first-hand what they experience and how it affects them. You need both sides of the story and I have to warn you…it's not pretty. Some of these women, they really don't belong here"

"I know" I replied, thinking of somebody in particular.

"So let's go"

Door after door I entered and door after door I found myself more and more on the verge of tears as I listened to what these women went through each day. A lot of them were introduced as drug dealers or in for assault…crimes that shouldn't put them in here. This was a place I really believed was for truly evil people whereas a lot of them were sick, needing a psychiatric hospital rather than solitary that only worsened their state of minds as well as their behaviour.  
Door after door…I heard of their struggles.

 _"You lay there in your concrete tomb trying to block out the cold especially in the winter when this place is like a morgue. The wall I lay next to is an exterior wall so it's like sleeping next to a block of ice. Sometimes the floor is warmer and only there I will sleep_ " – A woman in for murder who told me it was in self-defence, the man she killed was her husband who abused her for years, even breaking both her legs so she couldn't leave the house.

 _"The hardest thing to bear is the lack of human contact. In the SHU, you can't touch people, you lack sunlight, even noise. It is total sensory deprivation_ " – A mother of two who stole money to support her family. She's in the SHU because she used profanity in a derogatory way to an officer who tried to touch her inappropriately. She has remained here for three months, forgotten.

 _"Most of my family live literally one thousand miles away. During these fifteen long years, my sister has only been able to make one trip up here. I was allowed one thirty minute visit behind thick glass. There is absolutely no physical contact allowed with anyone. Imagine ten, twenty, thirty years without even a hug or touch to your loved ones' hands, or hearing your mother's or child's voice on the phone_ " – A woman who hunted down and attacked her sister's rapist only for him to die soon after from blood loss, charged with murder.

 _"The biggest challenge of being held in the SHU is to keep your own head when people around you start to lose it and you can't do anything...it is truly a hellish place to be. The SHU breaks people and it is a constant challenge to keep yourself from being broken_ ". – A drug dealer who just needed money to survive, is in the SHU for punishment by none other than Nichkhun who felt she needed a timeout after an argument...for a year.

I walked out after that, I needed to get some air. This place truly is awful. Shin approached soon after locking the last door.

"Tough huh?" He smiled gently as he stood beside me.

"Those poor women…and they aren't allowed any human contact at all? Not even a hug?"

"SHU inmates are denied even regular telephone calls with their families which further intensifies their isolation from the outside world. Only prisoners undergoing 'debriefing' are allowed to call their relatives at regular intervals and meet with them face to face. The other SHU prisoners are only allowed a telephone call in an emergency, such as the death of a close relative and….that's it."

"Fuck"

"If I could, I would leave this place but this is my job. I need it to survive but the people in charge who simply do not care for anybody's wellbeing are the ones who should leave. They are despicable, it's disgraceful to treat a human being this way. Isolating them to the point where they talk to themselves to feel company, they rub themselves up against the concrete walls to feel an ounce of contact from something other than themselves. They rot in here with nothing, it truly is the worst place to be and the worst place to die."

This had truly opened my eyes. I had known and researched about SHU's but never did I think it could be this bad to work in one. Taeyeon was to spend three weeks in here….

"Alright" he sighed, interrupting my thoughts "Time to take them for their showers. We have a few new ones who again don't belong here but what can you do?" he sighed "They get a shower too regardless of whether they need one or not because they won't be getting one for who knows how long. You'll be assisting with keeping your eye on them so they don't commit suicide in there."

Again, wow. But on we went, I escorted many 'sane' women to the showers since I was the only woman except for another two who was allowed to watch them to prevent a male CO becoming…for want of a better word, aroused. Doors opened then shut only to be opened again and locked. This went on for an hour and was even worse than the contraband search seeing as the doors were so damn heavy to pull shut, it could literally put your back out. When we arrived at a _certain_ door, Shin stopped me.

"This is the inmate I am told you are to keep an eye on personally. A rather odd request I must say but she's all yours. She isn't psychotic and I've been told you have experience with her so I'll let you deal with her alone though I'll be close by okay?" he smiled while I kept my gaze on the door before me. This was it…I was finally going to see her after all this time.  
"You know how to open a door right?" Shin teased but my voice was gone. He looked at me strangely and after a few minutes did part of my job for me, shouting through the slat for the 'inmate' to turn around and place her hands behind her back, just like before. Then, he opened the door.

And I saw her.

"Right I've got to go, hurry it up a little please. You have others to tend to" Shin reminded me before he left, leaving us alone together.

I stepped forward to be out of view if he looked back over his shoulder but didn't move any further inside. Instead, with the handcuffs and ankle chains clutched tightly in my palms... I just stared at her back, her hands that showed how pale she was and her matted blonde hair that wasn't so much golden anymore. She looked skinny even under her baggy uniform and I knew then that she had been affected by what had happened, and badly. I don't know why but I couldn't find the ability to move my feet closer to her and when she looked over her shoulder to see what was taking so long, the look she gave me was something out of a horror movie.

Her shoulder concealed most of her lower face as if she was holding up a cape like Dracula would…you know, when he would only show his eyes? I only saw those dark orbs that had turned black at the sight of me. She didn't move, didn't speak, and didn't do anything other than glare. It was as if she had frozen in that position for she hardly blinked and the intensity…wow it was something else. If I could have left, I would have. If I could have died, I would have.

Suddenly hearing the slam of a door further down the corridor, I jumped slightly and finally found out how to walk again, hesitantly taking steps towards her while she kept her gaze firmly on me. Unable to take it anymore, I lowered my gaze.  
When it came the time to restrain her, I found it so hard to stop my fingers from intentionally grazing her hands and ankles just wanting to feel her under my touch. Each time, my eyes closed at the simple contact but hers remained open. I didn't even think about what I was doing...

The clicking of the restraints being secured on her no longer made me wince, what did though was whenever I got a little too close and caught a whiff of her scent - vanilla just like before. I never knew how much I could miss that smell. Once she was shackled well, I led her out without a word towards the shower room. She didn't put up a fight nor did she look at me again, we just headed on our way. My hand that was grasped around the short chain in the middle of the cuffs made it so each step she took, her hand touched mine and fuck me it was powerful.

When we arrived there, I was shocked to see that besides us, the shower room was now empty. It seemed weird because there had always been somebody in here with me when I was with the other SHU inmates. Maybe it was Nichkhun, maybe he was watching on a camera…I looked around and saw there wasn't one. They heavily relied on the CO's to see and inform what happens in these rooms so why was there only me here?  
The sound of her starting to kick off her shoes with difficulty due to the chains broke me out of my thoughts and only when I saw her bare feet did it occur to me that she was going to be naked. With cheeks turning pinker at the minute, I approached when she turned and looked at me again to show me her wrists, motioning for me to uncuff her. I obeyed, releasing her while the sound of my heavy breathing echoed around the large open area. As soon as she was free, I could do nothing but watch on as she took off her long sleeved uniform top…followed by another top beneath that... until she was left in her bra.

Why was I the one who had to go through this? Again she motioned for me to free her but from her ankle chains this time so I crouched down and saw that all that was in my view was her toned stomach, the slight abs showing through the muscle each time she inhaled. And everytime I shifted my weight, stretching my body slightly upwards, her breasts were right there.  
 _Not happening, stop looking_ ….My lips parted as I tried to breathe through my mouth, her scent proving too much to bear when this close up. When she was free, I didn't move right away, instead I admired how her skin was so perfect, it was nothing but polished marble only warm and dare I say inviting. _Stop_

Finally Taeyeon made her way over to the open stall in just her underwear and once she was underneath the shower head, I watched not very professionally while she turned her back on me and took off her bra, throwing it behind her and not seeing it landed at my feet. Trying to close my eyes did nothing for they simply did not want to listen. They wanted to see her, to study her. They saw how her back was spotless just like her stomach, her shoulder blades moving back and forth as she pulled down her briefs to reveal her…shapely buttocks. I stared embarrassingly while she turned on the shower and relished in the no doubt cold water, my eyes glued to her every move, watching as she made sure to wet each strand of her hair. My hands were clenched tightly together behind my back to stop myself, from what I wasn't sure...I didn't understand why my body was heating up the way it was, why I thought it painful to look away from the view before me, but soon...I realised exactly what was happening.

As she turned around to face me and unveiled her completely naked body, her eyes shut tight to protect against the stream, I knew. I wasn't new to the feeling, It wasn't a new to sensation for my thighs to tingle nor was it new to feel how my heart beat or rather pounded against my chest. I knew, but I would never admit it. I would never ever let myself believe it for fear of what God would do to punish me. Instead I tried to convince myself that I wanted a similar body, ignoring what really was going on in my head.

Stepping a little closer, just from looking I could tell she was so smooth, velvety almost and my palms started to sweat just because of the desire to…to have the same. She was beautiful, Taeyeon was the epitome of beauty and I just wanted to…have the same. I wanted to have the same features as her, nothing else. _I can't…I just can't think, like that_.  
I kept telling myself over and over but it wasn't registering for whenever my eyes scanned another inch of her stunning body, new thoughts came into my mind. Sinful thoughts.

"What are you staring at?" That voice filled the open space, the voice I hadn't heard in so long effectively made my heart leap from my chest and caused my wandering eyes to flicker to her own that were staring back at me with the biggest glare yet. The droplets of water made their way down from her hair, between her eyebrows, down one side of her nose to then pass over her lips… "I said what are you looking at pervert?"

Not liking the sudden accusation, I stood up straight and answered sternly, bringing back my shitty façade. "It's my job to watch you so you don't hurt yourself"

Taeyeon smiled, but it wasn't one to return. "You're watching to stop I don't get hurt? It's too late for that…isn't it officer?"

Here we go, the spiteful remarks about what I did all that time ago finally coming my way.

"You know…" she said as she exited the shower, her hair over one shoulder while she made no attempt whatsoever to cover herself "I was impressed that you actually kept your promise. I mean…due to your track record I didn't really believe you could actually walk away from me but you did." Closer and closer she came. "But then…I'm back in here again. Now why is that?" she was circling me now, like a shark waiting for its prey to slip up, to become desperate. "Is it because you want to start over, continue on from where our 'relationship' bloomed? You want me to be terrified enough to want to open up to you again?"

I said nothing but clenched my fists as her words affected me especially when she closed in, her lips only millimetres from my ear. I had been grateful to hear her voice but right now I wished it would simply disappear for the hate that filled it was heard loud and clear.

"How fucking delusional can you be?" she whispered, her warm breath hitting the over-sensitive skin of my cheek before she started to laugh. "What makes you think you'll get a chance to affect me again? Fool me once, fool me twice, is that it?"

"I saved your ass" I retorted through my now clenched teeth. Yes I did wrong but I wasn't going to stand here and take her abuse "I saved you from added years onto your sentence, now give me some fucking respect"

"Added years for what! For showing you what a complete cunt you really are?!"

That's it. "You know what! Fuck you!" I was beginning to lose myself, the rage as well as something else rising within me.

"Fuck me?" She shouted back. "Fuck me? I can see you want to do exactly that! And I thought it was just the guy officers I had to worry about in here...Not much of a Christian are you?"

"Shutup" I growled back while feeling smaller than ever under her judgmental gaze.

"Oh did I hit a nerve? Don't tell me you wish those rumours are true officer." Taeyeon took another step towards me and when her tongue snaked its way out to lick her lips, it proved to be a magnet to my already sinful eyes.

"What rumours…" I replied with no interest behind the words at all, all I could focus on was how my body was rigidly locked in place unable to move as her face was only inches from my own. All I could see were those eyes before she turned to the side and exhaled into my ear.

"The rumours that we are fucking..." She whispered, just the vibration of her voice making me close my eyes tight while a shiver ran down my spine, simultaneously giving me goose pimples all over.

"We both know that's not true" I replied with difficulty.

Taeyeon started to walk around me once again and startled me by quickly increasing her speed, making me flinch at the sudden movement. "Why are you so jumpy around me?" She teased. She was trying to get to me, she knew what she was fucking doing the sadistic little shit. I felt her warm breath again but now on the nape of my neck and then I felt her face beside mine, peeping out from over my shoulder. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a crush on me….officer."


	14. Chapter 14

There was a slight hesitation before I burst out laughing. "Crush? On you? Please!" I sniggered, hoping that it was believable though the raised eyebrow I got in return once she returned to stand in front of me didn't look too promising. "I'm straight Taeyeon, Do you know what that means?"

"Huh," she smirked before looking me up and down, folding her arms across her chest soon after which hid her breasts from my view thank goodness. "Alright so tell me, what do you want?" When I didn't answer she took a step towards me as if to warn me to tell the truth or else.

I was fully prepared to argue "I want you to-" but when she leaned in making it so her lips were only inches from my own, all dialogue and all sounds stopped dead. The only noise to hear was the sound of the shudder in my breath when I exhaled. It made her smirk slyly which in turn made my eyes flicker down to look at the appearance of her lips still wet from her saliva. My gaze lingered there for a little longer than three seconds before going back up to get lost in the dark depths of her orbs.

"You want me to what?" she asked seductively, parting her lips and sliding her tongue over her teeth. Holding my breath and turning away did nothing to calm my heart. She took the opportunity to lean even closer and even though I felt I was paralyzed, the feeling of her nose hitting my cheek was all I could take. I immediately brought distance between us while she laughed at my reaction "What?" she asked with a pout and in a voice you would use as if talking to a baby. "What's wrong?"

"You know what...?" I said as I shook my head, everything was just too much to handle. "I am sick of what you do." I approached her but this time of my own accord "I'm sick of how you treat people, me in particular."

"Wha-" she tried to reply but I interrupted.

"First, you act like a recluse but in actual fact you're hiding back _this_ side of you. Like... who _are_ you? I don't know you… I thought you were sweet but then you changed. I felt sorry for you, but then you changed. I cried for you...but you changed" I noticed her frowning now at my words. "You are really not worth any of my time" I turned to leave but remembered I had to lead her out.

"Finally...she gets it" Taeyeon smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "You're totally right, I'm not worth your time, so fuck off and go elsewhere" she finished with a scowl before grabbing and wrapping a towel around her naked form then holding her arms behind her back ready for me. I cuffed her immediately, and did so extra tight just to make her feel an ounce of what I was feeling in my heart. She hissed but didn't retort and we walked out.

However, once we were about to walk past the other officers, Park included...her towel slipped. I watched as it unravelled down her body and watched as she bent down trying desperately to keep it on her, trying to keep her dignity. The officers whistled as her back was exposed and it was then that she looked at me for help. I could've just let it fall, I could have laughed with them after all that she had just said and done to me, but I didn't. I instead used my body as a shield just as the towel slipped over her ass and fell down to the floor.

"Come on Tiff don't be a spoilsport" I heard Park call out while the others sniggered behind him. "She's quite hot, I wanna see her tits"

Trying to ignore his comments, I picked up her towel and pulled it around to cover her front so the two ends were at the back, and then I lifted her arms so the towel would fit snugly beneath her armpits. This made it so even with her hands bound behind her, she could push down with her arms and keep it there. Just to make sure what happened wouldn't again, I tucked the end in at the top and then led her away. Only Park wasn't done, he started to walk beside me and tried to make conversation with me but Taeyeon began to flinch and pull against me, I soon realised why. Park was stroking her through her towel. So without thinking, I pulled Taeyeon behind me and pushed Park, hard enough that he hit the wall.

"What the fuck do you think you're playing at?" I growled. "I can have you for sexual harassment just like that" I said as I snapped my fingers before pointing out the many cameras in the corridor that were in fact working unlike most of them in this place and from many different angles too. As he looked to where I had pointed, I saw his perverse grin falter and my smug one appeared. "If I see, or hear any more of that, whistling included...you're going down Park." I said, finally grabbing Taeyeon and taking her to her room, closing the door soon after. Once I released her from her shackles, I turned to leave but a familiar word stopped me.

"Wait"

I didn't turn, but I listened. I listened as she got to her feet and approached, afterwards hearing her voice behind me.

"I want to know something" she whispered as if people could hear us. I took a glance to the upper corner of her room where another camera resided...but the flashing red light that told me it was working was nowhere in sight. I then looked over my shoulder just as she had done earlier today and saw the same Taeyeon that was in the shower room just now with me, but I also saw a tiny little flicker of the Taeyeon that had smiled at me once. "Why?" The moment she lifted her head, more and more of the previous 'nice' Taeyeon came through those orbs of hers.

"Why what?"

"I don't understand why you keep coming back, why you keep trying with me. Why you stick up for me time and time again, I really just can't comprehend it." I frowned but she continued, halting my attempts to reply. "I don't like company, I don't like feeling."

"I want to help" I shrugged with a slight comforting smile on my face, no matter how much this girl hurt me, her sensitive side just brought out the instincts in me. "I want to help you get in touch with your feelings"

In a split second, pissed Taeyeon was back "Did it ever occur to you that I don't want to get in touch with my feelings?" She snapped. "And how actually, feeling my feelings might make it impossible for me to survive in here?"

"I'm getting whiplash from your moods Taeyeon" I sighed and again approached the door. "Whether you like it or not, I'm in charge of your care and without me you'd suffer immensely"

"Why? Why you?" she asked "Out of the hundred or so CO's in here, why you? I'd even prefer Park or Nichkhun"

I didn't hide the fact that that hurt, especially after what Park had just done "Well I'm sorry but I'm all you have."

"And isn't that a sad old thing. To have to rely on someone who took your trust and threw it in the garbage." She chuckled darkly.

"I won't stand here and say that what I did wasn't wrong but I'm not going to stand here and take this abuse time and time again. I could be so much worse Taeyeon and you should be grateful that I'm even here because if I wasn't... you'd still be in your room full of your books, but instead of being the usual sad and lonely shit you are, you'd be the sad and lonely shit with four extra years on your sentence" I retorted, finally turning and beginning to pull the door but once again she stopped me.

"Why!?" She shouted "What do you get from this? What the hell do you want from me? Is it...do you want a quick fuck like the rumours suggest?"

I frowned at that but couldn't get in an answer

"No come on" she said as she approached "Do you want someone to hold you, to care about you? To protect you since it's clear as day that no man could ever put up with someone like you." The laugh that came from her made me sick to my stomach.

"Just fuck off" I replied. I'm tired, tired of all this push and pull nonsense.

"Oo she's getting feisty." She teased "Did my body turn you on babe? Are you getting wet knowing you're going against God's will? It's exciting isn't it...living life on the edge"

"Fuck you" This girl, she wasn't worth the pain she gave my heart all those months ago and she wasn't worth the guilt I felt each time I saw her. "I was wrong, you aren't worth shit"

"Oh yeah?" Taeyeon had the ability to change from one mood to the other like the flipping of a light switch, anger showed through her orbs right now only mirroring my own. "I suggest you get out before you piss me off a little too much"

Just before I attempted to leave again, I lowered my voice and spoke reasonably softly "You know what, if you keep pushing people away...you'll have nobody. Your last months in here will be spent alone, no contact. People will not like you, people won't want to be around you. People _will_ give up on you."

"Do you think I care?" her voice held the same anger, but I could see my words were affecting her somewhat, I turned around and leaned my back against the door, watching her rise from the bed. "I don't want 'people' here, I don't want you here. All you do is bother me". She started walking closer to me, the memory of her doing the same in the shower room playing over and over in my head but the anger in my heart overrided that, instead making me madder and causing me to snap.

"You can stay and rot in this hellhole alone for all I care Kim" I shot back. "I'll pray for your sins" I went to leave for the hundredth time but stopped when she said her next words, only then did I turn to face her again.

"And I'll pray for yours"

"I have none" I snarled, not noticing we were both stepping closer and closer, shouting in each other's faces.

"You think I don't know what you're thinking right now? You're turned on to hell. It's not Christian Tiffany, God would be ashamed..."

With the anger flowing out of me, I stepped even nearer fully intent on damaging that pretty little face of hers.

"You are going to die a sad and lonely old woman Kim Taeyeon. Look at you, all alone in here with nothing to do, nobody to talk to once I leave. You're pathetic"

"I'm pathetic?!" she screeched. "Look at yourself! You're a despicable human being!" she walked closer, attempting to intimidate me but I wouldn't have it, instead I took a step forward too.

"And you aren't? I'm not the one in prison!"

"I told you what the fuck happened!" she seethed, coming nearer, and nearer...soon we were face to face, our noses almost touching. "And you threw it back in my face!"

"Oh my god are we seriously back to this? For fucks sake Taeyeon let it go!" I screamed

Now fuming, Taeyeon stepped that one step closer "Like hell I'm going to let you walk around and ridicu-"

"..."

That was it….

All it took was her lips to graze against mine. That's all it took to stop the argument, to stop the screaming and the shouting and while we both pulled away immediately, the damage was already done. All it took was one accidental touch.

Taeyeon was no longer looking at me with hatred, instead she was frowning in confusion, and her lips were parted just like my own. Her breathing was uneven, ragged and her eyes held back surprise when they weren't aimed at my lips. All I could feel was the rise and fall of my chest while my heart pumped relentlessly against it, my lips that still tingled from her touch.  
I attempted to speak but the words caught in my throat. Every time I rested my gaze on her mouth my body wanted to move closer, it was like a drug. _She_ , was like a drug that I wanted more of.

The noises of the inmates in the rooms around us seemed like they were getting louder, I could hear every noise they were making and my head was spinning out of control. I was panicking and my breathing got quicker, when Taeyeon stepped closer while staring at my mouth I knew I had to get out of there. I moved quickly and swiftly, doing all I could to leave. Once I got to the door I pulled it open with ease because of the adrenaline pumping throughout my body and then slammed it in her face before locking it with trembling hands. I backed away from that door that held her and with the sound of my heart still pounding in my ears I asked myself...

What. The fuck. Was that.

Sure I wanted to leave, to stay away but unfortunately she was in my care and I was the one who had to feed her. After getting her tray that was filled with the most inedible slob you could imagine, I walked over to her door and knocked hesitantly before unlocking and pushing the tray through the slat in the door. It was big enough so I could see her hand grabbing it from the other side but then she let it go.

"Can you come in" I heard her ask quietly. I smiled slightly until I remembered what happened.

"How did you know it was me?" I replied

"I just know"

My heart started up again after that. "I'm sorry but I can't, I have others to tend to"

I heard a chuckle before she responded "That's not the real reason is it?"

No, it wasn't. Park and the other officers had already fed the other inmates and had left Taeyeon for me under Nichkhun's instructions.

"Can you take your tray, I have to go" I sighed but she made no attempt to hold it, my arm was beginning to ache from being in the same position for too long.

"Not unless you come in"

"Taeyeon please…" I can't, I can't face her after that.

It was then that I heard her footsteps walk away from the door. I cursed under my breath and entered soon after, slamming the door behind me. She was standing in the middle of the floor watching my every move.

"Here" I said without eye contact, handing her the tray again but she didn't take it, instead motioning to the small table in the far corner of her room. I bit my lip and took it over there, set it down and turned to leave only she was now there in front of the door, blocking my way.

"Are we gonna talk?" she asked

"About what?" I replied without an ounce of emotion, letting her think that I had forgotten about it as if it was nothing.

"You know what" she scoffed and started to walk towards me, her smell invading my nostrils and making my head spin simultaneously. All I could do was back up, backing away until I was against the wall. She closed in soon after, holding her palms to the wall either side of me keeping me imprisoned. She wasn't touching me but with the combination of the closeness between us, the slight claustrophobia and also the sensory overload I was feeling, I cried. Yes, I cried in front of a prisoner, I wanted to get out but if I moved an inch I'd touch her and I just knew it would feel like fire against my skin... I couldn't handle that, not now that she was so close.

"Why are you crying?" she asked calmly. "I'm not hurting you"

"But you are" I retorted, the tears flowing now. I must have looked like shit in front of her, pathetic too.

"What's going on?" she replied. The tone in her voice was dare I say nice, comforting. She was trying to help but her mood swings…if I said the wrong thing she could hit me right now.

"Please, just let me go and I'll leave, I'll talk to Nichkhun and tell him that I can't watch over you. Just-"

"What if you don't want that?" I turned my head to the side when I sensed her leaning closer, her elbows bending into a push up like motion and I cried even more. My nails were embedded in the concrete behind me just to stop them from going anywhere else. "What if _I_ don't want that?"

That made me look up and stare into her eyes, they were revealed to show nothing but warmth. But then I saw them getting closer and closer to me and I found myself getting confused. My brain wouldn't register the fact that she was closing the distance, one look at her lips though and I understood and tried my best to fight, to push her but my arms didn't move. No muscle moved within me, I was weakened by her. Her smell and her stare were a very effective paralysing drug.

I searched her eyes again and now all I saw was pure lust. Why was I letting this woman get so close? Why wasn't I pushing her away? I didn't have an answer for any of those questions…all I knew was, that Taeyeon's body was now leaning against mine and the rush I got from it was out of this world. Her lips were right there, I could barely see them if I looked down because they were so close and every exhale from her flowed into my slightly open mouth generating saliva to coat my tongue, making it soft...ready for her.

"This is what you want" Taeyeon hummed as she rested her hand on my waist. The action made me shiver and she smiled at the reaction I gave. "You want me"

I didn't get to reply because I was pulled roughly towards her until our lips met. My mouth opened of its own accord, letting her tongue enter soon after while I tried to stay standing. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me even closer despite the noises coming from my throat and the tears pouring down my face.

My fingers that were still digging at the concrete behind me came to rest against her stomach ready to push her away, but when her tongue slid and twisted with mine and I felt her teeth nibble my lower lip, that thought went out the window. Taeyeon was pulling my waist against her making our breasts meet which caused me to gasp into her mouth and I couldn't fucking stop. She was so….Jesus. My hand pressed against her stomach and I could feel her abs through her shirt when a groan escaped from my mouth, making me fall deeper within her grasp.

My body was literally on fire as Taeyeon was kissing me with undying enthusiasm and everything just made it _that_ much harder to pull away. The thought that she was a woman didn't even cross my mind, all I thought of was how fucking amazing it was and when she broke the kiss to begin trailing smaller ones down my neck, I fell to the ground breaking the contact between us. That was when everything came rushing back…God, homosexuality, Taeyeon. I glanced upwards and saw she was about to crouch down to resume with her black eyes scanning every inch of me so I quickly scampered away before she could. I literally sprinted from that room and locked it before leaving solitary.

I needed to go, I needed to get out of here. I couldn't feel like that again, not with a woman.

When the time came to go home, I couldn't get there fast enough. Once the keys opened the lock on the door, I rushed inside my apartment, dumped my bag and grabbed my laptop.

Website after website, email after email…I applied for every fucking CO related job imaginable. While some were in America, others were in Korea…If there were no jobs available in a certain place, I'd email my CV and ask to be contacted whenever one opened up. I don't even know how long I had spent on that computer but it was long enough for my eyes to ache and a headache to form.

Just as I was about to shut it down, one of those annoying pop-up advertisements appeared and just my luck...it was advertising a porn website with two lesbians in a video making out. I didn't _want_ to watch it, but it was there. Without even realising what I was doing I clicked on it and watched as a new tab formed and the two women resumed ravishing each other, ripping off clothes and jewellery even...covering one another in kisses and bites. My finger hesitated over the mouse button that would get rid of it because although it disgusted me, it brought back the memory of what just happened, how fucking incredible it was.

While shaking my head in disappointment at myself, my hand snaked its way down under the waistband of my trousers where my fingers came into contact with the wet fabric. Why was my body doing this? Why was it betraying God? Why was _I_ betraying him? No matter how much I told myself I was a disgrace, I kept watching as the women moved to the bed while keeping contact, one straddling the other. The moans that came as they kissed were over the top but if I closed my eyes…I saw her. I saw both of us and unknowingly my hand's movements got faster, and faster. I opened my eyes again as I held my breath when I felt it rising within me, the need getting overbearing. One of the women were leaving kisses down between the others' breasts and stopped at her vagina. The groans got louder and the feeling got stronger.

Taeyeon…

She was locked in my head while I was at the edge but suddenly, another pop up for another porn site…this time it was a man and a woman. My hand slowed and my orgasm painfully started to die away. Realising this I quickened the speed while watching the very handsome man thrust into the woman….but it was gone. I'd lost it.

If you've ever experienced the feeling of losing an orgasm, you'd know it's the most frustrating thing imaginable. Knowing you were seconds away from that pleasure and then for it to stop and then slowly dissipate. Getting angry, I slammed the laptop closed, took off my clothes and got in the shower, making sure it was cold hoping it would cool me down a little.

But it didn't. As soon as _she_ and the two women came to my mind again, my hand immediately placed itself down there for the second time today and started to rub furiously. It was ecstasy as I began to approach again and I hoped all these feelings of stress and anger as well as the homosexual thoughts would disappear once I climaxed. I hadn't orgasmed for months and hadn't had sex for years and I told myself that _that_ was why I was interested in Taeyeon, it wasn't because I liked her, it was because I was horny and would be attracted to anything at that point. That's it!

So without guilt and knowing my so called 'crush' would be gone soon, I plunged my fingers into myself and pressed my face against the cold tiled wall, shutting my eyes while feeling it coming closer. I was thinking of Ian Somerhalder, Daniel Henney, Brad Pitt and sure they got me going, but I couldn't tip over that edge. My arm was beginning to tire and cramp but I was so fucking near! I cursed but allowed myself to think of her, imagining she was doing what I was doing and as I pressed my thumb down on that bundle of nerves and my fingers plunged as deep as they could…I came. It was the most intense pleasure I had felt in a long while, maybe even ever.

I backed against the wall while my fingers were still inside of me and I dragged myself down it until I was sitting. Fuck me that was good. It took me a while to recover too, I must have sat there for twenty minutes just dozing but once I got my head back from the clouds, I began to shiver because the water was icy. Quickly jumping up, I turned on the hot water and washed my hair before stepping out and drying my body.

I felt so refreshed and free, all of that anger and stress was gone and I just felt relaxed. Walking over to the bed while hand-drying my hair, I smiled when I thought of my bed and how comfortable it would be now I was free from everything but unfortunately, things didn't stay that way. All it took was a look to the book on my bed that I had gotten a while ago 'Speak' and all that happened flooded back along with the tingling of my still sensitive clit. It wasn't over, who was I kidding…I couldn't get rid of her with a stress relieving orgasm. She was always going to be there, whether I liked it or not.


	15. Chapter 15

As my boots clumped their way down the corridor, I couldn't help but be reminded of what happened last night. I had masturbated to the thought of a woman, to the thought of lesbian sex. What actually was going on? Was it some sort of test from God?  
'I'll put this girl in your work and make her irresistible and give her the power to draw you in. Your job is to thwart her attempts, to refuse her and to remain 100% heterosexual'. That's what it felt like, I was failing his test and instead of soaring I was falling, both from climaxing to the thought of her and letting her pretty much overrun my brain each and every day.

Being in solitary didn't help things either. Knowing every time I walked through that corridor that she was only a few doors away just kept her in my mind permanently. Every thought…'I wonder if Taeyeon's okay today?' 'I wonder whether Taeyeon thought of me last night too?'  
I wonder, I wonder, I wonder. Whatever she had over me, whether it was her looks, her aggressive personality or her scent…all of it was slowly killing me. I hadn't prayed since the day before yesterday because…in all honesty God hadn't even been in my thoughts. How awful is that for a Christian to say? It was all thanks to her.

Maybe I needed to start dating again, meet a nice man and pleasure myself to the thought of him instead. Each time I thought about it, I pictured the most gorgeous male I could muster and although yes, it turned me on slightly, if I switched those thoughts to of Taeyeon…there was a much bigger reaction. My body was indeed failing me.

"Breakfast inmate" I called out, reasonably proud of how my voice sounded normal even with everything going on in my head. However, she either seemed to be ignoring me or still sleeping, so I needed to go inside to give her the food. Perfect...

The key in the lock sounded extra loud today as if I was going into a lion's cage knowing I was going to be attacked. Once it was unlocked, I held the tray tightly in one hand while I pulled open the heavy door with the other, struggling slightly but managing just about. I entered inside and saw she was indeed sleeping. A sigh came from my lips as I took the tray over to the table in her room once again and then approached the bed.

She was on her back but her head was towards the side, facing away from me and she seemed to be wearing a tank top that showed off her shoulders and her prominent collar bone. Even only seeing her neck and the beginning of her chest before the blanket covered the rest was something I couldn't tear my eyes away from. Her neck was slender, delicate almost and milky-white like snow while her shoulders were strong and firm, the muscles there only slightly visible but powerful I knew from experience.

I tentatively walked closer as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake her _just_ yet. I stopped when I was standing beside her bed and looking down on her as her chest rose and fell, breathing in and out through her nose softly. It actually annoyed me how I couldn't see her face, I wanted to see just one imperfection like some drool or marks on her skin from the pattern on the pillow but I couldn't see unless I leaned over her. However, I could see her jawline….I'd never seen anything so sharp and well-shaped. I had this really bizarre urge to run my finger down the entire length of it, it was so prominent. It made her face different from any other pretty woman, it made her look mature from the side but the shape of her face from the front gave her her child-like appearance.

I found myself smiling when I thought of those photos on her Facebook of her as a child and how she hadn't changed much at all, just developed some… certain parts and grown taller, that's pretty much it. My eyes then started to scan the rest of her body and even though it was covered, I could see the slight curve of her breasts and then the flatness of her stomach before the line of her legs went on and on until my gaze ended at her feet. Again, I smiled before going all the way back up to her face…only to see she was now looking right at me.

"Oh my...fuck" I gasped from the fright while she just raised an eyebrow as if to say 'Finished?' I didn't dare look as she tore the blanket from herself and stretched her arms upwards, thrusting her chest out while she groaned as her back clicked.

"Having fun officer?" she asked as she got up and went over to her tray, making a disgusted face and then just grabbing the cup of water provided. After finishing the contents, she made her way back over to the bed and started to take off her clothes, not caring that I was right there.

"I-uh..." I frowned as my eyes had a hard time now looking away from her increasing nakedness as she tore off her bed clothes. Soon enough she was completely nude and staring at me as I studied her with parted lips, my breathing reasonably heavy. "Get dressed" I ordered before looking away and walking over to her door. "And eat"

"Wait, I need help to hook this" she called out. I willed myself to ignore her and just leave but instead found myself turning around and approaching her again, seeing that she was talking about her bra.

"Can't you do it yourself?" I muttered

"No, the hooks are weird and different from the ones I'm used to." She gave a smirk and then turned, holding out the two ends of her bra for me to take while her naked bottom seemed to be staring at me. Shaking my head to get back to the task at hand, I took her bra and tried to hook the two ends together but each time I almost got it, she leaned back into me making my fingers brush against the warm skin of her upper back. So I failed time and time again while I was sure she was having fun making me uncomfortable.

"Can you…just stay still?" I grumbled as I tried yet again only this time she leaned all the way back so her upper body was being supported by me and her head was resting on my shoulder, all while she blew warm air at the side of my neck. I resisted the urge to close my eyes at the feeling and tried to ignore the rising heat in my body but both attempts failed miserably.

"Where's the fun in that…?" she whispered before taking a long inhale through her nose. "You smell good"

Just that small compliment caused a pink colouring to come to my cheeks and I turned away as she chuckled and finally got up, still watching me though. I told myself to just get a grip though I was no longer trying to convince myself that I shouldn't be feeling this way because she's a woman. That was because I'd said that same thing so many times that I think I've gained immunity from the words, instead I found myself accepting that maybe I was curious about this girl…and maybe, _slightly_ attracted.

As she stood in front of me, I turned my head to face her and saw she was studying my facial features...so I too took the opportunity to do the same. Her eyebrows were thick but complimented her face while her eyes were dark and lustful. Her nose was small and her lips were full and pink, luscious even. She was basically perfect, no flaws at all and it aggravated me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing" she replied but didn't look away. Instead she brought her hand up, resting the back of her fingers against my cheek, the contrast of the cold touch on my heated skin was incredible though it didn't cool me down one bit. I just got hotter…and hotter.

"Stop" I whispered as I allowed my eyes to close at her touch. I was lowering my professional wall to her unintentionally but it was just impossible to resist her advances. I felt her fingers turn around so the tips were against my cheek now before she started dragging them down, over my jawline and down my neck which made me emit a shiver. "Tae-" I didn't even get to finish her name before a lone finger pressed down onto my lips, silencing me.

"Shhhh…." She whispered into my ear while I felt the tingle grow between my legs, the need rising within me just as it had last night. "Don't fight it. You want this." Her finger again travelled down but this time over my chin and down my throat until it reached the top of my shirt collar. I gasped when I heard button after button being undone until she reached the underside of my bra. I made no attempt to stop her and when I felt the goose pimples cover my whole body, I let out a whimper. The heat in my core was getting to be painful and I needed to release or I was going to go crazy but Taeyeon had other ideas.

Although my eyes were still closed, I could tell the difference between her fingers and her lips. She began to leave small kisses from my chin to my chest, following the path she'd already made with her finger. Lower and lower she went while my head leaned back and my mouth opened to let out the breath I'd been unconsciously holding. My arms hung loosely to my sides unable to do a thing to stop her but when her lips ended at the middle of my breasts, the contact was gone soon after and my eyes opened up, dark with want. She looked back at me with the same look until she winked and walked away, leaving me there to bask in the emptiness.

"W-what?" I asked while panting slightly. What was that? She just left, couldn't she have finished…? It was only then that I realised what I was saying and immediately turned around to button my shirt back up and left the room. I made sure not to look suspicious as I passed under the camera that was at the top corner of the wall and went to the employee restroom. I leaned on the sink while I looked into the mirror at my flushed face, still breathing heavily.  
"What are you doing to me?"

As I looked into that mirror and saw the desire in my eyes while her image swirled its way around my brain, I knew then that this was serious. I couldn't stop thinking of her and it was beginning to take an effect on me, I was so wet and my heartbeat hadn't adjusted to its new faster rhythm since all I saw was her. The images ranged from her naked form to…the both of us and all I wanted to do was cry at both the frustration and the fact that the woman I thought I was was slowly drifting away, being replaced by a woman lusting after another, turned on to hell every time she saw her.

It was like a fight in my mind, do I hang onto the professional Tiffany who was a Christian and respected each and every one of God's rules or do I accept the Tiffany that was so hot that she needed a certain someone's cool touch to lower her temperature?

My question was answered soon after when I found myself walking past Taeyeon's room for no particular reason and seeing that the slat in her door was open. Frowning slightly, I wondered whether that had been my fault. Had I forgotten to cover and lock it back up? I went to do it but then stopped when I heard what sounded like soft moans coming from the other side of the door. Listening for a while, I then bent over slightly and looked through the gap where my eyes widened at what I was seeing. Taeyeon was sitting with her back against the wall, legs open and head back in ecstasy as her fingers plunged slowly in and out of her core.

I licked my dry lips as I helplessly stared at the image. I couldn't move…couldn't breathe, I could only stare. It must have been a while because I became startled when her brown eyes locked onto my own before a mischievous look came onto her face and she pushed her fingers even deeper, letting out a louder moan. I gulped as she kept her eyes on me while her hips followed her hand's movements. I couldn't tear my eyes away even though my own aching core became worse as I watched her pleasure grow and grow until she shut her eyes tightly, threw her head back and let out a huge cry of ecstacy as her body began to shake uncontrollably. It was a while until she came down from her high…but as she looked to the slat in the door again, I was no longer there for I had left after the climax, desperately in need for another cold shower.

Unfortunately I couldn't, seeing as I had to perform a contraband check after letting Taeyeon out for her hour long recreation. I searched the room but my thoughts kept going back to what I had seen earlier on. How she looked at me when she orgasmed, how my core tingled in excitement while my hands trembled, wanting to have the same as her.  
Once I deemed her room safe and harbouring no items that could be of danger to her or the staff, I went to leave…only the smell I accidentally inhaled made me stop in my tracks.

I recognised it as the smell of arousal and even her womanly scent had my excitement grow. I approached while breathing only through my nose and closed my eyes as another scent joined in along with hers, my own. All I wanted to do was touch myself and I probably could have seeing as the camera in her room didn't work and she wasn't here though I had no idea how much time had flied by since I started the search. I knew deep down I couldn't though, it just wasn't right as well as it was nasty. And I was lucky I hadn't, because her door flew open only seconds later, my quick reactions making me appear to still be conducting the search while she was pushed inside by Park who gave me a glare before shutting the door behind him.

As soon as she saw me, a smirk came onto her face instantly after she looked both at my position beside her bed and then the nervousness in my eyes. She slowly came closer until she was invading my personal space, placing a hand on my waist like it was hers to do whatever she wanted with.

"Did you enjoy the show earlier beautiful?" She whispered while my body locked up. I was slightly taken aback by the flirtatious comment and I could feel the blush creeping up on my cheeks for the third time today. Only _she_ could get this reaction from me, if any of the other women even tried to have said the same thing I would have most certainly written them a shot but…Taeyeon was different.

I shuddered as she rested her hand on my stomach and gently started pushing me backwards until my back hit the wall. I couldn't stop my gulp as I realised Taeyeon was so close that I could feel her body heat and when she leaned in to place a peck on my lips, my nails resumed their place in the concrete behind me. I could feel my heart beating in my ears and my breathing becoming ragged once again as I braced myself for what she would do next. I was merely her doll, she could do anything she wanted to me now and I wouldn't be able to stop her…she had cast her spell on me and all I could gather from her touch was desire.

"I saw you watching me" She smirked and licked her lips seductively. "You know…when I came?" I felt as though I would pass out at both her words and the fact that I felt a hint of her breath brush against my lips torturously, pushing them open wider. "I bet you imagined it was _your_ fingers…your tongue inside me..." she said as she pushed her body into mine roughly, causing me to stifle a moan. "You enjoyed it didn't you?" she asked as she moved up and down, making her breasts rub against mine unforgivably. The bastard feelings inside of me were coming to the surface, the need to have her right now clouding my better judgement. The heat was rising up and up and then overflowing needing to be released and finally...I snapped.

I wrapped my hands around her and pressed my lips against hers, the guttural moan finally coming from within me. I pulled her closer and manoeuvred my head whichever way was needed to deepen the kiss. The feeling of her was indescribable and when she took the lead, her tongue begging for entrance which I allowed instantly by opening my mouth in acceptance…I was gone. I was in a lust induced daze as I felt her hands make their way down my back to cup my ass which made me growl in excitement.

My body was alight, and all I felt was the burning need to have Taeyeon. She was a woman but right now I couldn't fucking care less because the way she made me feel was better than any man I'd ever had in my life. Taeyeon broke the kiss and made me gasp as she moved down and sucked on my pulse point with undying eagerness. When her hand moved from my ass to cup my core, I was about to die in her arms, the pleasure becoming too great to handle. I was ready to climax just from the pressure in between my legs…

"Hwang to post" came the booming voice on my radio giving me a mini heart attack as I pushed Taeyeon away.

Once I came back to earth and realised what was happening, I tried to grab the radio from my belt but the trembling of my hands made a three second job into a ten second one. "This is Hwang, I'm coming" I replied shakily.

Those words that could have been used for _something else_ did nothing to calm my state and I thumped my back against the wall while holding my head. "Oh god…" I groaned as the repercussions of what I'd just done came as I slowly started to ease back into reality. When I looked up at her, I was at a loss for words yet again but this time it was because Taeyeon smiled at me. Like, a real smile...a friendly smile and I found myself staring at that dimple as her perfect teeth were unveiled.

"I think you'd better get back to work officer" she winked and then walked away while I cleared my throat and did just that. I had to go to the restroom once again because of the state of my underwear but once I was cleaned up, I was looking forward to my next job hopefully being away from her to allow my body to recuperate. Only luck wasn't on my side, I was to go and collect her dinner. Yes that's right, I'd have no break from her today…I was stuck with this girl which only increased my uneasiness.

Waiting in line to get the lone tray of food that I was to bring to her was providing me time to think about all that had just happened and what was going to happen next. Now I was free to think properly and not being rendered a stuttering mess under her gaze, I decided I couldn't let her kiss me again, or touch me even though my body wanted the opposite. Whatever we had, it had to stop now before things got...out of control. Not that I would allow it to go further…or would I?

I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. Just imagining her taking it to the next level was something I didn't need right now, not while being around the other officers and still being hyped up. Once I finally got to the front of the line, I held out her tray to be filled and found myself making a plan in my head. Go in, give tray and get out. Simple right?

Wrong. As soon as I opened the door and entered, I was met by a half-naked Taeyeon who seemed to be a little stuck. Her bottom half was covered by her panties which was fine seeing as it covered her slightly, but her top half was completely naked up until her neck which is where the problem started. She must have been in the middle of taking off her long sleeved top that she normally wore under her uniform when it somehow got caught around her neck leaving her arms trapped above her head, wrapped up in the shirt. She was struggling to remove it but each time she tried it only went so far before going back to its original position, just above her naked breasts.

I cleared my throat and without taking my eyes off the would-be comical situation if her breasts weren't jiggling with every movement, I placed down her tray and stood just far enough away to gauge the situation

"Uh...are you okay there?" I asked, half amused and half slightly concerned.

I saw her turn a little before figuring out which direction my voice was coming from and then turning the opposite way, hiding her nakedness from me. Much appreciated.

"I'm...uh, kinda stuck." She replied, her tone letting me know that her mood was good, not angry anyway. She began to wiggle her body again which unbeknownst to her made her buttocks jiggle, providing me with another uncomfortable viewing. She tried for a while before exhaling loudly and giving up. "I think my necklace is caught on my shirt or in my hair or... maybe both."

I started to walk over slowly, trying to keep my eyes up and not on her behind thought it was rather difficult seeing as how firm and soft it looked. "You know necklaces are forbidden here right? How did you even hide that?" I asked, folding my arms and stopping my movements to listen to what she had to say.

"Are we really going to talk with me like this?" She answered, sounding slightly frustrated now and not wanting to piss her off, I didn't say anything else about that topic. I then cleared my throat awkwardly.

"Do you want me to...?"

There was a brief silence before she sighed in defeat "Yeah"

A small smile came on my face and I closed the gap between us, hesitantly bringing both hands to where the back of her neck would be if it wasn't covered with her shirt. While trying to ignore the rising heat in a certain region when I brushed my fingers against her nape (purely accidental by the way), I began pulling at the shirt.

"Oh man..." I chuckled when I realised it really was stuck well and good.  
As I worked, I couldn't help the smile getting wider as she stayed perfectly still allowing everything I was doing to her instead of screaming and telling me to get out every five seconds. "You know..." I smirked, "I would have thought that someone with your strength could have ripped their way out of this by now"

I heard a muffled chuckle before she replied. "I'm fully capable, it's just this is my only shirt. I haven't got the chance to ask to have the others from my room so I didn't want to ruin it"

"Ah okay" I nodded in understanding and finding that my confidence increased when I couldn't see her eyes, I continued "And…where's your bra?" I asked playfully.

"You left without hooking it so I just went without" She replied, giving what looked to be a shrug though I couldn't be sure. "Your fault"

I sniggered under my breath while still working on her shirt. Once I pulled a little more, I managed to free it from around the back of her necklace and could see the back of her head now. "Okay...the back is free, turn around"

So I had forgotten that her breasts were on show and my smile soon began to falter when I laid my eyes on her twins and diminished entirely when I saw her erect nipples that showed either she was aroused, or cold...or both. Either the hesitation to continue releasing her or the loud gulp I made caught her attention because I heard her scoff behind the shirt.

"I hope you're not taking advantage of my predicament officer"

Shit "Huh? N-no I'm not, don't be ridiculous I would never-" I gave up because I knew I sounded ridiculous. With a quiet sigh that wasn't as quiet as I hoped, I again began prying the shirt away from the front of her necklace. I couldn't truthfully say that my gaze stayed _entirely_ on her neck when her breasts were only inches from my view but I tried my best. Jesus I'm going to hell. "Almost got it..." One more pull and... "Ah, there. You're free" I grinned, proud at the accomplishment.

She pulled down her shirt and when her eyes were finally unveiled, I saw they were black as the night. Taeyeon then exhaled loudly, it must have been hot in there since it certainly was hot in here but maybe that was just me...

"Yeah right" she said as she looked around the room that confined her. Not quite free enough…

I frowned as I saw a flash of something across her eyes, something similar to the Taeyeon that I saw the last time she was in solitary. I then realised that no matter how cocky she was, no matter how fine she seemed on the outside…she wasn't. She wasn't fine, she would never be _fine_. Solitary isn't a place where you can feel perfectly fine when those doors are locked and when there's nothing but your own thoughts to keep you company. Taeyeon didn't speak to others when she wasn't in solitary, but at least she had the _option_. Right here, she didn't. All she had to talk to was herself and if we had a normal officer-inmate relationship, I'd barely be in her room at all.  
I didn't _need_ to go into her room if she didn't take her tray from me when I passed it through the slat. I could just write on her information beside the door that she hadn't eaten and she would go without until the next meal. That's how it usually went, but the idea of her starving of course didn't sit well with me so I went inside each time.

I _shouldn't_ beentering her room three or four times a day like I was doing, no way. The idea of solitary is indeed that; solitary. Being alone is part of the punishment and what I was doing wasn't allowed but the things that were happening in that room also wasn't allowed. I was breaking so many rules for her but the thing is, I didn't care. Despite my behaviour, I hadn't been called to see Nichkhun but was sure he was watching the CCTV cameras every now and again which would show me going in and out of her room...But maybe he just thought I was doing that to piss her off? I don't know.

I knew that she wouldn't talk to me and open her heart after what happened between us last time but I'd like to think that there was a certain level of trust there now, even if it was the tiniest amount imaginable. I was sure she enjoyed my company but there was always a nagging voice at the back of my head telling me that this was all part of her plan for revenge. That she still wasn't over the past and she was making me reliant on her attention and affection only to one day push me away and refuse the drug that I was becoming addicted to - Her.

I must have just been stood there zoning out because when my thoughts faded and I came back to reality, all my worries left me when she took my face in her hands. I closed my eyes and relished in the caring nature of somebody that could be so dangerous if she wanted to be and sighed as I felt myself melt into her arms. Even though my thoughts were empty now, there was still some resistance there that I couldn't get rid of.

"What am I doing?" I whispered, unsure of whether she even heard. The feeling of her hands stroking my cheeks before making their way down each side of my neck to rest on my shoulders made my brows lift slightly, but my eyes didn't open. It felt ten times more intense when I couldn't see what was going to happen next. "What are _we_ doing?" I sighed.

"Nothing" she replied, leaving her hands there to start massaging my tense muscles slightly until they kept going on their journey downwards, stopping at my waist this time.

"This isn't nothing" I said before gasping when she pulled me forward roughly, going from her gentle side to her aggressive one was, I had to admit quite a turn on. How she could just take me right here and now and even if I fought against her, I'd never be able to free myself unless she allowed it. Not that I _would_ fight, every touch she gave me drained my strength so much so that I found it hard to stop my knees buckling whenever she lay her hands on me. "This is wrong" I said as I bit my lip, controlling the moan that would otherwise be coming out as she moved downwards, her hands now on my outer thighs.

"It's only wrong if you make it out to be." She whispered, leaning in to press her lips against mine. I kept thinking about her touch over and over, each time she did, whether intimate or not the tension in my limbs and the shivers down my spine were over-bearing. "If you really thought this was wrong, you'd be pulling away….but you aren't" she said into my mouth and I found myself kissing her back with more vigour, her words getting through to me like she was some sort of hypnotist capable of making me forget everything else but what I was feeling right now. "Touch me" she commanded.

It seemed all my rigid limbs needed was permission because the moment those words left her mouth, my one arm was around her waist and the other was in her hair, squeezing tightly and holding her head there slightly fearful that she'd pull away again. She bit my lower lip hard but I needed the pain for the gasp that ensued from my mouth gave me time to take in some air before she grabbed my jaw and cut it off again with her lips. I felt her hands roaming around my body and then the loud click as she undid my work belt and threw it to the floor with a resounding thud.

'No, no, no' I wanted to say. I needed to stop her but it was already happening and the lust that filled my body was something uncontrollable. I groaned when she kissed me more aggressively, making it hard for me to catch up while my hands were everywhere feeling her stunning body beneath her clothes.  
Taeyeon reached up and grabbed a clump of my own hair, pulling it back roughly so my throat would be of more access to her and then immediately latched her lips onto the skin there, the moan that came from me was almost animalistic. I felt her suck and lick as if her life depended on it "D-don't leave a m-mark" I struggled but she didn't listen, instead with the hand that wasn't holding my head at an angle, she reached down and unbuttoned my trousers with ease. It was then that she finished on my neck and connected our lips once more before slipping her hand inside my pants.

Knowing where this was going, I pulled away and tried my best to say no but the moment I felt the emptiness as our lips parted, I just had to lean in again finding myself unable to be away from her at this moment. I felt she started to move her fingers over my soaking underwear, tickling me teasingly. My chest heaved up and down as the lust overrided everything that told me what I was doing was illegal and wrong, I couldn't care less at that moment, especially when she pushed down onto my clit with incredible pressure

Taeyeon increased her speed and alternated her movements from rubbing back and forth to circling while I grunted at the sensation. It had been so long since I had been touched that way other than by my own hand and there was no trying to stop it now, not when I was approaching what soon would be the most intense orgasm I have ever had. She stroked my clit harder and faster and it was just too much, the pleasure was too powerful and I found myself squirming but she held me still. Moans were the only things coming from my mouth now as I felt the incredible burning sensation as that bundle nerves was worked like never before.

"Oh my….fuck" I growled as I brought up one of my legs and wrapped it around the back of hers, giving her more access to perform the magic she was. When my breaths got shallow, she knew I was almost there so sped up her pace causing my orgasm to fly over the edge and hit me like a train. She had to hold her hand over my mouth just in case a passing guard would hear as I screamed. Moments later I heard her heavy breathing from working to provide the stimulation she had just given me and then half dazed, I felt movement just by my thigh. I then realised she was getting herself off and although much less powerful, she came soon after while my poor overworked body slid down the wall and attempted to begin its recovery.

I felt a sense of relief as days of pent up sexual frustration was finally released the way it needed to be but also disgust. How I've basically now spat in God's face and how I've become a different person and also how everything about my life could change now. I must have stayed there for at least another half hour just trying to get my breathing back to normal and my heartbeat under control all while thinking about what I was going to do now...This can't go on, I know I said that before _this_ happened but really...I could be fired, arrested even if someone got a hold of this. Plus the way I was feeling was so new and intense, so much so that I was scared. I didn't want to feel this way for anyone, let alone a woman. I was independent, I couldn't be hung on a fucking prisoner that I didn't even know that well. If this carried on, from what I was experiencing now...I could seriously fall for this girl and she could completely break my heart. I didn't need that! After a few more moments I finally found the strength to move, just wanting to get out of there as fast as possible.

"I uh… I better get going okay?," I breathed, standing up rather wobbly as my groin was still on fire before bending down and quickly grabbing my belt, pulling it on just like I would with clothes strewn all over the floor which fit the theme right now. I literally felt like this was a one night stand and I regretted it immensely.

Taeyeon ran a hand through her messy hair and looked at me with her smirk. "Well, _I_ certainly can't go anywhere."

I gave a forced smile at that and then once making all the necessary steps to ensure I looked just like I had when I entered purely for the camera and also if I ran into another CO, I left without another word. No doubt confusing the girl who had just pleasured me like no other, still sweating slightly from her strenuous attempts of making me feel good.


	16. Chapter 16

The smile that lit up her face when I walked in was only miniscule but it was nice to see how she was actually happy to see me now instead of glaring at me all the time. Unfortunately that smile was to be wiped off soon after, maybe even being replaced with a glare, but it had to be done.  
She approached and rested her hands on my hips, it felt right but at the same time I knew it wasn't. This whole thing, regardless of how my heart soared when she kissed me or how my thighs tingled when she touched me…it had to end here and now.

A week and a half had passed since our first risqué encounter and although after that first time I vowed it wouldn't happen again…it did. Over and over, each time I entered she took me and each time I allowed it because I was addicted to it, or rather her. Like I said before, she was a drug that was hard to get clean from when I was faced with temptation _every_ day but now it was getting out of hand, way more serious than I ever intended.  
I couldn't look at her when I grabbed her hands and took them from my body because I knew it would hurt for me to see the look in her eyes at me refusing her advances.

"What?" she asked, a confused frown on her face.

"No Taeyeon" I sighed, folding my arms across my chest to feel some comfort, some form of embrace. "We can't do this"

"Do what?"

My eye line raised so I was looking anther properly. "You know what. It can't happen again."

Another frown but this one was slightly angry. "Why? What changed?"

"Me? I'm not that person" I never realised how painful this could be, I was making our relationship worse by doing this because despite the fact we slept with each other god knows how many times…we were getting on. She was smiling at me each time I came into her room, getting more and more talkative when she wasn't plunging her fingers inside of me… _but now_?

She scoffed "Funny, you _were_ that person yesterday…and the day before, and the day before that…cumming in my hand again and again"

"Please don't make this worse than it needs to be" I exhaled slowly "Please don't get angry with me, I'm so confused right now Taeyeon"

"Okay….so let me get this straight. You aren't interested in women yet…you kiss me back? You allow what I do to you? Why?"

This conversation wasn't going anywhere "I don't know, that's why I'm confused. But it has to sto-"

"What are you afraid of?" She interrupted, grabbing hold of my hands, tracing soothing circles around my wrists. I closed my eyes at her gentle touch.

"I have so much to lose from this" I sighed, reluctantly pulling my hands away from her grip again. If this got out, I'd lose my job, I'd be arrested for sexual assault. _That's_ what I'm afraid of"

She stared at me for a while, trying to judge what I was thinking. "No it's not." She concluded, she then started walking, making me back up trying to avoid her touch again "You're afraid of what you're feeling, you're afraid of the desire you have for what I can do to you"

I shook my head, denying everything, trying to tell my brain that what she was saying was a lie…"No"

"Yes."

"I like guys" I frowned, now that she was so close I held my hand out to stop her from coming any closer but she simply walked into it, purposely inserting her breast into my palm. I had such an awful urge to squeeze but also the same urge to drop my hand, neither happened though.

"And it's quite clear that you like girls too" she smirked, leaning in to teasingly blow onto my lips. My eyes shut to savour the feeling, my lips parting unconsciously to allow her to kiss me since my head was somewhere else just like all the other times. The tingling and shivering took over my body when she grabbed both my wrists and firmly pinned them to the wall either side of my head. She was only a little shorter than me but when she pressed her lips to mine, it didn't matter since she was stronger than me in both strength and personality.

She was sure, I mean that in the fact that she knew who she was and she accepted it. I was jealous of that, how she could just go day by day without worrying what people thought, to have the ability to love somebody no matter the gender. There's rumours about her being a murderer but does she cry about it? No. She doesn't give a fuck and _that_ , I wanted for myself but unfortunately I don't work that way. My mind refused to accept such a drastic change in my life, a change in how I felt about a certain inmate because at the end of the day…that's all she should be to me. An inmate.

"I like guys" I repeated, telling myself over and over while she added to the many faded purple bruises on my neck. Once she was done, she freed up one of her hands by passing my one wrist to the other, holding them together above my head so she could unbutton my shirt. I struggled against her but even I admit my attempts were feeble because my body _didn't want_ to get away, it wanted this to happen but my head had yet to catch up with my body's reactions. "I like guys" Again, who was I trying to convince?

My mouth opened to draw in a gasp when Taeyeon latched her lips around my nipple which she had since pulled out of my bra. It was already erect so every touch, every flick she made with her tongue was incredible. I felt my hips buck slightly, my body's way of telling her to keep going. I was gone again, my thoughts fuzzy.

When she nibbled the hardened nub, a frown came to my face at the sensation. Mine were sensitive as if they were hooked up on a direct line to my clit and each caress she did sent a twitch down that route making me gasp or growl in response. She knew exactly what she was doing and when she _touched me_ as well as performing her magic on my breasts, I was moaning uncontrollably.

"I like guys…" I said as I approached. "I like guy-ah!" The feeling was unbelievable. "I like…oh my gosh!" My eyes squeezed tightly shut as I felt the pleasure. It wasn't a fraction of what I felt the first time we were together, that was of course my first time experiencing what a woman could do in place of a man... but it was still amazing, the same as all the other times. As I came down, the fuzziness in my head started to die down too, my thoughts becoming clear but what I ended up saying to her was both surprising and hurtful. It was surprising because of how I felt when I said it, how confident I was about it despite my overall confusion but it was hurtful because of her reaction. "I like…. _you_ " I exhaled.

That was it. Yes, I may be in denial about being a lesbian or bisexual or whatever but I was sure despite the circumstances that….this wasn't _just_ lust. If it was, each time I thought of her I'd be thinking of her in lewd ways, but I wasn't. I thought of her smile and how wonderful I felt when I saw it. I thought of her and her love for books, how her child-like face lit up when she saw them, how she got lost in the story. That wasn't lust. Sure the fact that she was a prisoner was always there in my mind as well as the fact that she had vagina and not a penis. But, I liked her for _her_ , as a person.

A look of shock passed over Taeyeon's features and she remained speechless for a while. I immediately regretted what I had said as Taeyeon let go of my wrists and made some distance between us. She was looking at the ground and I knew I'd made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that" I tried to backtrack but the damage was already done.

"It's uh…nothing" She replied, still not looking my way, her tone slightly awkward.

"It's obviously something, look at your reaction." I frowned, gaining some confidence to confront her. "Is it a bad thing?"

Taeyeon spared me a glance before walking back to her bed, sitting with her back against the wall and her legs bent at the knee. She looked up at me with curiosity in her eyes. "Maybe."

I started to walk towards her but when she lay down and pretended to place her mind elsewhere, I knew it was time for me to go. "If it's any consolation, I don't _want_ to feel this way. It's fucking scary."

She just nodded before turning her head away from me "Until next time"

Knowing there was no going back from what I'd said…I smiled slightly to conceal my hurt feelings even though she wasn't looking at me. "Yeah. See you" I replied before turning to leave. That was until I heard her getting up. I looked back and saw she was coming back over, a slight softness in her eyes now. I felt like a complete idiot so lowered my gaze but Taeyeon grabbed my jaw lightly, tilted my head up and connected our lips together. It wasn't aggressive like the others, it wasn't one that would lead to sex…it was just a kiss.

When we parted, it took a while for me to open my eyes but once I did, I saw her giving me a side smile that was in fact quite charming. "Bye" she said as she bowed her head slightly and then returned to her bed.

I watched her for a while as she picked up the book I had gotten her from the library and started to read. I admired her for what had to be a minute before snapping out of my daze and leaving her to it. As I locked her door, I found myself thinking about why I had gone to see her in the first place - to end things. I banged my head against the door subtly until I tutted at myself and walked away. Who was I kidding? My will power was next to none, this wasn't going to stop now or anytime soon.

I woke up to the ringing of my phone. Groaning at how the loud noise penetrated my eardrums like a blade, I winced as I opened up my eyes and looked at the clock on my bedside table – 4am. Four in the fucking morning, what the hell?

"Hello?" I grumbled, not impressed at all while I allowed my head to flop back down on the pillow.

"Tiff it's me" It was Yuri and she sounded slightly agitated. Still, no excuse.

"Yuri do you have _any_ idea what time it is?" I scolded

"I need to talk to you, now"

I sat up slightly at the urgency in her voice. "What's up?"

"I'm outside your building. Buzz me in."

And then she hung up. What the fuck? With a whimper as I left my warm bed and at the cold air giving me goose pimples almost immediately, I shuffled my way out of my bedroom and went to let Yuri in, leaving my door ajar after I'd allowed her entry.  
I then made my way over to my coffee machine and turned it on, unable to contain the yawns that kept coming and coming. I got out two mugs and asked if Yuri wanted sugar when I heard the door slam closed.

"One" she replied, sitting down on the table in the kitchen watching my every move.

Once I sat down, I cupped my hands around the hot mug relishing the heat while I watched Yuri take a sip of hers. She didn't look any better than me, wearing a baggy hoodie and had her hair tied up in a bun. "Are you gonna tell me what this is about?" I asked.

"Okay. Tiff I'm just gonna come out with it okay? If I'm wrong…feel free to batter me"

I frowned at that. "Alright…"

Yuri hesitated before sighing. "Tiffany…..are you sleeping with an inmate?"

My whole face dropped as my head started to spin, my eyes widening sufficiently. This was it, Yuri may be my friend but if she knew about what Taeyeon and I were doing…it was her duty like it was any other CO to report me. She took the silence as a yes and I held my head in my hands, shaking it in disbelief. How had she known? I thought I was being careful.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" She seethed, angry that I would be so stupid. "Do you not know what could happen as a result of this?"

"Of course I know" I shot back.

"Fuck Tiff…. What the hell happened? What happened to 'God is my role model' or whatever the fuck you believed in?"

"I…" I didn't even know what to say. "Yuri this wasn't my intention. I didn't set out for anything like this to happen, you know that! I always refused any attempts of seduction because I found it vile-"

"And you don't find it vile anymore? Was it the talk we had?" Yuri paused and it looked like a lightbulb had gone off in her head. "Did I unknowingly talk you into getting with a girl?" She asked, her mouth open in shock.

"No. It just happened. I couldn't stop it" Tears began to fill my eyes. I trusted Yuri but this was a very serious matter.

"Who is it?"

I raised my eye line and saw that her eyes were hard, stern. There was no use trying to ignore her or lie to her. "Taeyeon"

"Who the fuck is Taeyeon?" she frowned before it dawned on her. "Oh my god…its Kim isn't it? The blonde that you've been watching and perving on for months"

Bowing my head again answered her question. "How did you know about…?"

"Tiff, I saw you leaving solitary all flustered. It's not hard to figure out and you're lucky it was me who saw and not Nichkhun. God forbid if he had…your career would be shit."

"I know" I didn't need her telling me what I already knew.

"Okay let's figure this out" she said once she saw how guilty I felt, how sorry I was. "This was just a one-time thing right?"

My jaw clenched while I slowly shook my head, just feeling the disappointment wafting off of Yuri.

"Twice? Three times?" she questioned.

I looked up at her with my teary eyes. "Just under two weeks"

Yuri stood up immediately, her chair scraping against the kitchen floor painfully and then began to pace, biting nervously at her nails. "This can end everything you've spent your life achieving Tiffany. Is this really worth risking your career over?"

"Can I ask you something?" I answered, avoiding her question. "How do you feel when you know you _really_ like a person?"

"Tiff…." She warned .

"Please…just tell me"

Yuri sighed before sitting down, taking my hands in hers. She saw the desperate look in my eyes. "You…think about them almost constantly, everything they do makes you tingle inside…" Yuri was watching my reactions to her words care fully. "They can make you feel strong and weak at the same time…their touch makes you feel powerless, unable to resist."

I nodded. There's my answer. "I can't stay away from her."

She tried to come up with another way of thinking about it. "That's because you've gotten used to her, Nichkhun put you in charge of her care right? She gets out of solitary soon so once she does…just stop this." She talked about it like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"I can't" I replied, much louder this time.

"Answer me this. Are you falling for _her_ …or the way she fucks you?" I was surprised at her bluntness and recoiled a little. "Seriously. Is this a lust thing?"

"No." I replied. "At least I don't think so…come on you just explained what it was to like somebody and you described me to a tee."

"And her?"

That was a question I couldn't answer. I suspected all she felt for me was lust but…could it be possible that she liked me too?

"You don't know do you." Yuri scoffed. "Tiff this girl will chew you up and spit you out. You can't trust her…It's highly possible she's going to boast about sleeping with a CO and I'm telling you now, you have to stop seeing her" Yuri went to get up, to leave me with that thought but I couldn't help replying.

"I don't know if I can do that"

"Well…" Yuri said with a shrug, giving up for the meantime. "I hope you know what you're doing." With that she left.

"Hey, let go" I ordered, trying to hold back my smile.

"Make me" she replied, holding my wrists together in front of me with a glint in her eye.

Unfortunately, Yuri's warnings had gone in one ear and out the other. It wasn't intended of course but each time I saw Taeyeon I just forgot. I was pleased to find she was being playful today, in a great mood. As soon as I walked in, she basically tackled me, pushing me to the wall while she licked her lips.

"Okay officer…." She smirked, taking a moment to look me up and down. "You think you're so tough? Get free"

"Is this the game you like to play?" I replied, an eye-smile taking over my expression while I tested her strength. "You like to wrestle?"

"Maybe. I want to assess whether you're good. Ex officer to officer I mean" she winked. "Not counting the fact that you are being fucked by an inmate every day of course"

"Funny" I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

It had been another week and this was now a regular occurrence, the joking around and the comfortable flirtatious banter. It had taken a while to get to this point but I think…I'd accepted the fact that I one, was screwed either way, and two, was becoming more and more attracted to this girl as time went on. Her being what I thought to be her normal self, not the Taeyeon that was her façade but actually _herself,_ the person she hadn't showed anybody but me was making me believe that my feelings were reciprocated but I couldn't be sure. All I knew, is that she liked to fuck me and she felt comfortable enough to be herself around me, that's all that mattered right now.

"Come on, fight me. Amuse me" She grinned, leaning forward as if she was going to kiss me, our lips only inches apart. When I went to close the gap, she leaned backwards, teasing me which in turn caused me to fight against her grasp. "Weak" she smirked.

"That wasn't my attempt" I replied, raising my eyebrow while she tightened her hold on me ready for my great escape which of course…didn't happen. I struggled to the best of my ability while she watched on with a cocky smile on her face. I was determined to prove her wrong, so I made a cheap move, curving my leg behind hers to sweep her feet out from under her but she wasn't stupid.  
She instead counter attacked, making me fall to the ground with her on top straddling me.

Over the course of our 'friends with benefits' relationship, we had never had sex lying down, only standing. This, what we were doing now seemed way more intimate and I found myself looking into her deep eyes, getting lost like I had all the times before. We didn't make any move to get up, we just lay there enjoying the closeness. It was then that I leaned up and kissed her, pouring my feelings out unintentionally and while it may have only been a short kiss, it meant a whole lot more than I had intended. When I dropped my head back to the ground, Taeyeon was looking down on me in slight confusion.

"Can I ask you something?" I said, cutting the silence short. She nodded but didn't avert her gaze. "Can you….tell me something about you?" This was a long shot, but that damn curiosity to know her more was rearing its ugly head again. Taeyeon frowned at the question and loosened her grip on me. "Seriously, I want to know about you."

"Why?" her frown deepened.

"Because….you're a mystery." I replied "I'm open, if you asked me something I'd answer but you…I'm not so sure." Since she wasn't holding me as tightly anymore, I leaned on my elbows making it so she was taller than me, still looking slightly down to meet my gaze. "What do you like?"

Taeyeon tilted her head while her eyes looked off into the distance, unsure of whether to answer. "Books" she grinned while I rolled my eyes at her answer. "Okay um…. I like, painting or drawing" I knew that too, but I was eager to know more about her passion.

"What do you like to draw?"

"People, landscapes….whatever I want really" she shrugged. I smiled when I thought about her drawings and how talented she was. She could have been an artist or even a graphic designer, her skills were incredible.

"And that girl in your sketchbook? Who is she?"

It was only a second before her light mood dropped, darkening almost immediately causing me to lean back a little in response. I saw her look away, her eyes black as she thought about whatever was in her head right now, whatever I had put there. She got up, walking away back to her bed.

"What?" I frowned, standing up with her before dusting off the backs of my clothes.

"Can you go?" Her voice was deep and unfriendly, please tell me I hadn't just made us take two steps backwards. I felt like cutting off my tongue, I could seriously not say anything right around this woman unless it was 'Ah! Faster!' When I didn't move she raised her voice a little "You shouldn't be here, it looks suspicious"

"Like that's stopped us before" I retorted, confused at her changing mood so suddenly.

"Can you please just leave me alone?" she asked again.

"What?" I was so muddled, what's her problem?

"You heard me, officer" My heart hurt at the way she called me as if we didn't know each other and I was just any other guard to her. It stung. "I don't want you here"

I felt as if I'd just been kicked, slapped in the face "What the hell did I do?"

"Go!" she shouted, her voice filling the room, her eyes fiery.

I felt the tense atmosphere and I knew when I wasn't wanted so I turned to leave, stopping just short of the door. "Fine. If that's what you really want" I said before slamming the door and locking her inside. She really needed to sort her anger issues.

After a few days without seeing Taeyeon since she got out of solitary, I requested some time off because I was finding it way too hard to stay away, to even catch a glimpse of her. I was currently at a nightclub, sat at the bar while the bartender tried to flirt but my mind was elsewhere. The music was deafening and although I felt my head was spinning from the alcohol I had already consumed, I wasn't quite drunk enough. As soon as I went to order another vodka-coke, the bartender smiled at me and produced one but didn't take my money.

"Hey, I haven't paid for that" I slurred, thrusting the cash in his face which he simply took and put back in my bag which was sitting on top of the bar.

"Courtesy of the guy over there" he winked and motioned to my right. I followed his finger and saw a man looking over at me, smirking while sipping the same drink as I before getting up and making his way over to me.

I smelt his aftershave as he slipped into the seat beside me, his gaze on my breasts "Hi" he winked

"Hello" I replied, "Uh….thanks. For this" I said as I held up the drink before taking a big gulp and wincing slightly at the growing headache.

"You should slow down a little, I've been watching you down those things like they are water" he chuckled. His voice was deep and alluring, he was handsome too but I wasn't interested. Poor guy was wasting his time.

"Yeah well…I've had a bad week" I sighed, stirring my finger in the remainder of my drink absentmindedly.

"Oh yeah? What would a pretty thing like you have to worry about?" I wanted to laugh at his attempts but that would be rude.

"Plenty" I smiled and looked at him, his hazel eyes meeting mine for a moment before I looked away.

"Care to talk about it?" he asked, making a move to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear effectively making me uncomfortable. He retreated his hand soon after though he stayed sitting next to me, holding onto a little hope maybe.

"Sorry I'm not really interested" I said rather bluntly, hearing him scoff before he left and not without an insult my way about being a cock-tease. Yuri was right, men are dickheads.

I chuckled to myself and once I finished my drink, got up to leave but I felt another presence beside me, waiting for me to notice them.

"Listen…" I said, my tone quite pissed now thinking it was him again. "I told you I'm not…" as I turned I saw a rather stunning woman looking back at me, her long, dark brown hair and dark eyes glistening under the disco lights. She raised her eyebrows for me to continue my sentence but seeing as that guy was no longer here, I chose to make myself comfortable again, turning slightly towards her. "Hey"

"Hi, can I buy you a drink?" she smiled, it was obvious that she had an ulterior motive but feeling the buzz from the alcohol a lot more now, I amused her.

"I think…I need to lay off the booze right now." I chuckled. "I'm getting a little dizzy"

"Are you alright?" She asked, concern taking over her features. "Do you want water?"

"Water would be great" I smiled, "Thanks…?"

"Bora" she replied, holding out her hand. I took it before introducing myself

"Tiffany"

"That's a nice name, American?" She grinned, a glint in her eye.

"Bravo" I chuckled, giving a light applause at her guess. I was completely drunk.

There was a comfortable silence as we both finished our drinks but she broke it soon after "Okay, lets skip the bullshit" She smirked, her gaze turning mischievous. I raised my eyebrows at what she'd said but waited for her to finish while she started looking around and then leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Do you want to go back to my place?"


	17. Chapter 17

Slowly, I surfaced from my dream-like state and a quick glance out of the window proved it to still be dark outside. It must have only been around three or four in the morning. As my growing headache pounded against my skull, I rested my palm over the heated skin and with a wince, I sat up. Although I felt slightly dizzy and light-headed, I was completely aware of my surroundings and if it wasn't obvious enough, the liquid that coated my thighs and the air full of the musky smell of attraction were _big_ hints. As I closed my eyes and my thoughts travelled back to last night, I felt the pain in my head worsen slightly.

"Wine, Tiffany?" Asked Bora as she settled on the sofa next to me, smiling at how I was looking around her rather lavish apartment in awe. This woman seemed very well off, there was so much space and so many expensive gadgets just lying around as if she wouldn't care if someone were to come in and steal them, like they could be easily replaced. I didn't realise she'd asked me a question but a hand on my knee brought back my attention to the beautiful woman beside me, who was handing over glass of red wine with a smirk.

"Ah, thank you" I smiled, taking an experimental sip to see if my drunkenness wasn't going to be affected, it didn't seem so. Bora continued to stare at me while I shot shy smiles at her now and again as she studied my every feature quite openly.

"Why do I get the feeling you don't do this often?" She chuckled, pushing the wine glass to my lips gently, trying to get me to relax a little.

"Uh….because I don't?" With a shy smile I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before attempting to ease more comfortably into the sofa, but it was so damn far back I stumbled a little, making a complete tit out of myself no doubt.

Bora did nothing but smile, crossing her legs while resting an elbow on the settee's arm, seductively playing around with one of her fingers with her tongue. It caught my eye most definitely but I still felt rather awkward about this whole thing, I don't even know why I accepted. It most certainly was out of character but there's that saying 'we tell the truth when we're drunk' or something along those lines anyway…maybe we do what we really want when we are drunk too?

Getting a little uncomfortable under her lewd stare and the awkward silence developing, I asked to use her bathroom which she pointed out soon after. I didn't fail to notice her smirk as I got up and when I glanced over my shoulder I saw she was focused on my legs as I walked. I felt a slight tinge in the pit of my stomach when I observed her interest and couldn't help but sway my hips slightly, I mean come on….being looked at like that by such a gorgeous woman does giveyou some confidence.

I soon found the toilet and locked the door after entering, immediately going over to the mirror to check my appearance. My hair looked a bit shabby so I styled it a little with water and then proceeded to do my business. I asked myself over and over what the actual hell I was doing but decided to ignore my inner conscience and just do it. Do whatever she wants, she's beautiful after all and when I looked in the mirror for one last time and then opened the door, it seemed it was time. Startled to see Bora was waiting outside, her wine and mine in hand, I jumped slightly at her unexpected presence while she just smirked and motioned with her head to follow her… to the bedroom.

I started to gnaw at bottom lip, anxiety felt in my tummy as I contemplated what was going to happen next. Well of course _that_ but how was she going to lead up to it? After all, I was pretty awkward...but I guess from my perspective of her so far, she seemed very confident in herself so I saw her just wanting to dive right in. No small talk.

When she opened her door I was immediately struck by both the largeness of her room and her bed, I took a deep breath in in an effort to soothe my nerves and followed her inside. I didn't fail to notice she had closed her door behind us, a grin on her face as she looked at her prey up and down with predatory eyes; me.

"Babe. Chill, I don't bite" she said as she walked up to my rigid body and then passed by to stroll over to her bed, sitting down on the edge and taking off her heels. She shuffled upwards, taking one of the sides of the king sized mattress only to then seductively drum her fingers on the opposite side, raising an eyebrow my way silently telling me to join her.

I made an attempt at humour by saying "What if I like to be bitten?" The snort I thought further assured her that it was intended as a joke but the way her eyes lit up told me otherwise. She patted the bed this time with more vigour, eager for me to be lying beside her. I guess….this was really going to happen.

So with my nerves evident, I took a seat beside her, awkwardly lying back while she turned onto her side, her head propped up by her hand while she looked right at me. Her stare never wavered. "You're really beautiful" she complimented, causing a slight blush to come up on my cheeks. In an attempt to blame it on the wine, I quickly turned making it so my face was out of view and gulped down the last few mouthfuls which was fair to say, quite a bit.

"Thanks, you too" I smiled as she laughed, her gaze now on my mouth. Slowly she reached out and wiped her thumb under my bottom lip as if there was something there and then retracted, bringing it to her own lips and sucking on it slightly with twinkling eyes. It got my attention all right, something that Bora had been waiting for so then she came closer, wasting no more time. I could feel that she was smiling when she traced the outline of my lips with her tongue. The sudden contact made me gasp, giving her the opportunity to slip the tip of her tongue into my slightly open mouth making it erupt in warmth.

The quiet hum that came from her throat as our lips finally connected after a little play and then closed together, creating a seal made my already quickened heartbeat pace faster, the recklessness of what I was doing serving as an adrenaline rush. My eyes fluttered closed to experience the feeling in more depth and her hands soon made their way to rest over my hips, pulling me closer with strength I'd expect from someone like Taeyeo-

Taeyeon… My thoughts flashed slightly to how she would feel but after thinking about how rudely she had treated me earlier…

And then those thoughts were gone as Bora snaked her fingers deep into my hair, squeezing, tugging...forcing my head back against the pillow and giving her more access to my neck.

Both dresses came off soon after as she climbed on top and moved closer so her breasts rubbed up against mine, the sensation subtle but effective. My nipples hardened immediately when she took over the domineering position, her hands gliding up and down my body.

But one thing I did notice through the sensuality was…her touch didn't cause the goose pimples to erupt like Taeyeon's did. I found it interesting actually so to test it, I attempted to use my tongue to fight for dominance and when I twisted mine with hers and she moaned into my open mouth, sure it felt hot but I didn't get that shiver down my spine, it wasn't _magical_.

"Fuck you're sexy" Bora growled while kneading my breasts roughly, leaving pink finger marks each time she pressed which disappeared soon after only to reappear when she did it again. When her arm made its way around my body, forcefully arching my back when she pulled me upwards, she latched onto my nipple whilst already getting ready to plunge her fingers into me.

I let out a moan at the pleasure but couldn't help my mind wandering to that first day Taeyeon and I had sex, how she was rough in all the right places and how she had had to get herself off afterwards because I was so tired from the incredible orgasm she brought me. Heat flooded my core just thinking about it, my mouth opening wide as moan after moan came from my throat in husky bursts while Bora continued to pepper my body with kisses.

When she finally did insert her fingers, I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realise I had been flipped around to lay on my stomach until seconds after the action. My ass now arched upwards as Bora kneeled behind me while thrusting her hips as she did the same movements with her fingers, imitating doggy style. The groans kept coming as I imagined it was Taeyeon, pounding me from behind, that arousing smirk plastered on her face as she rendered me to mush under her touch.

I heard a chuckle before Bora lifted her hand and sent it crashing down onto one of my butt cheeks while the other jiggled slightly at the force of the impact. My eyes opened in excitement and I found myself smiling while my mouth was still agape, the moans still coming full force from the speed of her thrusting. Her other hand reached around and pinched my clit between her fingers making an almost scissor-like motion as they moved. She scraped her nails down my back whilst my upper body fell to the bed, my arms no longer supporting me because of the feeling of it all and when she spanked me one last time and curled her fingers upwards, the combination sent me soaring.

"Ah fuck" I cried as my eyes clenched tightly shut, my stomach tensing and my legs shuddering at the sensation while my clit pulsed. It took a while, but as I came down Bora gave my butt a few taps as if to say 'well done' before laying down, shaking out her wrist a little as if it ached and then pulling me on top of her to return the favour.

Coming back to the present, I listened as the shower ran, the slight hint of music coming through the gap under the door barely heard over the running water. I may not have had a _real_ one night stand before this one, but I knew how they worked. To save both myself and Bora from early-morning awkwardness, I pulled on my clothes as quietly as I could and tiptoed to the front door, moving just that little bit quicker to slip out when I heard the water stop and the bathroom door unlock.

…

As I pulled up, I took a moment to think about how this was going to play out. I'd done my best to hide the hickey's that I had received with concealer but the deep purple colouring was not easily hidden, there was still a slight colouration there. Despite knowing that Taeyeon and I were most definitely not a couple, I was nervous to find out what she would think if or when she saw them. I mean, sure she may not particularly like me and is probably using me for sex but I couldn't help but feel that if it was the other way round and she had slept with someone else, I'd be hurt even if I didn't have feelings for her.

I stayed there a little while longer just to plan out what I'd say and figured the best thing to do was to pretend nothing was up and if she noticed, then explain what had happened. I wasn't going to walk in there trying to hide it, fidgeting at every glance she gave me because I was better than that. She told me time and time again that she doesn't care so...fuck it.

I sauntered in through the doors, my head held high while I made my way down the corridor to find out the post I'd be covering. And there were no surprises as to what I got... Taeyeon's section! She had been let out of solitary before I left so maybe she wouldn't be _as_ pissed now she was in a more open area that lacked the psychotic screams that were in no doubt frightening.

So here I was outside her room, feeling reasonably nervous at what her reaction would be to me suddenly turning up out of nowhere.

As I walked in, I had to do a double take because what should have been an immaculately clean and tidy room - something she took pride in and was one of her habits - was instead messy and disorganized. Her dirty washing strewn across the floor while her books covered the small table and a section of the floor. There was a bed-sheet on the ground screwed up beside the door and no sign of Taeyeon.

"What the fuck..." I frowned, traipsing through the slightly clear pathway that led to her bed. I thought to myself that Taeyeon would never even _think_ of leaving her room this way...and then it hit me – Kong and her gang. It had to be that, they had done this before and maybe to welcome Taeyeon back 'home' they did it again. Since Taeyeon wasn't here at the moment, I wondered whether I'd just missed them and I'd almost made up my mind to complain to Nichkhun only to then realise that I was supposed to hate Taeyeon. Fuck.

Whist looking at the scrunched up pieces of paper that no doubt came from her sketchbook, I imagined myself being another punching bag to her aggression when she saw her room in this state. So, once making sure the coast was clear down both corridors, I began 'contraband searching' while I also proceeded to put her things back the way I had known them to be.

I stacked her books tidily, made her bed and picked up her clothes only to become unable to resist bringing them to my nose one by one, closing my eyes as I inhaled one of her shirts; vanilla. I don't know what it was about her scent but it managed to create a buzz inside of me and I revelled in it each time I smelt it. However, now noticing I was losing time, I reluctantly folded her clothes and placed them on top of the others situated neatly in the corner. I had just finished gathering the crumpled pieces of paper from the ground when she walked in, looking as beautiful as ever in a towel, her skin and hair still wet from the shower.

As soon as she saw me, it was as if something stopped and stirred inside her but it was only a moment because afterwards she quickly averted her eyes which told me she was shocked at my sudden appearance, and still a little pissed. I said nothing, I just watched on silently as she walked passed me, not even sparing me a glance. I'm not going to lie, it hurt a little and even more so when she started to dress with her back to me, covering her body with the towel as if I was any other perverted guard that would try to sneak a peek.

I attempted to say something as I stared at her shoulder blades moving while she put on her bra, the same one she had had trouble with before but whatever I planned to say simply got lost in my throat. I carried on observing her when I saw that Taeyeon realised it was a little difficult to hook and was taking a lot longer than usual, she looked down and scoffed. I heard a slight mumble that she made under her breath but I couldn't quite make it out, something to show her frustration probably. I watched while she tried one last time before starting to pull it off, only my fingers that wrapped around one of the straps stopped her.

I felt her body tense up as I stepped closer and pulled the two ends together, my fingers brushing the silky skin just beside her spine as I did so. It seemed the hooks weren't in great shape and were slightly broken, no wonder it was hard for her to try to do it behind her back. After a moment's struggle though, I finally did it and with a small smile I adjusted the straps over her shoulders that had since twisted during the battle. I ran my fingertips underneath each one on either side of her neck and went from the back to the front, my arms ending up resting over her shoulders in a sort of awkward neck hug thing.

It didn't take long for her to shrug me off of her.

"Good morning" I smiled slightly as I walked away continuing on my search. I found it so hard to just tear my eyes away from her and actually do my job. I even stopped what I was doing and stared multiple times just thinking about her, about how it's funny how far my sexuality has been bent by this woman amongst other things... I mean, just a few days ago I was being chatted up by a really handsome guy...yet went home with a girl.

Both were nothing compared to _her_ though. She was so effortlessly beautiful, she wasn't even wearing make-up yet looked stunning and managed to make me stop and admire her each time she looked my way. She was something you'd come across in a magazine and wish you had even half of what she did. And here I was, lucky enough to be with her intimately but not lucky enough to be with her on an emotional level.  
Jessica must have been really very special.

I tried again "Hey" But it had the same result; silence.

With a small dissapointed sigh and now done with my work, I took a peek outside and saw there were no officers around so I once again approached her, walking over to where she was now - lying on the bed reading. Thinking she was annoyed at how I upped and left without a word, I started there.

"Listen, I'm sorry about leaving so suddenly," I said quietly, kneeling down beside her whilst moving my hand back and forth under her bed just in case someone were to sneak up on me. "And I'm sorry we argued."

Nothing. Again. Maybe she really did hate me after all. Giving up hope at the continuous silence that reacted to my sentences, I went to get up but froze when she stopped me with that rich voice of hers "Where did you go?"

"I uh...needed some alone time I think" I replied honestly "A break" I watched as she looked at me and put her book down, she looked...strange, something was going on.

"You're the talk of the prison you know" she smirked, easing me a little because it hid that weird look she had in her eyes. I couldn't explain it if I wanted to, it was definitely not a pleasant one though.

"I am? Why's that?"

Taeyeon smiled though it was obvious to me it was fake. "Officer Hwang got laid on her intended 'relaxation' break." She replied, air quoting the word relaxation. I opened my mouth to try to explain myself but got cut off. "And even if they weren't saying anything, you aren't exactly hiding the fact"

I frowned in confusion but once I followed her gaze down and saw one of my buttons had come undone, showing the hickey's that bruised my neck, I saw most of the concealer was now pasted on my shirt collar. I then looked back to see that same look on her face and I bit the inside of my cheek while buttoning the shirt back up, tying hard to figure out what was going on inside that head of hers.

"I uh..." for a split second I rattled my brain for a decent lie to give her but then thought, she wasn't stupid so in the end I didn't bother "I could say that I didn't mean for it to happen, or that it was a drunken mistake, I didn't know what I was doing...but those things aren't true."  
Taeyeon was listening to every word intently, her facial expression straight and emotionless but those eyes, those eyes told a whole different story. "The truth is she chatted me up while I was still angry at what went on between us... and then she asked if I wanted to go back to hers. I did."

I began to wonder whether Taeyeon was jealous or whether she was just angry that I'd do that and then come running back to her as if I was the player. I also wondered whether she was possessive, I mean that in the way that she didn't want me fully, yet she didn't want anyone else to have me either. I got the feeling she wanted me to continue the story despite the subtle glare I was receiving.

"So I went back to her place...and I remember feeling quite anxious. She gave me some wine though to ease the nerves and then we went to her room and we, had sex". I hesitated on that last part, it felt pretty bad saying it to her like that. It was almost like the feeling you would get if you cheated, but Taeyeon and I weren't together.

She averted her eyes for a second, nodding her head in understanding yet her face still withheld zero emotion. "So Tiffany Hwang has finally come to terms with her sexuality hm?" She grinned, again...nothing behind it, it was a dead smile that was quite eerie.

"Taeyeon, I just want to say I'm sorry that-"

"Sorry?" she questioned. "Why? I don't own you Tiffany, you can do whatever the hell you like."

I smiled a little at that. "You know, it's funny how straight away you figured that I was apologising for sleeping with that girl when that wasn't the case." She looked a little perplexed, wondering why she had just assumed. "Is it something I _should_ apologise for?"

"...I just told you what I think" she retorted, her tone rising once she realised she had been a little silly there, tripping up slightly and causing a crack in her emotional barrier.

"Can I also ask why this room was trashed when I arrived?" I asked "I have a feeling that it wasn't another threat against you like I had first thought" It was my time to smirk as she became somewhat flustered at my insinuations. "You never fail to clean your room Kim", I said as I stood up, looking down on her with folded arms. "So why _now_ out of all these times would you leave it messy when I know the mere image of something on the floor would probably piss you off to no end?"

"What are you trying to get at?" she growled, clearly getting quite annoyed at my constant questioning.

"Is it because a certain correctional officer left without telling you where she was going, or if she was coming back?"

There was a deafening silence before it was cut short by the laugh erupting from Taeyeon. "Are you serious? Is your head so far up your own ass that you think I left my room untidy because I missed you?" she scoffed. "Please"

"Did I _say_ you missed me?" I counter-attacked, her smile faltering a little when she thought back to what had been said. "I merely asked if you lived untidily because I didn't tell you where I was going and when I was coming back" I knew I had her.

"You... insinuated it" she replied, trying desperately to hang on to her dignity.

"No, I didn't" I smiled, the frown on her face telling me to continue teasing her. However, that smile soon disappeared as I pretended to be checking inside a book on the shelf when I saw a guard passing by, peeking in to check how everything was going.  
He saw me 'searching' for contraband with a small smirk on his face which I didn't know why was there, but I kept acting like nothing was happening, he left soon after. I eyed Taeyeon after checking the coast was clear again, slowly approaching her with a small smirk on my lips. "So…you missed me? You-"

"I said I fucking didn't" She interrupted, growling at me. She gritted her teeth looking almost desperate. You could compare the walls she built up to close herself off to the Great Wall of China, especially after almost admitting that she did indeed miss me. I felt… happy. If she missed me, it must mean she has feelings for me. At least, sort of...right?

I didn't want to get my hopes up, but a little part of me felt like I had achieved _something_ at least. I walked closer, noticing her head turning to the wall so she couldn't see me. My sight landed on her still slightly wet hair, her body that was so close to mine...So reachable yet so distant. I stopped gawking at her as soon as I remembered something.

"Do you mind telling me who told you that I had… you know?"

Her eyes met mine, a cold stare developing but I tried to remain serious as she got up, slowly walking towards me closing the distance while her eyes never left my own. Judging by the stern expression, she was angry.

"I overheard two officers laughing at how those hickeys looked good on 'Hwang', and it didn't take long to do the math, seeing as you disappeared" I was actually surprised at myself, because her strong gaze did not intimidate me one bit. Then I realized she was now staring down, but not at my lips, at my neck.

"Well…at least they didn't talk about the ones _you_ gave me, right?" Her gaze met mine, both of us silent for a second. Her eyes moved to my neck again as she bit the inside of her cheek before turning around, walking back to her bed. I wish I knew what she was thinking, but her gaze was blank. She hummed a yes, but that was all.

It turned awkward soon enough but I refused to leave the room, there was something holding me back, telling me stay there until her walls were no longer hiding her true feelings. I dared to sit next to her, not too close but not too far.

"So…what happened while I was gone?"

She frowned, looking away and letting out a scoff. "What do you care? It's not like I can do anything but just _be here_. I'm trapped in this fucking place."

"Well, there must be something you think about." I shrugged while looking at her side profile "Like all the places you can go when you're free and-"

"Fuck you." She sighed. Rather than anger, I heard frustration in her voice as I frowned at her reaction. The last time we spoke about what she was going to do when she got out of jail, she sounded excited. Now, all that was gone.

I opened my mouth to say something but her eyes met mine and all of a sudden, anger began to build.

"Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to have nothing to do but sit here for hours on end and think about how fucking shitty my life actually is? Do you think I want to think about how perfect the world is outside and how happy I'm going to be when my life _right now_ is this wor theses?!" She stressed, looking at me with a fuming gaze. Great, we're back to this. I'd only been back for a few hours and I already wanted more time off.

"Really? You're going to get an attitude when all _I'm_ doing is trying to lighten the mood?" I retorted, if she wanted to play that way then I'd play right back.

Taeyeon didn't appreciate it though, she got up, fire in her eyes due the fact I talked to her that way but I stood my ground. She wasn't going to intimidate me anymore. "Are you serious?" she asked, stepping in front of me. "Do you have no shame? You think everything is about you, how fucking selfish can you be?"

"I didn't say that, I was just asking a question" I replied while rolling my eyes, another thing she didn't take to kindly.

"Yeah of course." She said as she shook her head in disbelief. "Just go"

"No I'm sick of this!" I hissed as I too got up "Why are you so angry? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"I don't" I laughed at that, it's _all_ she did.

"Yes, you do. You look the slightest bit happy when I walk through that door and once I open my mouth I'm told to leave almost every time. All I'm trying to do is-"

"Do you not get it?" She began to raise her voice, something I hated her doing because each time she did her tone was filled with sheer hate... plus her door was slightly open. I walked away, checking outside again before closing the door just to be safe, then motioning for her to continue. "I don't want your help, I don't want your company or your fucking feelings. I don't want anything to do with you!"

"That's not true though is it?" I smiled with just as much frustration. "If I walked out of this place right now, never to return…maybe you wouldn't care for a while since you'd still be angry but eventually you'd come to realise that the one person who gave you a chance in this place was gone and you'd hate it."

"Here you go again. Me, me, me, I, I, I. Get your head out of your ass long enough to realise I don't give a fUsk about what you do. Go back to that chick from the outside, at least she'll take you for what you are." Oh? What was that?

A smirk erupted onto my face. "Wait…are you jealous? Is that what this is about?"

"Jealous? Are you kidding me?" She scoffed. "How many times do I have to say this? We aren't dating Tiffany, you can do whatever the hell you like in-"

"You're jealous of the fact I had sex with someone else aren't you?" I said as I strolled closer to her while she tensed, retreating to her bed trying to keep the distance between us. Not going to happen.

When she saw me still coming she let out a bitter laugh "You're such a smug, arrogant bitch you know that? Why on earth would I care about what you did with some whore?"

"Why is she a whore?" I retorted, raising an eyebrow, eager for her to just admit she wasn't happy about what happened between Bora and I.

"Because…" Hesitation, a big sign. "She just is!" Okay it was getting more and more obvious.

"You hate the fact that you pushed me to the point that I left and went elsewhere but you're too stubborn and proud to just come out with it." I sat down on her bed while she shuffled away. I allowed that space, she was obviously fighting with herself over there and needed it.

"Listen" She frowned. "One more time. I. Do not. Give a fuck. What you do."

"Okay, well that's good. We are going on a date this weekend" I smiled while she snapped her head towards me, giving a subtle glare but I knew. She couldn't lie to me. She may not want to say it, but she feels something for me it was obvious. She didn't say anything else.  
I leaned back on my palms, getting comfortable letting her know I wasn't going anywhere soon "Well… If you really didn't give a fuck, why would you try to convince me otherwise? It's more like you're trying to convince yourself. Am I right?" Silence until another outburst...

"I'm not jealous!" She groaned in frustration, a deep frown on her face. I smiled but ultimately gave up, after all this conversation was going nowhere and somehow despite that whatever she was feeling was showing on her face and through her actions, she always managed to win every single argument.

A small sigh escaped my lips while I wondered where to go next. "I just want to know you." I murmured, biting my lip as I tried again. "Is that a crime?"  
There was a small pause but I kept going. "What are you afraid of, Taeyeon?" I asked, trying to take a different approach.

"Nothing" she replied, bringing her legs into her body and resting her head on her knees, facing away from me.

"Everyone is scared of something" I pressed on, I was going to get something out of this girl today. "Do you want to know what I'm scared of?" There was no reply so I just continued talking. "I'm scared of losing my family and...I'm scared of sharks"  
I grinned when I heard a snort, it was my intention after all to make her laugh. "Now you, come on. I'll stop hassling when I get an answer..."

I was pleased to see her turn her head my way, looking into my eyes with still a tense but much calmer gaze than before. She stared before shrugging. I knew there was _something_ she wanted to say but once again, she was too proud to open herself up to me.

"Being alone?" I suggested, thinking back to that once in solitary.

"I'm always alone, why would I be scared of it?" was her reply.

"You can get used to something but still be afraid of it Taeyeon. Humans are social creatures, you can tell yourself all you want that being alone is peaceful and makes you happy but there will come a time when you want somebody there, right next to you" I smiled reassuringly before reaching out for her hand, an action that for her would be more intimate than sex.

I went slowly while she followed my every movement with her eyes, unsure of whether to give in or not. I got as far as touching her fingers until she pulled away leaving me to retract my own in disappointment.

"Taeyeon..."

"You don't understand."

"Then _make_ me understand. Give me _something_ so I can help you…"

"Why? Why is this any of your business?" She growled, but this time it sounded more like her begging for me to stop.

I knew I shouldn't dare say this, but I needed to. It was now or never as I'd probably never get another chance to make her open herself up to me. I held my breath, my eyes closing as I prayed for a miracle.

"I think…you need to let the sad truth sink in and move on. I know it's hard but, she's gone Taeyeon…"

"Don't you think I know that?" Her tone of voice was cold as ice, but she sounded weaker as if her walls were _finally cracking_. I feat as if I was seeing glimpses of the _real_ Taeyeon buried under inches of protection, and not the cocky inmate I was used to.

"You can't stay hung up on her. It'll kill you slowly and it isn't good to bottle your feelings up so much and for so long because it'll eventually consume you..."

"What..you want to protect me from all this? From the outside world when I'm freed? Well I'm sorry but that's not going to happen" Bricks were starting to build again but I didn't come so far only to be pushed out, I was going to break them down one by one until there was nothing left to hide.

"Taeyeon I know it's hard to hear but you need to move on. Jessic-"

"Don't say her name!"

"Okay, okay _she_ wouldn't want you like this. She would want you to live your life but of course keep her as a reminder in your heart. She'll never leave you Tae, but she also wouldn't want you to be alone and unhappy like this."

"It's not that easy, ' _Tiff_ '." Sarcasm.

"I know it's not. Believe it or not Taeyeon, I've lost people too. Family members, friends...its fucking hard. It's so awful having to see them being buried in the ground and knowing your last words to them were not 'I love you' and that you weren't there on their deathbed to say goodbye. _I_ _know_. Of course it will be different because she was your girlfriend and you loved her but Taeyeon you need to let go, move on and start being happy again."

"Are you saying this for your benefit? So I'll 'let go' and just suddenly-" I cut her off, not wanting her to bring up what I had said previously. This was about her, not me.

"Not at all" I frowned. "But I'm trying to be a friend here, to give you advice to be able to live, _actually_ live. She will always be in here, always." I said as I pointed to her heart. "If you're afraid of forgetting her, don't worry, it's not possible."

"She's in hell though, right?" The bitterness in her voice as she looked at me caused me to bite my lip in guilt. Thoughts paraded through my head about how badly I treated every single homosexual I had ever met. I regretted the discriminating words that came from my mouth just because my beliefs said so when in fact, I should've been respectful to them despite their choices.

"Of course she is. Isn't that what God does to gays?" She pressed.

"No, listen to me. I may be a Christian but I don't know everything about him. Homosexuality is a sin in the bible, true. But your girlfriend sounded like an amazing person, I can't imagine God sending her to hell just for loving... _you_."

"You seem to have changed your tune." Sarcasm. And I could barely stand it anymore, this would probably be about the time I would walk out but I was _finally_ seeing the real her. Well...glimpses of her. Her real self and her facade were like two personalities right now, both fighting to be seen. I wasn't sure which one was winning.

"Maybe my feelings were all that was needed for me to see clearly. I was so caught up in everything that God said was good and bad that I didn't realise it affected people differently since I was judging them and discriminating them by their sexual orientation. Which was completely wrong for me to do, I admit that."

And then… It happened. Bricks started to fall, one by one... She opened herself to me and if it wasn't a tender and emotional moment, I'd be smiling widely. Taeyeon leaned back, tilted her head upwards and looked up at the ceiling, focusing on once specific spot. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as she began to speak her mind.

"Sometimes I wonder if he exists...If he does, I'd want to ask him something."

"What would you ask him?" I replied almost too eagerly.

Taeyeon took a deep breath, still staring at that same spot. "I'd ask why his definition of love is so different than everyone else's. How can it be so different from mine when we all know that...it simply feels good to love."

This was happening, she was doing it. Soon she wasn't talking to God anymore, she was talking to _me._

"Everything...my body, my mind, my heart and my soul. My whole being pointed out to that person and told me that what I was feeling wasn't something to be ashamed of. It wasn't a lie. How can that be so bad in the eyes of so many and in the eyes of God?" She then lowered her gaze, instead resting them on my own. They were full of confusion while mine were full of pride. "I just don't get it."

We shared a moment, it was silence but it was just us together. Completely out in the open and nobody disturbing us. From the look on her face, Taeyeon was still willing to let out more, and I didn't want to be the one to ruin that. I was patient, she needed time. This was indeed a very big step for someone like her who had kept to herself for years.

"Everyone I've ever met has their own ideas of what's right or wrong and a lot of them are influenced by religion… I've experienced love but why do I deserve hell for loving when it's the closest to heaven I am when I feel it? Because society says so? The Bible? God?" Suddenly the conversation was turned onto me. "Is that the concept of love _you_ have?"

I hadn't even noticed but a tear had fallen down my cheek just from being witness to the passion in her words, the words nobody but me had heard. My eyes stared deeply into hers that were showing how hurt she actually felt, how frustrated she must feel with the situation. I then looked down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting. She was right. I was such a horrible person for being so judgemental towards her. And not just her, to everyone.

"No." I answered, as sure as I could be. "At least not now, not anymore." Suddenly everything felt okay, everything felt right in the world because at that moment Taeyeon's gaze was soft, warm, the corners of her lips tugging into something that I hadn't yet seen properly. I couldn't help but release another tear at the sight. Her smile was so beautiful...

What I got next were not words, but one sole action of acceptance by the person I'd somehow always wanted it from. Taeyeon, with that same small smile on her face, nodded. I knew from that, she knew that I had changed for the better. That was all I needed from her.

It was so little but it felt like so much, the moment between us so emotional yet so incredible. I wanted to smash the radio against the wall for even daring to interrupt when Yuri's voice spoke through it to tell me I was needed. I whimpered slightly before responding, my eyes not leaving Taeyeon's for a second. I wanted this to last as long as possible.

Unfortunately though, I didn't have the time. With great reluctancy I stood up and fixed my belt while my eyes still stayed locked on hers. When I finally turned to leave however, an idea came to my mind. It was naughty, but somehow I knew it would leave somewhat of an impression. Becoming brave, I leaned in to whisper in her ear a small smirk on my face...

"In my opinion, you are _so_ much better than her."


	18. Chapter 18

The sound of my co-workers' chattering around me filled my ears as I took a bite from my lunch. It was lunchtime, for some of the staff anyway which meant I was finally getting a break from the long hours of watching over the slightly foreign corridors, foreign being because they weren't _her_ corridor. I could compare it to being torturous, being unable to just walk into her room to see her or even taking a glance at least.

I remembered catching sight of myself in one of the reflections of the windows on my patrol earlier and pausing for a moment, feeling as if I was a new girl since there was no sight of the one that first walked into this prison months ago. I looked myself up and down and just thought for a moment...even if I never wanted to be like this, I felt oddly content, relieved even. Despite still being reluctant to admit what I already realised, being attracted to a girl, or _girls_...I accepted it, a lot more than I could have before anyway. I shuffled slightly as my brow furrowed, still studying myself. I hadn't changed in image, I had changed my attitude, my beliefs. I had changed for the better.

Finally after lowering my gaze and turning away from that reflection, I went on my way, unconsciously smiling slightly due to certain flashbacks of a conversation I had had with my...close _friend_ Kim. I found myself thinking about everything she had said and even if it was a small step...she opened up, it got better, _she_ got better. As my footsteps echoed, joining in with the laughter as I passed some of the inmates' rooms, I remember feeling a shiver up my spine as my thoughts flashed to how her touch made me crave for more, how my body somehow ached to be with her's an-

My thoughts were interrupted when I sensed someone sitting beside me, making me jump slightly in surprise. A quick glance proved it to be Yuri and I watched with a slight glare as she unpacked her lunch, hearing her snort at my reaction while eyeing me curiously. She looked cheerful as always.

"So..." She started "You've been smiling by yourself for about five minutes. May I know why?" Yuri asked, smirking as she glanced down for a moment in the direction of my neck then met my eyes again. Her smirk seemed to have grown wider after that. "I see you had a nice night."Suddenly remembering what she could have just seen, I felt shy after the insinuation, also feeling self conscious about being questioned about something so intimate.

I cleared my throat and attempted to speak only for it to come out in a stuttering mess. "I-I… I did. Um…" I bit my lip, trying to look anywhere else than the smug look I saw on Yuri's face right now but it proved difficult. As soon as we finally looked at each other, her expression softened and I could see she wanted me to talk about it but I however...wasn't one for explaining my sex life. Previously, I had seeing as I was talking about being normal, being with a man and I was confident with that but talking about having sex with a woman? That I didn't particularly want to do but I could trust Yuri...right?  
Holding in my sigh, I looked around to check nobody was in earshot before leaning close to her, my lips just centimetres from her ear. "I...may have done something with someone I met in a bar" I couldn't help the blush that plagued my cheeks after my little confession.

When I leaned back to see her face, Yuri's eyebrows raised suggestively as she looked at me with slight suprise. "Huh" she paused, looking away for a moment as if to take that in "What happened to the innocent bible basher I met not so long ago?" I chuckled nervously, taking another bite from my sandwich as she nudged me playfully. "Details."

"W-well she was… uh, like..." I rambled, not knowing where to start as my cheeks reddened further. Seeing how her eyes were encouraging me to continue, I did so while trying to rephrase. God it was strange to be talking about these things with a girl, about another girl.

"She was really pretty and I was so awkward." Just reminiscing over those painful interactions at the start of the night with Bora made me cringe "You have no idea..." I mumbled as I held my face in my hands. "Like...she was tanned and curvy and, seductive but… I don't know, it was so bizarre. I guess one night stands aren't for me" I chuckled.

Yuri was already giggling next to me, her smirk still on her lips. She then looked at me while biting her lip playfully. "I didn't know you were into girls that matched my description"

It only took a second for my brain to register what she had just said and in my shock I managed to gain the attention of the whole room by jerking my hand and tipping my tray on the ground while Yuri watched on in amusement. Trying to ignore the stifled laughter from both her and our colleagues, I got the mess cleaned up swiftly before sitting back in front of her with my no doubt tomato shaded face.

"That wasn't what I was implying..." Her face fell for a moment and I feared I'd hurt her feelings but then she laughed. My head tilted in confusion until I realised, she was playing with me. I watched on as she finished pissing herself at my expense with a stern look on my face until her laughter began to die down.  
"Yuri, don't play with me like that..." I pouted.

"Oh, I never thought teasing you would be this fun. Don't worry, I won't try to seduce you." She winked while I rolled my eyes and then let out a soft sigh. Despite being a little irked at her behaviour, as soon as I heard her snort I couldn't help a small smile gracing my face.

Yuri...she's playful that's for sure but despite everything she does to annoy me, she's a good girl. She's comfortable to be around and I know I'd done well in befriending her. In this place... she and a certain little blonde were the only joy I get out of this place after witnessing the other workers' despicable acts. She and Taeyeon were a way for me to push aside all of the crap I was feeling here.

I proceeded to tell her everything that happened that night, pausing now and again to scoff or roll my eyes at her reactions. It wasn't until I finished that I got some advice from her, both of us now done with eating and just chatting a bit to kill time before it was time for us to go back to work.

"So, uh...you're aware about your 'likes' now?" She asked carefully, her tone changing a little. I felt as if she was trying not to offend me or make me misunderstand her words. I smiled softly, sighing as it was still hard for me to say such things so… openly. Again, I knew I felt something for women but saying so was a whole different story. My whole life, I was raised with Christian beliefs and for it to change so fast and so suddenly… I'd need time to get used to it first.

"I guess…?" I replied, whispering so no one would hear me. "I don't know all the terms but...I think I like guys, and girls." My tone got lower as someone passed by our table. I was in Korea after all and myself being a CO and working in an all-female prison...my 'new' sexuality was not something my surroundings should know if I wanted to keep my job in such conservative country.

Yuri smiled proudly after my reply, taking my hand and squeezing it softly with a smile on her face. "Good girl. And please, don't feel scared to ask me stuff alright?" She winked while I gave her one of my eyesmiles in return.

"Thanks. Really, thank you. That means a lot"

"No problem Hwang." I leaned back into my seat after realising my posture had been rigid, with nerves probably. As I closed my eyes and stretched a little, a faint rustling caught my attention and I witnessed Yuri rummaging around in her bag until she brought out two small packets of those gummy worm sweets. She offered one packet to me while she opened hers and proceeded to munch on them like a school kid.

She reminded me of Taeyeon then because of the kid thing and my mind once again was held captive by the girl in this prison. The girl who no doubt caused all of these problems in my life, but also the girl who despite everything, I was falling for. Absentmindedly I took the packet and stuffed it into my pocket instead of my bag as my thoughts whirled around in my head...that was until Yuri interrupted them again.

"So...do you want to go out?"

Again shock, thankfully my tray stayed firmly on the table however my eyes and my jaw this time showed my surprise. I began to think of a response until she began laughing again allowing me to exhale slowly.

"Really?" I questioned, slapping her arm in distaste at her jokes.

"Maybe I should rephrase that." She chuckled "Do you want to hang out with me and my cousin tonight? She's cool..." Yuri reassured me. "We arranged a girl's night out to have a break from the stress of work blah blah and plus, everyone needs some fun once in a while. Maybe you want to join?"

A slight sigh of relief escaped my mouth as she elaborated on her 'going out' idea and I listened intently as she placed a palm on my thigh, keeping my attention focused on her.

"And maybe...you and her could, you know..." I didn't need the wink or the wiggling eyebrows to know what Yuri was implying but she did them anyway, just adding to her suggestion. "She's more into guys but I think you two would get on well"

So, Yuri was really setting me up with a girl, her family in fact. Strange, either she really wanted me in her family or she was keen to make me forget about a certain someone, someone she hadn't mentioned but was obviously prominent somewhere in the back of her mind. Nevertheless, sleeping with a girl is a lot different than _being_ with one; dating. Taking my eyes off of Yuri's for a moment to think about things proved to cause me to spiral into one of those deep confused moments. Taeyeon.

What actually was I to her? We aren't dating, but then again we haven't had sex for a while...maybe she just wants to be friends again? Not even friends, we were never _friends_. At least, we had made progress. I wasn't sure how she felt about me but it was obvious to see that I was feeling something deeper for her than she was for me. I-

Yuri's loud clearing of her throat tore me from my thoughts yet again and I saw her eyebrows were raised, expecting my answer. But I couldn't, I couldn't answer. Now that Taeyeon and I had shared that moment, despite how she may feel for me or not feel for me...I felt for her and to sleep with someone or god forbid date someone else, I'd feel like I'd be betraying her. Also her reaction when I told her about my rendezvous with Bora, although I was teasing her I could clearly see that she was jealous. Jealousy proves that there is _something_ right?

"I'm sorry…" I sighed "I would love to but…" My voice cracked as I attempted to keep it from doing that very thing, Yuri noticed immediately so I averted my eyes and bit my lip. I felt her gaze intensify just before I sensed her leaning forward with no doubt a stern look on her face now.

"Is this about what I think it is?" She's smart, who was I trying to kid? "Or more like _who_ I think it is?" Ashamed. I was ashamed. I was a correctional officer and look at me... I didn't even need to answer her for she already knew and I couldn't have been more obvious if I tried. I also couldn't get my eyes to meet hers which now were probably giving me a pitiful gaze, full of disappointment  
But to my surprise, she whispered again, softly and in a gentle manner. "Don't let anyone play with your feelings, you hear me?"

I failed to keep my smile from showing, it was in relief because I was afraid I was going to get a lecture again about how I'd be fired because of my irresponsible actions but thankfully that wasn't the case. When Yuri's hand held mine and gave a reassuring squeeze, that smile grew. She felt like a big sister to me, and even if she didn't reciprocate the smile when I lifted my gaze, her words showed that she was there for me despite everything I had done/ was doing. Just as I opened my mouth to thank her, the smile vanished when I saw the dick that helped to start it all, Park sitting right in front of me, next to Yuri. If I didn't hate his guts, I would have giggled a little seeing as as soon as he sat down, the sheer weight of him made the metal tables creak and shake a little. Seriously, being overweight in this career? Shouldn't be allowed.

He smirked at the both of us, and I could feel Yuri tense up at his presence.  
"Well, what do we have here?" He grinned, seemingly forgetting what had happened between us when I stuck up for Taeyeon in solitary after he had touched her inappropriately. "You're what...BFF's' now?" He asked with a mocking smile as he waved a chubby finger between Yuri and I before opening up and chewing a packaged burger he had in his hand, the grease running down into the folds of his second chin.

When none of us replied, he simply snorted while he rambled on about random shit while I prayed for break to be over. Yuri and I were sharing distasteful glances to eachother, both in the same boat clearly. We wanted nothing more than to leave.

"Don't glare at me Kwon." He suddenly said, finally wiping that oil from his chin after he licked his fingers. "You're probably just needy right? Being gay and all..." I frowned, he knew? Yuri didn't look surprised however and kept up her glare while he smirked, bits of his lunch stuck in his teeth. "A woman can't fulfill what you need Kwon...you need a nice meaty piece of man" he grinned, pointing down to you know what under the table; gosh he was making me sick.

"Oh really? Is that so?" She retorted, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Tell me...does celibacy make guys greasy, disgusting assholes? Because you surely haven't gotten any in years"

I really didn't want to laugh, really...okay that was a lie but nevertheless it came out anyway because of Yuri's comment. I knew he was pissed, his expression showed anger but I could see he was trying to suppress it which surprised me because that guy was clearly capable of blowing. I would actually expect a guy like him could hit a woman.

Poor old Park looked to me to save himself from a little embarrassment but I wasn't his saviour, not after all he had fucking done "You should learn from Tiffany, Yuri"  
Really? Wow... It was then that the guy's small beady eyes focused on my neck and another smirk grew  
"At least she is getting some." My reaction was instant, immediately buttoning the shirt up to the top despite the fact it choked me a little. I'd rather be deprived of a little oxygen than have him look at me that way. "Look at all those hickeys. Damn what a lucky guy he is to be doing girls like you." I gagged, seriously. What a fucking creep, and I thought I had seen the worst of him; clearly not.

I didn't respond which I blame because of the nausea, fearing that even opening my mouth would cause the table to be covered in my disgust. I think he took the lack of an insult thrown back at him as interest and he leaned in a little closer, his chubby cheeks hiding his eyes in a variation of an eyesmile. It seemed he was blind as well as dumb. Thankfully before he could say anything, it was time for us to resume our shifts and as we waited for the monstrous Park to raise his fat ass from the chair, he sent a wink my way and a glare over to Yuri before waddling away.

Yuri looked over at me as we got up and rolled her eyes.

"Asshole."

"Tell me about it."

...

The clock now showed 5pm and I was getting to be desperate. Isn't it strange how the heart can yearn for something even though that something was just seen yesterday, and also despite the fact that that heart still wasn't sure exactly how it felt about that something. I just wanted to see her... speak to her, wanting to know whether her opening up yesterday actually changed something between us or whether I'd be starting back from square one. I really hoped that wasn't the case, I want our relationship to grow not recede, not wither into nothing.

Even seeing her at recreation wasn't enough for me because we were so far away. I have to admit, when our eyes met...it hurt. It hurt because I couldn't just go over there and talk to her like I desired, I couldn't be close to her or joke with her because it was my _job_ not to. It was so hard just to stop from looking at her, the sun hitting her face making her porcelain skin radiate, making her gorgeous eyes just glow...her blonde hair shine. I had to be discreet, I had to make others believe she and I were nothing and again, that was very difficult.

Then there was that one moment later in the day where everything was fine, nobody was acting up and the surrounding areas were calm. Everyone was somehow doing something at that minute and that was my chance to go and see her, finally.  
It was so quick, my journey that is. It was as if I had teleported there because thinking of her just made everything go faster; my heart included. Now outside her room, I looked both ways down the corridors before grinning and slipping inside that familiar door, shutting it softly behind me.

When I saw how she immediately sat up in bed from a seemingly comfy position to look at me and afterwards closing her book giving me all of her attention...my heart swelled. A smile instantly came on my face as I bowed my head slightly before approaching, my eyes locked on hers while trying to ignore those tingles in my stomach. I didn't get a smile...but seeing the action of simply closing her book did it for me, also the way her eyes lit up slightly when I walked in...it's all I needed.

There were no words spoken between us but I knew what I wanted to do. I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the bag of gummy worms that resided there. Taeyeon's eyes darted to them almost immediately, her want for something so sweet clearly obvious.

Of course I knew that such a thing was forbidden, in no way was I supposed to do it but...I just couldn't resist. I opened the packet and while keeping my gaze on her, I smiled when I saw how she looked _exactly_ like the photo of the kid she once was on her Facebook. It was nice to see. If I had to put a name to her expression right now...I'd say adorable. Yes, the 'big, bad' Kim was adorable and I loved being there to witness it.

I walked a little closer and then leaned down to see her up close; beautiful. But those eyes were still focused on those gummy worms. I couldn't help but chuckle which seemed to break her out of her daze, leaving her slightly embarrassed. Eager to fix that, I held out the packet.

"Want some?" I asked with a smile while I watched as Taeyeon battled with some inner demons as to whether she should or not. She'd already lowered her wall but was seemingly still wondering whether to do things around me. However, after a little while she finally nodded her head and got up, walking over to close the gap between us, her hand outstretched eagerly but I stopped her with a gentle hand on her chest. The confused expression she gave was something every person would squeal at for it being so cute but thankfully the sound stayed put within me.

She opened her mouth to speak, but I stopped her when I thought of something...something that was bold but something that I really wanted to try. I gave her a reassuring smile before picking out a gummy worm and placing one half in my mouth, leaving the other half dangling. Yes...I wanted to reinact that famous 'Lady and the Tramp' move and was eager to see whether she'd take the bait. I took a step forward and watched as her eyes left mine and focused on the sweet while I just gazed at her like a lovesick puppy. When she looked back up still a little confused, the action of my eyes glancing to and from her eyes and lips seemed to have given her the hint and she leaned in...slowly and painfully while my breath hitched at the sight of her lips parting as she came closer.

Soon enough, my back was against the wall. She must have pushed me but all I felt was a shiver up my spine so I didn't even notice. What I _did_ notice...was how her body now pressed against mine, her leg between mine, her thigh just inches away from making contact with my heated core. If my teeth weren't tightly clenched, I could have gulped that worm down whole as her breasts met my own and her breath hit my twitching lips. I saw Taeyeon smirk before she leaned in and took the end of the worm in between her teeth, eyes flickering upwards to meet mine in a playful yet lustful look.

She edged her lips closer slowly, nibbling the worm until it went further and further into her mouth and her lips pressed on mine slightly causing me to just give up my half of the sweet because I wanted something else in my mouth instead. Taeyeon seemed to have understood for after sucking the worm into her mouth cutely, her eyes darkened and she kissed me roughly...sensually.

I gasped into her mouth as she slid her tongue against my own, I tasted the sweetness of it and completely melted at her touch, allowing myself to enjoy the kiss for as long as I could. I realised then how much I liked this girl because when she reached her arms around my waist and pulled me even closer to her...I didn't want to leave. Just knowing how much I'd miss her touch when I left was torturous and I slowed down the heated exchange just wanting to savour every moment.

When we finally parted, I panted heavily after forgetting to breathe. Who would want to pull away to breathe when Kim Taeyeon is kissing you...no one, that's who.  
When I opened my eyes and they focused on her, I bit my lip in shyness because I just knew my face was my favourite colour and that was slightly embarrassing. To fix that...I leaned in once more and tugged on her bottom lip before pulling her in for another kiss but this time, the kiss was slow and tender. Something you'd associate with two people who love each other which was strange because I knew that wasn't what she felt. It was gentle but passionate at the same time and my hands travelled upwards of their own accord, daring to rest one hand on the back of her neck to keep her there and keeping the other wrapped around her waist. When I felt her smirk, I smiled with her until my hand travelled down a little further to rest just above her butt cheeks - that rid her of her smile and our lips fit together like two puzzle pieces once again.

I bravely continued my caressing, my hand on her neck snaking upwards so it got caught in her hair when I made a fist and the way she opened her mouth at the feeling was pure ecstasy. When Taeyeon wrapped her arms around my waist even tighter...all I could do was try to convey how I felt through this moment of passion. I felt as if I was floating on air, she was so damn good at rendering me into mush it was unbelievable.

Again we parted and stayed silent while we tried to get our breath back. I was no longer embarrassed because I could see that her face too was flushed but I guess that was because of the lack of air and not the shyness that I myself felt. We were still pressed together and it seemed we were just relishing in the moment, just holding eachother...something so simple feeling so extraordinary. I smiled as I realised Taeyeon wasn't shouting at me, telling me to get lost, pushing me away.

When I felt her shuffle a little, maybe uncomfortable...I suppose it was because this was too much of an intimate act for her to be comfortable yet she _could_ pull away if she wanted to. I could still see a little of the confusion in her eyes instead of the love that I wanted, the love that I was surely showing her and I was slightly disappointed at the reaction...then again, I shouldn't be getting my hopes up in the first place. Wait, did I just say...love?

I froze up while my eyes did all the moving for me, scanning over her perfect features - her lips, cheeks, her eyes and nose. How her eyebrows were slightly furrowed adding to the confusion in her eyes and unwillingly I pulled away, my body slipping out from her hold and gathering some distance from the girl.

Still nothing was said and so I once again decided to test my bravery, risking this moment knowing she could take it the wrong way and tell me to leave because of embarrassment or...whatever. I just wanted to try so I got out another gummy worm and held it in front of her lips after stepping closer again. When she lifted up her hand to take it, I shook my head and pulled it away from her grasp, waiting until she dropped her arm and then I replaced it in the previous position. The frown on her face deepened as she eyed me.

"I'm not a kid okay? I can feed mys—"

Quickly I popped the worm in her mouth as soon as I could, watching as the confused look turned to surprise at my audacity. She hesitated before slowly chewing the sweet and then swallowed it down while I stood and held my chuckle at how effortlessly cute she was. When she looked at my pocket again, I couldn't help it, I laughed and when I saw the tiniest smile come on her face I knew we'd made progress once again.

So I did it again, and again until the whole pack was gone. I saw that little girl once more when she unconsciously pouted at the now empty packet and again I chuckled. Just seeing her happy for that moment was enough to keep me in that same state for days. I almost forgot about the outside world. I forgot about my job, and her position, where we were and the illegal acts I was doing...it was just her and me in a room, staring at each other as if we could read each others minds. I must've zoned out for a while because I came back when she started snapping her fingers to get my attention. I felt my mouth was dry as it had been ajar all that time - way to look like an idiot Hwang!

"Officers shouldn't be spacing out you know. It's dangerous" she said in a particularly sexy tone

"We're talking about rules now? " I retorted with a smirk. "You should have thought about that when you were having sex with me. _That_ is naughty"

She opened her mouth to reply but instead gave up on whatever she was going to say, giving me a smile instead. I flashed her an eyesmile before eyeing the watch on my wrist, slightly surprised at how much time had actually passed. I hadn't been summoned though, so hopefully nobody was looking for me, or noticed my absence. Thankfully the cameras don't work around these parts but still, I couldn't risk staying here any longer. How I longed to talk with her all night, to cuddle up and watch a movie and to just be held by her while we slept. But unfortunately that was not possible.

When our eyes met for the millionth time that day, I saw something different in her gaze. She was staring into space and all I wanted was to ask her what was making her think so deeply. That was until she snapped out of it and focused on me.

"Thanks"

How uncomfortable that sounded when it came out of her mouth was a little comical, knowing she didn't like to show gratitude or anything of the sort yet here she was doing it just for me. But why was she thanking me anyway? For the sweets?

"What for?" I replied curiously.

"For...you know" she said as she gave another small smile. Her voice was soft yet tentative and I paused for a moment just to take in those things. That smile that came naturally without me having to try so damn hard to get it and that voice that could be so harsh now sounding so gentle. I didn't really know what she meant but nevertheless I replied.

"No problem"

I then looked down and saw how her hand was just dangling there, screaming to be held and my own twitched a little at the temptation but the thought of her pulling back now after how far we'd come again was just too great of a risk. If she had, it would ruin this whole moment, the buzz I felt inside so I held back my urges.  
While I stared at her hand, I had some sort of a flashback and it saddened me. I knew I could never say sorry enough for hurting her but I was going to say it again.

"I...I'm sorry." I mumbled, eyes on hers as I shifted uncomfortably. She looked confused again, urging me to continue with her intense gaze and I did so though was unable to look her in the eyes now. "That night in the kitchen...I hurt you deeply when I...brought her up and made you relive those awful memories in such careless way..." I let out a long sigh, just remembering how angry and upset she was broke my heart. "You...your tears just killed me and I realised almost instantly that I had screwed up and I really never wanted to hurt you like that, not now, not ever. Not when all I want is to..."

"To what?" She questioned. Shit, that had slipped out. I could never tell her how I felt about her because although I wanted her, _all_ of her...I was too scared of losing her. I hesitatingly lifted up my head so our eyes met and saw her wearing a soft expression. Could I tell her? Not all of it...maybe, just a little something?

I took a deep breath, averted my eyes and then exhaled "I want to...be there for you. I want to make you happy and smile and just make your time here meaningful instead of lonely and isolated"

There. I said it. I didn't dare look up for fear of her laughing at me, backing away or the worst thing? Telling me to get lost. But none of those happened. What did happen though, was my body instantly freezing, paralysed at the feeling against my hand. It was hers.

Although it only lasted a few seconds before she pulled away and made some distance in between us, she had initiated contact with me. _Intimacy_. And how her fingers had entwined with mine and how she had squeezed mine with reassurance, it was all I could manage. Her next words though, made me as complete as I could feel right now. I couldn't stop the smile taking over my face.

"You're doing okay so far."

All it took was those words to reassure me that she felt the same about me too. Yes, I was delusional, those words couldn't mean what I felt for her but I took it that way and found myself falling even deeper for the girl. That was all ruined however by the voice coming from my radio. I groaned in annoyance...fucking dickhun. There was a fight or something apparantly.

"I should leave" I sighed, how I wished I could stay a bit longer with her but...not everyone gets what they wish for. She nodded and then retreated, going back to her bed and picking up her book lazily while I stood there and watched like a complete stalker. "Uh, see you" I said, ignoring the look of amusement on her face as she nodded once more before shutting me out, delving into the world of her book instead. I turned to leave but then thought of something. "Hey...a while back you said something" I smiled, still wondering how she did it.

"Huh?" She replied, still keeping her eyes on that book... 'The Heart is a Lonely Hunter'. _That_ book.

"We were sort of arguing and you commented something about how I went to the bookstore and bought _that_ " I said as I pointed to the book in her hands "...Just because of wanting to get to know you." I saw the smirk on her face drop as she realised what I was talking about. "How did you know?"

She hesitated and I knew then that she was trying to avoid telling me something. "I uh...guessed?" Bullshit.

"No, you _knew_. How?" She shrugged her shoulders and I replied with folding my arms, a stern look in my face. "Tell me" she then cleared her throat awkwardly and I remembered that I read that book twice. Once at home in one night, and then once in work just so I could really feel the message it gave through it's words. However, a CO cannot simply wander around the corridors reading, a CO can only read in his/ her break. I spent that break in the staff room, a room which is off limits to any prisoner. Had she...?

"You should go" she interrupted. "Nichkhun needs you" the smile grew wider on my face and she knew then that I caught her.

"You followed me didn't you? You knew I was getting off my shift and you followed me to the staff room and you watched me read that book" Okay maybe it wasn't _that_ obvious but something about her reluctancy to admit it gave me the idea. She wouldn't want me knowing that she, of her own free will watched me, stalked me almost.

"I don't know what you're talking about" she replied but I saw through her lies. I simply smirked, turned and left leaving her to her own devices. Even back then she was curious of me despite the fact she didn't like me, that sort of made my heart swell.

...

I was now making my way to my car, my shift now over thank goodness. I was a little startled by the sudden contact of someone linking their arms with mine and flinched before my eyes landed on Yuri, a cheeky smile showing on her face.

"Are you still joining us tonight?" She questioned.

Oh crap, I had totally forgotten. I thought for a moment before replying. "Yeah okay. What are we doing, again?" Finally arriving at my car, I tossed my bag into the passenger seat and then closed the door, resting my back against it to further converse with Yuri. I watched as she took out her phone and typed something before giving me her attention again.

"We just wanted to order take out, have a girl's night out or something." She shrugged. "So?"

I smiled and nodded at her. "Sure. What time?"

"8pm is good"

"I'll be there" I replied, slightly nervous about meeting a member of Yuri's family for some reason but I guess it's always nice to have more friends. I waved goodbye as she left and then got into my car with a heave thanks to my aching bones and proceeded to drive off home.

The traffic was awful so I found myself waiting around a lot, the perfect time for a certain little blonde to come invade my head as always. I remembered how she had still two years to serve in prison and I couldn't help but feel disappointed at the simple thought of her being locked up for so much longer when we could be at my house, doing things a couple would do.

While tapping my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, I remembered the things she had said about how she got there in the first place. She was sort of wrongly accused...Hmm, maybe... _maybe_ there was some way to prove it? To get her out sooner? I mean...that boy's mother was her best friend after all and that kid had taken advantage of Taeyeon's weak state of mind for a mere prank. Taeyeon wasn't a child abuser, she didn't hit that kid because he was an absolute dickhead (he was, clearly), she hit him because she was dreaming that it was Jessica's murderer.

Her friend had taken the side of her son and had testified against Taeyeon in court despite their seemingly close bond. She had sat there and sent Taeyeon to jail for something she didn't commit but that being said...maybe she didn't realise that Taeyeon was still dreaming at that stage. People can sleepwalk right? Surely people can sleep-hit too? Urgh I don't know...maybe I'll look into getting a new lawyer for Taeyeon, talk to her friend and her son. I was getting deeper and deeper into this girls life without even realising and surely it would all go wrong soon. It was only a matter of time before we were caught but I _had_ to help her. If there was a way to get her out sooner then I'd take it, 100%.


	19. Chapter 19

After making a late night stop at a store and picking up a couple things - alcohol included - I made my way home to get ready for tonight. I didn't have the slightest idea what to wear. I mean, I wasn't really dressing to impress because I had someone, well...not really but I wanted to look good _for me_. Regarding the fact that Yuri was going to 'set me up' with her cousin...I guess I strived to look at least presentable.  
Despite my slight discomfort at the situation, I totally understand why Yuri was doing it, because of Taeyeon of course. Yuri was trying to protect me, protect my job by getting my attention focused on someone else but unfortunately... it doesn't work that way.  
No matter how beautiful or sexy this woman is, Taeyeon to me is just perfection. In my opinion, nobody could beat her in the looks department because she's so unique and her eyes, God her eyes...are just, irreplaceable.

However, putting myself in Yuri's shoes, I'd probably do the same as she's trying to do now. She's a close friend and if I knew she was risking her whole career to something so careless and stupid I'd put a stop to it immediately or at least try to. I on the other hand, am stubborn. I won't take no for an answer.

Thinking more deeply into it though, being stubborn isn't a good enough reason. _I am_ risking everything here. I could even go to jail myself for sexual assault, that's how the authorities see having such relations with an inmate; rape. I'd never work in this field again, all those years of blood, sweat and tears to even get to this point would go down the drain. Taeyeon would be transferred to a prison far away from me, nobody would tell me where she'd end up and that scared me most.  
Was she _really_ worth the carnage that could become my life?

My head said no, no way. It begged me to break things off now, request to cover another unit once more despite it seeming suspicious, maybe even leave the prison; to never see her again. My heart however...told me the complete opposite. It's beating wills me to fall deeper, to delve into that girls head and uncover her secrets, further demolish her wall until it was just rubble.

Head or heart? _That_ was the question. One I couldn't answer just yet because I wasn't willing to give up either.  
Soon realising I'd been lost in my thoughts a while now and remembering I had somewhere to be, a quick glance to the clock showed time quickly ticking away so I jumped in the shower and then began getting ready for tonight.  
Unknowingly I started to become nervous, probably because of the cousin thing but I knew as long as I set her straight and told her I wasn't interested in the nicest way possible, things would go okay. Thinking about it though, I did need some new friends. In the US I was called each night by colleagues to come out drinking, hang out at the movies etc but here? I did that very rarely. My whole being had been pretty much focused on Taeyeon since I arrived in Korea.

Quickly pulling on a pair of skinny jeans, a nice black top and letting my hair down from the bun it was used to being in, I checked myself out a hundred times in the mirror to make sure I looked okay before leaving my apartment.

Once I arrived outside Yuri's place, I started playing scenarios through my head about her cousin being really forward. Like, what if she tried to kiss me or touch me or...oh my god what if Yuri had misunderstood my answering yes to going out with the two of them and thought I had in fact said yes to dating her cousin? Oh lord.

Through the bothersome voices in my head telling me to turn and go back, I hadn't noticed I had been staring at Yuri's door for the past...eight minutes. Looking around nervously first to see if my stupidness had been witnessed by any of her neighbours, I sighed when I saw the coast was clear and then cautiously knocked the door. As soon as I heard a muffled shuffling coming from inside I considered listening to my thoughts to leave. It's so strange, I never usually get nervous when meeting new people but I guess the gay thing is something I'm still not entirely 100% comfortable with. Thankfully though, when Yuri opened the door and I saw she was alone, my tense shoulders slumped and I relaxed just a little, now praying her cousin wasn't coming at all.

"Hey there" she smirked as she eyed my outfit as I did hers. She was wearing tight jeans and a...sports bra, something that showed off both her abs and her cleavage. I really didn't realise I was staring until she pulled me out of my daze. "Your gayness is showing"  
My eyes averted almost immediately and I quickly opened my mouth to attempt to tell her I wasn't looking despite it being clearly obvious I had been. Probably looking at my pink cheeks and sensing I was uncomfortable, Yuri went no further, she simply interrupted my jumbled words by laughing softly then led me inside.

I was surprised to see the place was really cozy, a real warm feeling...much different from my apartment that was in fact quite the opposite. I imagined Yuri's would be cool and modern but unorganised somehow but that was obviously not the case.  
In regard to mine...It was as if I hadn't properly moved in properly yet, there were still quite a few boxes that needed to be unpacked. I don't know why but something inside me was sort of reluctant to unpack everything, it was like my brain was giving me signals, telling me there was no point and that I'd be moving away again very soon. That was slightly worrying.

"It's hard to believe we've been friends for so long and I haven't been to your place" I commented as I followed her into the kitchen, placing what I'd bought for tonight on the counter and shaking my head to help rid itself from its troublesome thoughts.

Yuri being the nosey shit she was didn't waste any time rooting through the bag, pulling out candy and tortilla chips "I know right" she replied as she opened up the bag and munched on a few. "I guess since we see eachother almost every day anyway..." Her words trailed off and I nodded to agree.  
"We should go out more though, you know not base our entire friendship in work because I wouldn't want what we have to disappear if you lea-"  
When I lifted my head to question what she had said, I saw her snap her own towards me almost immediately, looking just like a deer in the headlights. She knew she'd messed up.

"Am I going somewhere?" I asked as I raised my eyebrow her way, realising exactly what Yuri had been implying... If I got _fired._

She sighed as she pulled out the vodka I'd bought and placed it in the fridge, turning her back on me as if she couldn't look me in the eyes while she said whatever it is she wanted to say.

"Tiff, I don't need to tell you this again, I've told you before and I'm sure you know it yourself. You are risking so much with Kim, she's a felon." A quick glance over her shoulder showed her slightly worried look.  
"If someone were to catch you flirting with her you'd be done for, let alone having sex with her." Yuri turned to face me then, the worried expression turning into a sympathetic one. When she took my hand, it was almost as if she was pleading with me.  
"But...if you were to wait until she got out which must be what...a few years? That'd solve everything, you two could live happily while keeping your job, your dignity and your freedom. You-"

What she was saying was true but... "Yuri it's not that simple. I've tried to stop this." I turned away, pulling my hand from her grasp.  
"She and I have fought a lot about this whole thing...as well as what happened to her in prison, what she did and as her wish I transferred to another unit but...I was a mess." I seemed to be getting emotional, I hadn't prepared for another grilling from Yuri tonight and what she was trying to do was hitting me especially hard.  
"My work was sloppy and I couldn't concentrate. Stopping myself from just going inside her room was so fucking hard because...she was like an obsession."

Yuri sighed again, zoning out as if thinking about what else I could do, another way for this to turn out okay but other than resigning from my job and leaving Taeyeon alone, I couldn't really do anything about it. She kept on however...

"What about if you-?"

"No, Yuri" I replied, not even wanting to hear it.

"But Tiff-"

"Listen" I cut her off yet again but with a harsher tone. "If you've ever felt this way about a person before, you'll know that it's difficult to even have thoughts without that person being in them. Even since day one, she's been in my head and it's like..." I wasn't confident saying these things to Yuri, although I trusted her I still was wary about exposing everything because she was so against what I was doing.  
"God it's so hard keeping all of this bottled inside" I commented under my breath.

"Then let it out" she shrugged with another sigh, like what I was doing was a bore to her now, like she was giving up on me and my recklessness. That hurt.

Taking a short moment to breathe, I walked over to the dining table she had close by and took a seat, holding my head in my hands until she joined me, sitting opposite. I then took in another deep breath in preparation and tried not to hold anything back.

"All of this started as just a simple attraction and curiosity." I started. "I wanted to know why she did things, why she read these different books, why she acted the way she did and just overall...wanting know her because I hadn't met anyone like her before." Yuri squinted a little as if disapproving even at those behaviours but out of respect she kept quiet, letting me continue.  
"I slowly started realising that she was really damaged. I watched how others treated her, how everyone was scared of her and avoided her like the plague... how she was isolated from the world, living only through her stories. I felt sorry for her"  
Yuri scoffed at that, so much for respect. She didn't even know what Taeyeon had been through and I was starting to become angry, how dare she judge her so harshly. Despite my now aggravated mood, I continued telling her what I felt.  
"When she went to the SHU...I saw some hope there. She opened up a little to me and I found myself caring for her more than a CO should. She was so weak and I just wanted to hold her hand, let her cry on my shoulder."

Yuri's frown deepened.

"As you know, I was in denial about my feelings but deep down I knew. Despite trying to help and get her to open up I always got stopped, pushed away and yelled at but all of those things changed nothing because I still cared for her. Of course being told to fuck off while I was trying so hard hurt, but it was just her barrier talking...not the person trapped inside those walls. And then when I messed up and meddled with her private life...hearing her say how hurt she was and how betrayed she felt. Hearing her tell me all about what had happened to her before prison life because I pushed her to that point...I'd never hurt so much before." I wiped a tear as I reminisced, thankfully though it seemed that things were looking up between Taeyeon and I now.

Yuri looked at my hand and no doubt wondered whether to hold it. Seeing as she didn't approve in what I was doing though, I wasn't suprised when she looked back up, keeping her hands firmly clasped together under the table. Albeit disappointed, I kept going.

"Then...things happened. We kissed and...we got intimate." I looked down for this part, averting my eyes from her judgemental ones.  
"I'd never had sex like that before it was just, something I could never have imagined. At that point I was weak, I knew deep down I wanted her and I couldn't stop. My feelings, whatever they were at that time took over my willpower and my resolve and they completely screwed me. Now I'm in this position and, believe it or not...I'm kind of happy. I like how we are. She's-"

Suddenly Yuri raised her palm, telling me to stop for a moment while she got her thoughts together. After that...she asked me the question that I didn't know how to answer. Her frown returned and she bore her eyes into me, making sure any little twitch or suspicious expression would be easily seen and noted to be used as evidence against me.  
"You've sat here and told me all about how you feel for her and how beautiful she is and how 'special' the times are you have together right?" I nodded nervously in response.  
"This question I'm going to ask, I've asked before but you didn't give me a straight answer. I'm going to ask again." She sat up then, looking down on me as I slumped lower in my seat.  
"Does _she_ feel the same way about you?"

I bit my lip while I averted my eyes, wincing slightly at the scoff that came from her mouth at my reaction.

"Has she told you that what _she_ feels is more than just sex?" She pressed and now feeling cornered, I spoke out.

"Actions speak louder than words, right?" I replied, avoiding her question.

"That's not what I asked." She said with a sad smile, knowing exactly where this was going.  
"Has she told you she at least _likes_ you?"

"..."

"Tiffany, not all of the time does an action speak louder than words. You do realise that she has been in prison for years before she met you right? Think about it from her perspective. She has a hot new CO trying to get to know her, showing interest in everything she does and has done. I'm guessing Kim's also a lesbian...she feels you are an easy target. She wants sex, wants to get rid of some stress...join up the dots."

I refused to believe that.  
"That's...that could mean anything. She's just not open about her feelings." I hit back, not liking the things Yuri was implying. I wanted to hold onto a little hope that Taeyeon liked me, I didn't enjoy seeing that hope shot down by my close friend this way.

"Tiff..." Yuri sighed, showing that she was getting tired at my - in her opinion - delusional answers to her questions. But once I raised my eyes, we shared a moment and it was as if she could read everything... like it was written all over my face. How I was still nervous, a little angry and also upset. As she studied me closely I began to frown, mirroring her own expression. I then watched as her jaw dropped slightly, her brows furrowing even more and listened to the sigh escape her lips.

"Tiffany...please don't tell me you love her"

Everything stopped then. Right away I went to deny her comment as soon as the word 'love' left her mouth but...the things I'd planned to retort with in my head dissapeared when I realised...  
The heart beat increasing, the way I can't stay away and if I _am_ away from her I can't stop thinking of her, the passion I relay in both my gazes and my actions towards her...  
The way when she smiled at me it's as if I melt...and I couldn't help but smile back, how hurt I became whenever she yelled at me, how I'd try and try to get her attention if it wasn't on me...  
How I'd hate - no, _despise_ if she were to be doing the things we do with another girl.  
Surely...? It can't be that I-? In that moment everything clicked into place yet it still seemed surreal to me. Yuri...was right. Even today I caught myself thinking about love...

I tried to say something to fill the deafening silence but only managed croaking sounds as each word died in my mouth. It was only a few moments later that I saw Yuri get up and only seconds after that I was pulled into a tight hug. Yuri's scent overwhelmed me and I found myself unable to hug her back, one sole tear dropping from my eye. Amidst trying to forget the hurtful things she had said because of her now overflowing warmth and comfort as well as her physical support, I found my voice.

"I think you're right, I think I love..." I murmured as if saying it aloud would make me understand this better, I was still in disbelief. I mean...it had been hard enough finding out I liked Taeyeon; women. Now finding out I possibly _love_ a girl, add onto that the fact that I wasn't sure she loved or even liked me back...I was a bit of a mess.

Yuri sighed and pulled away, looking into my eyes while she stroked my hair comfortingly. She knew this was hard for me to come to terms with and she still disapproved in my choices, however as a friend she knew she had to be there for me in my time of need. I tried to see past that look of disappointment in her eyes and instead attempted to believe in that fake smile plastered on her face.  
"I know." She nodded, wiping the tear from my face. "Tiffany...I can't really say anything other than what I already have. I guess, all that's left to say now is again, _please_ be careful alright? I don't want to lose you, you're such a great friend and it'd hurt to see everything you've worked hard for just vanish because of this felon-"

"Taeyeon" I corrected her, not liking that word.

Yuri politely nodded before repeating the name aloud. When she opened her mouth to say something else, the doorbell interrupted. Her cousin...shit. I had forgotten all about her. I stayed by the table trying to pull myself together after our little heart to heart while Yuri jumped up, pulled on a shirt and went to the door. I hadn't prepared for such an emotional night so I quickly ran to the mirror to wipe the black trails of wet mascara from my face and when finished, was slightly alarmed to hear squealing shortly after the door was opened. Yuri and her cousin mustn't have seen each other for a while...

Still working on my face, I suddenly saw movement from the corner of my eye so after rushing quickly to finish up, I turned with the best smile I could muster under the circumstances to greet the mystery woman.

That smile disappeared soon after.

Yuri's cousin...i'd met her before.

Tanned skin, nice smile, gorgeous, athletic...

It was Bora.

She looked as surprised as I did when she saw me but it only lasted a moment before a smirk took over her face, looking me up and down while I just stood there unable to decipher why this girl was here.

"Wait ..." I choked as I shook my head, an attempt to get rid of the confusion while wondering whether this was a joke. "What?" I frowned, raising my voice slightly as I looked from her to Yuri until it then dawned on me. I saw the resemblance almost immediately when the two gave the same expression of slight amusement.

When I tore my eyes from Yuri and my gaze landed on Bora again, I saw her bite her lip before she started on her way over to me, making the nervousness I felt return after flashbacks of that night we spent together.  
"Hello Tiffany, long time no see" she winked, showing off her perfect teeth as she grinned. I stood completely still as if my head was still somewhere else, a different planet maybe while the confident woman leaned in and kissed my cheek. Yuri was now understandably trying to work out how the both of us could have met before, and why my reaction was how it was.

"You two...know eachother?" She asked, a slight frown between her brows. My jaw clenched when I felt Bora snake her hand around my waist, her nails digging into my hip a little as she chuckled beside me like this was the funniest thing she'd seen in a while.

"Oh yeah...we know eachother _very_ well don't we Tiffany?" A slight squeeze and her nails dug deeper, possibly trying to tease me with the same actions she had done on that drunken night.

"Mhm" I replied through my clenched teeth, trying to subtly get away from her grasp because of the awkwardness I was feeling. "We chatted a little" Bora's laugh rang out at that, alerting Yuri that it was obviously a lie.

With my behaviour and Bora's knowing smirk as she took a glance down my top, Yuri began to piece together the clues, remembering what I'd told her a while ago. When Bora took a quick swig of a bottle of rum she had grabbed from the table and asked me if I'd like a drink, Yuri being quite quick and smart, knew.  
"She's...?" She asked, her question directed at me. I looked up at Yuri but didn't say a word, my blush however spoke volumes.  
"You're..." She murmured, glancing at her cousin now who was busy admiring my neck, the latter then quickly looked up at Yuri and raised the bottle as if to say 'bingo'.

"Oh so you've told her then?" Bora chuckled afterwards. "I'm the girl who picked her up in a grotty bar and took her back to mine for some...fun" she smiled.

Yuri's face scrunched up as she reminisced in disgust about the things I'd told her, how it felt to make love to the girl and how that girl was _really_ good in bed and other details that I'd rather not think about.  
"Oh god Tiffany!" She shouted, covering her mouth with one hand. "She's the tanned, athletic.." Her muffled words died off completely when I guiltily looked away only to then have them return with a shocked "Oh wow"

It seemed despite originally wanting her cousin and I to hook up, Yuri was now unable to accept the fact I had indeed slept with her after those revealing details I gave that she probably didn't want to know about her own flesh and blood. _That,_ plus the physical evidence in the form of the hickeys that had covered my neck...poor Yuri was quite embarrassed. Bora however looked as smug as ever, feeling the tension and clearly revelling in it.

We were plagued with an awkward silence for a moment, Yuri staring at me while I looked at the ground completely humiliated. Bora however was drumming her fingers on my hip while looking around the apartment.  
"So...who's got the vodka?" She spoke suddenly, a smirk on her lips after breaking the silence. Neither of us said a word to reply so Bora left Yuri and I to strut over to the fridge, not hesitating to switch her rum for vodka and opened up one of the bottles I'd brought. We watched in silence as she took a shot of it, finishing with a smack of her lips.

I wanted to rid myself of this awkward situation but I couldn't leave because Yuri had wanted me to come, and Bora had in fact done nothing wrong...It's just her being Yuri's _family_...and let's not forget the atmosphere...  
Now shivering because of the tension, the best thing I could think of to make this slightly easier to take was to walk up, grab the bottle from Bora's hand and take a large swig of it while trying to ignore the gaze she threw me.

Numbing my nerves would be the best thing right now so that's exactly what I did, or tried to do.

Now sat on the sofa and a little more okay with the situation since I felt the warm buzz inside calming me, I watched as Yuri and Bora conversed on the sofa opposite. They had either put what had recently come to light behind them, or were just pretending that it had never been said; either way I was perfectly fine with.

Don't get me wrong, Bora seems like a nice person from the few sentences I've actually said to her but it doesn't take a genius to know that she's slightly...aggressive. I mean it in a predatory way, like she knows what she wants and doesn't like people to stand in her way sort of thing. She's also quite uncomfortable to look at because her eyes are so fierce and her confidence sky high, myself being quite the opposite. While her flirtatious glances and comments flattered me as she was so beautiful, they did make me a little wary about what she was thinking.

Meanwhile on the other side of my brain, Taeyeon inhabited my thoughts. Try as I might, I could not get the word 'love' out of my head. I know love works in mysterious ways but...how on earth could I love Taeyeon after pretty much only having sex with her? Yes she's opened up quite a lot recently and yes she has showed me more of her actual personality...and also has dropped the tough guy persona but there was still that feeling of her holding back something from me.

Amidst my thinking, my eyes flickered to Bora and proceeded to drag up and down her body as she and Yuri planned on what to do tonight, welcoming my input too but I was far too involved in my thoughts.

Taeyeon being released...the look on her youthful face as it showed her biggest smile yet. The wind blowing through her hair and the tears in her eyes, finally free from a place where she didn't even deserve to be in in the first place. How much I wanted that for her...how I yearned to see the Kim Taeyeon I'd seen only a few glimpses of before her wall hardened up time and time again. How different our relationship or... _whatever we have_ would be with no risk or fear. We wouldn't have to worry about security camera's, a nearby guard or someone being suspicious, it would just be her and me...alone. It was kind of scary in a way.

"What do you think Tiff?"

I broke out of my thoughts immediately and blushed as if they had been able to read my thoughts. Soon realising that wasn't possible, I looked to the two girls sat opposite me, Yuri looking quite concerned at my lack of concentration and Bora looking like...well, Bora. I frowned a little, having not quite heard the question.

"Hm?"

Yuri's eyebrow raised as she looked between her cousin and I, still a little suspicious it seems. "We uh...Bora doesn't feel like going out tonight since she worked a long day today, do you mind if we just have a night in?"

When I glanced at her, Bora's sly grin showed more that just tiredness. She was like the stereotypical guy you would meet on a night out, the sleezeball with his gross smirk and wandering eyes he didn't even attempt to hide out of courtesy. I don't know what she wanted from me, whether she _did_ actually want something from me but there was something about her I wasn't sure of. Sensing Yuri was still waiting for my reply, I quickly nodded in her direction before directing my gaze to her lookalike once again. "Sure"

It was then that Yuri stood up, stretched a little baring her toned midriff and then walked out of the room. She returned a little while later with a menu for a local takeaway place and took our orders before grabbing the phone and leaving the room once again. Now with the two of us left left alone, there was just silence in her absence now, you could hear a pin drop amongst the sole gulp from the last of Bora's drink until that irritating smacking of her lips filled it. I took small sips of my own, an attempt to look busy which failed miserably because she simply smirked and got up, soon flopping down beside me. Her elbow supported her head as she stared nonchanantly at my profile while I did my best to try to remain comfortable but that was no easy task when you are being gawked at so openly.

"Can I help you?" I asked with a little attitude, not taking my eyes from the TV and looking as if it was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen...despite it not even being switched on.

"Why are you being moody? I haven't _done_ anything have I?" I could hear the smile she wore through her voice as if it was funny making me self conscious this way. I didn't reply, I didn't want to. I just wanted to wait for Yuri to turn on a movie or something since alcohol wasn't really helping my nerves anymore. However, when she scooted closer it was obvious that I was going to have to say something.

"Okay" I started, turning to face her now. "We both obviously can't pretend that what happened didn't so we're just going to have to accept it, and then move on." Bora's smile grew while I spoke, her hand reaching out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, I leaned away almost immediately.  
" _This_ , is something that stops now. I'm not comfortable with this flirting thing that you've got going on so just...yeah." I ended with a sigh because despite my polite asking, she didn't listen and shuffled even closer, leaning closer to my lips just like she had that night.

Although she was a beautiful woman and my knowing from experience that kissing her would indeed feel good, the way my heart didn't skip a beat when she looked my way and the way my fingers refused to feel the electricity surging through them when I touched her to push her away...I think it was obvious to both she and I that my heart really did belong to another. Thankfully after a while, Bora leaned back to give me the space I desired but her stare didn't waver, neither did her smirk falter.  
"Who is she...or he?" She asked.

"I don't think that's any of your business" I replied, looking over her head to attempt to see where Yuri had disappeared to.

Bora scoffed but yet again moved closer, it seemed this woman who had a number of other annoying habits also had no respect for personal space.  
"This is like one of those scenes from a movie...girls night in, doing each others hair..." She smiled, twirling a piece of my locks around her finger. "...doing one another's makeup..." The backs of her fingers rested against my cheek as she wiped the side of my lip to take away an invisible smudge of lipstick. Grinning wider, she continued. "...telling each other's secrets..."

"Why are you so curious? It's not like you'll know the person" I retorted, regaining some of my much loved space by shuffling backwards

"You'd be surprised" she scoffed, again just scanning me as if I was a piece of meat ready to tuck in to. "My job, it gets me around, I see a lot of people. Sometimes we stay friends...other times we're separated due to...certain circumstances" there was a twinkle in her eye as she said that.

"Circumstances?" I asked, wondering what it was she could mean.

Bora leaned forward so she could whisper in my ear, I had no idea where the hell Yuri went to and wished she could just come break this up but on the other hand my curiosity was getting to me. When I felt the girl's breath caress my ear, I winced slightly but stayed put before her deep and dare I say sultry voice filled the silence.  
"Now who's curious." She then got up and walked away, not before throwing a wink my way though.

Bora was gone a while, I figured she had gone to find Yuri so I waited...and waited...and then after a few more moments waiting I gave a frustrated sigh and got up, following her into the kitchen. I was surprised to see she was alone, just sitting there with a glass of what looked like coke mixed with something. While my remaining nerves were taken over by annoyance at her bad manners just leaving me there, I hovered by the door, leaning against the frame and I watched her swirling the liquid around the glass absentmindedly while her mind was seemingly elsewhere.

"Where's Yuri?" I asked, trying to start a conversation after figuring that it was better than the damned awkward silences that had filled most of our night. I may be wary of this woman and her ways but I'd much rather say something than stand there like _i'm_ the creeper. To answer my question, she said nothing but instead motioned her head over to a note on the table.

' _Gone to pick up food, won't be long_ '.

I wondered why Yuri wouldn't just shout and tell us she was leaving, then again...she might have come in to see Bora and I on the sofa looking as if we wanted some privacy. I sighed for the hundredth time that night, thinking to come up with an excuse of why she and I were like that...  
In the meantime though, I pulled up a seat and sat opposite the girl who was still staring off into space. I continued to look at her hoping she'd talk first but after a while with no luck it seemed that was not going to happen anytime soon. When she finally glanced up at me and saw me staring, a smile started to appear on her face, a roll of my eyes were given in return.

"What did you mean by circumstances?" I asked again, quickly wanting to leave when that small smile turned to a significantly larger smirk . Despite being annoyed, I waited for her answer only to become more frustrated when it didn't come. Getting to the end of my tether with her games as well as the looks she continued giving me, I finally scoffed and went to get up. Only then did she chuckle and motion for me to sit back down.

"I'm not _supposed_ to make friends in my job..." She started, relaxing back into her chair. "To me they are simply clients that I am required to help but you know me, I can't help my bubbly personality" I couldn't control my laugh at that and quickly covered my mouth in an attempt to conceal it which failed as I snorted a few seconds later.  
Bora didn't look offended however, instead she actually shot me a smile, I mean a _real_ smile not one of those perverted grins she usually does.

"So...you're a therapist or something?" I took a guess, wanting her to 'skip the bullshit' as she had once said and just tell me. Alcohol doesn't help my natural impatience.

"And sometimes..." She continued, ignoring my question and looking solely into my eyes. "...I try to help but it doesn't work out. They hire me but then whatever I do may not be enough. They could be taken away or... required to pay large sums of money, making it so they can no longer live in Seoul..." I was completely confused now, it may have been because of the alcohol but my head simply couldn't grasp what she was actually talking about. Due to the no doubt perplexed look on my face, she chuckled gently before finally revealing what sort of work she does.

"I'm a lawyer, Tiffany"


	20. Chapter 20

I must have just been staring in bewilderment at her for an awkward while because when she began to frown and snapped her fingers in front of my glazed over eyes, I shook my head to bring myself back to the present. Bora started to smile but I could only mirror her previous expression, did she just say she's a lawyer?

Surely I heard wrong...I mean considering it was all of three-five hours ago that I was thinking about getting Taeyeon one to possibly lighten her sentence and now one just presents herself to me?

After a while I found my voice miraculously and with a rude point directed her way I had to ask if she was for real. "Y-you're a lawyer?" Her smile faltered a little, maybe a little confused by how I was reacting to a seemingly normal career and she nodded slowly with a now suspicious look.

"Yeah...what did you think I was, a prostitute?" So i'd actually insulted her, fuck. When she saw me get a little panicked to dismiss her answer she burst out into laughter. "Never seen one this attractive?" She winked

"No I uh...gosh" I said with a sigh, smiling at how truly stupid I sounded.

At least Bora was taking my dumb responses well and wasn't completely offended as I'd first thought. I told her to ignore me and gave the excuse that I was drunk which wasn't really the case at all.

"I just really like that area I guess" I paused to take a gulp of my drink and continued, trying not to look at the smirk that had grown on her face as she licked the rim of her glass.  
"I mean, the stuff you do, defending innocent people and helping to put away the ones who have done evil. It's interesting to me" I shrugged, I really did feel that way but right now I was just trying to keep the topic on her job, hopefully to see whether she was actually good at it and whether she had the potential to help Taeyeon.

She shifted, coming a little closer to me as she kept up that damn smirk. I thought Taeyeon's was bad but compared to Bora hers is so freaking innocent.

"Oh really" she commented, her eyes now wavering beneath mine. "It's...interesting that you find it interesting. I do like my job, sometimes it's rewarding, then again sometimes it's not. "

"How come?" I responded.

"Well like you said, I could be putting away a person who had done evil things but if I was to be assigned to that person's case instead? I have to work to keep them _out_ of jail." I nodded at that.  
"Thats hard but usually it always falls through since they have too much evidence against them. I don't think I could sleep at night if what I did actually allowed them to walk free again if they had killed or...raped."

"Yeah, I guess it's the same with me. It's difficult to treat people equally in a harsh manner in my line of work." Bora's eyes lit up in interest as I shot a smile her way.  
"I work as a correctional officer as you probably already know because of Yuri... so to really _know_ that someone is innocent and they've been put behind bars due to a traumatic experience that wasn't entirely their fault it's tough"

"I agree" she said as she averted her eyes for a moment, enough time for me to let out a shaky breath. I don't know why I was so nervous, it's strange since I could probably just ring up a lawyer and enquire about Taeyeon that way but as its Bora and I'm closer to her than I am to a complete stranger...I had a lot riding on how this went.

There was a slight silence as I thought about what else to say, awkward to say the least. Our actions were even entwined, raising our glasses to our mouths and then lowering them. We laughed at that and I thanked the lord that she wasn't being overbearing now with her flirtatious ways. Maybe she wanted to change the subject or something and when I saw her looking at her watch and starting to watch the television, I knew I had to get her attention back on me and the only way I could think of was to begin opening up to her about Taeyeon.

"Alright so...metaphorically speaking" I said, giving a slight smile when she looked at me in interest. "There's this girl...who is innocent but who still sort of did the crime...if that makes sense"

"That makes no sense" she chuckled. Of course it didn't, I had even slurred my words. As I put down my glass and grabbed a different one filled with water, I tried to sober myself up a little since we were in murky territory with this whole thing now. I could say the wrong thing and bam, Bora could have something to report me on if she desired.

"Okay." I said, banging my palms against the table a little too hard as if to say I'm starting a new sentence, listen to this.  
"So there's this girl who's now in prison..." I went slowly, just in case she wouldn't understand despite her intelligence; I was drunk okay.

"Right..." She went along with it so I continued.

"Let's say...she committed a crime but wasn't fully aware of what she was doing."

"I'm not sure what you mean" Bora replied, resting her head on her hands and looking as if she was putting up with this drunken nonsense like it was any old thing I was blabbering on about. "Was she intoxicated or something?"

"No. For example, have you ever hugged someone or even hit someone in your sleep?" When she nodded after thinking for a while I exhaled in relief, hopeful that I was getting somewhere.  
"Alright so imagine this girl who had just gone through something seriously, and I mean _seriously_ traumatic and she was totally scared of everything"  
There was no answer from her side so I carried on with my speech.  
"And then...there's this kid who takes advantage of her state to pull a practical joke on her. Let's say that she hit him in shock and in panic but didn't realize she'd done it until she woke up."

Bora frowned as I looked to her expectantly, hoping she'd come up with an answer that would solve all of this in a heartbeat.

"So what's her actual charge? How long is she or has she been in prison?" She asked. "Metaphorically speaking of course" a slight smirk and I knew the metaphorical thing hadn't worked, damn.

"She's inside for attacking a minor, punching him and scratching him... but the sentence ended up being six years even when the attacker wasn't aware of their surroundings. Almost sleepwalking if you will...metaphorically"

"Okay shut up about metaphorically it's bugging me" Yep, didn't work.  
"So I'm guessing this is a girl who's in your prison yes? A friend of yours?" I nodded but lowered my gaze, suddenly all too aware of where the is could possibly lead. I was nervous, really nervous.

I nodded while she sighed, averting her own eyes to her clasped hands on the table in thought.

"It's certainly a tough situation. Who testified against her to make her go down for so long considering the circumstances that you've just told me?" She was interested, perfect. "I mean, surely if the sleep thing was an issue someone could have tested that, at least looked into it a little"

"After what happened to her, she stayed with a friend and that's where it happened. After she did what she did, that friend thought she was a monster and was determined to send her down for as long as she could despite growing up with her."

"Harsh" was the comment that came from her lips, her eyebrows furrowed also while I nodded absentmindedly.  
"I mean as a friend she should have listened to what the girl had to say and taken into account of whatever she had been through that was so scarring. It must have been something big"

"Very" I replied. "It's like something you'd expect to see in a movie, like it's not even real life" a sigh escaped my lips when I thought back to how much of an ass I had been when Taeyeon had told me. Feeling a tear roll down my cheek I quickly got up from the dining room chair and turned my back on her as I attempted to conceal my emotions on the subject. What happened next was that she grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the sofa.

"It must be hard for you too, obviously being close to this girl and I'm guessing you're telling me this because you want guidance or something?"  
Not really guidance but I nodded anyway.  
"Alright so, I'm going to need to know some more details...to see first hand whether it was both traumatic enough and worthy of her being sent to prison for it." She smiled sadly after looking into my eyes, a really nice change from her usual personality. Again I nodded and took a deep breath as she encouraged me to let it out... but I still had to be careful.

Slowly but surely and leaving quite a few details out, such as the aggression Taeyeon had showed as she told the story about Jessica, how much of a bitch I was and oh yes...I was now fucking this girl and quite possibly in love with her, I began to explain what Taeyeon had told me that night in the kitchen.

As I spoke I studied Bora's expression how it went from slight surprise at Taeyeon's lesbian status to a smile as I described the love she and Jessica shared together albeit with pain in my heart...and then a glisten in her eyes as I told her all of what she had gone through, how evil that one man was to have taken away such an important and innocent person that didn't fucking deserve any of it.  
I wiped another tear as I finished and heard Bora clearing her throat, her voice breaking due to her own emotions after hearing the story.

"That...wow" was all she said and I knew then that I could maybe trust her with the whole truth if it ever came down to that. As I stared at her, it amazed me how the woman who walked in here earlier tonight was so different than the one sitting before me now. I'd like to say the real Bora was here right now but I just wasn't sure; I didn't know her enough to judge. Nevertheless, she was touched and reacted well considering.

As I explained the next part, about the kid and her friend and how the boy used to bully Taeyeon with his loud voice and sneak attacks, Bora actually chuckled darkly at the audacity of the child. Like it seemed she too thought that dick deserved what he got even though Taeyeon didn't mean for it to happen that way. I finished with the actual attack and the look on her friends face as she sent her best friend to jail, how Taeyeon had decided to just accept that it was all her fault and not stick up for herself in any way.

I felt more tears sting my eyes but before one fell, Bora's thumb quickly grazed beneath my eye to rid me of it. I then raised my eye line and saw she was giving me the most sincere yet emotional smile she could possibly manage and I was grateful for that. Without even thinking I grabbed her hand and squeezed it since my voice would probably just sound like a dying cat if I tried to speak anyway.  
Her other thumb grazed the skin on my hand as she moved a piece of hair from my eyes, she was comforting me and I was surprised to see that she was really good at it. I felt relaxed with her soft caresses and knowing that the outcome could be good for Taeyeon if Bora decided to help us was...relaxing almost.

"Taeyeon doesn't deserve to stay in there another minute, let alone years" I sighed, seeing Bora nod slightly from the corner of my eye.

"Taeyeon?" It was then that I heard the apartment door slam and Yuri walk in, her eyes darting from her cousin to me in almost a panicked state. My eyes widened as I realized. "Tiffany you didn't..."

"No no!" I replied, standing quickly to reassure her but it seemed Yuri had already figured I'd told her cousin the other part...

"Tiffany she's a fucking lawyer do you not know that?" She raised her voice a little, angry at me for being so seemingly careless.

"What's going on?" Bora frowned, getting up too to join the two of us. Yuri turned to face her.

"Bora she made a stupid mistake and I'm sure she feels awful. Right Tiffany?"  
The anger and threat in her voice then was almost paralyzing but I had to stop her before she told Bora. I had come so far and I had her on my side, if Yuri told her what we had been doing in such a reckless way it could become utterly fucked.  
"She didn't mean to take it that far and it was only-"

To try to fix this I grabbed Yuri and pulled her aside out of ear shot. "I haven't told her everything!" I whispered angrily. "I just found out she's a lawyer and was hoping she'd help me out with lightening Taeyeon's sentence, she doesn't know what we do!"

The dread that came on her face was almost comical if it wasn't such a tense situation but Yuri also seemed a little relieved at the fact I wasn't as stupid as she first thought. It may be possible for Bora to get Taeyeon out of jail without telling her about Taeyeon and I's relationship together and that's the way I intended to keep it...unless it was completely necessary.

It was silent as Yuri walked past her cousin without a word and grabbed a bag off of the table that I didn't even realize she had brought in. She began to take out some plates and dish up our food as Bora eyed both of us in suspicion. When we were all gathered round the table to eat, it seemed Bora didn't want to drop the subject which I was both nervous and slightly grateful about.

"So I assume Tiffany has told you about...Tae...? Taeyeon" she repeated after I helped her out with the name. Yuri simply nodded to reply, not lifting her head as if she was scared that she'd reveal something accidentally after that little hiccup.  
"It's an interesting case isn't it, tragic but certainly interesting...do you know Taeyeon like Tiffany does?"

Yuri really was related to Bora, I say that because the slight smirk and naughtiness on her face as she no doubt desired to make a dig at how much I really did _know_ Taeyeon was something she had to restrain herself from doing.

"I know of her. Taeyeon is someone who is...selective in who she talks to" A quick look my way proved that Yuri really wasn't entirely over what Taeyeon and I do together. Nevertheless, Bora nodded in understanding as she revelled in her thoughts. It interested me that she had become so involved in this case, how she wanted to know every detail like it was the most refreshing and stimulating thing she'd heard in a long while.

As we ate, I noticed Bora glance at me time and time again. I wouldn't say it was uncomfortable, but I was wondering why she was doing it. When I looked up at the right moment and our eyes met, Yuri looked between us and then once Bora realized she had all of our attention, she spoke what was on her mind.

"The things she's told me are valid enough to possibly re-open a case and help a person who seems to have already paid for their actions."

Wait, what? Did she just-? I smiled immediately and set down my chopsticks. Was this real? I could kiss her right now! I literally couldn't even speak, if I tried it would come out in garbles and that wasn't wise. When I saw Yuri was eyeing me, silently telling me that I was maybe acting a little too overjoyed for someone I hadn't known all that long...Bora seemed to notice.

"Okay can you guys just explain to me what's going on?" She asked, looking clearly confused at the weird situation we were in. Yuri and I met gazes yet again as I again shook my head subtly, pleading with her not to say anything.

"Im sorry" she replied, looking straight at me before setting her attention on her cousin. For a moment I thought she was going to spill and ruin everything I had just worked for over the past hour. However, thankfully Yuri was a friend that could keep secrets, even from her own family. For that I respected her greatly.  
"I was just worried I'm- just worried about Tiffany...that's all." She calmly expressed, Bora looked just as confused as before and opened her mouth to speak before Yuri changed the subject. I followed almost immediately and avoided Bora's suspicious stare. She joined in a while later and I let out a sigh of relief, thankful that tense atmosphere was over for now

The night went on with us actually having a good time, considering it stopped being awkward after we ate and drank a bit more. However the glares that came from Yuri from time to time didn't allow me to forget how much she thought I had actually screwed up by even mentioning Taeyeon in the presence of a lawyer.

When it came the time to say goodbye, I was already up and ready to leave with a wave directed their way but was surprised when I was pulled into an embrace by none other than Bora herself. It took me a while to hug her back due to my slight shock but when I felt her hands searching below my belt, I was fully ready to step back and push her away, maybe even slap her for being so out of order after we had shared a lovely bonding moment... but then I realized she was trying to find my pocket.

I placed my hand on hers as she stayed pressed up to me to conceal what she was doing from a still moody Yuri. She was giving me her business card with a smug smile on her lips. I couldn't say anything with her cousin being right there so I just returned the smile and quickly slipped it in my pocket.

"It seems we will be seeing more of each other" she whispered in my ear as her hand reached around to rest just on top of my ass. "I'll wait for your call beautiful"

And with that she pulled away, not without a quick peck to the side of my lips though. Still slightly taken aback and not knowing whether to be pissed or not, I just nodded her way before leaving Yuri's apartment.

As I phoned up a taxi service while waiting outside, I couldn't help wondering if I'd done good here or whether letting Bora back into my life was a bad idea. And also...how Taeyeon would react to all of this when I told her tomorrow.

It was already 1am and I still hadn't found the courage to go inside her room. All I had to do was ask her to trust me and ask about her sending off a request form to have her case re-opened. Doesn't sound too hard right? But this was Taeyeon we're talking about, the one who would get pissed off if you said the slightest thing wrong and the one I had made happy recently, something I didn't want to mess up.  
Right now I had the worst headache ever and I was at the point where I looked like a complete mess: untidy clothing, bags under my eyes...I wasn't the least bit presentable. However, I couldn't control my rising heartbeat as I walked past her door, just for security purposes y'know.

To make things a little safer for me, I patrolled the area and peeked into each of the inmates' respective rooms. Most of them were asleep after lights out but I could hear some still chatting in some of the double cells. That wasn't something I could punish them for so carried on my way, mostly looking out for another CO that could possibly hinder my desire to enter her room. A quick look at the schedule and I was relieved to see that I was the only one working in this section of the hall. Feeling my adrenaline pumping, something I feel quite often now with Taeyeon, I performed a final quick sweep before swiftly unlocking and invading the familiar territory.

It was pitch dark in her room and I couldn't hear anything, no indication that she was awake or sleeping. Not wanting to wake her just yet if she was sleeping, I tiptoed over to the direction of her bed but then proceeded to trip over something lying around on the floor.

"Crap" I muttered under my breath and finally figured that my flashlight would perhaps come in handy here. Stupid...  
I fiddled with it for a while as it wouldn't turn on and I was getting a little annoyed, from that and the fact that I wanted nothing more than to sleep at that point. Even Taeyeon, the one I lov-liked...the one I liked was second in my mind at the moment.

Thankfully I finally managed to get the flashlight to work and pointed it at the ground as I made my way over to her bed. Thanks to the strong shine of the torch, I could see she was lying in her bed and facing me with a subtle smirk on her face; awake.

"Hi Taeyeon" I smiled, feeling instantly awake as soon as her expressive eyes locked onto mine. She was the source of much of my energy it seemed. She didn't reply, just yawned in my direction. "Sorry" I chuckled quietly, apologizing for my late night visit. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes" she replied with another yawn. I apologized again but she merely waved it off as I approached. "Why the late night visit?"

I smiled as she sat up to make space for me beside her, even the simple things she does makes my heart flutter and made me feel like I was sixteen years old again; a lovesick teenager. As I averted my gaze, I lowered the intensity of the flashlight and positioned it on her bed in a way that we could still see each other yet stayed enveloped in darkness. I liked that effect because I couldn't see the walls that imprisoned her in this room, if I used my imagination I could see us in the normal world. Just her and me...sitting back in bed and talking as if we didn't have a care in the world. Nothing could be better than that right now.

I got the feeling that although it was silent, she was maybe sort of happy to see me. She would never say that out loud of course, she was too proud to do something like that but it was how I felt due to her aura. She was pleasant to be around which in turn gave me the perfect moment to tell her what I had been up to.

Before that though...I had an itching desire to do something. I wasn't sure how she would react since it would be sort of sudden so I figured I'd get it over with and pray that she would take it well. I slowly leaned in, my eyes flickering from hers to her lips and smiled as I got closer, liking the fact that she wasn't pulling away. I then placed a soft kiss on her lips, it was short but enough to satiate that hunger for her that I felt, albeit for a little while.

Taeyeon didn't show any reaction other than looking at my lips so I took this chance to finally answer her question that she had probably forgotten about by now. "I just wanted to see you" I shrugged, a small smirk growing on my face as she raised an eyebrow. "Is that against the law?"

"No" she answered, her voice hushed yet it echoed in my ears, followed by something that caused me to shiver in excitement. "But this might be..."

Taeyeon proceeded to rest her hand on the back of my neck and then she pulled me roughly into her, our lips colliding with force yet all I felt was the softness of her caresses as her hand moved from my neck and cupped the side of my face, her thumb moving back and forth along my cheekbone. To say it was bliss was an understatement, every time she touched me let alone kissed me was the best feeling and to have her initiate it was something else.

I was getting carried away, I knew it when I felt my hand travel down her back and boldly cup her ass. Taeyeon too wanted to take it further, her hands were busy trying to unbutton my trousers and although I would love nothing more than to make love with her now...I was there for a reason. Telling my brain that however, was a different story.

My mouth parted as I attempted to tell her to stop but as soon as I took a breath, her lips connected with mine again in a no doubt effort to tell me to keep going, or to shut up. Her tongue slid against mine and I moaned into her mouth, thankful that I could hear that it wasn't only us that were getting intimate. The couple a few doors down were actually very loud and drowned out any slight noise that I made. How much I wanted to take that for granted but again, I needed to get my thoughts straight. When I heard Taeyeon let out an amused hum against my lips in reply to that awful moan that had escaped from mine, It helped me to separate from her, pulling away in embarrassment.

"Something wrong officer?" She shot a smug look my way, probably revelling in the fact my breathing was heavy and shaky. She knew I wanted her, and she loved it. Who wouldn't?

"I uh...wow." Good job there Tiff, way to sound the least bit intellectual. I was putty in her hands, she could do with me what she wanted.

"So Hwang is both horny and corny… Nice mixture you've got there."

I giggled, a nervous habit I'd since picked up recently while she stayed silent, though that smirk that I actually missed due to seeing Bora's most the night yesterday was still plastered on her perfect face.

"I wanted to ask you some-" the rest of the word died off when she leaned in a little too close, her eyes staking into mine, flicking between each one while I stared at her lips. To make it extra painful for me, she gave a slight smile showing off her teeth and then proceeded to lick her lips. It was almost too much to bear, however the thought that we could be doing this in my bedroom rather than a jail cell was helping me to stay strong.  
"Something..." I repeated, eager to just come out with it.

Taeyeon hummed, her way of telling me to continue while she ran her thumb over my bottom lip which in turn emitted shivers that ran down the whole length of my spine and back up again.

"H-have you ever considered...you know..." I paused, this was a bigger deal that I'd first thought. I mean, every sensible person would jump at the chance of reopening their case but Taeyeon was so...mysterious that I had no idea how she would react. "Have you...ever wanted to re-open your case?"

There, I said it. I would say I was relieved but Taeyeon's lack of a smile didn't allow me that satisfaction. The silence that ensued was literally killing me, a minute had since passed without a word, she was just staring emptily into my eyes.

"I've thought about it once or twice." She shrugged like it was nothing, finally speaking but it wasn't really what I'd hoped. I tried to press on though...

"Once or twice...then why didn't you pursue it?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, living through what happened was enough pain for a lifetime. Then I had to tell you but then having to tell it a third time was just too...I don't enjoy depression Tiffany, I really don't."

"No I know I'm sorry" I immediately felt regretful for bringing it up because when she sighed and walked away from the bed...I feared I'd blew it. "It's not easy I understand. But you know, that we could possibly get you out of here, at least lighten your sentence anyway." A small smile grew on my face as she thought with furrowed brows, that smile disappeared soon after when she asked...

"Who's we?" She said, turning to face me now.

"Uh...you and me?" I answered with a nervous chuckle while she narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"What are you hiding?"

"Okay, um..so...uh. I may have...found you a lawyer."

There, I said it. It was out in the air and if she were to yell at me now then at least I'd said it, at least she'd have something to think about when I was ordered to leave.

"What?" She whispered as if we were talking about something top secret, which I guess we were... Taeyeon stormed up to me and I thought for a moment she was going to hit me but she instead simply crouched down in front of me and ran a hand through her hair.

I groaned suddenly when a pain shot through my head, the migraine returning even worse than before. She lifted her eyebrows as if to ask what was up but I ignored it, instead sucking in air through my teeth and continuing our conversation.

"I have a really good lawyer, it's a...friend of mine because I really don't want you to have to spend more time in here than you already have"

Taeyeon frowned before placing her palm on my forehead, checking to see wether I was alright. I must have looked a little pale or something but she actually made me feel worse, her caring side revealing itself making me fall even deeper for her. I took that hand in an attempt to calm my beating heart and held it tightly in mine, silently telling her I was fine.

"I just...really want to help you. I can't help it. When I'm at home all I can think about is you in this cold and dreary cell and it kills me, it really does." I lowered my eyeline before I revealed something.  
"I want to make you as happy as you make me...even if you don't-" I stopped when she pulled her hand from my grasp and stood up, looking down on me in curiosity. All I could feel though was the emptiness I felt once she did that.

"If I don't what?"

"Even if you don't… feel the same." My body moved of its own accord, getting away from her in fear of rejection. Her silence was painful in itself, to imagine her refusing my attempts would be so much worse. I walked over to the door, tracing the dents in the metal with my nails.

My ears were open, hoping for an answer or at least something but there was nothing, not even a whisper. I was instead listening to the couple who were still going at it a few doors down. I should really put a stop to it...  
As soon as I figured that this conversation was a lost cause, I threw a glance over my shoulder but didn't actually meet her eyes before going to open the door but then...

"Wait"

That word that had stopped me in my tracks all those months ago was now just painful to hear. It must be hard her too though, it must be because if she did this she would no doubt get her hopes up, and if the case were to fall through even if we could re-open it...It would be gutting for her. To have freedom right in front of her but then to be pulled away from it, locked back into her cage for years to come.

But what if she _was_ released, I've been dreaming of that day...how she would move in with me and we'd be a happy little family but I hadn't actually thought about if she would instead do the opposite. What if she were to thank me...and then walk away. What if Yuri was right, what if she was just using me to have some fun in her no doubt boring life. I had always dismissed that thought but maybe it was something that I really did have to think about. The silence was now deafening and I felt my vision blur as another pain shot through my head. Again I went to open the door, but a hand shot out and grabbed my own, pulling me around to face her.

"Wait"

I stayed in silence as she breathed in deeply, her eyes trailing around my face and studying my scraggly appearance. To be honest I couldn't care less at this moment, just being here with her was painful and put that pain on top of the migraine I had, the ache of my bones from staying on my feet for hours on end...

"I want to re-open the case."

That was all it took. I looked up in confusion at that point, asking myself whether I had heard her wrong even though she was right there, even though it was silent until she had spoken. Maybe I was slightly in shock that she'd agree so easily, that even though she knew she'd have to relive that moment that she had feared for so long...she would. I'd like to think it was for me, because she knew how much I wanted her to be released but maybe that was just wishful thinking. She wanted it for herself and I guess that's okay too.

"Thank you, Tiffany"

I actually smiled at that, I couldn't remember the last time she actually said my name. Maybe it was only a few days ago, I don't know but I was used to her calling me 'Hwang' or 'Officer'. Hearing her say my name was a refreshing change and of course, my heart skipped a beat at her using it with gratitude.

"We need to look into it a bit more, but from what I've been told it's entirely possible." I said, entwining my fingers with hers. I wanted to stay and talk to her all night long, but with me on the verge of tears due to being in pain and the loud moaning that was getting louder if that was even possible...I had to go. Taeyeon realized it too and shot a dimpled smile my way before retreating to her bed.

"Go tell them if they don't let me sleep I'll kick their ass."

I smiled wider at her words and turned to face the door again to leave, but not before taking one last look at the girl who had come into my life and pretty much ruined it...but she had ruined it in the best way imaginable. I would still be the old homophobic bitch that most probably wouldn't have a best friend in Yuri because I would've chase her away with my hurtful words. She changed me for the better, and I'll never forget that...even though she makes it hard to even stay in the same room as her without melting.

"Goodnight Taeyeon" I noddedand then left her room, locking it behind me. As I walked down the corridor I chuckled at her previous words before banging on the door of the two women that were having too much fun, I then opened it slightly to give a warning.  
"You'd better stop girls, you don't know how many people you are pissing off with your noise. Don't make me write you both a shot."

I heard a muffled 'shit' coming from each of them along with rushing movements to get dressed and jump into their own beds while I grinned and re-locked their door.

I became distracted for five minutes while checking my phone during my break. I had to stay awake...though with my head that pleaded for me to rest it and my drooping eyelids that too wanted relief, I found it extremely difficult. A quick glance to the clock showed it was now 4 am and I groaned since all I could do was listen to the eerie silence that surrounded me. I'm sure a lot of the girls snore but thanks to those doors, not a peep was heard.

Thinking I'd become suicidal if I didn't do anything soon, I took out my phone and began to fiddle with it, deciding to check out my Facebook account and even looked on Taeyeon's, just to see that cute little face again. When I was tired of doing that, I listened to some music but quickly become bored of that too. With a yawn and a sigh, I grabbed a flask filled with coffee, something that helps me to keep awake; just. It was so boring, I hate night shifts they are literally the worst thing on earth. I'd rather work for two weeks straight with no day off than have a night shift, I'm being completely serious.

Despite my boredom with my phone, I continued exploring it since it was relatively new. I came across some games that provided mental stimulation for all of two minutes and then discovered I still hadn't set up my gmail account so I'd get emails to my phone. That kept me busy for a while but typing in all my details while I was tired took longer than expected. Finally I opened it up after I'd completed it...and a loud beep gave me a fright.

"Shit, why isn't this on silent" I mumbled to myself, quickly doing just that. When I searched for the reason for the beep, I found I had quite a lot of unopened emails. "Spam...spam...spam..." Who invented spam I mean for goodness sake, there is literally no use for it.

As I searched through the endless amount of junk mail, I saw one that was most certainly not spam. I sat up almost immediately, my eyes opening wide.

I had received it yesterday afternoon...it was an offer; a job offer.

I was being offered a promotion in a much larger prison than this one with a much better salary. It was for a 'Sergeant' position, this was one level above a correctional officer and my duties would included training new CO's amongst other things...a job I had really wanted to have previously and with that salary I could buy myself a house, I could move out of that measly apartment and actually own house, a dream of mine.

I literally could not believe my luck like oh my fucking god! I immediately clicked the link which took me to the website and I searched, finding myself smiling at how much better the facilities were, how much bigger it was... I flicked through the photos and saw some of the CO's there that I'd be working with, all of them with smiles on their faces and they were smiles you couldn't fake. These people loved their jobs...and here I was wishing I could leave. This was my opportunity to finally...!

My smile faltered immediately when I clicked on the tab I had opened previously, the eyes on her profile picture looking straight into my soul; Taeyeon.

My heart dropped when I thought of how I'd be leaving her behind, how she would be alone and how much she'd hate me for it...

I alternated between the two tabs, Taeyeon or the job. I knew I couldn't have both but what the hell am I supposed to do now? Leave the job I don't enjoy and begin one that I'd dreamed of having ever since I began training to be a correctional officer years ago...which also meant leaving the girl I had since fallen in love with?

If I took that job...I wouldn't be able to see her. I sure as hell wouldn't be able to visit her, it would of course look suspicious and I'm sure it wouldn't even be allowed. But, if I _didn't_ take it, I'd be missing out on a great opportunity that I might not have again. I mean come on, I could live with so much more freedom in reference to money.

This was literally the worst thing that could have happened...and it was breaking me. I had to choose between my head and my heart...the only thing was my heart belonged to her, yet I wasn't entirely sure that hers belonged to me.

I just…

What do I do now?


	21. Chapter 21

As soon as my head hit that pillow I was ready to succumb to my exhaustion. Even coming into my apartment I felt like a zombie; the undead. Never had I been this tired before. Maybe it was because of that damn migraine... I don't know but literally, I could have just collapsed right there. So that's exactly what I did.

A groan of pure comfort left my mouth as soon as I felt the warm duvet surround my body, a small smile appearing with closed eyes when I inhaled the fresh and homely scent. I hadn't even taken my uniform off but I was too comfy now to even try.

Soon I was slipping into unconsciousness, my head throbbing faintly, my eyes probably refusing to ever open again.

And that's when...I got a phone call.

"Noooo" I whined, knowing I would have to move those few inches to pick it up. I thought about leaving it to go through to the answer machine, surely if it was _that_ important whoever it was would leave a message. However, when it finally did and I heard Bora's voice telling me as quoted "Pick up the fucking phone", I did as I was told despite how painful it was to move from my perfect fetal position. As Bora kept throwing obscenities at me, my hand was blindly slamming itself down on my bedside table trying to locate the phone.

"Mm?" I answered when I finally found it.

"What took you so long you lazy shit?" Was the reply, I was too weak to even care about her rudeness.

"Umm...how did you... get my number?" I yawned, most probably pissing her off in the process. I distinctly remember her giving me her card but I certainly didn't give her my number.

"I was tired of waiting for your call so I asked Yuri. Are you free to talk?" Oh wow, a complete 360 turn there in regards to her manners. I swear everyone I know is bipolar.

I nodded tiredly until I remembered that she couldn't see me. "Yes, yes...okay"

"Yuri told me you had a night shift, is the poor baby tired?" Her patronizing tone would have made me roll my eyes if they were open.

"Just get on with it" I muttered, eager to just get whatever this was about over with.

"Temper temper..." I heard her scoff and then silence. I waited a while only to then threaten that I would hang up if she took any longer.  
"Okay okay. So I've been looking into the whole Taeyun thing"

"TaeYEON" I corrected her, though was eager to hear what she had to say, perking up as best I could.

"Whatever, anyway so I've been working it out. To get her released right now is impossible because we don't have any evidence to say that she wasn't aware of what she was doing. It's as if saying a murderer was drunk when he killed his victim...It just doesn't work"

A slight whine later and I was sat up, putting my whole attention on what Bora was saying. "So that's it? There's no way?"

"There is a way, but it's tricky. You said that Taeyeon was convicted of child abuse due to both the physical evidence of assault on the kid and what her friend said to testify against her, yes?"

"Yes..." Where was she going with this? Sure I studied law enforcement but I literally had no idea how this could work. Then again maybe it was because I was tired.

"Well, I'm afraid the only way we have hope of getting her out is to talk to her friend and her son. Try to persuade them to take back their statements, forgive her due to the tragic circumstances and get Taeyeon to send off a request form to re-open the trial."

That last part would be easy since Taeyeon had already agreed to do it, but the others? How on earth was I going to get her friend to forgive her just like that? It was damn near impossible.

"I know it's messy Tiff, but at least we can try? All I need is the address of the pair and maybe a handwritten note from Taeyeon herself to try and change their mind. It may not work so I need you to tell her to not get her hopes up, they may not want to go through the whole court process again. I'm sure it was just as tragic for them as it was for your...friend."

My heart was pounding, hearing that it was possible to get her out was making me tear up in joy, but then having it just out of reach from us due to the fact her friend was the only thing left that could save her...it scared me.

"Why are you doing this for me?" I asked suddenly, my voice breaking from the overflow of emotions within me right now.  
"We barely know each other, we just had a random one night stand that held no feelings. Why on earth would you be willing to go through all this just for me and some girl you've never met before?" I really wanted to know, ever since she gave me that card and told me she would do what she could...it had stumped me.

All I could hear was her breathing on the other line, her thinking of what to say. It stayed that way for a whole minute yet I strangely didn't feel the need to interrupt to ask again.

"I'm not stupid Tiffany."

"S-sorry?" I replied, unaware of where that had even come from.

"I said I'm not stupid. Do you think that with me working as a lawyer for four years, I can't tell when someone is lying?"

"..."

"I know about the relationship you and Taeyeon have together. I knew the second you started talking about her. I knew because of how Yuri reacted, I _knew_ because your eyes show so much more than you would ever think possible."

"I...uh. It's not-" Oh my god, I stood up almost immediately beginning to pace back and forth while trying to think of a logical answer to throw her off the scent. As I ran my hand through my hair and bit my lip when nothing came to mind, Bora spoke again.

"Tiffany don't try to lie to me. I knew through the emotion you relayed when you told that story of hers, when your eyes twinkled at every mention of her name and how you tried to hold back a smile each time. You're in love with her."

I burst into tears as soon as I heard those words come from her mouth. While I was no longer afraid of being reported to the police by Bora... I was now afraid because even _she_ could see how I felt about that girl. It was only a matter of time before others would find out and that scared me more than anything.

"Bora...please" I begged, I wasn't sure why but it just came out along with the seemingly endless amount of tears.

"I even saw it when we met that night at the bar, you may not have been as deep as you are now but you still felt something strongly towards that girl. And Tiffany, I'm not going to do anything rash alright? I-I just want to help you."

When her voice wavered, I wondered what she was thinking but was too overcome with emotions to even know what to ask. All that mattered right now though, was that I needed to do what she asked to give Taeyeon the best chance of freedom. And after that, I needed to seriously think about taking that job, getting myself arrested for raping an inmate right at the moment where I could change everything for Taeyeon would not help anyone and I was so stupid to take it this far.

"Get some sleep alright? Yuri said something about you working again tonight so get some rest and phone me as soon as possible with those details. I'll talk to you soon."

As I hung up the phone after sniffling a 'goodbye' and a 'thank you', I sat back down on the bed and found myself staring at that email on my cell phone albeit with blurry vision.

' **We hope to hear from you shortly with your decision** '

Everything Taeyeon and I had gone through during these many months could be described as nothing more than an adventure. A roller coaster of emotions that went to new highs, and new lows. The shouting, the smiling and the screaming and the crying. Each day held new problems but each day also gave me a chance to further pull down her wall that now was only inches high. I was almost there but at the same time...so very far.

When I closed my eyes, all I heard were the put-downs that I'd heard so many times before.

' _Think about it, she has this hot CO trying to get to know her, showing interest in everything she does and has done...she feels you are an easy target. She wants sex, wants to get rid of some stress. Join up the dots_ '

Yuri's words rung in my ears as my migraine started to return full-force, pain shot through my head as my tears fell one by one. I grabbed a clump of my hair and squeezed while wincing at the pure torture inflicted by her words.

 _'Answer me this. Are you falling for her…or the way she fucks you_?'

For her, I'm falling for her! My voice screamed back, trying to make her believe me. Taeyeon likes me too...she does, she-

 _'Has she told you that what she feels is more than just sex_?'

No...but-

 _'Has she told you she at least likes you_?'

No she hasn't but it doesn't mean that she feels nothing for me!

 _'Think about it from her perspective'_.

I was convinced I was going crazy, arguing within my own mind. It was like an echo.. _.'she doesn't love you...she never will_ '... I was crying because I knew deep down it was true and I couldn't handle those thoughts spiraling around my head anymore.

All it took was me imagining the day when Taeyeon got out, all smiles but none of them were for me. She was free, and I watched as she walked straight past me to go and live her life. I was left standing in front of the prison staring at the car that drove her away and she didn't even give me a second glance.

I snapped. I'd had enough of everything telling me I wasn't good enough for her, how I couldn't be as good as Jessica and without thinking I grabbed the nearest object and threw it at the wall, watching it break into a hundred tiny pieces.  
And then I did it again...and again and again, feeling my anger dissipate slightly each time.

It wasn't long before my bedroom was trashed, my bedside table on its side now sporting a huge crack which had happened once it had fallen, the lamp that had sat upon it shattered on the floor and the phone halfway across the room. Pieces of glass were scattered on the ground and the book I had bought because of her...the pages were ripped out and crumpled up.

After calming down but then seeing the trash heap that was now my room, I retreated until my back hit the nearest wall while my feet collapsed from under me. With my eyesight now completely blurred from the tears that refused to fall just yet, I brought my knees in to my chest and let out a shaky breath.

The feelings were too much, the misery of not being wanted was worse than anything I've experienced. The pain of my heart that beats for her shriveling up due to not being loved the same way back. It longed for someone to keep it, to treat it right and to tell it over and over how much they cared and appreciated everything it had done for them...but there was nothing like that in my life.

I could blame it on Taeyeon for making me feel this way, for turning my life upside down but in actual fact it was all my fault. I was the one who had pursued her, I was the one who had the choice to go into her room and start this whole one-sided love affair. She was just going along for the ride, she had done nothing wrong. It was all me. _I_ was the one putting myself in danger, being careless and reckless and I knew if I didn't do something now, it could all come to a head before the trial even took place. If Yuri and Bora could see it, then it was only a matter of time until everyone could. We had been lucky up till now but, how long would it be until that luck ran out?

The last thing I remember before falling asleep was picking up my cellphone, dialing the number at the bottom of the email and...

"Hello, my name is Tiffany Hwang and I'm calling about the job offer I received two days ago via email?"

"Yes, I applied for the Sergeant position...that's right."

"Well, I'm calling to give you my answer, I've made my decision."

It was all a blur but after signing a form, leaving Nichkhun's office and having an emotional chat with Yuri...I was standing in front of that very familiar door. I wasn't sure why, but I felt the need to knock before I entered this time despite knowing I would have to unlock it myself. It was as if I knew that I may become a stranger after the conversation we needed to have tonight. I didn't want it to go the way I feared though, I really hoped for both of our sakes that she would give me what I needed. But right now, the ball was in her court and so with all of that in mind, knocking was the most respectful thing to do.

I couldn't hear anything through the door even as I set my ear against it. I guess that was a plus though, as things _could_ become heated tonight.

As I stood there, I glanced at the room a few doors down. How loud must that couple have been to have their groans heard by us the other night? Yikes.

Anyway, soon I focused my attention back on the one in front of me and figured that it was best to get it over with as soon as possible. So I knocked a few times before grabbing my keys that unbeknownst to me had been a target of my nervousness on the walk up here.

All I heard at that moment was the click of the lock as I turned the key and then the draught blowing through my hair when I opened it.

"Taeyeon?" I whispered softly, taking a few steps inside and looking into what would be darkness if it wasn't for the lights in the corridor shining through. Again, not wanting to startle her or make her uncomfortable from the no doubt blinding light, I shut the door behind me and grabbed the flashlight from my belt.

"Taeyeon it's me, are you awake?"

No answer.

With a shaky exhale, I proceeded to walk over to where her bed was while shining the torch at the ground, narrowly missing the same damn object that had tripped me up last night. As I approached, I could see that she was fast asleep and looked almost peaceful, something that you wouldn't expect to see with surroundings like she had.

"Tae?" I whispered even quieter than before, although I wanted to wake her...I also wanted to cherish this moment where I could just look at her. Her baby face that reminded me of that photo that I find myself staring at quite often. It somehow also made me think of her family.

When I looked at those perfect features, I wondered if she has a mother that will stroke her face lovingly and tell her "I missed you" when she's finally released and returned back home...  
Or a dad that will pull her into his arms and break down in tears due to the fact his baby girl is now safe. Does she look like either of them?

She has never told me about her family, only Jessica and it made me wonder if she even has one, or whether in fact Jessica was her only family. If that was the case, how sad must that be to be so alone in this world, let alone in a place where hours upon hours... your thoughts are the only thing giving you company.

But her face showed no worries or concerns, no blemishes from stress and no frown lines from the aggression that appeared every now and then...And so I timidly reached out to stroke her cheek with the backs of my fingers, wondering whether she would _ever_ think of me as family.

"Mmmm" A raspy groan came from her throat before I quickly whipped my hand away and stood up straight, I kept my eyes on the sleeping beauty however as she awoke from her slumber.

"Hey" I said softly, giving a small and almost sad smile. I was grateful she still had her eyes shut because she would probably have asked me what was wrong and I couldn't talk about that right now, it wasn't what I wanted.

What I wanted was to savor whatever moment this would bring without questions...So when she blinked and opened her eyes enough to squint, I held my finger against her lips and begged her with my expression to stay quiet. I was grateful to find she did.  
She instead took my hand and pulled it away from her mouth before sitting up, her back against the wall and looking right at me.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you...again." I said with a shy chuckle while she tutted in a joking manner, giving me a slight smile soon after. "I had to see you before I..."When her eyes twinkled, looking nowhere but at my own I realized that this was going to be harder than I had thought. In the meantime, I positioned the flashlight on the bed just like I had the last night.

"Before you...?" Her warm and husky voice filled my ears and all I desired was to hear it say my name in the same way.

Closing my eyes while the shivers eased, I opened my mouth to say what I had planned but only a croak came out in its place. I found I was getting emotional despite not having made up my mind 100% yet. Deep down, I knew how this was going to go.

"Taeyeon I...I want you to know that I am so glad I met you, really I mean it. And whatever happens from here on out...I'll always be there for you..."

Whether you want me to or not.

The instant confusion appearing on her face struck a shooting pain through my heart, and when my eyes clouded over I had to get away from her even if just for a moment.

"What are you talking about?" She asked while I got up, an effort to calm my increasing nerves.

"I have some news" I spluttered, pairing it with a smile though any fool could see it was fake. How much I wanted to tell her right there and then...but I chickened out right after I took a breath.

Despite my annoyance at myself though, the thing that came out of my mouth instead was important too.

"There's a way to get you out" I smiled, this time a real one and only because of her reaction. Her grin was wide, her dimple as prominent as it had ever been.

"What? Really?" That smile was something rare, always so magical to see. "How?"

I sat down opposite her and proceeded to reveal what Bora had told me, what Taeyeon would need to do to achieve what she wanted. Although the mention of her 'friend' and the child that had ruined her life caused the smile to vanish quickly, the nod of her head when she knew that it was her only chance to lead a free life sooner than she thought possible was something I was happy to see.

"This is really happening" she whispered, almost in bewilderment as she handed me the hand-written letter we had finished together.  
"I could get out, I'd be free" I was surprised to see tears in her eyes, Taeyeon was tough and I'd only ever seen her cry twice...so this must have been a big deal for her to do so and so openly like that.

"I'll make sure to give this to Bora soon alright?" I smiled and tucked both the information that included where the 'friend' lived as well as her address and also the letter that would beg for her forgiveness into my pocket.

"Bora?" She replied, slightly confused. "Is that the lawyer?"

"Yes, she's the lawyer" I answered, patting down my uniform and almost forgetting the main reason I was here to talk to her.

Taeyeon frowned "You're on a first name basis with her?"

I copied that grimace. "Well yes, didn't I already tell you she's Yuri cousin?" What was with all these questions?

Taeyeon's frown deepened and she averted her eyes, showing that she was thinking deeply about something "Oh...but I'm well aware that Kwon doesn't like me. Why would her cousin help me out?"

Okay, so after my little meltdown earlier and after convincing myself that this _must_ be a one-sided thing, listening to Taeyeon sound almost suspicious over my knowing another woman was somewhat confusing.

"Well, to get her to take on your case I had to tell her about you" I shrugged, telling her it wasn't that big of a deal. "She was interested in helping you."

Now this is where I messed up a little, I started to babble because for some reason, what would inevitably come next didn't register in my brain as something bad. Maybe it was my nerves overriding my senses but it started what I thought would happen...just not for the reason I expected.

"You know in fact it was quite a shock to see her the other night after everything... I didn't think I was ever going to see her again-"

"Why? And after what?" Her response was sharp, the utter speed of it leaving her mouth like a bullet that finally told me that I'd started something that I perhaps couldn't finish. I looked left and right, looking for something to give me an idea to change the subject.

"Uh..." I mumbled, finding nothing,

"Have you met her before?" She asked, standing up now.  
"How would you not know she's a lawyer if you've met before? Surely what she works as tends to be one of the first questions you ask after 'What's your name?' "

It soon became increasingly obvious Taeyeon was doubtful that Bora and I's relationship was purely platonic and it was this that caused me to go on the defensive.

"Why are you questioning me like _I'm_ the criminal here?" I asked with an attitude that Taeyeon really didn't appreciate.

"Excuse me? So now I _am_ guilty?" Fuck, I curse the day God didn't give me a connection from my brain to my mouth, it seems impossible for me to think before I say something.

"No that's not what I-" I tried to explain but she wasn't having any of it.

"No come on, what did you mean by that? She pressed on. "Is there something you're hiding?" I walked away but her raising her voice stopped me in my tracks, as well as the words she was spitting, "I know she didn't do this favor because you told her about what we've been doing in this cell because that would be really fucking stupid"

Taeyeon chuckled as if it was something that only the dumbest person would be capable of yet she didn't know that that was exactly one of the reasons Bora was helping us out. I turned and opened my mouth to reply, seeing she still had a smirk on her face but when nothing came out, her expression returned to her cold and hard look as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She seethed, steeping closer.  
"What, so she's doing this out of the kindness of her heart when she found out how 'sweet' our escapades were? Is that how you made them seem? How could you be so stupid? She's a fucking lawyer, if you or I said one wrong word she could put you in jail with the click of her fingers!"

A slight warmth passed through my body as I listened to her reasoning. She was showing that she was thinking of my safety here too. Holding back a small smile, I tried to reassure her that Bora could be trusted.

"She wouldn't do that" I said and aimed to continue though Taeyeon just cut me off yet again.

"But you just told me you barely knew her until the other night! You can't bond with a fucking lawyer in a few hours, enough to tell all of our secrets. What happened between the pair of you that she feels she has to pay you back for with this HUGE favor?"

Silence. Also that heat that she had given had now been taken away as I ran out of options.

"I'm not here for this" I replied finally, turning my back "Just accept that I'm trying to help you and deal with it"

"No. I want to know!" She barked. "What is it that you aren't telling me?" When she pushed me roughly to face her again I had had enough, my emotions were sky rocketing to the surface.

"Just stop yelling at me I can't take this Taeyeon!" I yelled back, surprising her no doubt but not enough to have quietened her down or make her back off. She just kept pushing...and pushing.

"Then leave! Who's stopping you?" Those words, they hurt despite knowing that she didn't know what was on my mind right now. When she raised her eyebrows and motioned to the door, I couldn't control myself.

"Is that what you want? Is that what you _really_ want?" If she said yes...

Taeyeon paused as if to think before shrugging her shoulders and saying words that injured my heart more than it had been already.

"All we do is fuck and argue so I don't see why not"

She didn't know what she was saying...I tried to tell myself this over and over, trying to cling onto the happier times we spent together but when she laughed and walked away from me, I exploded.

"Is that all I am to you? Are you actually being serious? How could you say that after all I've done for you?" I was in disbelief as I watched her drop onto her bed like what she had just said was nothing. When she picked up a book and began to skim through it, I stormed over and slapped it out of her hands. I didn't even flinch at the glare she gave me, how far we had come...  
"If I hadn't have come along you would have been mistreated by the officers here and lonely as fuck. All you'd be able to think about was what happened to you a long time ago."

When she kept up that look for a while and said nothing to reply, I felt let down. My shoulders slumped followed closely by my head.

"Have I ever crossed your mind, even once...?"

There was no answer from her lips but she had unknowingly given me what I had suspected to hear tonight. And, I'm not going to lie. It shattered me.

"Wow" I commented to myself. "So Yuri was right then. Yuri was so fucking right this WHOLE time and tried to warn me but no! I said you couldn't be the way she described, I said I was getting through to you and you might actually like me but that was all wishful thinking wasn't it?" I couldn't control my emotions, when I had trashed my room I figured I had let all of them out but here they were overcoming me again.  
"She was right...I was just being used by you so you could get laid. In the end, all I am is a toy to you."

"Hwang..." She frowned, maybe she looked a little sorry but I was past caring at this point.

"See, you can't even say my name. Is it _that_ much of a burden for you to actually treat me as a person you enjoy the company of and not some random being that you've only ever seen once or twice in your life? You're unbelievable"

"Listen to me-" Taeyeon began to stand up from her bed as she listened but I pushed her right back again, looking down on her.

"No. _You_ listen. I thought this argument was going to come up after I told you what I had to say but it's so unbelievable that it's happened now. But here, let me tell you what you want to know instead." She could tell I was pissed off, even more so than I had ever been and I suspected that that was the reason why she wasn't fighting me back.  
"Bora, your new lawyer is in fact the girl I slept with a while ago. You know, the one who gave all the hickeys? That's right." I pointed to my neck just in case she had forgotten giving a fake triumphant smile.

"So you fucked her to get her to work with me? Nice."

Was she serious? Was she actually...?

"Oh my god how can you be so...? I'm so tired of this, of your mistreatment, of being used."

I turned to leave but just as I reached the door, I heard a scoff and her mumbling under her breath. My palm had been resting against the cool steel ready to open it up but almost immediately my fist clenched in anger.

"Okay you know what?" I stormed back over to her to see her head was bowed slightly.  
"Since we're arguing _now_ why don't I just come out with my big news? It'd be a great time for it right?" I waited until she looked up at me and then told her what I needed her to know.  
"I've been offered a job."

Nothing.

"It's as a Sergeant, I'm getting promoted."

"So?" She finally commented, catching me off guard slightly. "What do you want, a medal? Well done Officer Hwang for being promoted to Sergeant Hwang in this shithole."

I scoffed at her assumption. "No, you see that's where you're wrong...  
The job? It's in Busan." I paused to let that sink in, her eyes soon lowering in thought. Despite everything that had gone on tonight, I still found my own clouding over with tears. She had given so much ammunition for me to hate her, but through all of it...I still knew I loved her.  
"If I leave... then I'd be leaving Seoul for good." Again, a pause but this time it was to wipe a sole tear that had escaped and to clear my throat.  
"So if you're telling me to go now, just like the night in the kitchen, I _will_ listen to you."

This was it. I had made my peace. Now it was truly all up to her. And even though she had hurt me tonight, I hate how I wouldn't think twice to run into her arms if she had said she wanted me to stay. I would give up that job for her if she asked me to, I would...I really would.

But she didn't.

Instead all she said was "So, that's it then" It was final, she had given up on me. Just like that...

All I could reply with was a shocked and defeated "Wow".  
Taeyeon quickly took that the wrong way, just as she did everything else.

"What do you want from me? A congratulatory message? A hug and a kiss on the cheek to say good luck in your new job?"

I was done, it was over. "I just wanted to tell you firs-" I replied sadly.

"Why? Why does it matter what I think? Clearly from how you walked in here you had already made up your mind" She proceeded to quote me. "I want you to know that I am so glad I met you, really I mean it. And whatever happens from here on out...I'll always be there for you" she followed it with a dry chuckle. I would have fought back...but now I was to weak to even try

"I just want-"

"You want what, a farewell fuck?" She interrupted, pulling me roughly forwards towards her bed.  
"Sure! Let's do it" As I looked on with sad eyes, she pulled off her vest and presented her naked torso to me before tugging off her trousers, leaving her only wearing panties. When she made a move to grab my belt, I stepped to the side out of her reach, turning my head to look away.

"Stop"

Taeyeon scoffed and took another step towards me, causing me to back up and meet the wall behind me. This time she achieved her goal by unclipping my work belt and throwing it out of reach.

"Come on, we haven't got all day. Surely you're in a rush to share celebration drinks with Kwon and Bora. Let's make this one to remember" I winced as she yanked at my tie, forcing my head to jolt forward and connect with her lips, something I would have loved to have shared with her previously...only this time I just wanted to get away.

"Stop!" I pushed her as hard as I could under the circumstances, making her stumble backwards and no doubt further angering her. When she dropped that fake smile she had on and I saw that maybe she too deep down was feeling something, I sighed and wished that the Taeyeon I had fallen for would just give me a moment to explain.

"What the fuck do you want then officer?"

"What I want is for you to calm down for a moment and let me talk!"

"Talk about what? There is literally nothing to talk about! You've already said the basics, it was nice to meet me? Ha!"

As I shook my head in defeat as well as utter disappointment in the way she was behaving I asked "Why are you acting this way?"

"I'm not acting _any_ way"

"You want to know why I was dreading coming in here tonight?" I asked.  
"It wasn't because I've already accepted the job and needed to tell you it was because of this, you turning into the person that I fucking hate."

This time, I'd intended for that piece of information to slip out.

"That's right, I've accepted the job Taeyeon. I can't do this anymore."

Her voice broke as she attempted to keep up the argument "Oh how sad, poor old Hwang can't handle getting fucked by a prisoner anymore. Does it finally make you feel dirty?"

Although I could see she had been affected by what I had said tonight, she was giving me no reason to stay. I regretted how reckless I had allowed my heart to be, offering itself to her. Right now, she needed to be put in her place.

"See this is why, can't you see that your anger is the cause of all the problems we have?" I shot at her, watching her drop her jaw.

"Are you serious?"

I stepped forward so I was no longer pinned to the wall and I rested my hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"Listen to me...I _can't_ do this anymore, I'm tired of feeling-" I was cut off when she shoved my hand from her body.

"Feeling what, remorse? Guilt? Oh I'm sorry shall I bow down and offer my sincere apologies?"

"-Feeling like I'm walking on eggshells every single moment I'm in your presence! You're like a bomb, one wrong move and you explode, hurting everyone in your path."

One mention of the word 'bomb' and her facade changed, she was somewhat broken down as she reminisced on her life with the one she really loved. I hadn't realized it at the time and wasn't looking as tears flooded her eyes. I carried on talking though, making it worse.

"Now I don't know whether it's because of your past or whether it's because you really fucking hate me but if I had to weigh out the two options, stay here with you or leave...I'm sorry but-"

"I never asked you to". It was almost a whisper as if she didn't want her tears to affect her voice but it was heard loud and clear.

"No, you didn't. You don't ask me anything, I'm the one who's always giving. _I'm_ the one that goes out of my way to make you feel as good as you can in here, _I'm_ the one who's putting all the effort into this relationship"

"What fucking relationship?"

Why didn't I just go? She had basically just told me there wasn't or never had been any relationship between us but still, I stayed and I have no idea why.

"You know what your problem is? You're so fucking closed off that you have no idea what the hell is happening around you. Look at you!" The tears began to flow freely down my face as my heart felt like it was being tightened, squeezed. It was hard to breathe because the only words that were willing to escape were the ones that would surely finish me off when she reacted negatively to them.

"Why are you so bothered?" She asked.

"Becau-" the emotions were spilling out.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm-" the words were on the tip of my tongue

"Why do you come into my room time and time again and try to get to know me if you know I'm a lost cause?"

"Let me ta-" they needed to come out.

"Why after all this are you still so keen to-?"

"Because I fucking love you Taeyeon!"

She stopped after that. We both did, our chests heaving and looking nowhere but each other. Although still angry, I lowered my voice to a whisper, my voice still shaking through my cries.

"Is that so hard to understand? Is it _that_ unbelievable that I could fall in love with someone like you? Do you know what you've done to me? Don't you realize how much I've changed and stopped being so judgmental? So closed minded?"  
Despite calming down slightly as the weight was finally lifted off of my chest, the scoff that came from her lips began to anger me yet again.  
"Actually you know what...it _is_ unbelievable. I understand _exactly_ what you mean."

Hurtful, true. But she was pushing me too far, she didn't seem to understand that her moods didn't affect anybody as much as me because I was always the punching bag. And by the frown on her face now, it was only a matter of time before I became one again.

"So come on, are you going to tell me to get out, to fuck off and keep out of your life because all I'm waiting for is for you to say the words..." I needed to hear it, either she felt the same or she didn't and if not, I would walk away as promised.

"But, what about the case?" She asked before I let out a chuckle, I just told her I loved her and my expression was screaming insecurity and pain yet the only thing she wanted to know about was the case. Not being able to look at her right now, I turned my back on her, my head lowered while I walked to pick up my belt.

"Bora is going to take over, she'll come to meet with you a few days from now once you've given in your request form. I've also added her number to your call list. My voice was weak, a sign of me giving up the fight for the girl who always makes it one. I clipped on the belt and fixed my uniform, then moved to the door.

...

The room was engulfed in both silence and darkness now. The flashlight must have fallen from its position on the bed yet neither of us moved to fix it. It was almost comforting in a way, her eyes were always the first thing to show her anger or her hate and to not see them was a good thing.

As the silence continued though, I knew that I was going to be the one that had to say something.

"Taeyeon..." My heart began beating faster and faster, holding onto the hope that I was going to get a straight answer tonight. At the same time however, I felt it throb because I knew deep down that it wasn't going to be the one I wanted.  
"Since you've gotten everything you could possibly want from me now, I need your answer."

"To what?" She replied, still barely above a whisper.

"I'm in _love_ with you, I think about you constantly and I want to know whether you feel the same. Just give me some hope that all of this hasn't been for nothing. If it has..." It would kill me.  
"If it has then please I beg you, tell me to leave because only then will I be able to move on."

More tears fell as I heard nothing to reply. At the time, I felt it was almost worse than her saying she didn't love me. But when I heard her say her next words, I'd never felt more crushed.

"I...I don't-"

Bang, it felt like a truck had hit me full speed.  
"You don't." I repeated, nodding to myself as it echoed through my head. You never did.

"No I don't -I don't-" she acted as if she was struggling to say something though her words were so clear.

My head hung in absolute shame and humiliation. How long had this gone on, how long had my feelings and my heart taken beating after beating and for what? To release a girl I didn't even recognize anymore back into the world so she could get on with her life?

"Fine." I said back in the toughest voice I could muster but she wasn't a fool, she knew what she had done. "Then...I guess it's time for me to go." I sniffed as I turned and took my keys from my belt, my heart beating pathetically. I switched off my flashlight and made my way over to the door.

"Wait, I don't...I don't _know_ what to say to you." She shouted to me, causing me to pause and look over my shoulder, imagining her in the darkness standing there alone. When I walked in, I allowed a moment to foolishly imagine her hugging me, kissing me telling me she loved me at this point. But this is the way it happened.

"You've said enough"

"Tiffany..." She cried.

"Goodbye Taeyeon, good luck with your trial and I hope you find everything you're looking for."

My voice was dead while I hesitated by that door just in case she called me back. That she would apologize for everything and I could forgive her for all she'd said.

But she didn't.

The finality as that door shut behind me was like a complete blow, I was empty and wasn't sure I could ever be whole again. I couldn't even cry, my feelings were completely diminished. As I fixed my belt and my collar once again to be presentable, I was unable to hear the soft whimper from behind the strong and thick metal door as I took one last glance before walking away.

"Don't go...please. Please don't leave me"

I walked down the familiar corridor finding it somehow sounded different. I guess hearing my footsteps echo down the usually noisy but now eerily quiet hall was always filled with happy feelings because I was either going to see her, or was coming from her room high in spirits. Now...it was just emptiness.

Despite everything, I still loved her but I really didn't have the energy to do that any longer. While I walked I felt shivers travel up and down my spine as I remembered her touch. I couldn't handle the way she touched me anymore and knowing now that she just wanted it to lead to fucking hurt incredibly. I desired her love, how special I would feel if I had heard those words but I guess I'm not the one for her. Jessica will always be the one, be it her alive, or dead.

Taeyeon's reaction earlier didn't necessarily surprise me but the emotion she showed did. Maybe I was wrong and she does, deep down at least like me...but then again, she didn't answer the question.

' _I don't_ '

 _'Is that how you made us seem_?'

' _What relationship_?'

All her words filled with hate for me when all I tried to do was my best to help. It was my fault for falling for her, true. But the fault of hers was leading me on like that, whether she knew she was doing so or not.

I was blinded by her, by the love I felt, by her touch...I was living in a fantasy world that was nothing like the reality. She doesn't love me. All she did was push me away.

If I could describe what happened today, I'd say it was like a river.  
Through a river, the water flows at its own pace. Nothing can control the water's speed, the river's bank can only help it flow.  
The rocks that reside in the stream can hurt if a living thing were to get thrust upon it, jagged and sharp...they would cause pain.  
The river, it was life, the water - truth. Taeyeon was the rock and I was the living thing, thrown into the raging rapids and being hit over and over again on each rock Taeyeon had placed.  
While the rocks inflicted pain, the water made me receive the cold truth. All that was left to do now was to keep traveling down that river until those rocks no longer affected me. It will take me where I needed to go in time.

I had no doubt in my mind that Taeyeon was feeling empty right now as she stood in that cell, knowing that I wouldn't be coming back but she was the one who pushed me away. If she's regretting it now, at least she could learn from her mistakes, learn that her words can affect someone greatly and that there comes a point where they won't be able to take any more abuse.  
Maybe she can apply it to a future girlfriend...

After all, there's no hope now for her and I.


	22. Chapter 22

It had never felt so wrong to walk away from someone, yet strangely at the same time relief flooded my body. A heaving breath escaped my lips with every step. And with every step, I felt the weight on my shoulders get lighter. Whether it was because I was free of what would have been severe repercussions from being caught or just the feeling of being free from _her_. That sounds bad, I know but she had led me to think that way. She was not innocent in this. I had given and given...and given only to have nothing in return and that's what caused me to put up this false wall, something to prevent me from getting hurt. Taeyeon had a wall too, she had always had a wall. Never had it come crumbling down, it had stayed strong throughout all of my attempts, fooling me into security and excitement by merely pretending to fall. In reality, nothing had happened of the sort.

As I walked I breathed in the fresh air of the outdoors, free of the bodily emissions of the many prisoners as I increased my distance from the place I was leaving behind. I was to start all over again, a new city, new colleagues...perhaps new friends too. The only thing I wouldn't be doing, was getting into another troublesome situation like I had with Taeyeon. No way, I'd learnt from my mistakes. Learnt that however incredible someone can make you feel, they can take that away just as easily with hurtful words.

My steps got slower, I began to drag my feet. I didn't want to look back, but I did. Many times in fact. There was that overwhelming urge to run back, to not leave her alone in that place but wasn't that what she wanted? She had always been isolated, not talking to anybody until I came along and that was the way she'd no doubt stay. It's not what I wanted, of course. I wanted her to smile once in a while despite still being mad at her. I wanted her to make friends, play games in the courtyard to keep her brain active. I wanted a lot of things for her, but did I still want her to get her freedom?

It would be too easy for me to sit there and say that I wanted her to complete her original sentence even though she in my eyes was innocent. To watch her crumble under the pressure of the court and witness it all fall through, see her emotions pour out of her when she realised her chances of getting released had blown. After all she had said and done to me, didn't she deserve that... to stay there? To be punished further?

Each time that thought crossed my mind, I tried to convince myself that maybe it would give me satisfaction for her to feel only a fraction of what I had. To feel something being ripped harshly from you with no regret or remorse. I tried, but it didn't happen. I still cared for her, I mean of course I did. I thought I knew love before all of this happened only to find I knew nothing of the sort. The incredible and addicting feeling it was to just look at that person, to have her touch you, feel every inch of your skin, kiss every part of your body. Bringing immense pleasure with her tongue, her fingers with that electrifying touch...

But that was no more. All that we shared was for nothing. All that had come out of it was pain. She made it clear to me today that I had been used, that there wasn't really a relationship or feelings involved from her side. I felt like an object, a toy she just decided one day to stop using.

My love for her had hit me full force, almost as if out of nowhere and too fast to contemplate...yet she shot me down even faster. Yuri had been right all along and looking back, I really wished I had listened to perhaps my most loyal friend. She had stuck by me even when I was going against the law, against my morals and also against her. Yuri was someone who came along once in a lifetime. A friend like that deserved so much more than what I gave her...and she was the one who I'd no doubt miss most in the long run.

Taeyeon would stay in my thoughts for a good, long while. Yes, but eventually...heartbreakingly, I'd find another to share my heart with. But Yuri would stay with me forever and I was determined to make our last moments just about the two of us. But who was I kidding, it was not that easy to erase her.

Even as I reached my car and saw Yuri following after me a fair way away, all that was in my head was _her_. Tears flooded my eyes as I opened it up and sat inside, the door remaining open to Yuri when she finally arrived. I knew that after we had said our goodbyes and she had gone, all that was required was to start the engine and drive away. I'd go home, pack up the few items in my apartment and lastly never look back. Again, who was I kidding.

By the time Yuri had come, I was a mess. Quickly I tried to conceal most of the sadness from my face by wiping the still falling tears from my cheeks with trembling hands but Yuri saw it all. She immediately crouched down beside me, gazing into my eyes and no doubt wondering why I was in such a state. Not liking the constant staring as she wondered what had happened, it only took a few words from me for her to understand.

"I should've listened."

Yuri's eyes widened just a little before slowly bowing her head, an exhale coming from her lips soon after. I looked down at her while she nodded, the reason why I was in such a mess becoming clear. When she finally raised her head, she found she could only mutter an "Oh" in reply.  
She was speechless, not knowing whether to comfort me, or just not talk about it at all. In the end though, she chose to tackle the problem directly.  
"It seems like we should have a chat" she said, getting up and walking around to the passenger side while I shut the door to protect myself from the cold wind.

I didn't particularly want to talk about what had happened, but Yuri deserved to know. I couldn't tell her to leave it, or to go away to leave me to my thoughts because I wanted to relish in whatever time we had left together. As soon as she looked at me with those deep, brown, empathetic eyes however, the dam burst and everything came flowing out once more. Yuri didn't miss how I kept looking back at the prison while I sobbed and so took the matter into her own hands. She knew I wasn't fit enough to drive, so she took over instead.

Again, I couldn't resist that last look at the building that housed my once favorite inmate. It only tore my heart out completely. This really was the end of us.

As she drove through the streets of Seoul, I watched as the scenery passed by in a flash through blurry eyes...almost saying goodbye to each place I had visited or seen on my travels to and from work. I tried so very hard not to let the tears fall again, I didn't want to seem weak in front of Yuri. And even though my head was turned away from her looking out of the window as we travelled, a quiet sniff let me down.  
Almost immediately, a soft touch on my thigh appeared, patting up and down while she sighed audibly. Her hand remained there for the rest of the journey, softly stroking my leg every now and again in an attempt to comfort me.

We arrived shortly after, the warmth her hand had given me disappearing when she got out of the car. It felt as if I was now alone in this world, I didn't have Taeyeon to rely on anymore and soon I wouldn't have Yuri either. At least not in person.

I watched as Yuri walked around the car and opened up the passenger side door for me. Chivalry was not dead in her books, and it actually put a smile on my face as she gave a small bow and a smirk. We linked arms as we made our way into the building, chuckling a little when we realised that we'd then have to let go because the staircase was too narrow for the both of us. When we reached my door, I found that nerves were starting to attack my body, the keys jangling in my trembling hands. It was as if the sheer magnitude of what I was doing was hitting me full force, knowing that the next time I'd be locking this door would be the time I'd hand over the keys and leave it behind for good.

Yuri saw the struggle and wasted no time in again taking over, quickly opening and then shutting the door behind us. Reasonably embarrassed at my behavior, I quickly rushed to the kitchen and opened a bottle of wine knowing that it would help to calm me. I saw from the corner of my eye that Yuri was watching every move, perhaps silently judging me.

An awkward silence ensued after I had given her a glass...which she refused since she'd have to take a taxi back to the prison to take her own car home later on. I sipped, but then tried not to slurp noisily as I downed the contents while she looked around my still messy apartment.

"Well..." She said, motioning to the many boxes in the corner of the room. "At least you don't have much to pack..."

I nodded to agree, not failing to notice that she was frowning slightly as she scanned the room. It seemed it wasn't just me who was trying to control my emotions. I smiled a little when I realised despite the stress and the worry I must have caused her, Yuri was going to miss me too.

"Who am I going to talk to at lunch now, huh?" She chuckled sadly while I bowed my head. "You know, I hate goodbyes. Especially when I know how shitty you're feeling right now." She approached, sitting down on the dining table opposite me.

"Go on, say it." I laughed, watching the contents of my newly filled glass swish back and forth as I shook. "Say _'I told you so_ ', you were completely right."

Yuri's brows furrowed a second time, then took my free hand in hers. "I'm not going to do that Tiff." she reassured. "We all go through a period in our lives where we go against what a friend suggests...It's normal. I'm not going to say that what you did wasn't wrong because you know so yourself, but it's all a learning curve."

True.

"Your heart may be hurt Tiff, I can see it; I can _feel_ it. And although I don't know exactly what happened, what was said between the two of you...I can only remain positive in the thought that you won't let yourself get hurt like that again. Right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as if to dare me to say the opposite.

"Right." I agreed, squeezing her hand tightly in my own as I took another sip. The buzz from the alcohol was starting to get to me, the calming effect as it traveled throughout my body being just what I needed at this point.

Another silence...but this one was comfortable. Just the two of us enjoying each other's presence and not even needing to say a word to convey that. We were still holding hands and it was that action that further cemented Yuri in my heart. She may not have grown up with me nor been there through some of the hardships I faced in America, but her being here now and when I had needed her most was something I couldn't ask any better of. What mattered was that she had shared things with me and I her, and I guess in retrospect...she did grow up with me in a way. She watched on as I grew from a shielded homophobe into someone who was trying to figure out their feelings for women. She had been there for a friendly chat or even as a conscience while I tried to place my new found sexuality into one category or another.

"When do you leave...?" She whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

"Uh, maybe two-three days" I replied.

My new job required that I start as soon as possible since they were understaffed. I had fully expected to keep them waiting for a while though, since I figured I would have had to have given notice to Nichkhun before I just upped and left my job.

I remember coming out of his office once I had told him slightly confused because he had just told me to finish my shift for the day and then leave. No notice necessary. I wondered if I had done something to piss him off, maybe it was his way of firing me on the spot because of the simple fact of looking elsewhere...I don't know. But all that was left to do now was to call my new employer, let her know and then pack up and leave Seoul.

"Not long..." she murmured slowly, not really knowing what to say anymore. I nodded in agreement and after a few moments I think Yuri could tell that the mood was dying, becoming slightly depressing. So wanting to change that she clapped her hands and got up, startling me slightly.  
"Well!" She announced, grabbing my car keys and heading for the door. "Let's make this a night to remember."

I liked her plan. Immediately I told her all of my junk food necessities, those being pizza, chocolate and a load more alcohol. Yuri chuckled as she made a mental note, nodding to herself after each item I mentioned.

"No problem. How about I buy a few movies too?" I nodded eagerly at her suggestion.

"Perfect" I grinned, Taeyeon long forgotten for the moment. When I mentioned another alcoholic beverage for her to pick up, she groaned as it was her favorite.

"Ugh _you_ are a bad influence you know that?" Yuri said as she reached out and took some money from me to cover at least half of the bill. "I guess I can take a taxi to work in the morning..."

"Good." I winked, causing her to chuckle and then turn to the door. Suddenly I thought of something else to ask.  
"Hey, why don't you call Bora to come over too?" I suggested, figuring it'd be nice to say a proper goodbye to her as well seeing as she was going to be doing so much for my benefit in the next few months.

Yuri paused for a moment before looking over her shoulder at me, the family smirk plain on her face. Knowing exactly why she shot me that look, I rolled my eyes in return and then dismissed her with my hand while she gave an over-exaggerated gag at the thought of Bora and I.

Soon I was alone with my thoughts, hoping Yuri wouldn't be long because I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Given her shifts at the prison, we'd most likely not see each other after this and that's exactly why I intended to relish her company.

My small smile faded however when I looked around at all the boxes that I'd have to sort out in the next few days. How it was so final... I'd be leaving Seoul behind for Busan, a place I hadn't even visited yet. I felt fearful, just as I had when moving to Korea but then told myself it was just another adventure to add to my list.

...

The night ended with all three of us slumped over in the living room, unaware whether we were lying on the floor or on each other. Bora and I weren't as drunk as Yuri though, poor thing. I felt guilty knowing she'd have to go to work with a monster of a hangover but it was worth it. I had had a good send off, a great farewell party of sorts.

I'd cried, so had Yuri whereas Bora just laughed at the two of us. She did give a few drunken words of wisdom for my travels however and I remember finding it hard to nod along and keep a straight face while she went on and on and on.  
I fell asleep halfway through her speech,and while she didn't particularly appreciate it, she also wouldn't remember it so everything was all well and good.

I on the other hand _would_ remember everything, the laughs we shared, the hilarious goofiness of three adult drunk women and every other moment we had shared up till now. These girls were my friends, and I'd make sure we kept in regular contact, not including the fact that a lot of the conversation's we would share would be about Taeyeon's case.

"Congratulations, Officer Hwang! I'm sure you know we all appreciate that you chose to work for us here in the Busan correctional facility. With your experience this prison can only get better, bringing forth a promising future for everybody here."

I grinned an eyesmile as I bowed in gratitude to my superior. I was finally here, finally at the point where I'd always dreamed; a prison sergeant. Confidence was oozing out of me as I prepared to do the job I'd always studied for, had always dreamed of getting. And the prison...the prison itself was incredible - huge grounds, clean facilities and from what I saw so far, friendly staff. It was a huge step up from my previous job and I was sure it could only get better from here.

"Thank you" I said almost too excitedly while looking around the office to soak up as much information as I could. Just like on the first day at Seoul, I knew everything but I still enjoyed reading over certain things again.

"I'll assign a guard to give you a tour around the prison in a few moments. Today is really just about you getting familiar with everything, your new colleagues and getting the gist of how things work around here." I nodded, taking everything in before she continued.  
"Okay, that's it I think. All that's left for you to do now is to get changed and head out!"

My heartbeat started to increase. This was all so big, so new...  
I watched in quietly as my new boss walked over to a storage cabinet while scanning my application, looking for the size uniform I required. When she took one out and then handed it to me, I think she saw I was a little apprehensive about what lie ahead of me. She shot me a comforting smile and then motioned for me to follow her as she sat back down at her desk, taking out my name tag and what would become _my_ badge. 'Sergeant Hwang'. Wow.

"Thank you" I smiled, letting out my breath with a slow exhale. I really liked the fact she didn't comment on my increasing nerves, knowing I wouldn't want to appear unprofessional in any way. Instead she left me to it once she showed me to the door, but then kindly wished I had a good day.

It took a while until I found an employee bathroom so I could change but as soon as I was done, a message came through on my radio to tell whoever it was my whereabouts. Once I had, she told me to wait for her and that she would come and get me, soon revealing herself to be the officer that would show me around.  
Exiting the bathroom soon after, I was a little surprised to see my blonde colleague waiting in front of the door. That was fast...

"So, you are..." I watched as the girl scanned my uniform until her eyes rest upon my name tag. "Hwang, gotcha. Nice to meet you, I'm Kim."

My eyes suddenly widened at her words, the smile disappearing from my face soon after. Of all the names...why did it have to be _that_?  
As 'Kim' began to frown at my less than polite behavior, I managed to snap out of my daze, quickly bowing to her.

"Tiffany" I replied, wanting for her to call me by my forename and not by 'Hwang'. Somebody already had dibs on that one.

"Hyoyeon" she followed suit, I was so thankful that her first name didn't match too. That would have been tough and also slightly awkward, having to call another Taeyeon. "I'm here to give you a tour since it's your first day." She smiled faintly, motioning with her hand to the corridor in front of us. "But are you feeling alright? You seem-"

"I'm fine" I said quickly. "Nice to meet you Hyoyeon." I willed her to move on from the subject of my behavior because I knew she'd only get more curious. I've learnt that curiosity does me no favors in this career; in this life even.

"Okay, Tiffany." she replied, looking at me strangely as she no doubt tried to figure me out. "Let's start now. It's recreation." I simply nodded and followed as she set off, letting the woman do her job as I tried to get my mind back on mine.

We walked on silently as she told me all about the rules, certain prisoners I'd need to look out for amongst other things. It really felt odd to see male inmates passing me again.

"So," Hyoyeon started as we walked side by side, both of us warming to each other. "Is there anything bothering you? Anything you want to ask? Back there..."  
And here I was hoping she would drop it.

"Nerves I guess." I said as I scanned the yard while we stopped for a moment. "The promotion, new place, new people. It's all a little overwhelming."

Hyoyeon nodded, seemingly knowing from experience. "Let's just hope you settle in quickly. You wouldn't want it to interfere with your new job now huh."

"Right" I agreed, walking the perimeter. Soon the conversation stopped dead and sensing an awkward silence ahead, I decided to let her into my head a little. "Y'know, it's weird, seeing all these guys strolling around like they own the place. I'm used to watching over groups of women, not a whole load of alpha males."

"Do you not have any experience working with male inmates?" She asked, almost a concerned tone in her voice knowing if not, then I'd of course struggle.

Chuckling at the slight misunderstanding, I told Hyoyeon all about the prison I worked at in America and then about moving to Seoul. Once I had finished, she was impressed to say the least. She went on to tell me that my training and experience was something she was envious of, being in her words 'only a correctional officer' herself.

"You'll move up." I smiled, reassuring her. "You'll get opportunities if you work hard enough."

"I hope so." She grinned, then telling me to follow her to the cafeteria to continue the tour. "So you're American, that's cool. I have to ask though, try not to speak English because I'm truly awful at it."

I waved my hand to dismiss the thought. "Don't worry, I'm getting used to only using Korean here".

The third week came and went. I was settled, my work was going down the path it should go and I felt like I belonged yet...there was always a missing piece. Every day it was the same, I smiled, conversed and did my job to my best ability but there was always something that wasn't quite right. A tiny voice telling me in a whisper to 'go home'.  
When I finally got home, I became aware that this home wasn't the home that the voice wanted me to be at. I wasn't a fool, I knew it was all in my imagination but I couldn't help feeling that in every single hour of every single day...there was this magnetic force pulling me back. If I let it, the destination I'd end up in was clear. What I wondered daily though, was who was behind that force, who was controlling it.  
I had one person in mind...

When I arrived back at work, the whole process started again. Only sometimes there would be some small differences. I'd find myself thinking of her often as I walked the grounds, the corridors... I'd smile while I thought ' _She would've done that._ ' If I were to see somebody reading a book, _'I wonder if Taeyeon would like to read that_.'

It became obvious that just erasing her from my mind would be impossible. What we had shared, or what she had made me believe we had shared was something that would be hard to forget. Maybe with time the feeling would lessen until on the surface of my heart there would only be a tiny graze instead of a bleeding wound. But that's hope talking, it was hard to believe it could be possible.

The phone rang as I cooked myself dinner, snapping me out of my stupor. Wiping my hands before I got to it, my thumb hovered when I saw the caller ID. I knew all too well that this next conversation was going to be tough and so I missed the first call while preparing myself for the aching feeling that would soon return.

Bora called me each time she had a meeting with Taeyeon, just to keep me updated and to inform me of any problems that could have arisen. There was nothing of that sort yet, and I hoped it would stay that way for Taeyeon's sake. Her losing this case would crush her, and although at one point I wanted her to feel that...I also wanted the best for her.

"Hey Tiff" was the greeting once I picked up on her second attempt at contacting me.

"Hey" I replied, feeling my palms get clammy at the thought of something having gone wrong. "What's going on?" I asked, biting my lip in hope that this was in fact good news.

"Well..." She paused, as if waiting for a reaction. What she got was a groan in impatience. With a chuckle she continued. "The case is going pretty slowly so far. I gave Kim's letter to her friend personally over a week ago and have been continuing to meet with Kim herself three or four times a week to gather more information to put up a good case."

"And..?" This was so painful, I wished she would just come out with it.

"Well yesterday I received a phone call from the friend. She seemed hesitant to talk with me but after explaining some things, she reluctantly arranged for me to go to her home to talk face to face. So yeah, we had long chat over a pretty nice cup of coffee actually. You know I never knew decaff could be good. Maybe it's just the way she made it, I saw she used-"

"Bora!" I interrupted, holding my hand to my head in frustration. I didn't know how this girl was a lawyer; seriously. All else aside, surely something essential would be having to keep on subject.

"Alright alright" she muttered to reply. "Well we talked about the incident without the kid being present, then he came in afterwards and I talked with him too."

"And what was said?" I pressed.

"Well, after I told the mother about Kim and how she is, what she has gone through each day etc...you know properly laying on the guilt trip, she of course felt bad - which is what we want!" She reminded, just in case I'd forgotten.  
"Then when the kid told his version of what happened, he kept stuttering under what is known as my intense gaze." I rolled my eyes at her cockiness.  
"So yeah, each time he tried to tell me and his mother that Kim beat him severely because she's a psycho or whatever his bullshit story had been before, he kept hesitating and basically made it up as he went along."

"Wow..." I mumbled in disbelief. How could anyone be so evil as to inflict this sort of punishment on an innocent and so clearly destroyed woman?

"I then went on to tell him that if he didn't get a straight story in like, five seconds he'd be going to court to face the judge."

Bora laughed as she reminisced and I had to admit, although her techniques may not be the most honest, she was good at weeding out the liars.

"So yeah, he eventually panicked and picked another pretty unbelievable account which made it blatantly obvious to both me and his mother that everything had been a lie. His mother was pretty upset, and although she finally realised that Taeyeon wasn't entirely to blame, she also knew that it was some silly practical joke that got way out of hand. The kid was indeed that, a kid."

I sighed, finally hearing some good news. "So are they going to help her?"

"Well the mother had a condition." Bora continued. "She wants to visit Taeyeon and apologise before anything goes ahead. She also wants to bring her spawn to grovel too. So that was yesterday and she's going to go visit Kim in a few days to do it. I just hope your little inmate is going to be up for it."

Up for it? Why wouldn't she be?

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"Well, ever since our first visit she barely speaks. I mean, she says enough to get her point across and to give me the information I need but that's it. She's so...down. All of the time."

My heart clenched momentarily, my eyes closing while I gripped the phone with fervor. She _had_ been affected. Bora hadn't mentioned this before and I wondered why she had left it until this point.

"Even when we arranged a phone call this morning for me to tell her what her friend and son had said, all she did was listen and mumble her thanks at the end. The girl is barely there Tiffany."

Another aching spasm shot through me.

"It's my job to go see her, yes. But I thought she'd at least be passionate about her release, right now it's as if she doesn't give a shit. It's kind of hard for me to be able to work efficiently when she's clearly somewhere else entirely during our visits." She sighed on the other line, maybe feeling as if Taeyeon wasn't worth what she was working towards.  
"Anyway, that's all for now. I'm just waiting on the meeting between the three and then talk to them about what will be need to be submitted to the court afterwards."

"Thank you, Bora. For everything. I know you feel like maybe with her attitude, that she doesn't deserve your time but-"

"If she means so much to you, then she does." She replied matter of factly.

That meant a lot. Bora may have an air about her that could drive people the wrong way, but she was _real_. She was somebody who was loyal and just an all-round good person. I was grateful to have her in my life and even though we met rather awkwardly, I wouldn't change it for the world.

"Thank you" I said honestly. She really had exceeded my expectations with this phone call.

"No problem Tiff. Oh and while I remember, could you give me your address please?"

"Address? Well...alright. Can I ask why?"

"Well, when all this blows over maybe Yuri and I could take a vacation to come see you!" Her smile showing through her voice. "We can celebrate your inmate's big victory..."

In the end I agreed, noticing that Bora was incredibly confident that Taeyeon would win this. Believing that soon she could be a free woman, I couldn't help but wonder whether we would run into each other one day...

A few mornings later, I went about my usual routine. I got dressed, fixed myself some breakfast and then went down to check if I had any mail. I never received anything worth the trek to get it of course, but unfortunately bills were essential and they had to be paid. Grabbing the contents of the mail box, I went back up to my apartment and sat down at the dining table to sift through the pile before I headed off to work.

Just as I had thought, bills, bills and oh look - bills. Then...something that wasn't, much to my surprise.

It was an envelope and it clearly had something bulging inside of it.  
Slightly bewildered due to the new address and all, I stared at the handwriting and it indeed said 'Tiffany Hwang'. Weird.  
With a frown, I tore at the large brown envelope and took out its contents. What I found was a scroll, tied with what looked like a hair band. As I stared with upmost confusion, I tossed it to and fro both hands wondering what it could be and who it could have come from. When nothing came to mind, I decided to just open it and see for myself.

When I did I felt the breath that I had been releasing stop suddenly, my eyes growing wide as they scanned every inch of that paper. It was a drawing done in simple pencil though care had obviously gone into the shading and the highlights...the detail. I couldn't stop looking at what I had in front of me. It was so _beautiful_ , so well constructed and so thoughtful.  
It was a drawing of me.

That's all it was. A portrait of me, my long dark locks flowing over both shoulders which is where the drawing ended. Each strand of hair had been carefully sketched, every eyelash and both eyebrows right down to the last detail. It clearly wasn't something somebody could have just thrown together, this was something that had taken a long while to complete. Something that had been concentrated on perhaps each day while the subject had been fresh in the artist's mind. How many people did I know that would be capable of such a thing?

Just _one_.

I stared at that simple piece of paper while my heart swelled and cracked simultaneously. This was something that would be hard to move past. That's because, after all I had done and tried to forget that one person still stuck in Seoul, what she had just given had made me believe once again that there was something she felt for me. It was selfish of her to do this, yes...but I appreciated it immensely. If this was her apology, then it would be difficult to not accept it.

I couldn't get over how perfect the sentiment was. As I remembered flicking through that talented girl's sketchbook that one day and seeing that one important girl on so many pages, I smiled when I thought about how I was on one of those pages too. Her most prized possession, and she had inadvertently shared it with me. How much that meant to me was beyond words, but after all this time...why now?

As I studied her handwriting on the envelope, something hit me. Taeyeon is in jail...so how on earth did she even send this? It wasn't possible for her to get anything out of the prison without it being highly scrutinized which was too much of a risk. A drawing of me from the inmate I had been known to see often? That was dangerous. But how else would she have-?

It only took a little backtracking to realize that somebody had asked for my address recently. Somebody who saw Taeyeon often.

Bora.

She gave Taeyeon my address? Why would she do that unless...Taeyeon asked for it. So they talked about me, _she_ talked about me.  
My heart started to thump wildly in my chest, just the thought of Kim Taeyeon, the inmate who never asked for help asking Bora who she knew had sexual relations with me for my address; my whereabouts. How desperate she must have been to have asked such a person to contact me.

I felt both pain and satisfaction at that moment. As I looked down at the drawing again, it seemed as if she really was making an effort to reach out to me, something that I had wanted since the moment we first started to get to know each other. She'd finally done it but...

She did it so, so late.


	23. Chapter 23

What she did indelibly etched itself into my mind, residing there for days. Even after a week, each morning I'd stop to just look at it like a lost soul, my memories flooding back in a tidal wave. It could have been five seconds, or five minutes - it didn't matter. However long I spent staring I always felt that same ache, that yearn that I knew was hazardous to my recovering being.

I'd try to walk past now and again but it was almost as if it had secured itself into my routine, like making coffee for example. Each time I found myself in front of it I'd find something else to focus on, her drawing skills being simply impeccable. I'd think how such talent could potentially have started off simply as a way to escape the sounds of steel doors slamming, mentally insane inmates screeching and the sounds of keys jangling in the locks...only to be turned into such an art form over years of practice.

What eventually would tear me away from the picture was either my running late or audibly growling stomach. No time to sit down and eat on this particular day, I grabbed whatever was left in the fruit bowl and headed out, almost forgetting my keys in the process. It's as if as soon as I received that package, her eyes were on me constantly. I tripped up, I became nervous for no reason, I dropped things I forgot the essentials. It's like she was here.

Ever since she had reached out to me, my heart seemed to will me to get back into contact with her. It didn't seem to realize that the pain it went through last time was because of that same girl and I was forever hoping it would. I mean, she had hurt me _so_ many times, over and over again but I _still_ saw the perfection in her. Her imperfections however, were the things that inflicted those wounds. But my heart persevered, it still would beat for her, it would _skip_ a beat for her...it did everything imaginable with her in mind.

It was clear in my weakened state that if I were to encounter her again, it would be hard not to resist her. To see her...to have her with me again would be something else but could I honestly say that all the tears shed for that girl were worth it? Even if she were to somehow prove that she wouldn't hurt me again...how could I believe that? Her drawing simply wasn't enough to translate how she feels, which is why it proves nothing.

Oh but how I wished I could forgive and forget. Move on. To be honest though, once I received that package...forgiveness seemed a lot easier than it had been before. Maybe it was the thought of her using her spare time that otherwise would be filled with reading new books from the library to actually sit down and sketch me. The image of her brows furrowing in thought as she tried to remember every detail of my face. I even found myself thinking of her smiling at the finished product, knowing she'd captured my image perfectly. How perhaps she may have wanted to keep it for herself...

Yes, those thoughts made it hard for me to concentrate sometimes. As I took my morning stroll around the facility, even the noises of the inmates wasn't enough to to quell them. That was until:

"Sergeant."

I turned my head to the direction the voice had come from, and was quite surprised to see my boss strutting towards me. I stopped at once and bowed in respect, greeting her politely afterwards as she came to a stop before me.

"Good morning, what are your duties today?" She asked, then motioned for me to continue walking, matching my pace.

"I- I'm required to oversee the inmates for their morning recreation period, then review any incident reports and make sure the staff members turn in their required reports on time. After that I-"

"That's quite alright Sergeant, thank you." She smiled as she cut off my rambling, perhaps acknowledging my eagerness to please and pitying my attempts.

We walked in silence for a while, her eyes in front while mine tried to subtly sneak glances at her wondering what she could be thinking. A moment later, she answered my thoughts.

"I'm impressed, you seem to be very focused. Very well suited here." She nodded, effectively making my cheeks burn from the compliment as well as the confidence wafting off of her. The height difference also added to that blush, making me feel positively inferior to her.

"Thank you," I chuckled nervously, again bowing her way.

Her eyes twinkled as she looked down at me, the friendly smile still plastered on her face. "I hope you don't mind me walking with you, I've been quite busy already today and feel I need to take my mind off some things with a nice stroll."

You and me both. "No of course I don't mind" I replied. At least her company was allowing my mind to focus elsewhere and not on the little inmate in Seoul. Although...I still wasn't fully thinking about work because now my boss filled my thoughts instead. I wanted to please her, wanted to make her not regret hiring me.

As we stepped into the prison grounds, I watched on as some of the inmates who noticed her presence quickly bowed their heads towards her while some changed their direction of walking entirely.  
I didn't know a lot about my boss, just that she was polite, friendly and had an incredibly youthful face. But she also had an aura, a certain something about her that would make people rethink their first impression. All may be not what it seemed with her and that's what made me wary, wanting to stay on her good side.  
And looking at the inmates' reaction, they seemed to be trying out this method too.

"Are you enjoying your time here?" She asked suddenly, putting me under pressure once again in hopes to deliver a satisfactory answer.

"I am" I replied. "The facilities are incredible, everybody is so welcoming and it feels great to have had the chance to take on this job."

I noticed her looking at me while I answered and then nod her head before refocusing on what was in front of her, allowing me to exhale a small breath.

"I'm glad. We received quite a few applicants for your job believe it or not. While some were under qualified, some were reasonably suited to the job. And _then_ came the interview process..." She chuckled gently.  
"Well, let's just say that a lot of the applicants weren't entirely knowledgable on what the job would entail, as well as the fact some were nervous and stuttering messes. Something that would be no good here."

"I can imagine."

"And then we got into contact with you. Even though you didn't have a formal interview, what you told us on the phone as well as your experience, knowledge and confidence in both your work and demeanor was all we needed to hear." I beamed with pride at her words. "Of course your references from previous jobs helped you secure the position too."

Nodding while maintaining eye contact with her, I shot her a grin and replied: "Well I'm so grateful for you to take a chance on me like that. I really appreciate it and I hope I can continue to do a good job here."

It was only a little while afterwards that she bid me goodbye, telling me that her work wasn't going to do itself and that she'd better get on top of it.  
I watched as she left, strutting to the doors in her professional wear and causing inmates in her path to quickly move away. She was a mystery for sure...just like someone else I knew. But maybe a little less intense.

The days passed - same routine, same subtle ache. I hadn't heard anything about Taeyeon's case, how the meeting went between her and her friend and kid. I of course was curious, who wouldn't be? I didn't know whether the woman had changed her mind about helping Taeyeon, or whether she had witnessed her former friend in handcuffs and immediately asked to retract her previous statement against her. Everything was a mystery and although I desired the information, I also respected the fact Bora was a busy woman and would contact me when she had time.

Now sitting down at my dining room table, the thoughts of what could have happened began to spiral around in my head, making the desire to know almost too much to bear. Minutes passed and all I did was stare at my phone, wondering if I should call Bora now...get it over with. I glanced at the clock, coming to the conclusion that at this time Bora would definitely have finished work.

My phone tapped lightly against the table as I began to wonder how I could go about ringing her. I didn't want to seem too eager knowing Bora would find a way to tease me about it. I guess, to cover my nosey ways I could make it seem as if I'm just calling to see how she is, and then slowly lead into the subject of a Kim Taeyeon...  
But then on second thought I'd most probably give it away as soon as I said 'Hello'. There was a chance she could get offended due to the fact my call would only be to find out about Taeyeon. Of course I didn't want that so, a short text was the answer.

Once I'd completed the arduous task of thinking of what to say and figuring a simple 'Hi' would suffice, I put down my phone and waited for the alert.  
I didn't have to wait long.  
An excited grin erupted on my face as soon as I saw it and wasted no time in opening up the message...

 _'Hi? Really?_ '

Surely she couldn't have seen through that...I only typed one word after all.

With a perplexed frown, I leaned back into the chair and decided to wait thinking that maybe her reply had been cut off somehow and the rest of the text would come in a few moments. Unfortunately nothing of that sort happened. I sat there a while, twiddling my thumbs while wondering what to do. I then realized that I needed to get a grip, nervousness was never the answer and I didn't need to feel it in the presence of a friend. It was ridiculous.

Finally deciding to bite the bullet, I proceeded to ring her, sticking with my previous 'Hi, how are you?' idea.

"Okay so that did make me laugh." She said once the call connected, not even giving me time to ease myself into the the conversation.

"Huh?" I replied, trying my best to sound coy.

"You can't honestly think that I don't know the reason why you're calling?" She laughed while I rolled my eyes to respond. "I figured I'd let you simmer a while. I knew that you'd be pissed at me for giving the inmate your address."

"I wasn't pissed," I muttered back, feeling my stomach tighten from just the mention of Taeyeon. "Just...surprised that's all."

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, whatever it was, it better have been worth it. That could have gotten me into serious trouble you know. You're lucky people in my line of work aren't really suspected at that place."

I couldn't say anything to that other than a 'thank you', she really had risked herself there for my benefit. She didn't have to accept that package from Taeyeon, but she did. I wondered what would have happened if she had refused, would Taeyeon have risked sending it through the prison system? She'd of course know that it was incredibly risky as mail is sorted through both going in and out the premises. If an officer on duty recognized both my name and my picture, the information would most definitely have been passed onto Nichkhun where things would have only gotten worse..

"You're welcome but don't ask me to send anything back, alright? There's no way I'd be able to get past security coming _in_ with a package because of the pat downs they do." I nodded, knowing that it would be close to impossible for her to get away with something that size entering the premises. The guards there are very thorough, they do their jobs well but funnily enough don't seem to feel the need to search anyone going out of the building. Especially like Bora said, people that aren't deemed suspicious due to their line of work.

I shook my head as I answered. " I don't have anything to send back."  
I didn't _want_ to send anything back. What could I say - Thank you for the drawing but I don't wish to receive anything else from you due to the momentary joy and then following pain it gives me? Uh...no.

"Well it's good to hear you say that". Bora answered with somewhat of an underlying tone in her voice. "Because...there's something else coming for you too."

I frowned, standing up from the table and wincing slightly as the chair scraped noisily against the floor. "What do you mean? What else?"

Bora laughed as she witnessed the eagerness in my voice, as well as the not so subtle suspicion. "All in good time, Miss Hwang. All in good time."

Then the line went dead.

Every single one of the feelings that had previously rendered me into a nervous mess of a woman when I received the package, were only amplified when I realized this time it was a letter. A handwritten letter by none other than Kim Taeyeon. I could tell by the handwriting that it was hers, and it only matched Bora's statement that I'd probably be receiving something soon.

I held it in my hands as I read the only thing written on the front of the envelope; my address. My name wasn't written, a sure sign that this hadn't travelled through Bora's hands this time. That was also what told me it was a letter and that Taeyeon was being cautious by not using my name.

I imagined what it could contain: details on the court case...perhaps what is going on at the prison, her feelings-  
I shook my head. No.

Ever since her package, I'd had time to think about all that was happening and it came to the point where I was angry with her. I was angry that she could be so careless with what she was doing.

I didn't know what she was up to, getting into contact with me like this after everything that went down. Her reaching out was a nice gesture of course but it was also very cruel. She _knew_ how I felt about her and for some reason, regardless of what is written in that letter she felt the need to find a way back into my life months after I left her. It was undoubtedly cruel, whether she knew so or not.

Every hurtful comment that she'd thrown at me had been forgotten as soon I had received that drawing... but I then realised that those things shouldn't be swept under the rug so easily. Taeyeon had been someone I thought a lot about as soon as I'd finished my shifts in Seoul prison, everything she had said that day was ingrained in my head until I went to sleep. Do you realize how difficult it is to think about anything else other than that girl? Whether her comments towards me were pleasant or hurtful, both spiraled around my head each night.

How hard it is having someone you've fallen for tell you that they don't care if you leave due to the fact you've only ever 'fucked or argued' is also something pretty intense to have to think about, especially when you know it was one of their last comments to you before you left them behind permanently. Especially when you risked so much to be with her, to stick up for her and be there for her when times got tough. Why _should_ she be so easily forgiven? She hadn't apologized. Sure, maybe that drawing was her way of doing it but I was somebody who needed closure in something like that. I needed for her to say the words and...I don't think I'd ever get that.

I took a deep breath in, and then released it a few seconds later. I looked down at the envelope, wondering once again what it contained. Taeyeon wasn't somebody to talk about what she was thinking. Imagining her writing down what months of silence she had given me meant...it was safe to say I was conflicted. With eyes glued to the paper...my heart beating just above average, I thought.

Until, it calmed. I calmed.

My twinkling eyes lost their shine even though they continued to focus on what she had given. My tense shoulders slumped, my furrowed brows relaxing.

What real reason was there for me to read this? I had already cried over her, my heart had already broken. Opening this would only cause more pain to come rushing back to the surface and although my curiosity was almost overbearing, I knew better than to do that to myself again.

Glancing back up, I found my feet soon carried me to where I needed to be. I kneeled, the letter still in hand as my arm outstretched, my eyes reflecting the flickering orange flames. With a blank expression on my face, all thoughts dissipated as I released my grip and watched the fire engulf it.

Well...at least that's what I _planned_ to do. Unfortunately, my fingers somehow developed a mind of their own and completely refused my attempts to drop the envelope. I was holding it so tight, as if both holding onto it for dear life and fighting the urge to pull it to safety.  
 _Something_ was telling me that this wasn't the right thing to do. Although my mind had already been made up, that something was so strong that I reluctantly listened.  
Slowly but surely, I brought my hand back and raised it to eye-level despite the fact my sight was slightly impaired from the tears that had since accumulated there.

A frown etched it's way between my brows as I stared at it in both sadness and anger. Anger because of how weak I really was, sadness because of what this letter could perhaps contain. Leaning back on my knees, I placed the letter onto the ground and saw how it was no longer perfect due to the noticeable crumple in the centre from where I had held it so tightly.

My brain was engulfed in thoughts, scenarios and feelings and all I wanted to do was scream. But amidst the overbearingness of all those things, I somehow managed to get to my feet and go over to the bookcase that resided in the corner of the living room. Almost zombie-like, I grabbed the book I knew was there and opened it roughly half way in. Depositing the envelope inside, I then replaced the book on the shelf before standing back and looking in that same direction.

' _Speak_ ' - the book that helped to start whatever Taeyeon and I had together.

Although I didn't want the letter, it was clear that for whatever reason, it was necessary that I kept it. I wouldn't forget it was there because from this day forth, yet another thing had been added into my morning routine. Even if it were a glance, I would _always_ be aware of that envelope tucked into that book. It was only added torture. It was like, she was slowly taking over my life despite being a couple of hundred miles away.

But I had to try to get on with things. If I didn't, it would only consume me and everything I've worked hard for.

Weeks passed, and I felt good; improving. I had surrounded myself with the positive things, trying my best to forget the negatives. Although the first few days were tough and all I wanted was to rip open that envelope due to the sheer curiosity of what it contained, I didn't cave.  
As it got easier and the days where I glanced to the bookcase (originally only there for show) got fewer, I felt so much more confident about myself.  
It was something so minimal but felt like a big chapter in my life. Unlike the previous Tiffany who had been desperate to know everything and anything about that inmate and stooped to many lows to ensure she got that information, I was now somebody who could resist the temptation with a little time.

What I was doing now was almost like rebelling against her, not succumbing to her ways and melting into her embrace like I had so many times before. I was becoming my own person again. It felt good, great even.

My work days got harder as my heart got stronger. More and more inmates entered the gates to their new home and acted up, perhaps in uproar of being in such a secure place compared to their last. Due to the CO's that had only recently been hired, myself and other sergeants were required to step in and give them a hand with any particular rowdy prisoners. In the past few days I'd been spat at, stepped on and stared at in various perverse ways...

As soon as I arrived home from this particular day, all I wanted to do was collapse on the sofa and not move for the rest of the evening. I found it amazing how I felt after a day shift in Busan prison was comparable to staying up all night in Seoul prison. But I liked it. I liked feeling that I did a good job and that all of my energy had been put into my work day.

Unfortunately due to it being another extremely busy shift, I hadn't got the chance to eat. My lunch break had been interrupted after only two bites into an apple with news of a male inmate attacking a counsellor. The sofa would have to wait, for my growling stomach was more important at this point. It was probably eating itself in there.

In the midst of cooking a hearty meal, I groaned when the phone began to ring. I was one of those people that had to keep an eye on their food constantly or something would be sure to mess up. I wasn't that good of a cook start with, let alone have the confidence to focus on something else entirely.  
I considered leaving it to go through to the answer machine...but then thought perhaps it could be Bora or Yuri. Eager to hear from the two of them after so long, I ran to get the phone and then quickly returned to the kitchen, pleased that nothing had gone wrong in those six seconds I had been gone.

"Hello?" I asked after answering, holding the phone to my ear by using my shoulder while I crouched down to take the tray from the oven.

 _"An inmate from Seoul prison is attempting to contact you. To accept the call, please press one_."

I hadn't realized that I had stopped what I was doing until the heat of the tray burned through the cloth meant to shield my hands. I yelped as I dropped it, part of my dinner now splattered over the floor before rushing over to the sink and dousing my fingers in cold water.

Now wincing in pain, I came back to earth and remembered what was happening. It was as if all confidence had been taken from me, the sheer shock of her being on the other end of the line hit me hard.  
I found reacting to the sudden call difficult, let alone being able to get my thoughts together and actually answer it.

I didn't know how long I had until it disconnected but I genuinely considered leaving it. Knowing that the inmates got only one chance to call each day, there'd be no danger of her trying to phone again tonight. There _was_ the possibility of her leaving a message however and the problem with that was that I would have to listen to it before I could delete it. I could potentially hear what it was her letter had said and even though I had gained strength over the last few weeks, just the sound of her voice would probably be enough to put me right back to where I started. After that, it would be impossible to erase her voice from my mind like I had been trying so hard to do. Her succulent tone would swim around in my ears, almost as if taunting me to how easily she could mess with me.

Once the pain in my hands had subsided, I quickly dried them off and took the phone, looking down at the 'unknown number' as well as the button that was required. I then realised that there was another option, to end the call before it started. There wouldn't be the choice to leave a message, it would be like what I had done to her letter - ending it before it could begin...

My palms were sweaty and my fingers threatened to crush the phone in their vice like grip as I waited. Just press the button Tiffany, stop being so goddamn pathetic. I could end it, Taeyeon would realize that due to the lack of reply to her letter and the firmness of rejecting her call...she'd know not to bother me. I'd go back to how I'd been improving, only a little knock in memory that I had almost been tempted by her again. Just a slight nudge that I could right, not a full on shove back into her world.

With a nervous exhale, I positioned my thumb over the 'end call' button, and then watched as it hovered over to the 'answer' option. Back and forth back and forth...like the angel and demon on my shoulders.

 _Answer_ and you can have closure. You can ask about her case and then tell her that you do not wish for her to contact you again.

 _Decline_ and you will _always_ have a small hole in your heart, however hard you may try to close it...it will always be there. You will forever wonder what it was that she wanted to say but you'll feel better rejecting her now than you will in the long run.

Back and forth, back and forth...my eyes closed of their own accord, preparing me for what could come as a result of allowing her to contact me. This was all too soon, too much for me to handle. The drawing, the letter, a phonecall...what was next to come?

Despite my conflicting emotions, I knew deep down that this wasn't going to go away. The damage had already been done and although hearing her voice and what she has to say would be pure torture, the fact that she could potentially try again and again to contact me over the next few days was something I knew would send me back into that nervous wreck stage.  
Another deep breath...

I waited, my free hand supporting my weight by holding onto the counter for dear life while the numbing feeling spreading throughout my body was trying its best to get to me. Time passed slowly by, hearing nothing not even a whisper until the call suddenly connected.

My ability to breathe normally became compromised, forced into ragged bursts as if I had just run ten miles.

Why?

Because I could hear her doing the same thing.

Tingles spread over every inch of my skin as I attempted to hold my breath, it being too loud to hear her properly but I couldn't. My heart was pounding, my head spinning. She was _there_ and just that fact itself caused a tear to fall. Kim Taeyeon was contacting me, she was reaching out to me and was evil for doing so yet all I could do was attempt to talk but fail each time.

The intensity of just hearing her breathing was incredible. Every cell in my body began to yearn for the person who had once caressed them, kissed them...even though she had caused them such grief they still wanted her touch, her acknowledgement.

My vocal chords were paralyzed, mocking me by only allowing small croaks to come through my mouth instead. Time and time again I tried to speak but there was nothing I could say.

"Tiffany...?"

Just like all those times before, my breath caught in my throat but this time I was in danger of suffocating. I couldn't do this, I couldn't feel my heart beat for her this way again, It was too painful...too hard to take. As I listened and tried to hold back my sobs, I contemplated ending the call. I shouldn't have let it get this far in the first place, I should have ended it before it began.  
Bora could continue her work with her alone, she wouldn't inform me of any court dates or news regarding Taeyeon, she and I could become distant memories to eachother. The pain would lessen over the years until it was only a mere pinch and I would leave my emotions for her behind.

"I uh..." She hesitated, not knowing what to say. "Well, this is more awkward than I thought."

I couldn't see her face, but she was close enough that every nerve was screaming, heart aching with longing and with fear. _Why_ are you doing this to me again? Why?

When I didn't answer her a second time, it clearly started to affect the atmosphere because she cleared her throat uncomfortably.  
And then she did it again, feigning it as a cough but I knew she was just trying to get me to speak up. The silence that ensued after that was painful yet I didn't want it to end. It was indeed a whole lot more comfortable than having to listen to her voice again. Unfortunately though, she tried a third time.

"Uh... " she chuckled awkwardly. I held in a sigh as I rested my forehead against the coolness of the wall, my eyes closing of their own accord. Dinner on the stove was long forgotten, it would only be burnt by the time I would try to save it anyway.  
"Do you want me to call another time or-?"

"No."

I didn't quite know where that had come from. Every ounce of my being was screaming at me to stop getting drawn in by the inmate who once ruined me yet here I was holding on to her every word, her every breath.  
Just a moment ago I had wished for pure silence over her words but again...I couldn't quite manage to press that button.

"There you are."

A shiver, a current...feelings I couldn't even begin to imagine flowed through me as I fought back the urge to bang my head against the wall, all for allowing myself to sink to this point again.

Miraculously I managed a 'Hi' as I exhaled, the noise making me cringe inside until her soft laugh filled my ear. As I waited for her to speak again, I slid my hand through my hair and squeezed tight, hoping the pain inflicted would be enough to snap myself out of the dangerous daze I was in.

"Did I call at a bad time?"

"No." I answered, the tremor in my voice clear as day. It was obvious that Taeyeon wanted me to continue so I tried my upmost in giving her her wish. "I'm cooking but...no. It's fine."  
Cooking? Ha! I'd be lucky if I had charcoal to eat tonight at the rate this conversation was going.

"Ah," I pictured her pairing that with a nod as she chuckled nervously. "So... uh..."

"It was beautiful" I blurted out, catching her by surprise no doubt. "The drawing, I mean. Thank you." What was I even thanking her for? I had been quite content in learning to overcome everything Taeyeon had done. That drawing started everything _else_ that happened afterwards.

"You're welcome." Her voice was so deep and husky, whether she was putting it on for the sake of it or whether she was perhaps sick I wasn't sure of. Whatever it was, it wasn't helping my state.

"How long did it take?" My toes curled as I listened to her breathing, imagining what it would feel like against my skin-

NO. Stop this now before it's too late.

"The drawing? It took a while."

Her answer made me sigh, either in sadness or contentment, which one I couldn't quite be certain of. My thoughts, my emotions were jumbled so badly that I didn't even know what I was feeling anymore.

"Thank you." I mumbled again, repeating myself.

She chuckled, the vibrations somehow traveling through the the phone making it seem as if she was right next to me. Closing my eyes again allowed my mind to further believe it, like some sort of a hallucination.

Silence took over us, both not knowing what to say next. I heard her clearing her throat numerous times, a few sighs also. The slightly unpleasant nature of the absence of her voice as well as her eagerness to talk with me was met with feelings of anxiety on my side. The pressure to speak was great, but knowing _what_ to say was the problem.

What could I say... I missed you? Even though you hurt me, I haven't been able to erase you like I wished I could? What on earth could I say to the girl that once again held my heart in her grasp, squeezing every once in a while as if to remind me that she had that sort of power over my body. It was so hard trying to resist her, I could even say that there was no use in doing it.

Deep down I knew that however hard I tried to erase who Taeyeon is, what she did and how I felt...it would always be futile because as long as she was in the same world as I, there was no way such a thing could happen.  
But I would try. I'd try for as long as I possibly could. _I had to_.

"Taeyeon."

I had to know something.

There wasn't an answer from her side. Maybe it was because she noticed the emotion in my voice, the exhaustion. Talking to her was an arduous task.

My eyes clenched shut, squeezing out what I hoped to be the last remnants of my tears as I slid down the wall, my legs buckling under the sheer pressure of everything.

"Taeyeon." I repeated, my voice breaking. "Why did you call?"

Why feel the need to do this to me _now_...?

A beat. She wasn't entirely sure herself.

"I...I wanted- I just thought..."

What, what did you think?

What the old, dependent Tiffany longed for her to say was that she called to hear my voice, she wanted to know that I was doing okay. She wanted to know how I was getting on in my new job, whether I'd made friends..if my career now was what I'd always hoped it would be.

"I don't know what I thought." She finally said, allowing disappointment to settle in. After all this time she was still holding back and only now did I feel the need to glance at that bookcase. _The letter_.

I had tried to give up on her. I tried and tried and tried. It wasn't possible.  
Over months of separation, why was it so hard to do?  
Taeyeon and I never had a normal relationship. We didn't first lay our eyes on one another and fall in love right there and then. There was curiosity...from both our parts. But as we got to know eachother, our relationship deepened. There were happy times, there were sad and desperate times. There were eye opening times, then there were utterly depressing times.

We didn't build a romantic relationship like the standard couple. We took advantage of both our positions, our lust and we started something we shouldn't have. It was evident that however it ended, somebody would get hurt. But back then we didn't think of the future, we were only focused on the incredible feelings we inflicted on one another every time that steel door sealed us in.

My curiosity of Kim Taeyeon built even when she would push me away. She was fascinating to me, something I'd never come across before. She opened my eyes to another world that I couldn't possibly have seen before. She changed me, for the worse or for the better...I'm not entirely sure.

If she hadn't, I'd still be intact. I'd have my heart, my confidence...but I'd also be the person some didn't enjoy being around. I wouldn't have had as good of a relationship with Yuri as I do now because she wouldn't be open with me. She admitted that she would never have told me about her sexuality if this whole thing with Taeyeon hadn't happened because in her words... I would have chewed her up and spat her out. You have no idea how much it hurt to hear that.

I could thank Taeyeon for bringing forth whatever bi-curious feelings that had been hidden deep within me, or I could resent her for ruining my life. I thought I knew what to decide...but it seems I don't.

"Taeyeon, what do you want from me?" I asked, furrowing my brows as I myself heard my harsh tone. I didn't want it to be like this... "I've done all I can for you, Bora is handling everything else. You could be released in a matter of weeks and yet you're here, on the phone to me. Why?"

I was being rude...but I was so tired. My heart had been beating at its regular pace for weeks now but as soon as I saw that caller ID, it's sudden rapid speed had proceeded to suck every ounce of energy I had out of me.  
It was a side effect of Kim Taeyeon.

"I don't know, Tiffany," was the answer. I was still huddled up on the floor, my back against the wall, my knees tucked into my chest. I was a Prison Sergeant, meant to be strong willed and tough yet a simple inmate had rendered me into this shivering bundle.

"What am I supposed to say to that Tae?" I replied, a crack in my voice conveying my exhaustion. "I said everything I had to say back there in your cell. And you said everything you had to. I appreciate your kind gesture, I really do but I don't think- I don't think it's appropriate Taeyeon." A sigh from her end... "Don't you think we've been through enough..? Don't you realize-"

Don't you realize what this is doing to me?

"Realise what?"

I scoffed as quietly as I could muster, how could she not understand...

"Nothing. Forget it." I shut her out, it was the only thing left I could do. Or at least _attempt_ to do. "If there's nothing else, then I-" I was eager to end the call, but she stopped me even as my thumb was inches from pressing that button.

"I sent a letter. "

My eyes opened a tad wider, holding my breath as she waited for me to reply. To say something positive about her efforts...but I did no such thing. I stayed quiet, hoping by some miracle she had to go soon though I knew better.  
When I didn't say anything, she continued with somewhat of a darker tone.

"I didn't get a reply so I assume either you didn't get it, or you didn't bother reading it." It was almost icy, the way she said those words and it rendered me more speechless than I already was.  
"Or you _did_ read it, and didn't think what I said was worthy of a write back."

I was fully prepared for her sarcasm to appear next, her aggression coming soon after. It was only natural that it went down that route since she could tell by my silence that it could only be one of the last two options.  
But then something unexpected happened...

"I understand, I do. What went down on your last day wasn't pleasant for either of us and you may think that I didn't care whether you left or not but-"

Shaking my head to rid myself of the confusion did nothing. Who was this and what did she do with Kim Taeyeon? Her tone now was soft, unrecognizable.

"But what?" I asked, finding my voice.

"But...things were a lot quieter when you left."

My mouth ajar, eyes filling up gradually...I didn't know what to say. Was she saying that she missed me? Was she really-?  
The old Tiffany still inside part of my heart was overwhelmed with emotion while the new and stronger version wasn't believing Kim's attempts.  
I in this moment was somewhere in the middle, I didn't want myself to believe such a thing until it came honestly from her lips - 'I miss you'. That's the only way I could be sure that this wasn't some sort of cruel trick.

"Excuse me?" I asked, unaware that there was even a second meaning of what she had said until she laughed audibly, emitting tingles down my spine.

"I don't mean it like that..." She replied, I could hear the smile in her voice as she went on. "Things were just...a lot less, together than they were before. There were a lot of missing puzzle pieces that night."

"W-what do you mean?" I couldn't deal with what was happening. Was this real or just something my mind was doing to punish me for being so weak?

"You _know_ what I mean."

"I don't really know what to say to that."

"I don't expect you to say anything. I just, wanted you to know that when you _were_ here...your presence didn't go unnoticed."

What was happening? Was this the sort of thing that she wrote down in that letter? How could I-

"I don't enjoy thinking back to the times when I said certain things, hateful things. And I guess this call was something that I wanted to do to make me feel like somewhat of an okay person again. I just feel like I'm making it worse though".

"You're not, not at all." I blurted, crying somewhat freely now. Forgiveness was right there within reach, I could take it easily and then hand it over to her...

But I didnt.

Trying to calm down after the short yet emotional roller coaster ride Taeyeon had pulled me onto, my thoughts cleared. I knew in my heart that they needed to be relayed to her, no matter what her reaction would be.

"You're not but, I feel like there's no way back from this." I heard everything, how Taeyeon released her breath shakily, how her words turned to croaks just like mine had. "Things weren't meant to be the way I wanted, or the way you wanted whatever that may have been." I continued, standing up now and walking over to the stove. I was getting stronger, this was what needed to happen. "Things are the way they should be right at this moment...you'll soon be released and will be able to live your life again. I will carry on living my own here in Busan and that's the way it has to be. We will both be, where we need to be."

"Tiffany, I-"

"Thank you for calling me Taeyeon, it really means a lot. And I want you to know that I'm really happy for you. I hope this case comes through for you, I really do. You deserve so much from life, and so much talent to give to the world."

This was it. If this had happened instead of that dreadful argument back in Seoul, I would have been content. I'd obviously be upset for a while, but I would know that it was the right thing to do. It didn't happen that way obviously, but I was confident that I was doing the right thing at this moment. Who knows what the future might hold in a few years? It's called the future for a reason but as of the present, right now; I'd done what I needed. I had closure.

"Oh, and Taeyeon?"

She didn't reply, I waited a moment for her to at least show that she was still on the line with me but it didn't come. Had she hung up? Had the phone been ripped from her hands by an officer?  
Although I wasn't aware of the fact that she still held the phone to her ear, her hand covering her mouth to stifle sadness...I finished what I had to say regardless.

"You are a good person."

My tears were freely rolling down my cheeks but strangely there was no sadness. And although my face was a mess and my dinner was completely unrecognizable as food, I somehow found the urge to smile. That phonecall was all that needed to happen for me, perhaps for her too. I got to say what I felt, and her too even if it was just within her personal boundaries.

I could go on happily living knowing that I had closure, I could cut all ties with her without regret because I knew soon she'd be better off. Although her drawing still stood proud on that table in the living room, it could now blend in instead of stick out for my eyes to study almost continuously. All that was left to do now...was to finally release that old shred of the weak Tiffany who desired nothing more than to read Taeyeon's letter. After that, I was free.

I smiled as I took it out of Taeyeon's choice of book and walked slowly over to the table in the kitchen, then setting it down in front of me. This was it.

Thinking back to what Taeyeon said throughout that phonecall and how much she tried to convey what she was trying to say without _actually_ saying it, of course I was curious as to how she would go about writing it instead. And what she said about puzzle pieces and how quiet it was without me, it had warmed my heart for her to even manage to get that out.

Taeyeon had given me something today just from that one call - strength. And unbeknownst to her, she had also received the same. She too had closure because we _finally_ managed to talk without one of us ending the conversation by screaming or swearing; or both. In just that one phonecall, we had come so far and we had managed to leave what we shared in a place where we could both appreciate it for whatever it was.

With yet another smile, albeit slightly smaller...I opened the envelope and took out the page inside. That smile grew when I read how she had addressed me. I could only guess that it meant 'Sergeant Hwang' under the caution she had taken when sending it out.

S. Hw,

I may not seem like someone who is good with words and that's completely correct, but I aim to try to make this a letter worth reading. Although I'm stepping completely out of my comfort zone here, I also wanted you to be the first to know that my request to reopen the case has been successful. The court date is still a few weeks away, but I can't help but feel that these are my last few weeks in this place. For that, I'm grateful for everything you've done to help me.

And when I think about how near I am to being released, I sometimes find myself thinking back to when you were here. How you were the first person who tried to understand me and how I worked as a person; also as a prisoner. You looked past the grey uniform and saw someone I was trying to hide. I admit I hated your curiosity a number of times, but I also found it interesting that you continued to try even when I relentlessly tested you and your patience.

The thing is, I can't let people in. If I do, it's accidental and out of anger that's fueled by sadness which is an emotion I feel I've lost all control of. Opening up just simply does not happen, especially when I'm also in a place like this - my surroundings only makes it harder. I don't _like_ to be the main focus in a conversation, I don't _like_ to be talked about when I'm right there, I don't _like_ to _feel_ because it's something that's fucking terrifying. The last time I allowed myself to feel...well you know what happened.

Maybe you can understand that part of my problem is that I find it hard to just _be_. Just to be here. Even after so many years in a cage, I still remember being outside like it was yesterday. The freedom I had, how I could smile and laugh like it was the easiest thing in the world...and then everything happened in a whirlwind. The next thing I knew there was bang as I was locked into a cell knowing I would be here for many years of my life. Going from an Officer of the law only to then be forced into seeing things from an inmate's perspective...there are no words to describe it.

As I write this, I don't expect you to be reading it but it's something I had to do. If it were me, I wouldn't either. I fucked things up, I _always_ fuck things up and that's exactly why I am the way I am. The things I say are harsh and although I could tell you that I didn't know I was saying such hurtful things or that they were said in the heat of the moment...that wouldn't be the truth. I say those things because I'm scared of how it would be if I allowed myself to care.

You were the first person who tried to get the old me back. It didn't work out for you, for any of us but the fact that you tried to make me feel better about myself, for listening to me even though I was screaming abuse at you proves that you are the better person. You stuck up for me even when I didn't want you to, you meddled when I didn't want you to and you tried to help when I didn't want you to. Even though what you did wasn't wanted nor needed, you still felt the need to care and that's something I'm sure I'll remember.

I hope you're enjoying your time where you are and I hope things are going good for you. I also hope that if you are reading this letter, you understand what it is I'm trying to say.

Taeyeon.

As I folded it in half and replaced it inside the envelope, I stayed seated. Hands running through my slightly tangled locks, I leaned back into my chair and drummed my fingers on the hard wood of the table.

If I had been expecting something, It most certainly wasn't _that_. It had been clear throughout that whole letter that she was uncomfortable sharing such information about herself. It didn't even sound like her and that fact made me wonder if at least for a moment, the real Taeyeon that she keeps captive behind her brick wall was indeed the one writing to me. Just that thought made a slight tingle travel up the whole length of my spine.

Unable to do anything else at this precise time, a sudden urge made itself known. That urge was to grab a piece of paper and a pen and reply to the girl who had given her all on that small and slightly crumpled note. She had been waiting weeks for this from me, and after reading what she had to say I really didn't want to have to make her wait any longer. But something inside me told me to wait, to send it off when I got the news that her court case had been successful.

Those few weeks passed and Taeyeon, was indeed successful. Her friend had come through for her and did all she could to get Taeyeon out of that place. Soon I found myself in a similar situation as before, sat at the kitchen table and holding the pen in my hand - complete with a big smile on my face. I couldn't imagine how Taeyeon felt at this moment, it must be so incredible yet so daunting. She was going to have to face so much in the outside world, and although our relationship was over and finished, I still felt the need to help her out. What kind of person would I be if I didn't?

So, with her freedom in my mind and pen to the paper, I wrote.

Taeyeon,

I have a confession, I only read your letter after you called. I admit that I really regret not reading it right away, but I think as long as I reply it'll feel a lot better than just leaving your letter unanswered. I'm sorry it's taken so long.

Things must seem quite bizarre to you, with your freedom just around the corner. I bet you're excited, and of course nervous. I can't imagine being in your shoes the first time you see the outside world after so long. It will be sensory overload for sure.

Hearing of your incredible news gave me somewhat of a jumpstart into writing you back because I realized that I didn't have a lot of time left to do it. I wanted you to receive this letter while still being held in the facility. The thought of you reading it while being in the same outside world as me, as strange as that must sound is a little daunting. It makes no sense at all, but I feel more secure in knowing that you are reading this now as opposed to in a few weeks time. I apologize if that is offensive in any way...

What I wanted to say, was that I'm so glad that you are getting what you've wanted for so long. I want to wish you luck in your new life and I want to give you my upmost support in starting your future and getting yourself back on track.

I also wanted to acknowledge and apologize for everything that happened back in Seoul. I didn't leave on good terms and that was partly my fault. I should have known that things could only have gone South due to it being such a risky situation and in many ways... we were lucky that it ended how it did.

After all, we both ultimately got what we wanted. I got my dream job and you got your freedom and that's all that matters right? I can live on happily, knowing that we are both better off in our positions now than we were back then. I hope you feel the same.

I can't put into words how excited I am for you but I know it's going to be a challenge. What I also know however, is that Kim Taeyeon isn't the sort to back down without a fight. A fight to get back into the world and make something of yourself, taking the time you spent being wrongly accused and turning it into something worthwhile. I know you can do it. You have talent, Taeyeon. And this is why at the end of this letter, I'll write down some numbers to perhaps help get you started.

You don't have to use them of course, but I hope they can be of some interest to you. The first is an art college, where you'd study everything you need to know about art. You can even begin to learn graphic design which would ensure you (if you choose to pursue it) a great career.

The second is the number of a friend of mine in California. In the next few months he plans to take over one of the art galleries in Seoul. He'd be happy to take on somebody interested in such works and after all I told him about how passionate you are for art; he's interested to meet you.

I don't want you to think that I'm meddling, that's the last thing I want. You can crumple up this letter right now and throw it in the trash if you feel the need to...I just had to do

I wish you all the best in your new life,


	24. Chapter 24

Eyes closed but not fully asleep. I lay soundly, listening to the same old morning routine. Doors slamming, voices booming...the telltale sounds of yet another day commencing. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to wake entirely just yet. Instead I turned, my back now facing whoever would walk in within the next few minutes.

Today didn't feel any different than any other day. I was reluctant to get up, unwilling to experience the same thing that I had been forced to live day after day for around four years. I didn't know exactly how much time I'd spent in here. Anyway, why did it matter?  
What I did know though, what I knew all too well was the feeling of complete and utter solitude. My time in this place seeming to be never-ending.

The sound of my door opening pulled me out of my thoughts for just a moment. I braced my self somewhat lazily for the heated outrage that would no doubt come since I wasn't out of bed. That I wasn't standing obediently in the middle of the room waiting for whoever it was doing the count today. To my surprise however, I heard nothing but a sigh followed by the sound of the clicker. Strange. Sneaking a squinting look over my shoulder, I saw that I was again alone. My door left open and the bright light above it now fading until I knew for sure the count had been finished successfully.

Unfortunately I was completely awake now so with a groan of dissatisfaction I sat up, running my fingers through my hair as a makeshift hairbrush before standing and stretching each tired muscle I had gained while sleeping. Without much thought, I grabbed a towel from the corner of the room and pulled it along as I left. It was only a brisk walk to the shower room and once I entered, I was surprised to see that it wasn't full today. Usually there was a line out the door.  
Frowning, I waited my turn outside the stall that I had always used since I first arrived. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long, the girl who was showering soon realised that I was waiting for her to finish and with a ninety degree bow, she quickly rushed out. I rolled my eyes as I noted the shampoo still in her hair before climbing inside and stripping off, laying my clothes neatly outside of the stall.

Feeling my eyes close as the still-warm water trickled down my face, I suppressed a moan as the water did wonders for my aching muscles. I would spend hours under the shower if I could, but I wasn't going to be selfish. Quickly washing my hair and then towel drying it, I climbed out before wrapping the same fabric around my body.

It was all the same repetitive routine. Wake up, shower, get dressed….then go back to bed to read. It's what I did every morning. I was always eager to escape my reality by delving into another within whatever book I had chosen. It helped, it really did.

But for some reason, today I didn't. Instead after dressing, I found myself leaving the room and walking down the now reasonably occupied corridor. My hands plunged into the soft, warm depths of my jacket pockets as I strolled, a small smirk showing at how my fellow inmates cleared a path for me. I ignored the whispering as I left them behind and continued on. I didn't really have a destination in mind, I just wanted to walk. I wanted to look around and take in every detail.

Its funny. Although I had been here for such a long period of time, it amazed me how much I had refrained from observing the building that imprisoned me. I hadn't noticed how the steel beams above held just as much rust as they did dust, I hadn't seen how the walls weren't the colour I thought they had been. I hadn't observed how the floor contained specks of dirt or mud that were most likely completely irremovable now.  
I examined each thing I came across for a while, taking it all in until the familiar sound of a whistle signified recreation was about to start.

As the routine commenced, I lined up and once outside, decided to take a seat at the many benches, one that wasn't occupied but enabled me to watch over every single inmate that was in the yard. I studied each one, their behaviour, their mannerisms. Some were with the friends they had met here while some, like me, were sitting alone. I wondered about them, how much time each one had left. I wondered about their families - Would they have someone waiting for them when the cage doors opened, or would they walk away and cease to exist. Would they return?

So many questions that could have been answered by me simply asking them, befriending them. Only I didn't want that. I had never wanted to make friends here, knowing that I could possibly have shared such a great bond with someone….only to have to leave them behind. Seeing someone I cared about in the windows, watching as I turned my back on them and disappeared. Leaving them in the hell that I had endured and somehow managed to escape from. I couldn't do that, I refused to lose anybody and I in turn refused to be lost from somebody when my time finally came.

Freedom was a word I could never escape from. It was the one thought that would never go away, no matter how much I tried. It was the dream...inside the nightmare.

I kept faith, knowing someday I would be free but I didn't know when, or how. I couldn't ever imagine that someone would walk into my life and try so hard to get me out of the place that had held me captive for so many years. But it happened. After that, freedom came like a flood and changed every aspect of the landscape of my existence.

When I first heard that they would cut my sentence down, that in a matter of months I would be free….it was as if I wasn't even in the moment. It was like an out of body experience, completely and utterly surreal. But the real thing that hit me, was that when I was led back to my room….I had nobody to tell. I had no one to ring up and let know that I would be ' _home_ ' soon. My family were long gone. Friends? I wasn't sure I had any.

The one main friend I had all that time ago, was Jessica. I met her, along with many other of my colleagues that I could work with comfortably but were so different than her. She and I trained together, got accepted into the police force together…we were never apart. I didn't gain any proper friendships with the other members of the force, and maybe that was my mistake. Every ounce of my attention was put into her only for everything to happen on that one fateful day.

Nothing prepares you for being present at the death of a loved one. The emotional enormity of the experience and the rarity of its kind. Her death was something that you would only expect to see in the plot of a film, something completely unbelievable.

Sometimes, I'd imagine just that. I could picture the audience hushing at that part. There would be no laughter, no jokes just…complete silence. As the plot would unfold, each one would stare at the screen, mouths agape. Half in wonder, half in terror. Wondering how a person could be so evil and how such a man could laugh at what he was seeing in front of him. How the screams of finality were drowned out by the ultimate ending. Tears would fall, the reaction of the woman who had lost everything in that one moment being the final scene. The audience would wonder how she would live on, that surely there would be some aspect of psychological trauma for the rest of her life.

But then the credits would roll. And then the list of people's names next to their characters would come. It wasn't real. They would laugh at themselves for being so silly as to cry at something that was make believe. It was _just_ a movie.

But for me, it was very, very real. It had been like my world had stopped spinning. All sounds had stopped, everything frozen. All that was there for me to focus on was the death of what would have been someone that I'd spend my entire life with. How do you get past something like that?

The answer? You don't.

You don't get to start over. You don't get to wipe the slate clean, forget every moment, every second that caused the once searing pain that is now only emptiness. It doesn't work like that. The trauma stays with you, it consumes you. Every waking moment is spent just as it was when you saw the tragedy happen. Everything stops.

Watching a loved one die peacefully when it's their time to go? That's closure. Watching a young woman that had only just begun living getting her life ripped away from her and being unable to stop it from happening...that is different. You don't get closure. You don't get to say that _'that's the way she would have wanted to die'_ because, that would be the furthest thing from the truth.

It's different.

For many years, I didn't know I was capable of smiling anymore. What reason did I have to actually do it? I was locked up, abused by the staff, spent every other week in solitary and kept repeating the same moment in my head over and over. That was until _she_ came along. She was someone who I treated inexcusably. The last person I could call a friend.

The way Jessica died was similar to the way I felt when I realised I no longer had anyone. It felt like I had a bomb within me…that every burst of anger I had given out had made it tick down faster until finally it exploded just like the one that had taken her. Only I was alive yet still unable to pick up the pieces, unable to fix things as already I had pushed everyone away.

Officer Kwon was the one who came to me. The one who called my name and number without so much as a smile. I couldn't say I blamed her. I knew what her issue with me was, and I completely understood why she thought she had to glare at me every now and then once Tiffany had left. I would have done the same.

"Hands behind your back," She ordered, grabbing the bag that was filled with my possessions from my hands before motioning for me to go to her. I obeyed, not missing how the handcuffs became tighter and tighter until I was forced to grunt to tell her to stop. She then pushed me to walk in front of her as we went to a part of the prison I vaguely remembered being in when I was first brought here.

Time passed, Kwon pulling on the chain between the handcuffs every now and then so they would dig into my wrists painfully and would no doubt leave marks. It was most likely something to remember her by. I bit my tongue as I stood, when finally my number was called again and I, along with a few others were loaded onto the prison bus.

Still cuffed, Kwon was to sit next to me and make sure I didn't do anything that could make my stay at the prison a longer one. Although I knew she would indeed love that, I was on my best behaviour.  
Noises were amplified as the bus started up and pulled off, travelling to an unknown destination. I didn't know how all this worked, surely they couldn't just let me go straight away. Clearly not, the bus didn't approach the solid iron gates that stayed shut for the meantime. Instead it travelled to the back of the prison, stopping and letting off other prisoners at different units until it was just I and three others left.

All of a sudden I felt a jab to my side, my cue to follow Kwon to the entrance of the bus once it had reached its end target. My legs felt almost like rubber as I stepped off the bus, perhaps because I was walking in an area of the prison that had previously been forbidden to me. I was led into what looked like a holding room where I, along with the others stood and waited.

It was like an endless waiting game. Soon their names and numbers were called, and then finally it was my turn. The handcuffs were taken off and my property bag was shoved into my hands by the ever-friendly Officer Kwon, and soon I was ordered to take out each and every item. Making sure nothing was contraband, the people in charge wrote down what it contained and then handed it back over to Kwon while I was handcuffed yet again.

It only got better as I was pushed and locked into a room with the woman herself, and then ordered to strip. Trying to contain myself due to the looks she was giving me as I shed my clothes, I clenched my jaw while she performed the degrading acts that apparently were necessary if I ever wanted to leave. Not one to argue at this point, I did as I was told albeit with shame and once over, quickly got dressed while she continued to look me up and down.

Everything became a blur as I was whisked away from room to room, my photo and fingerprints taken, forced to change clothes in front of many members of staff until finally…the words I'd been longing to hear.

Officer Kwon came to me, my bag in hand which again was shoved into my arms with unnecessary force. "Here's everything you have, Kim. Books, sketches, the money you had left the commissary as well as a cheque from the Inmate Trust Fund. Now..." She paused, looking down on me for I hoped would be the last time. "Get out of here."

It was then that I was led to those same solid iron gates, and I witnessed them finally… after all of this time begin to open for me. There were no words I could say as I saw what was beyond the place that I had belonged to for more than four years of my life. My body began to tremble as I found walking was not easy anymore. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other but the sensory overload of seeing the mountains in the distance, the roaring of engines, the sirens and then the wind blowing forcefully against my body was enough to make me collapse.

Squinting to see all that I could while the sun shone down heavily, I flinched as the gates that were now behind me began to close. Shutting me out of the prison forever. That was a sight I would never, ever forget. Watching as Kwon and the other Officers in turn watched me until we could no longer see each other. It emitted a shiver up my spine yet I couldn't quite stop the urge to lay my hand on the metal, as if to say goodbye.

I must have spent a few minutes doing just that until I was disturbed by someone clearing their throat, obviously aiming to ruin whatever moment I was to trying to derive from the action. Turning my head, I realised there was a car parked just a few feet from the gates. Whether it had just pulled up or had been there through my momentary loss of mental function was a mystery, but when I saw the figure that was being shielded by the rays of the sun walk closer, I couldn't help the smile I gave when I recognised her and everything she had done for me.

Bora.

She was the one who had made all of this possible. She had helped me through every problem my case had held, she had taken everything that was thrown at her and turned it into this incredible result. More tears fell as she approached until she was standing just in front of me, her and Kwon's features almost identical through blurred vision.

"Kim Taeyeon." She smiled, opening her arms wide to show what we had accomplished together. "This is it, huh? We finally meet outside those walls!"

"I guess so." I chuckled, still fighting to stop the flow from my eyes as I took in everything around me.

"What are your plans? Where do you want to go?"

And then everything came into focus again. I didn't have anywhere _to_ go. I perhaps had enough money to stay at a hotel for a few days, but not enough to survive for the long term. Do I stay in Seoul? Or do I go back to my hometown, despite not having anything left for me there. I suddenly had the weight of the world in my hands. I needed to find a job, yet what employer would hire somebody who had been in prison for four years. I was….lost.

 _'Humans are social creatures; you can tell yourself all you want that being alone makes you happy but there will come a time when you want somebody there, right next to you.'_

I'd never taken in the full magnitude of her words until now. She was right, yet I had completely ignored her because I of course was in control, I didn't need to listen to a word she said because I had plenty of time to think about what I wanted to do when I left prison. Yet here I was, everything had happened in a whirlwind and I hadn't made time to plan my future. I was lost _and_ alone.

"Taeyeon?"

Looking up at her, I suddenly felt self-conscious at the fact that I had absolutely nothing to offer her for all she had done for me. "I uh…" I bowed my head , unable to hold it up high any longer due to the embarrassment that I had become.

Bora watched my behaviour thoughtfully before placing her palm on the small of my back and pulling me along with her. Confused, I began to ask where she was taking me.

"You're coming with me," she smiled, opening the passenger side for me where I was half forced into the leather seat.

"Going where?" I asked, uncertainty etched into my features. "I don't-"

"Its fine." She said as she walked around the back of the car and relaxed back into the driver's seat. "Trust me."

They were the last words spoken before we set off on our journey, the destination unknown to me.

I had never been in a car capable of so much speed before. The feeling of driving fast was like nothing else I had ever felt. It starting as we sat waiting at the traffic lights, my heart beating faster as if I was preparing to run in a race. Sliding my fingers down the smoothness of the car as my hand hung out the window, I looked over to Bora and could see she was experiencing the same feeling. Tensing up, perhaps in excitement as we awaited the green light and when it finally did happen and she hit the gas pedal…our eyes grew wide as the car accelerated. And when I closed them for a split second, suddenly it was like we were travelling at the speed of light. It was an experience like no other.

It took all I had to stop the smile from taking over my face. I sensed Bora watching me now and then, taking in my reactions to even the simplest things and because of that, I turned my head away from her where my facial expressions could not be seen and scrutinised. Despite what we had been through together, I still didn't trust her enough to let her in completely.

"I bet you cant believe this is real, huh?" She suddenly asked, again looking over. "Seeing the outside world again. It must be strange…"

"Something like that." I murmured, looking nowhere but out the window.

"Any specific place that you really wanted to go to once you were released?"

Now that, was a question. Was there? I remember the topic coming up once or twice when Tiffany was around… but I don't think we touched on it again after that.  
All I dreamt of was freedom, there was nothing in particular. There was no place that I longed to go, nothing except outside those gates.

But then upon seeing the beautiful scenery pass by as Bora drove, I remembered something. Something in my past, back when I was a child. A picture had been taken of me by a family member that was no longer around and the urge to go back to a place that would remind me further of my childhood and the happiness I had felt was instantaneous.

Bora was unaware that I was no longer paying attention. "Everyone has a place where they go to escape. You must have had at least one growing up or-"

"Wait!" I cried as after squinting, what was in the distance was clear. It was my place. Turning to her, I asked if she could stop the car.

"What, why?" She replied, looking around to see what it was I was wanting until I grabbed her arm softly, making her look at me.

"Please."

Bora paused, looking at me with somewhat of a suspicious look Maybe she thought I'd run as soon as she let me out. But then surprisingly she nodded, albeit with a small and confused frown as I got out of the car and began briskly walking away from her.

"Taeyeon! Where-?"

I was no longer listening as my destination neared. It was all I wanted in that moment and I needed to see it up close. Soon her voice drowned out completely. I had no cell phone, no way to contact her if we lost each other but…that could be worried about later.

As I walked closer, the horizon stretched across my entire field of view, the massive expanse of blue-green water only a few feet ahead. Following the pathway from the street, finally I reached the long stretch of white sand that I had caught sight of back at the car. It wasn't a moment later that I had taken off my shoes and resumed walking through the soft powder-like substance. The sun shining down had made it hot yet not so that it was unbearable. I couldn't remember feeling this way, like I was home. And feeling the soft smooth sand beneath my feet only reinforced that feeling, taken in by the soothing atmosphere that encircled me. All the pressures and the worries that I'd repressed, the problems and troubles, the stress…all that drifted away.

My eyes remained active, taking in every single detail of the surroundings that they could manage as I further approached. Even from where I was, I could hear the waves crash as they hurtled towards the shore, washing up onto the sand and then receding back toward the water. Washing up…then flowing back down. The ever-repeating rhythm that I had somehow forgotten the sound of.

I felt the mist from the ocean on my skin as I got closer until the warm sand beneath my feet became wet and firm. Another wave washed over the sand towards me, gracefully touching my toes before withdrawing back. Taking a step forward, I finally felt the waves wash over me. The ocean represented escape, new beginnings…all while effortlessly reflecting the most incredible colour in the way that only it can.

Venturing further into the almost clear water, I gazed down at the sand under the now softer waves before looking back up to see the horizon in the distance. This was the moment that I had needed to remind me that the world was so much bigger than a prison yard, and had so much more to offer. No description could truly capture its majesty, yet only a few words could express its beauty.

I was so overwhelmed with my surroundings that I didn't hear Bora approach from behind. She came to a stop just beside me and stared for just a moment before turning and watching the waves with me.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly as if her normal tone would ruin the serenity of it all.

My eyes fluttered to a close when the wind blew with more strength, strands of hair crossing my face while I suppressed the urge to hold out my arms to feel the force all over my body. Instead I inhaled deeply, the smell of the salty sea at its strongest now as it travelled through the gust.

I felt a tear fall while the corners of my mouth tugged into a wide open smile. I didn't bother to wipe it away, self-consciousness was the last thing on my mind right now.

"You look different. Its like you finally look at peace with the world." Bora murmured, turning to me. "It's actually really beautiful to see."

She stayed by my side, it must have been hours. Walking along the water's edge while simultaneously taking in the scenery. I couldn't get enough. The fascination only got more intense as I watched the rhythmic pounding of the waves crashing against the shore, the way the sun shone off the rippling water. Its golden light warped in the twisted, glass-like ocean.

As more time passed, the sand began to get cooler when the sun disappeared and mid-day turned to evening. Finding a nice spot not far from the ocean but not too close either, I sat facing the water. Bora stayed standing, folding her arms across her body as the temperature fell.

"Did you ever think you'd be able to do this again?"

I thought for a minute before answering. "No. I knew and acknowledged that one day I'd be free, but to picture it so vividly wasn't something I could do. I didn't know I could feel this way again." I replied honestly. "I think I figured holding onto hope and not having it happen within the time frame I wanted would make my stay more painful than it was already. Shutting everything out was easier."

From the corner of my eye I saw her nod at my words, understanding. Glancing up at her, I found what I had wanted to say for a while now came to me easier than expected.

"Thank you."

I don't think she was expecting such genuine gratitude from me because as soon as the words left my mouth, she raised her eyebrows as if waiting for an insult to come next. However, when nothing followed, she lowered her head and gave a small smile to herself, perhaps thinking I couldn't see it.

I watched on as Bora sat down beside me, at first making sure there was a significant distance between us due to knowing my discomfort with certain contact but then…she thought against it. After a slight pause, she shuffled along on the sand until there was just a few inches between our two bodies.

"You're very welcome, Taeyeon."

We sat there a while and in complete silence. All that was heard were the waves and the distant sound of seagulls flying above the water. Of course, that was until she spoke.

"If I stand up and have sand on my ass, I'm totally going to kill you. I hope you know that."

I turned to her, seeing the absolute serious look on her face complete with a raised eyebrow and I lost it. I hadn't laughed like that in a long time, and I think she knew it too because I could feel her watching me in disbelief before finally joining in herself.

As our laughter faded, she reinforced the threat by saying that she really did mean it. I snorted to reply which was covered up by the fact that my stomach had started growling. Bora chuckled, standing up and holding out her hand for me. I didn't hesitate to take it and soon we were up and laughing again at how she had to slap the sand from the seat of her smart work trousers.

"I warned you."

"I could take you down in a second." I replied with a smirk, one that was met by her holding her hands up in mock defeat. Making our way back to the car, my stomach rumbled again, Bora rolling her eyes at the sound.

"I promise you food and you make us take a detour. Now, get in before I change my mind." She said as she squinted her eyes my way. She got a small smile in return as I buckled my seatbelt and we went on our way. Wherever that may have been.

It was close to an hour later when she took out her phone and started typing something.

"So, how many people have you tried to save from going to jail for texting and driving?" I asked cockily, beginning to get a lot more comfortable being myself with the lawyer.

"Shut up, you. I'm not texting, I'm calling." She said as she held the phone to her ear. Like that was a whole lot better.

As I stared out the window, I could hear the ringing audibly. Looking back over to Bora, I could see she had since placed the phone in her lap face up. I could only just make out the contact name.

' _Tiff_ '

No. What, was this her plan? Was she… Quickly looking at the surroundings, I realised that this didn't look like Seoul anymore….Come to think of it, there aren't oceans in that location either.

"What are you playing at?" I snapped.

Caught off guard slightly at the sudden hostility, Bora frowned. "What's your problem?" The phone continued to ring as she spoke. "I'm simply phoning a friend. Do you have an issue with that?"

"Where are we?"

Bora didn't answer, and I began to get angry at her audacity to call Tiffany while I was right here.

"I said, where the hell are w-"

"Hello?"

The suddenness of her voice flooding throughout the car caused an almost automatic action, that being to clench my fist yet restrain myself from hitting it against something. Words began to gather at the tip of my tongue to say out loud. They would have come tumbling out if it weren't for Bora holding her finger against her lips. Gritting my teeth, I listened while turning my face away from her, pushing my ear against the head rest of my seat as if that would prevent me from hearing the conversation that was yet to come.

I sat in silence while I wondered what this whole plan was. Suppose we _were_ in Busan….surely she didn't expect the three of us to meet up and pretend that nothing had ever happened? Didn't she know how Tiffany and I had left things at the prison? We were both angry, furious even. And then the phone call happened which only served to make me feel worse about myself. And then the letter…

"Hey, its me." Bora replied, I could hear the smile in her voice.

"And…what do _you_ want?" Tiffany asked, and it was almost like I could picture her rolling her eyes. She and I had that habit whenever anybody annoyed us. It was maybe the only thing we had in common.

"Hey, you should really be nicer to me since, you know…I _am_ driving over to come and see you."

There it was - confirmation. I already knew, but hearing it from Bora only served to make the slight nauseous feeling gain magnitude. I couldn't do this, not now.

"You're what?!" She squealed. "Why didn't you tell me? I'm not even ready! Wait…how far away are you? Are you coming over?"

Bora laughed at her overreaction, and I could hear Tiffany in turn huff at Bora's reaction. "I thought we could meet up at the little coffee place near your apartment?"

"Right okay. Good. Because my place is…not the best right now." She groaned while I began to wonder what her 'place' really did look like. I didn't think she was that unorganised, but then again I've never seen her in her own environment so I wouldn't know.

"I can imagine." Bora replied. "Anyway I'm about half an hour away. But I can drive really slowly if-"

"Thirty minutes is plenty of time, thank you very much." Tiffany responded curtly with somewhat of an attitude. I held back a small smile at the fact that she didn't take Bora's shit either. "But still, you could have warned me."

"Yeah, yeah. What fun would that be?" She smirked. "I want to talk to you about you know who's case."

My head snapped back to stare at her. She had mentioned me in conversation and instantly thoughts began to race through my mind as to what Tiffany's reaction would be.

"Oh…"

Bora glanced over at me to witness the frown make its way between my brows. "What?" She asked, still looking my way.

There was a slight pause before Tiffany answered. "No, nothing. I wanted to know something…but it doesn't matter. It can wait until I see you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I didn't really know what to think of that. Once Bora had said her goodbyes and hung up, I think she could tell the mood in the car had dropped.

"You okay?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"What do you think? What could _possibly_ give you the idea that this would all turn out alright?"

"It will be." She replied. "I know her. You'll be fine."

I felt the rage build up within me. While part of me acknowledged she was just trying to do good here, the other half of me was pissed that she could be so stupid.

"What if I don't want to see her?" The tone of my voice got louder with each burst of my breath until I was ultimately shouting. "What the fuck did you just do?" She didn't answer me, didn't even look my way. "I don't want to do this, Bora. I'm not ready for this. I don't _want_ to face her!"

"Good. Let it out."

I barely even heard her. I was too overcome with emotions. "I tried to fix it but I couldn't. Instead she walked away, which is just what she did that day she left her job in Seoul."

"Why did she walk away, Taeyeon?" She was pushing me and I wanted to leave but couldn't. I was trapped in this makeshift interrogation room and I began to panic. Instead of stopping the car, Bora repeated her question. "Why did she walk away?"

"You know why." I growled.

"Tell me."

"Because I'm a terrible person, is that what you want to hear?" I said as I thumped my fist against the leather seat. "Because I couldn't tell her I wanted her to stay." My eyes began to glaze as the truth was forced from my lips. "Because I'm so fucking _terrified_ of feeling this way again and I don't want it to end like it did before! I don't want..." I gasped as I grabbed the edge of the chair and squeezed with all my might.

We stopped at another red light and Bora looked over at me, pity in her eyes at my state.

"Do you want to know what I think?" She didn't wait for an answer. "I think what you're scared of is the thought of moving on from your first love. You're scared of betraying her and you're scared because Tiffany makes you feel like you want to run and stay at the same time. You want to run now, I can tell. Now you're in the open world, you could run and she wouldn't be able to find you. Is that what you want?"

"I-"

"Right now, you think I'm throwing you into the deep end when you just cant swim yet and in a way…yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Don't you want to know what you and her have together could evolve into? If its more than just casual and illegal sex?"

I bowed my head, maybe in exhaustion…maybe as a sign of giving up. Bora didn't take kindly to that.

"If you want me to turn the car around I will. But just know that I will tell Tiffany _everything_. I will ring her right here while she's sat waiting for us and tell her that you are out of prison and that you didn't want to see her. You didn't want to thank her for all she's done for you and you want to be the same old selfish piece of shit you have always portrayed yourself to be. That nothing has changed since she locked you in your cell and walked away. Is _that_ what you want, Taeyeon?"

I could feel her staring at me with about as much anger as I had previously held. When my eyes met hers, I knew she was serious. Completely serious. I felt a tear drop and make its way down my cheek before I shook my head and turned the opposite way, wanting to avoid the glare that was so much like her cousin's.

"Good." She snapped back. "Because I don't want to even imagine the look on her face if I had to tell her that." Truthfully, I didn't either.

The car fell into silence again, yet this time it was slightly hostile and I really didn't like it. If I was nervous, then this certainly wasn't helping. In an attempt to ease the atmosphere, I began to speak though Bora quickly cut me off with a sudden change of tone.

"You know, if you don't ask her out, I will."

My reaction was instantaneous. "What?"

"You heard me."

The idea of her and Tiffany being intimate again was enough to make my blood boil. I didn't hate Bora, but I did hate picturing her touching Tiffany in that way. I didn't know whether she was trying to push me again or whether she was being serious but either way, I didn't like it. One bit.

"No."

"No?" She replied, quite clearly holding back her laugh. "No? What do you mean no?"

I said nothing, because I had given my input. No. That wasn't going to happen.

"Because she's already taken?" She pressed. "She's not. She is single and-"

"Clearly you and Tiffany don't belong together." I blurted out, cursing myself inwardly as I witnessed the smile begin to spread across her face. Quickly thinking, I added "Otherwise why would _we_ be on our way to meet her? You wouldn't need me here to ask her out. What do you want, some moral support? All you are is a one-night stand."

"Oof!" She cried out as she began to laugh. "Feisty!"

Hopefully now she got the point that I didn't want to talk about this anymore. We were still on our way to meet Tiffany and that was enough, I really didn't need her trying to push my buttons any more than she had been already.

She opened her mouth to speak yet again, clearly not reading the warning I was giving her. This time though, I got there first.

"Don't you fucking dare say another word."

"Okay, okay I'm done." She replied, shooting me a small wink as she continued. "I'm sorry, okay? All I want is for you to just be comfortable with how you feel about her because I'm warning you now, Tiffany is not going to run to you anymore. She's not going to keep trying with you like she did in prison. This is the only, and I mean the _only_ chance to be something with her."

I realised that, but deep down I didn't think I was ready to take that plunge.

"Seriously, If you don't tell her how you feel, that's it. I mean, she already thinks she's moved on." A beat, some uneasiness settling around my heart. "Of course, I know better. She hasn't. After your letter and your phone call, she kept on and on about finally having closure. But its obvious that she hasn't completely stopped thinking of you. She hasn't gone on dates… she's talked about no one except you. Taeyeon this, Taeyeon's case that…" I smiled at that, Bora noticing and quickly wiping it away. "But don't expect her to feel that way forever. If you fuck up this meeting, it'll be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Trust me on that one." She paused, letting the information sink in. "Do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear." I replied, albeit with a breathy sigh. Bora was right. She had always been right.

I couldn't sit on the fence with this anymore. It felt like having Tiffany, and not having her at the same time was the easiest way to back out if I needed to which I did, many times while in prison. I wouldn't call her mine, I didn't tell her that I liked her or that I loved her because if things got too intense and I panicked…I could always escape from that. I could walk away and have some breathing space. I wasn't a girlfriend to her, so I didn't owe her anything other than what I chose to give.

In the end though…she was the one who did the walking away and honestly, that had shocked me. When she finally gave up and slammed that door behind her, I felt like the life had seeped from my body. I didn't want her to leave, yet I hadn't told her that I wanted her to stay. There is no in-between. I was terrified of commitment, yet it was either that or losing her completely.

"I know this is a lot to take in at once, and I did sort of kidnap you with this in mind. For that I apologise. Maybe I should have asked you beforehand but-"

"No," I cut in. "If you had, I wouldn't have come. You were right to do it this way." 

Bora nodded and suddenly I felt all was okay again. I didn't want to hate her, I knew she was trying to help me. She had already helped me, I mean look where I was now. In the open world where I could continuously walk without hitting a wall that would further trap me.

"I spent a lot of time hating you, you know." I looked to her, seeing the smirk on her face as she pursed her lips my way. "But now I kind of like you. You're a good kid."

"Well that wasn't _completely_ offensive or condescending at all..." I retorted sarcastically, rolling my eyes yet again. Bora laughed, then reached over to turn on the radio, blasting music from her car and most likely deafening me in the process.

"Now _this_ , is living." She grinned, speeding the last few miles away.

It all hit home when we pulled up outside the coffee shop. Was this really going to happen? After all this time…I was going to see her again. I was going to see and speak to Tiffany in a natural setting. And it wasn't like she was expecting me either. Bora hadn't told her that I was being released today. For all Tiffany knew, it could still be weeks away and so she was going to be thrown in the deep end too. We were both in the same sort of situation but only I had had time to process it. Suddenly I started to worry for her instead of myself and that was even scarier.

The air began to get thicker, my throat having issues letting it in and out properly without wheezing. Panicking internally, I began to wonder if I could still avoid this whole thing without anyone getting hurt. Looking up to Bora beside me though, I knew she was serious about the threat of telling Tiffany. And the thought of her 'personally helping' Tiffany to get over whatever feelings she had left for me….

"Focus. Now, follow me."

I did as she asked, and soon we entered the café. Immediately I began scanning each person inside, ignoring my growling stomach due to the incredible aroma of freshly made coffee and pastries constantly filling my nostrils.

Continuing trying to keep up with Bora, I suddenly sensed it was my time to lag behind and then come to a stop when I saw she entered a booth not too far away from where I was now standing. I watched as she tapped the one who occupied the seat on the shoulder, a beam spreading across her face when the woman jumped up to hug her. There was no doubting who it was.

I could honestly say that in that moment, I'd never seen anything more beautiful. It was her in her natural surroundings. No uniform, no handcuffs...no stern facade and no dimly-lit rooms that only cast shadows across her features.

She had her hair loose, cascading down her back in subtle curls. It was the same colour but somehow looked so different compared to the last time I had seen her. Her clothes were casual, yet smart and they fitted her well unlike her old uniform. Beauty radiated from every pore of hers and it was only now that I fully realised it.

Yet another thing that I had taken for granted.

I had treated her like she wasn't even worthy of being in my presence when actually in fact...it was quite the opposite.

I heard the two laughing together, clearly eager to catch up on whatever had happened since they had last seen each other and suddenly I felt out of place. I was intruding on what Tiffany thought was a private meet up between friends. She was happy, and I was going to ruin that...like I've always done.

Again I thought about avoiding this situation, it wasn't just because I didn't want her to turn and to lose her smile, it was because I was _scared_. What if Bora was wrong, what if Tiffany caught sight of the woman who turned her world upside down and instead of being forgiving...what if she in turn ran. What if what happened before happened again...what if she left me behind?

And then suddenly, silence. It was like the world had stopped - A familiar feeling. My heart began to pump more and more viciously and a strange warmth spread over my entire body only to be replaced instantly with a shiver when I saw Bora motion over to me. I stood wide eyed as I saw Tiffany turn as if in slow motion. Just as I feared, she turned with a smile only to quickly lose it when she lay her eyes on me. That look, followed by a gasp and then her voice trembling just like I imagined mine would if I even attempted to speak right now.

"Is that...?" Her voice was unmistakable. "Bora is that...?"

I heard the crack in that voice as well as the confusion as to why and how I could be here. I couldn't do this. I couldn't look at her knowing that there were no walls separating us, no rules that could get her into trouble. I was in her world now. I was helpless here, I wasn't protected.

"Tae...?"

Please don't call me that…It was as if I was on the verge of a breakdown, my body tensing immediately as I felt an arm envelop my shoulders. A familiar voice whispering in my ear telling me I _could_ do it, and that she was there for me every step of the way. She repeated what she had told me in the car, that she knew this wasn't easy for me and she believed in me. She began pushing me forward until I was standing right in front of _her_.

And as our eyes met for the first time within this proximity since she was with me in Seoul, all of a sudden we were back in the dimly-lit solitary cell where we had shared that accidental kiss. Our _first_ kiss. I was thrust back behind those impenetrable walls yet... somehow I didn't feel scared anymore because she was there with me. I wasn't alone. I could reach for her and hold on and she wouldn't go anywhere, she wouldn't leave.

Time stopped. Noises erased. The only thing that I _could_ hear being our breathing, panting almost as if we had both just run for our lives. We had kissed, and it had taken the breath out of both of us, robbed us of it.

I was naked if not for a towel and shivering, and she was wet and still under the impression that she didn't feel for women but despite all of that, we looked nowhere but at each other. The coldness then disappeared, followed closely by the light pouring into the room until she was clear. Until I could see every inch of her standing here in front of me in this coffee shop.

I watched on while her deep brown eyes filled as she took in my presence, and suddenly mine were too. My tear dropped first, followed instantly by hers. She and I. Her and me.

I saw her jaw clench for what must have been a millisecond before it opened aimlessly in a gape. Disbelief. Utter confusion were her features as her eyes left mine to take all of my small stature in.

My eyes closed, only for a moment and it was only a fraction longer than a blink but it seemed much longer. In those few moments I concentrated on something else. The sound of my heart speeding up until it was going at a pace that was quite familiar to me now.

And when I felt another tear drop, I was engulfed in the tightest hug I had ever been given. Her sweet scent overpowering anything the pastries could offer and before I knew it, I was hugging her back with just as much force. Maybe even more so.


End file.
